I am an Asian woman married to a white guy. Ask me (practically) anything.

[Anonymous]

Did he have Asian girlfriends before he met you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:what is your personla opinion of asian women who have the eyelid surgery to open up their eyes?

My personal opinion is that there is a standard of beauty that is most pleasing to the max number of people around the world, and it is a norm of all ethnic features. So, the eye surgery is striving for this ideal by people with small eyes. Asians tend to have smaller eyes. Same thing regarding rhinoplasty to reduce noses. You know, Asians don't do rhinoplasty as a general rule. White people do rhinoplasty because white people have bigger noses. I don't think they are consciously trying to get the Asian nose, just striving towards the norm I mentioned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another white girl pursued by an asian man here. Way to stereotype OP. Not all asian men are submissive or afraid to approach white women.

agree with this. My brother asked out his Caucasian wife.

and back to "booking" - it was a PITA way of partying... being dragged to table to table or having waitresses try to cconvince you to join another table... The most po popular clubs where I stayed Iin Korea all had booking. Korean clubs in LA were also the same. II'm sure some people like them but not my taste at all.

Sorry. Not meant to stereotype. Just speaking from the immigrant experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you make more than your husband? Do you split chores and childcare equally?

We make roughly the same. We split childcare evenly. Chores, not so much. But we have a pretty equal marriage, I would say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What didn't you marry a Black men. They are usually way hotter.

Yes, they can be. Who knows? The heart loves who it loves. I didn't think I would have ended up with someone like DH before I met him. Just keep an open heart and hope for the best, I say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you think your situation is unusual? I'm also in a mixed Asian-White marriage, also inter-faith, and it never would have occurred to me that people might find that interesting. I'm surprised this AMA has already made it to page 3.

This is OP. I think people in general are curious about inter-anything. I don't think it is unusual at all, but people are too polite to ask those questions they are dying to ask IRL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First question was if your DH is Jewish, and you already said yes.
Is your DH short?

No. He's 6'1". I'm 5'6".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did he have Asian girlfriends before he met you?

No. That would have made my alarm bells go off. See above post on fetishizers.

[Anonymous]

Who is 'meaner' about your relationship? White women or Asian men? Have you caught any flack from either?

[Anonymous]

Many Jewish men that I went to Hebrew school ended up dating Asian women exclusively.

One told me there is a Chinese Woman's Mafia that routinely circulates disinformation that Chinese girls are sweet and submissive.

[Anonymous]

I read that over 50% of Asian American women are married to white men OP. Do you find that a little odd?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who is 'meaner' about your relationship? White women or Asian men? Have you caught any flack from either?

This is OP again. No one is meaner. DH has Asian guy friends, I have tons of white women friends, and we had them before we met, and at least in our circle no one is anti-miscegenation.

From what I hear through the grapevine the only group that may overtly express sorrow at our union are orthodox Jews. But I understand why though.

Before I met DH, one of my female friends who happened to be white made a derogatory remark to me about some random Asian girl/white guy couple who was minding their own business and walking down the street. I did a double take and never looked at her the same way again. We are not friends anymore. That was the only instance I can think of right now of mean events IRL.

All things being equal, interracial relationships are harder than same-race. I personally love to see interracial couples of any races, because I think, "Gee, they must really be in love to buck the default and get together like that."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many Jewish men that I went to Hebrew school ended up dating Asian women exclusively.

One told me there is a Chinese Woman's Mafia that routinely circulates disinformation that Chinese girls are sweet and submissive.

OP here. Chinese girls are NOT sweet and submissive. There are broad cultural differences between the continents, sure, and if you didn't know any better, meeting an Asian person for the first time may give you the impression that they are shy, submissve, retiring, whatever. But anyone who knows anything about Asian culture will tell you that that's not true. Women are pretty much the same everywhere, once you marry them.

I know that Jewish guy-Asian girl marriage rates are high enough to alarm both sets of grandparents (j/k). I think that the strong emphasis that both cultures place on education has something to do with this. Also, Asians currently are living parallel lives in America to the Jews of 75-100 years ago. Hardworking immigrant parents running their own businesses, children who are excelling tremendously at academics in public institutions, clannish communities.

Now, the question is why aren't Jewish women - Asian men as common? Well, I think that interracial relationships are more difficult to navigate to begin with, and perhaps the fact that Judaism is matrilineal and Asian cultures are patrilineal is enough of an added pressure point to prevent that type of relationship. I don't know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I read that over 50% of Asian American women are married to white men OP. Do you find that a little odd?

I did at first but not anymore. I think that's changing anyway. In any immigrant group in the U.S., the women intermarry earlier than the men. Also, an extremely disproportionate number of Asians go to college, which is where they start serious dating. You date from who is available. There are a lot of white kids in college.

Also, Asian culture tends to place more responsibilities on the sons, and greater resources are also spent on sons. As an example, aged parents expect to move in, and be taken care of, by their first-born son. Children may perceive, even in the U.S., that the boys need to pick their spouses more carefully to please their parents, but younger siblings and the daughters can be more experimental. Less is expected of them in some ways, and greater freedom is thus given.

But this is all an Old World point of view. With the younger kids nowadays, I really don't think it applies as much. Watch that number change, PP, and soon it will become meaningless. Asians, both male and female, will "interrmarry" with whites in the coming generations at the same rate that Italian-Americans or the Irish did in the early 1900's. I mean, there was a time in this country when a kid with an Italian surname was being adventurous if they dated an Irish girl.

So, no, I don't find the patterns of immigration and assimilation odd. It's an age-old story as American as apple-pie.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:are your children bilingual?
what do your jewish in laws think of you?
do your parent and your in laws interact frequently? how does that go?

Children too young really to tell, but probably not going to be bilingual. I speak to them in English.

Jewish in laws are ok. I think they gave up on DH being observant a long time ago, way before he met me. They too were very thrilled at my education levels, however.

They are respectful when they interact. Cards are exchanged on the holidays. But they don't really interact very much. Although their children have converged, I think culturally they are really just very different. There is the language barrier as well, which is big.

I'm a bit confused. The language barrier? Are you saying your parents don't speak English? Or is it your in-laws?