DS starting to act like a gay, is this just a phase?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why most of the posters on here are deriding OP. OP is genuinely asking for advice and I, like a few others knew when she said 'the gays', she was saying it in that term because of her surroundings.

Might be hard to believe, but there are plenty of people who grow up in America and don't have gay neighbors/friends/family/co-workers and/or not interact with anyone gay.

While being gay is not a choice, I know I would be disappointed to find out if my child were gay. I can't help feeling that way, and I know others would too.

Ok, the hell? As a newcomer to this thread, I'm not seeing anyone deriding OP. The responses I'm seeing are (1) just love your kid and carry on and (2) here's why "the gays" isn't an appropriate term. OK, and (3) I'm a troll who saw the word "gay" in a thread title and thought I'd throw out some homophobic comments for the hell of it.

I think the responses here have been quite civil. Good luck, OP!

[Anonymous]

OP, I find it interesting that your child's teacher found it necessary to tell you that he was playing with the girls instead of the boys; who cares? I taught preschool for many years, and know that it is perfectly normal for boys and girls to play together at that age. Some boys will play exclusively with girls because the boys are too rough and active, and they prefer the calmer manner of the girls, or sometimes it's because they have sisters at home that they are used to playing with. Who a child chooses as his friends in preschool and pre-K should not make one question their sexuality.

Overall, I think it is way too early to read anything into your child's behavior about whether or not he is gay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I find it interesting that your child's teacher found it necessary to tell you that he was playing with the girls instead of the boys; who cares? I taught preschool for many years, and know that it is perfectly normal for boys and girls to play together at that age. Some boys will play exclusively with girls because the boys are too rough and active, and they prefer the calmer manner of the girls, or sometimes it's because they have sisters at home that they are used to playing with. Who a child chooses as his friends in preschool and pre-K should not make one question their sexuality.

Overall, I think it is way too early to read anything into your child's behavior about whether or not he is gay.

This. Seriously. I know many gay people and they didn't figure it out until 8 or 9 (at the VERY earliest) and some much later in life. My daughter will play with trucks one day and dolls the next, this doesn't mean she's bisexual, it just means she's a toddler and is exploring the life around her. And if she is bisexual, or gay, or straight...I would love her. Because she is who she is. Amazing.

OP go spend some time downtown or in Dupont, where gay families raise amazing children. You'll see that "the gays" are just regular people. Just like you, and me. Some are nice, some are mean, some are black, some are white. They may be your son - or not.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you want to avoid sounding discriminatory against the gay community, grammer lesson here:

GAY IS AN ADJECTIVE, NOT A NOUN.

Apply this simple gramatical rule and you won't offend. Hopefully it will change your mindset a bit, too. And look around - there are plenty of kids who have difficulties growing up for whatever reason. He could have horrible acne as a teen. He could be the last kid in his class for his voice to change. He could stutter or have crazy hair or need glasses or have issue controlling his temper or a learning disability. Is this better or worse than sexual preference (which, by the way, won't even be an issue for several more years, during which you should be providing a solid foundation for his development)? Kids make fun of each other for any reason! It would do you good NOT to fret, because your insecurities about his sexuality will probably not stop there - it will be 'is he learning math quickly enough? will he be in juvie hall by the time he's 12 because he got in a fight with another 2nd grader?'. You need the self control to stop THINKING about all these 'what if's' and freaking relax, otherwise it will be evident to your child that you don't accept him for who he is, no matter how hard you try! I think you should see a therapist - in all honesty, you seem really, really anxious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I find it interesting that your child's teacher found it necessary to tell you that he was playing with the girls instead of the boys; who cares? I taught preschool for many years, and know that it is perfectly normal for boys and girls to play together at that age. Some boys will play exclusively with girls because the boys are too rough and active, and they prefer the calmer manner of the girls, or sometimes it's because they have sisters at home that they are used to playing with. Who a child chooses as his friends in preschool and pre-K should not make one question their sexuality.

Overall, I think it is way too early to read anything into your child's behavior about whether or not he is gay.

OP, I haven't read all the responses, but I wanted to point out that the way you phrase your post mentioning phrases like "I have nothing against the gays" leads me to believe you are anti-gay, although English may not be your first language, you should have stated that in your post.

Needless to say, I bolded the above because I have a 7 year old who likes to play with girls for the reasons stated above. Just this week, he had over 2 girls from his class for a playdate, they had lots of fun and played together very well. My other 7 yr old, while a bit apprehensive about his brother's choice in playmates also had lots of fun.

I would encourage you to embrace your child's desires and stop focusing on the "what ifs" Kids go through lots of changes (as do adults) so let him be him!

[Anonymous]

As long as he doesn't become one of the poors, you will be fine.

[Anonymous]

There is nothing you can do to change who your DS is. I'm not sure what kind of advice you are looking for, but honestly, no matter what you do, your DS will be who he is born to be, whether he be gay or a nerd or a jerk. You can only love and encourage him to find himself and be happy.

And seriously, OP, I hope he does turn out gay. Maybe then you would open your mind and understand that life can be just as good for a gay person as it is for a straight person. In 20 years, I honestly believe that there will be gay marriage, and we will all finally just accept everyone for who they are. And it starts with educating people like you!!

And PS... I have many gay friends who enjoy "hanging out with the guys" and doing "typical guy things" whereas my husband has mostly friends that are girls and enjoys things that would be considered "typical girl things". I think it's so ignorant to say that just because your child is tending to hang out with more girls and talk "more effeminately" makes him all of a sudden have a sexual preference. When I was in preschool, I thought boys had cooties. I'm glad my mother didn't label me as a lesbian!

[Anonymous]

I hate the grammar police, but "grammer lesson"? Thats just begging for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why most of the posters on here are deriding OP. OP is genuinely asking for advice and I, like a few others knew when she said 'the gays', she was saying it in that term because of her surroundings.

Might be hard to believe, but there are plenty of people who grow up in America and don't have gay neighbors/friends/family/co-workers and/or not interact with anyone gay.

While being gay is not a choice, I know I would be disappointed to find out if my child were gay. I can't help feeling that way, and I know others would too.

+1. At least 50% those saying it makes no difference to them are lying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe your child is transgender and not gay.

+1

[Anonymous]

I wonder what kind of "advice" the op is looking for ... She's gotten a lot of good comments, but has returned several times to whine about being "attacked" without responding to those comments. So I am thinking she is either a sockpuppeting troll, or the "advice" she wants is about how to prevent her kid from being gay.

[Anonymous]

OP, you can't say "a gay". It's not correct! You have to say "gay" and you can't call people of an alternative sexual orientation "the gays". Are you insane?

[Anonymous]

GAY IS AN ADJECTIVE, NOT A NOUN.
GAY IS AN ADJECTIVE, NOT A NOUN.
GAY IS AN ADJECTIVE, NOT A NOUN.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you can't say "a gay". It's not correct! You have to say "gay" and you can't call people of an alternative sexual orientation "the gays". Are you insane?

She's a crazy. Or maybe just a dumb. Or an obtuse.

Wait, I've got it. She's a southern, which accounts for all of the above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why most of the posters on here are deriding OP. OP is genuinely asking for advice and I, like a few others knew when she said 'the gays', she was saying it in that term because of her surroundings.

Might be hard to believe, but there are plenty of people who grow up in America and don't have gay neighbors/friends/family/co-workers and/or not interact with anyone gay.

While being gay is not a choice, I know I would be disappointed to find out if my child were gay. I can't help feeling that way, and I know others would too.

+1. At least 50% those saying it makes no difference to them are lying.

There have been several variations of this sentiment throughout the thread and it's interesting because it really reflects on the people who post these comments, rather than the rest of the community at large. Why is it so hard for you to believe, in this day and age, that many, many (if not most) people in this area really wouldn't be secretly disappointed if their child was gay. Honestly, if my son one day came to me and told me he was gay, my response would probably be along the lines of: I hope you find a nice Jewish man to marry. A doctor would be nice. And would it kill you to call your poor old mother more often. Oy.

Oh, and by the way, your gay son or daughter will definitely be able to pick up on your "secret" disappointment, and it will hurt them far more than any bully is able to. Please keep that in mind.