How bad will it be for dc to be one of the have-nots at private school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone care to be more specific? We live in a townhouse and drive modest cars...but our kids have iPhones, Uggs, North Face jackets, club/travel sports, vacations, and will likely get used cars when they turn 16.

I'm wondering what specific things make older kids feel the sting.

Hohoho! That is just barely making it at a private. Try million + homes, 75+ cars, 2nd homes in the tropics, of course vaca in the islands, skiing every weekend. Excell in sport of choice, CC, and what is the problem with private lesson every afternoon in their sport? private is a competative world.

People who have that much are a handful in the private school greater scheme of things. There are a couple of parents who drive his/her Bentleys at my school but, as I said, we're talking about a handful that do. Of course, there're the Benz, Cadillac SUV, etc., but if I had the bucks, I'd drive one too. However, I am not pulling out what's left of my hair because I don't have one and not playing the whoa is me card. But are you being facetious?

Woe is me, LOL! Whoa is me is what you say to a horse. At my private about 50% at that level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone care to be more specific? We live in a townhouse and drive modest cars...but our kids have iPhones, Uggs, North Face jackets, club/travel sports, vacations, and will likely get used cars when they turn 16.

I'm wondering what specific things make older kids feel the sting.

Hohoho! That is just barely making it at a private. Try million + homes, 75+ cars, 2nd homes in the tropics, of course vaca in the islands, skiing every weekend. Excell in sport of choice, CC, and what is the problem with private lesson every afternoon in their sport? private is a competative world.

Let me guess...preteen NCS girl on mommy's laptop?
Your post is barely readable.

Hohoho, I bet you know just what I mean, tho.

...I think you would not know how to find the door, front or back at a private school.

Haha! +100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone care to be more specific? We live in a townhouse and drive modest cars...but our kids have iPhones, Uggs, North Face jackets, club/travel sports, vacations, and will likely get used cars when they turn 16.

I'm wondering what specific things make older kids feel the sting.

Hohoho! That is just barely making it at a private. Try million + homes, 75+ cars, 2nd homes in the tropics, of course vaca in the islands, skiing every weekend. Excell in sport of choice, CC, and what is the problem with private lesson every afternoon in their sport? private is a competative world.

People who have that much are a handful in the private school greater scheme of things. There are a couple of parents who drive his/her Bentleys at my school but, as I said, we're talking about a handful that do. Of course, there're the Benz, Cadillac SUV, etc., but if I had the bucks, I'd drive one too. However, I am not pulling out what's left of my hair because I don't have one and not playing the whoa is me card. But are you being facetious?

Woe is me, LOL! Whoa is me is what you say to a horse. At my private about 50% at that level.

The international school in Gstaad?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone care to be more specific? We live in a townhouse and drive modest cars...but our kids have iPhones, Uggs, North Face jackets, club/travel sports, vacations, and will likely get used cars when they turn 16.

I'm wondering what specific things make older kids feel the sting.

Hohoho! That is just barely making it at a private. Try million + homes, 75+ cars, 2nd homes in the tropics, of course vaca in the islands, skiing every weekend. Excell in sport of choice, CC, and what is the problem with private lesson every afternoon in their sport? private is a competative world.

We were a "barely making it" family in private school. Yes, sometimes my kids complained about not belonging to a country club or taking European vacations but overall they understood we were making sacrifices for their education. They more than survived. There were some occasions where I felt on the periphery socially because we weren't as wealthy, but overall if wasn't a huge problem. FWIW, my kids had a knack for seeking out the more "down to earth" kids in private -- often this was kids from more modest means, like children of the faculty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In many parts of the world, OP, you are considered a multimillionaire. On 60 Minutes last night, a story stated in China some of its poorest made $2 a day. Feel better?

And those people are not sending their kids to elite DC private schools. You must be way tougher than me because being lower middle class in an upper class school was not easy. Probably didn't help that my mother had a chip on her shoulder about it and that rubbed off on me, but even without that I think it was tough. Although in retrospect based on your answer you do seem to have a chip on your shoulder.

Maybe if you had chosen your friends wisely, you might not have had such a difficult time. Hopefully, you will teach your kids to love those who love them back for who they are then they will find the shoulder chip a needless commodity.

You are a total prick aren't you. You were probably in my HS class!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We were accepted to our first choice private, but concerned that we are definitely on the lower end of the income ladder there (although I think we have a perfectly comfortable life, and do not qualify for aid, we're relatively on the less wealthy side at this school). Public is not much better in this regard, either (very high income area, although there will likely be more people at or below our income level in public...definitely in absolute terms, not sure about proportionally, though). Any thoughts on this?

OP, if you can pay full tuition you are way ahead of me, and probably 98% of Americans. As a family that receives FA, I don't sweat it and neither does my DC ( MS). DC has been in private for 6 years and I he has never experienced any kind of disparate treatment. DC is well liked, and included by all .

More important than your income is your edicational and professional background, and interests as well as DC's. There is more SES diversity in Private school than in many public schools depending on where you live.

Many parenst are dwon right now due to their DC's being rejected or WL. Your DC got in, seize that opportunity.

[Anonymous]

OP: 21:02, thanks a lot. This is very helpful. I wanted to hear from other parents who've btdt, and how you feel if the schools seems like a great fit for dc, you you're not too sure about your own fit v-a-v the parent body. As i said previously, I'm 40 years old. I am happy with my life and with how I live my life. I don't care if I'm not invited to adult events or what the other parents think of my house/car/vacations. But my dc is 4. I don't want him to be excluded, etc. He might not be as resilient, no matter how I try to raise him, and I think I should consider these things now, as opposed to in a year or 2, after a potentially bad experience. thanks again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are there schools that make an effort to not treat FA kids any different than full pay kids? Schools that really work to create a sense of community?

It's not the school that point these out. It's the kids themselves in conversation. You think kids are talking about beaver creek in math class? No it's the lunch room, carpool, party on the weeken etc. schools have little impact in those areas.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone care to be more specific? We live in a townhouse and drive modest cars...but our kids have iPhones, Uggs, North Face jackets, club/travel sports, vacations, and will likely get used cars when they turn 16.

I'm wondering what specific things make older kids feel the sting.

Hohoho! That is just barely making it at a private. Try million + homes, 75+ cars, 2nd homes in the tropics, of course vaca in the islands, skiing every weekend. Excell in sport of choice, CC, and what is the problem with private lesson every afternoon in their sport? private is a competative world.

OP: There is a lot of truth in this thread. So much depends on who you are, and who your DS is. Some people are sensitive, and others are not as affected. Coming from multiple generation FA, I can say that for us, it left a scar. On one hand, the value of a great education cannot be over estimated, and we have certainly reaped its benefits. On the other hand, two generations of being the FA kid can leave one with a sense of inferiority that can be very hard to shake. Compared to other branches of the family (who paid their way b/c they had the means), really less self confident. One thing I would advise: don't pretend that the other students do not have money, or that they are not living the life. They are, and not thinking about it for a minute. Accurate description. Check zillow for the places the private school buses go if you doubt it.

[Anonymous]

I think it depends mostly on individual family ideals and values. If a family is comfortable with their situation and has placed their priorities with confidence, the result is much different than for a family who desperately wants to be one of the uber-wealthy and is even bitter toward those who have more. The attitude of the parents will be instilled in the children and the resulting bitterness and feeling of being on the outside is hard to overcome. But I truly believe that a confident and grounded FA family can have a great experience at a private school.

[Anonymous]

...some real little Cinderellas on this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:...some real little Cinderellas on this thread.

Plenty of wicked stepmothers too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends mostly on individual family ideals and values. If a family is comfortable with their situation and has placed their priorities with confidence, the result is much different than for a family who desperately wants to be one of the uber-wealthy and is even bitter toward those who have more. The attitude of the parents will be instilled in the children and the resulting bitterness and feeling of being on the outside is hard to overcome. But I truly believe that a confident and grounded FA family can have a great experience at a private school.

Please. Stop already. I've seen several posts like this one, arguing it will be OP's fault if her kid is unhappy, because in that case OP must have modeled the wrong values or something. This ignores that some kids are just more sensitive or prone to take things personally than others -- anyone who has more than one kid can see this in their own family. 9:10 gets this. Plus, OP can't control her kid's classmates, and while her kid may have terrific classmates, it would be wrong to ignore the potential for school-age kids to be cruel, in gangs or individually, in ways OP's kid might not be able to forget easily.

Some of these things aren't in OP's control. Sure, she should model good values ... and the rest of us should too. But let's wish her the best without these guilt trips.

[Anonymous]

We are blessed that we can pay full freight for our DCs' schools with plenty left over, through luck (all family money). But we both work, and we don't have a lavish lifestyle AT ALL. We do travel on breaks but nothing ostentatious. Our cars are nice but not new. Kids have nice clothes but nothing flashy; no one got iphones until they were teens and had to work to pay for them. In short-not everyone who has wealth will flash it in private schools, or judge you for NOT flashing it. Your kids will do just fine, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are blessed that we can pay full freight for our DCs' schools with plenty left over, through luck (all family money). But we both work, and we don't have a lavish lifestyle AT ALL. We do travel on breaks but nothing ostentatious. Our cars are nice but not new. Kids have nice clothes but nothing flashy; no one got iphones until they were teens and had to work to pay for them. In short-not everyone who has wealth will flash it in private schools, or judge you for NOT flashing it. Your kids will do just fine, OP!

I'm afraid this will be cold comfort to OP, unless you can assure her that EVERYONE at all area privates is as perfect as your family.