DS starting to act like a gay, is this just a phase?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I really think 23:05 nailed it. I assume you say "the gays" because everyone else where you are from says it the same way, just like the PP stated "the blacks/jews/etc." Sadly, I totally knew you were from "the south" but let me assure you, knowing several rather evolved folks from the south (DH is from MS himself,) it's possible to change.

Being from the midwest, I will try to offer some heartfelt words. I know that the folks of DCUM can be quite harsh at times and behind the veil of anonymity, many of them let their a-hole flag fly so it's quite imperative that you have a thick skin and check your posts only when you're emotionally equipped to do so.

My nephew is gay. He is a college student, he has become guardian to his twin younger brothers at the age of 20 after their Mom passed away (Dad is not in the picture), he is a hardworking employee, he is honest, he is sincere, he is a deeply caring person. Being gay does not impact his ability to be any of those things and if he were not gay, he would still be all of those things. He certainly went through phases growing up, playing more so with girls vs boys at one time or another. I don't think any of his decisions in playmates were a reflection of being gay, they were more likely a reflection of who had the cooler toys, more fun parents, trendy clothes, better food in the fridge, etc.

However, I am not one bit surprised he is gay. Some of the more stereotypical traits of homosexuality, for lack of a better term, were quite evident when he was 4-5 years old. He loved hanging out in the bathroom with me while I was getting ready to go out with friends, doing hair and makeup. He always had that stereotypical "sass & flamboyance" about him and don't get me started on the gestures. I know I am making blanket statements when I say such things and that is not the intention but I do remember when I was 22yrs old and hadn't been exposed to that much in the world just yet, these are the thoughts I was having at that age. All of this just told me what I already knew, people do not choose to be gay, they are born that way. Lady Gaga and Madonna even said so.

I wouldn't do a single thing differently regarding how you're raising him except perhaps it is time to look within yourself in respect to how you and the family seemingly group people together based on a single trait. Provide him with the same opportunities you would anyway. Love him with all your heart and tell him frequently. I can't tell you how to re-wire your way of thinking on the subject but after having family members and several close friends who are gay, marrying a minority and having minority children, tolerance has come to me over the years. If there is a single thing you can teach your child, it is tolerance. We are all different individuals and we all have every bit as much of a right to live our life as the next person, no matter our color, gender, sexual orientation, education level, etc. Strive to impart that knowledge to your son and everything will be ok.

(Dad is not in the picture)

did that have any bearing in being gay?

Please tell me you are joking??? I know many gay men and my close male gay friends have dad's involved in their lives. Ignorant much? Funny thing is I have multiple friends whose dad's literally abandoned them and guess what....they're straight!! Go away!

[Anonymous]

My nephew is gay and we've known since he was about 3 yes old. He's now 21. I'd highly recommend accepting and loving your son as he is. My nephew went through hell and was at points suicidal because his mother couldn't accept him being gay. It wasn't until she realized that her rejection was leading him to the brink of suicide that she finally prioritized her love for him as her child. It is true that life for gay people can be tougher but it's because of people, especially their family, rejecting them. Your child may be going through a phase. Or not. It doesn't matter. Your child was born perfect and innocent. Please just love him and help him be the best person he can be and give him the strength and courage he needs to fight against the inevitable haters. Let him know he is your love and joy. Period.

[Anonymous]

So gay at 3? Wtf did he do to be deemed gay .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I really think 23:05 nailed it. I assume you say "the gays" because everyone else where you are from says it the same way, just like the PP stated "the blacks/jews/etc." Sadly, I totally knew you were from "the south" but let me assure you, knowing several rather evolved folks from the south (DH is from MS himself,) it's possible to change.

Being from the midwest, I will try to offer some heartfelt words. I know that the folks of DCUM can be quite harsh at times and behind the veil of anonymity, many of them let their a-hole flag fly so it's quite imperative that you have a thick skin and check your posts only when you're emotionally equipped to do so.

My nephew is gay. He is a college student, he has become guardian to his twin younger brothers at the age of 20 after their Mom passed away (Dad is not in the picture), he is a hardworking employee, he is honest, he is sincere, he is a deeply caring person. Being gay does not impact his ability to be any of those things and if he were not gay, he would still be all of those things. He certainly went through phases growing up, playing more so with girls vs boys at one time or another. I don't think any of his decisions in playmates were a reflection of being gay, they were more likely a reflection of who had the cooler toys, more fun parents, trendy clothes, better food in the fridge, etc.

However, I am not one bit surprised he is gay. Some of the more stereotypical traits of homosexuality, for lack of a better term, were quite evident when he was 4-5 years old. He loved hanging out in the bathroom with me while I was getting ready to go out with friends, doing hair and makeup. He always had that stereotypical "sass & flamboyance" about him and don't get me started on the gestures. I know I am making blanket statements when I say such things and that is not the intention but I do remember when I was 22yrs old and hadn't been exposed to that much in the world just yet, these are the thoughts I was having at that age. All of this just told me what I already knew, people do not choose to be gay, they are born that way. Lady Gaga and Madonna even said so.

I wouldn't do a single thing differently regarding how you're raising him except perhaps it is time to look within yourself in respect to how you and the family seemingly group people together based on a single trait. Provide him with the same opportunities you would anyway. Love him with all your heart and tell him frequently. I can't tell you how to re-wire your way of thinking on the subject but after having family members and several close friends who are gay, marrying a minority and having minority children, tolerance has come to me over the years. If there is a single thing you can teach your child, it is tolerance. We are all different individuals and we all have every bit as much of a right to live our life as the next person, no matter our color, gender, sexual orientation, education level, etc. Strive to impart that knowledge to your son and everything will be ok.

(Dad is not in the picture)

did that have any bearing in being gay?

Please tell me you are joking??? I know many gay men and my close male gay friends have dad's involved in their lives. Ignorant much? Funny thing is I have multiple friends whose dad's literally abandoned them and guess what....they're straight!! Go away!

37% of gays were molested before being an adult and a large portion didn't have a dad or mom in the picture. You don't magically become gay

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:37% of gays were molested before being an adult and a large portion didn't have a dad or mom in the picture. You don't magically become gay

Because they are born this way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

37% of gays were molested before being an adult and a large portion didn't have a dad or mom in the picture. You don't magically become gay

Please provide the source for this statistic. Then please share the age you were when you decided to be straight or gay. I don't know which you are, but since you noted one doesn't "magically become gay," the same must be true for becoming straight. Again, when did you decide to be either straight or gay?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

37% of gays were molested before being an adult and a large portion didn't have a dad or mom in the picture. You don't magically become gay

Please provide the source for this statistic. Then please share the age you were when you decided to be straight or gay. I don't know which you are, but since you noted one doesn't "magically become gay," the same must be true for becoming straight. Again, when did you decide to be either straight or gay?

Since your throwing out stats, what % of the heterosexual population was molested?

OP - just love your son regardless and meanwhile educate yourself and him.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand why most of the posters on here are deriding OP. OP is genuinely asking for advice and I, like a few others knew when she said 'the gays', she was saying it in that term because of her surroundings.

Might be hard to believe, but there are plenty of people who grow up in America and don't have gay neighbors/friends/family/co-workers and/or not interact with anyone gay.

While being gay is not a choice, I know I would be disappointed to find out if my child were gay. I can't help feeling that way, and I know others would too.

[Anonymous]

OP, why don't you consult with a child therapist? S/he could tell you whether these behaviors are typical or not and offer you some parenting guidance. Much better than DCUM for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

37% of gays were molested before being an adult and a large portion didn't have a dad or mom in the picture. You don't magically become gay

You should check your facts...and the percentage of straight people who were molested. You don't magically get blue or green eyes, either. That's science at work, even if it is a little too much for you to comprehend.

To the OP: whether you want your son to be gay or not does not matter. You can't make him gay or not gay. Going by general odds, the chances that he is straight is much greater. Either way, there's not anything you can do about it and you shouldn't spend time worrying about it.

[Anonymous]

OP, what I think people are trying to say (some more nicely than others) is that your lack of familiarity with what it really means to be GLBT is leading you to some hurtful conclusions that actually may contribute to the very thing you say you fear, which is that if your son is gay, he will have trouble finding acceptance. Acceptance starts at home, so your first task is to decide whether or not you are going to be part of the problem or part of the solution. You can love him as he is - straight or gay - and teach him to love himself no matter what, or you can lay a bunch of ill-informed crap on him that will lead him exactly to what you say you don't want, pain and heartache.

Second, the best cure for ignorance is information. Perhaps you do come from a place where you haven't had the delight of being around a lot of open and out GLBT. Well, you live in the DC area now and that's not an issue here. Get to know your neighbors. Check out the "It Gets Better" campaign to learn more about growing up GLBT http://www.itgetsbetter.org/.

Finally, I agree with the posters who said this gender-bending behavior is not, in and off itself, proof of anything about your son's sexuality. That just is what it is. Roll with it. Accept it. Show him you're on board and if he changes later, be on board with that too. In the meantime you've got years and years ahead of you before his sexuality becomes clear. Use those years to work on learning more so that if he does grow up to identify as a gay man, his momma won't make that painful. If it turns out he's straight, then you've simply become a more informed person than you are now.

Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Maybe your child is transgender and not gay.

[Anonymous]

You people are fucking loons! You would swear she called your own kid gay. OP, good luck. Sorry about these crazy assholes...you really shouldn't post things of this nature here, they are like toddlers in Disney World...can't handle it.

[Anonymous]

You are going to get so many different types of responses and critiques on this site so use suggestions cautiously. My guess it is a phase. Regardless, there is not much you can do so don't try to coerce your son to do more masculine things in the meantime as this may result in a power struggle and he will win. Let him explore and go through it. good luck but if you have concerns a year or two from now you can contact Dr. Edgardo Menvielle, at Children's National Medical Center who is a gender-identity specialist.

http://www.childrensnational.org/departmentsandprograms/default.aspx?Id=6178&Type=Program&Name=Gender%20and%20Sexuality%20Psychosocial%20Programs

[Anonymous]

I agree with other posters you really need to watch your word choice. Second, I guess I am not sure what you want? If your son is or isn't gay my advice to you is the same. Love and support him. There is nothing you can do that is going to make him one or the other. He doesn't have a problem that needs to be fixed. You on the other hand sound like you need some sensitivity training.