How bad will it be for dc to be one of the have-nots at private school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS started LS in a non-entry year. We have enough money but only bc DH and I both work. We pay for our 3 DC to be at privates. When we tell pp where we live (perfectly safe middle to lower middle class neighborhood) pp literally recoil - it's unbelievable and I really hated everything about it at the beginning of the year. But ya know what? My DS had the lead in his class play this year, even though he had been at the school only 4 months. He is one of the brightest in his class, beloved by teachers, popular, so screw the rich patronizing parents who wish their kids were as awesome as mine.
OP - give your kid plenty of confidence and courage and put her where she'll thrive.

That's the key. Finding a good fit between your kid and the school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We were accepted to our first choice private, but concerned that we are definitely on the lower end of the income ladder there (although I think we have a perfectly comfortable life, and do not qualify for aid, we're relatively on the less wealthy side at this school). Public is not much better in this regard, either (very high income area, although there will likely be more people at or below our income level in public...definitely in absolute terms, not sure about proportionally, though). Any thoughts on this?

It's obvious you are not poor and have a comfortable life. Are you seriously concerned that just because you can't keep up with the rich Joneses you consider yourself a have not? And we wonder why most of the world laughs at us when we throw pity parties like this thread.

[Anonymous]

In many parts of the world, OP, you are considered a multimillionaire. On 60 Minutes last night, a story stated in China some of its poorest made $2 a day. Feel better?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In many parts of the world, OP, you are considered a multimillionaire. On 60 Minutes last night, a story stated in China some of its poorest made $2 a day. Feel better?

And those people are not sending their kids to elite DC private schools. You must be way tougher than me because being lower middle class in an upper class school was not easy. Probably didn't help that my mother had a chip on her shoulder about it and that rubbed off on me, but even without that I think it was tough. Although in retrospect based on your answer you do seem to have a chip on your shoulder.

[Anonymous]

Look, OP, not everybody has a house with a tennis court. They just don't.

My kids have been to parties at clubs and have been to homes larger than ours. This is a result of choices that we have made about our family, who works and how much, where we want to live (in a place with less house for the money), and so on. We actually have a fairly high HHI - but not the top - for our school. I can't even begin to pretend to be middle class on DCUM. I'm not sure those enamored of enormous houses, enormous cars, and enormous earrings would even begin to suspect that about us.

I'm guilty of having my kids picked up after school by a nanny (and for having a car just for the nanny to use for her job). I'm guilty of having my kids in reasonably expensive sports. I've even been known to buy a designer label or two for the kids, but that's rare. Turns out those things get messed up on the playground as much as the clothes from Target.

The most precious commodity in our lives, though, is time. Time with the kids. Time with each other. Time to think and laugh and play games in between all the sporting events (and it isn't skiing!). We're interested in other families who are "real," who are interested in talking about struggles and issues, who want to be real friends. We're not so much interested in talking about the merits of Park City vs Aspen, or which designer doctor does the best Botox.

If my kid comes to your house and pronounces it small or asks anything along those lines, he would be grounded for a month, and I would be completely shocked. We have relatives and friends at pretty much every income level you can think of, and we have preached the "plenty of people have more and plenty have less, so stop competing over it already" line from day 1. My kids are taught to make friends with people, not their things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look, OP, not everybody has a house with a tennis court. They just don't.

My kids have been to parties at clubs and have been to homes larger than ours. This is a result of choices that we have made about our family, who works and how much, where we want to live (in a place with less house for the money), and so on. We actually have a fairly high HHI - but not the top - for our school. I can't even begin to pretend to be middle class on DCUM. I'm not sure those enamored of enormous houses, enormous cars, and enormous earrings would even begin to suspect that about us.

I'm guilty of having my kids picked up after school by a nanny (and for having a car just for the nanny to use for her job). I'm guilty of having my kids in reasonably expensive sports. I've even been known to buy a designer label or two for the kids, but that's rare. Turns out those things get messed up on the playground as much as the clothes from Target.

The most precious commodity in our lives, though, is time. Time with the kids. Time with each other. Time to think and laugh and play games in between all the sporting events (and it isn't skiing!). We're interested in other families who are "real," who are interested in talking about struggles and issues, who want to be real friends. We're not so much interested in talking about the merits of Park City vs Aspen, or which designer doctor does the best Botox.

If my kid comes to your house and pronounces it small or asks anything along those lines, he would be grounded for a month, and I would be completely shocked. We have relatives and friends at pretty much every income level you can think of, and we have preached the "plenty of people have more and plenty have less, so stop competing over it already" line from day 1. My kids are taught to make friends with people, not their things.

I think our kids could be great friends.
I am not ashamed of our small and modest home, and if my ds wants to invite a private jet kid over to play, I am happy to extend an invitation. I believe that that people who have stuff are no more likely to be consumed by their stuff than people who don't have stuff. We seek friends who focus on what matters, and have found that with the exception of a few bad-eggs, real people fit into many income brackets.

[Anonymous]

It may depend on your child and I would keep an eye on how it is being handled. I was a relatively poor kid in high school. Friends had cars, neat vacations. I did not. The biggest issue for me was making friends. Girls were not allowed to drive to my side of town. Only boys would and many of them were just looking for cheap thrills in the city. Of course with all the differences I probably would not have made friends anyway but it certainly made my high school years hard. Sounds like you live in the right area so hopefully will be fine. But, I would definitely watch the friend situation.

[Anonymous]

Keep in mind F. Scott Fitzgerald's warnings about the non-rich who hang out with the rich.

The rich are different.

"They were careless people, Tom and Daisy--they smashed up things and creatures and then retreated back into their money of their vast carelessness, or whatever it was that kept them together, and let other people clean up the mess they had made."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In many parts of the world, OP, you are considered a multimillionaire. On 60 Minutes last night, a story stated in China some of its poorest made $2 a day. Feel better?

And those people are not sending their kids to elite DC private schools. You must be way tougher than me because being lower middle class in an upper class school was not easy. Probably didn't help that my mother had a chip on her shoulder about it and that rubbed off on me, but even without that I think it was tough. Although in retrospect based on your answer you do seem to have a chip on your shoulder.

Maybe if you had chosen your friends wisely, you might not have had such a difficult time. Hopefully, you will teach your kids to love those who love them back for who they are then they will find the shoulder chip a needless commodity.

[Anonymous]

To farm girl. I grew up poor too, and think maybe it is easier than to be part of the grasping middle class trying to hang on. It also helped that my parents had no desire for the trappings of middle or upper-middle class life. My parents didn't tell me I couldn't have guess jeans because we couldn't afford them but because designer clothes (which they were to me) was a stupid waste of money (not that I didn't still want them, but it made the stumbling block to everything everyone else had my weird parents rather than just money). If we had all the money in the world, we would still spent all or vacations visiting relatives or friends, not at ski resorts. I'm sure my parents would have loved to go to Europe, but we would have been stuck in museums and bookstores and eating weird food, nothing I could have talked about with well traveled friends.

I worry more for my kids since we are more of the grasping middle-class than poor (and in an upper-middle class area). I'm trying to find a hippie school for them hoping the parents will share our anti-materialism values even if they have much more money than we have. But who knows how successful I'll be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone care to be more specific? We live in a townhouse and drive modest cars...but our kids have iPhones, Uggs, North Face jackets, club/travel sports, vacations, and will likely get used cars when they turn 16.

I'm wondering what specific things make older kids feel the sting.

Hohoho! That is just barely making it at a private. Try million + homes, 75+ cars, 2nd homes in the tropics, of course vaca in the islands, skiing every weekend. Excell in sport of choice, CC, and what is the problem with private lesson every afternoon in their sport? private is a competative world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone care to be more specific? We live in a townhouse and drive modest cars...but our kids have iPhones, Uggs, North Face jackets, club/travel sports, vacations, and will likely get used cars when they turn 16.

I'm wondering what specific things make older kids feel the sting.

Hohoho! That is just barely making it at a private. Try million + homes, 75+ cars, 2nd homes in the tropics, of course vaca in the islands, skiing every weekend. Excell in sport of choice, CC, and what is the problem with private lesson every afternoon in their sport? private is a competative world.

Let me guess...preteen NCS girl on mommy's laptop?
Your post is barely readable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone care to be more specific? We live in a townhouse and drive modest cars...but our kids have iPhones, Uggs, North Face jackets, club/travel sports, vacations, and will likely get used cars when they turn 16.

I'm wondering what specific things make older kids feel the sting.

Hohoho! That is just barely making it at a private. Try million + homes, 75+ cars, 2nd homes in the tropics, of course vaca in the islands, skiing every weekend. Excell in sport of choice, CC, and what is the problem with private lesson every afternoon in their sport? private is a competative world.

People who have that much are a handful in the private school greater scheme of things. There are a couple of parents who drive his/her Bentleys at my school but, as I said, we're talking about a handful that do. Of course, there're the Benz, Cadillac SUV, etc., but if I had the bucks, I'd drive one too. However, I am not pulling out what's left of my hair because I don't have one and not playing the whoa is me card. But are you being facetious?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone care to be more specific? We live in a townhouse and drive modest cars...but our kids have iPhones, Uggs, North Face jackets, club/travel sports, vacations, and will likely get used cars when they turn 16.

I'm wondering what specific things make older kids feel the sting.

Hohoho! That is just barely making it at a private. Try million + homes, 75+ cars, 2nd homes in the tropics, of course vaca in the islands, skiing every weekend. Excell in sport of choice, CC, and what is the problem with private lesson every afternoon in their sport? private is a competative world.

Let me guess...preteen NCS girl on mommy's laptop?
Your post is barely readable.

Hohoho, I bet you know just what I mean, tho.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone care to be more specific? We live in a townhouse and drive modest cars...but our kids have iPhones, Uggs, North Face jackets, club/travel sports, vacations, and will likely get used cars when they turn 16.

I'm wondering what specific things make older kids feel the sting.

Hohoho! That is just barely making it at a private. Try million + homes, 75+ cars, 2nd homes in the tropics, of course vaca in the islands, skiing every weekend. Excell in sport of choice, CC, and what is the problem with private lesson every afternoon in their sport? private is a competative world.

Let me guess...preteen NCS girl on mommy's laptop?
Your post is barely readable.

Hohoho, I bet you know just what I mean, tho.

...I think you would not know how to find the door, front or back at a private school.