DS starting to act like a gay, is this just a phase?

[Anonymous]

I kind of get what 12:59 is saying. There is a difference between being gay and having a gay lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

Did you write this: "But gays do have a choice. The choice is between indulging their sexual preferences (with the consequences that follow from that, as you mention) and sucking it up and living an appearance of a heterosexual life (which many gay people in the history have done). It is a choice between unappealing options to be sure but is a choice nevertheless." why do you consider living as a gay person, particularly since as you say, being gay is only a part of your life and does not define who you are, to be an I appealing option with lots of negative consequences?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - I get what you're saying. I would feel the exact same way you do, if I were in your situation. I actually have a friend whose son is most likely gay. They noticed at a very young age, and finally in elementary school, they decided to work on acceptance. They had to get out of denial, stop wishing for something else, learn how to be supportive, which included helping the child understand his/her sexuality (other kids could be less accepting). With some things, acceptance takes a lot of work and does not come naturally. They sought a pyschologist to help them sort through their (just the parents) feelings, and joined a support group with other parents facing the same situation. Their child does not know they do this (as they don't want the child to think something is wrong with him). They have met many people in their situation who want to "deal" with this in the most positive manner. Some parents come alone as their spouse is either in denial or completely against their child being gay. The boys' parents used to cry a lot about this (even though the very much loved their son). They have come along way, and while they are pretty sure their son is gay, there's the small chance he may not be - they think they are on the right track in learning acceptance now rather than later.

Best post I have read out of all this jibberish. OP, I get it if you are disappointed - we all have certain dreams and expectations of our kids and sometimes (many times), they veer off. I grew up in an environment that had the mindset that being gay was a choice and for the longest time I thought that, until I realized that duh, if being gay was a choice, then there would never be any gay peope because no one loves being bullied, ostracized, disowned from family, losing friends, etc. Best of luck to you and your family.

But gays do have a choice. The choice is between indulging their sexual preferences (with the consequences that follow from that, as you mention) and sucking it up and living an appearance of a heterosexual life (which many gay people in the history have done). It is a choice between unappealing options to be sure but is a choice nevertheless.

What the hell? Could you suck it up and live your life as a lie? That isn't fair to yourself or your family.

Yes, I think I could. It's hard to know those things for sure, but I think I would want to suck it up and I would succeed in doing so. And I were to do it, it wouldn't be a lie. It would be a conscious choice with full awareness of the trade-offs involved. I imagine that close friends would probably know how I feel and how that is different from how I chose to live.

WHAT??? Are you serious? You have NO idea what you would do or how happy or not you would be. And living the way you want to live is not "indulging your sexual preference" - its being who you are.

Neither do you. And btw, I don't care to be happy. I care to have a certain kind of life, regardless of whether it will make me "happy" or not.

Also, sexual preferences are not "who you are" but a part of it. Another part is what you decide you want to be. That is no less you than what your hormones tell you you are.

So wait...you would choose to be miserable just so that you could project a certain image? Wow. I think someone needs to get into therapy STAT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - I get what you're saying. I would feel the exact same way you do, if I were in your situation. I actually have a friend whose son is most likely gay. They noticed at a very young age, and finally in elementary school, they decided to work on acceptance. They had to get out of denial, stop wishing for something else, learn how to be supportive, which included helping the child understand his/her sexuality (other kids could be less accepting). With some things, acceptance takes a lot of work and does not come naturally. They sought a pyschologist to help them sort through their (just the parents) feelings, and joined a support group with other parents facing the same situation. Their child does not know they do this (as they don't want the child to think something is wrong with him). They have met many people in their situation who want to "deal" with this in the most positive manner. Some parents come alone as their spouse is either in denial or completely against their child being gay. The boys' parents used to cry a lot about this (even though the very much loved their son). They have come along way, and while they are pretty sure their son is gay, there's the small chance he may not be - they think they are on the right track in learning acceptance now rather than later.

Best post I have read out of all this jibberish. OP, I get it if you are disappointed - we all have certain dreams and expectations of our kids and sometimes (many times), they veer off. I grew up in an environment that had the mindset that being gay was a choice and for the longest time I thought that, until I realized that duh, if being gay was a choice, then there would never be any gay peope because no one loves being bullied, ostracized, disowned from family, losing friends, etc. Best of luck to you and your family.

But gays do have a choice. The choice is between indulging their sexual preferences (with the consequences that follow from that, as you mention) and sucking it up and living an appearance of a heterosexual life (which many gay people in the history have done). It is a choice between unappealing options to be sure but is a choice nevertheless.

What the hell? Could you suck it up and live your life as a lie? That isn't fair to yourself or your family.

Yes, I think I could. It's hard to know those things for sure, but I think I would want to suck it up and I would succeed in doing so. And I were to do it, it wouldn't be a lie. It would be a conscious choice with full awareness of the trade-offs involved. I imagine that close friends would probably know how I feel and how that is different from how I chose to live.

How would that not be a lie? Would you tell your opposite sex spouse that you were gay and not attracted to them?

Probably. I can certainly imagine living with a man who is gay but chose to live heterosexually. Of course, it's not ideal so he would kind of need to be "better" (i.e better looking, more successful, funnier etc) than other dating options I have. But it wouldn't disqualify him.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who is gay, but for religous reasons has chosen to live life non-gay (I wouldn't say he is hetrosexual...he's not).

He's miserable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - I get what you're saying. I would feel the exact same way you do, if I were in your situation. I actually have a friend whose son is most likely gay. They noticed at a very young age, and finally in elementary school, they decided to work on acceptance. They had to get out of denial, stop wishing for something else, learn how to be supportive, which included helping the child understand his/her sexuality (other kids could be less accepting). With some things, acceptance takes a lot of work and does not come naturally. They sought a pyschologist to help them sort through their (just the parents) feelings, and joined a support group with other parents facing the same situation. Their child does not know they do this (as they don't want the child to think something is wrong with him). They have met many people in their situation who want to "deal" with this in the most positive manner. Some parents come alone as their spouse is either in denial or completely against their child being gay. The boys' parents used to cry a lot about this (even though the very much loved their son). They have come along way, and while they are pretty sure their son is gay, there's the small chance he may not be - they think they are on the right track in learning acceptance now rather than later.

Best post I have read out of all this jibberish. OP, I get it if you are disappointed - we all have certain dreams and expectations of our kids and sometimes (many times), they veer off. I grew up in an environment that had the mindset that being gay was a choice and for the longest time I thought that, until I realized that duh, if being gay was a choice, then there would never be any gay peope because no one loves being bullied, ostracized, disowned from family, losing friends, etc. Best of luck to you and your family.

But gays do have a choice. The choice is between indulging their sexual preferences (with the consequences that follow from that, as you mention) and sucking it up and living an appearance of a heterosexual life (which many gay people in the history have done). It is a choice between unappealing options to be sure but is a choice nevertheless.

What the hell? Could you suck it up and live your life as a lie? That isn't fair to yourself or your family.

Yes, I think I could. It's hard to know those things for sure, but I think I would want to suck it up and I would succeed in doing so. And I were to do it, it wouldn't be a lie. It would be a conscious choice with full awareness of the trade-offs involved. I imagine that close friends would probably know how I feel and how that is different from how I chose to live.

But the point is, the only reason why you think you would need to make this choice to "suck it up" is because the world still has a lot of bigots who have an irrational hatred for people who are different from themselves. If there were not people who thought being gay was wrong, then you wouldn't need to make this "choice."

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - I get what you're saying. I would feel the exact same way you do, if I were in your situation. I actually have a friend whose son is most likely gay. They noticed at a very young age, and finally in elementary school, they decided to work on acceptance. They had to get out of denial, stop wishing for something else, learn how to be supportive, which included helping the child understand his/her sexuality (other kids could be less accepting). With some things, acceptance takes a lot of work and does not come naturally. They sought a pyschologist to help them sort through their (just the parents) feelings, and joined a support group with other parents facing the same situation. Their child does not know they do this (as they don't want the child to think something is wrong with him). They have met many people in their situation who want to "deal" with this in the most positive manner. Some parents come alone as their spouse is either in denial or completely against their child being gay. The boys' parents used to cry a lot about this (even though the very much loved their son). They have come along way, and while they are pretty sure their son is gay, there's the small chance he may not be - they think they are on the right track in learning acceptance now rather than later.

Best post I have read out of all this jibberish. OP, I get it if you are disappointed - we all have certain dreams and expectations of our kids and sometimes (many times), they veer off. I grew up in an environment that had the mindset that being gay was a choice and for the longest time I thought that, until I realized that duh, if being gay was a choice, then there would never be any gay peope because no one loves being bullied, ostracized, disowned from family, losing friends, etc. Best of luck to you and your family.

But gays do have a choice. The choice is between indulging their sexual preferences (with the consequences that follow from that, as you mention) and sucking it up and living an appearance of a heterosexual life (which many gay people in the history have done). It is a choice between unappealing options to be sure but is a choice nevertheless.

What the hell? Could you suck it up and live your life as a lie? That isn't fair to yourself or your family.

Yes, I think I could. It's hard to know those things for sure, but I think I would want to suck it up and I would succeed in doing so. And I were to do it, it wouldn't be a lie. It would be a conscious choice with full awareness of the trade-offs involved. I imagine that close friends would probably know how I feel and how that is different from how I chose to live.

But the point is, the only reason why you think you would need to make this choice to "suck it up" is because the world still has a lot of bigots who have an irrational hatred for people who are different from themselves. If there were not people who thought being gay was wrong, then you wouldn't need to make this "choice."

No, it's not only because of bigots. It's a part of the reason but not the most important part. I just don't want it - for myself or my children. For others I don't care. My best friend is openly gay - he wasn't when we first met 20 years ago; I was the first person he told and have been very accepting throughout our whole lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - I get what you're saying. I would feel the exact same way you do, if I were in your situation. I actually have a friend whose son is most likely gay. They noticed at a very young age, and finally in elementary school, they decided to work on acceptance. They had to get out of denial, stop wishing for something else, learn how to be supportive, which included helping the child understand his/her sexuality (other kids could be less accepting). With some things, acceptance takes a lot of work and does not come naturally. They sought a pyschologist to help them sort through their (just the parents) feelings, and joined a support group with other parents facing the same situation. Their child does not know they do this (as they don't want the child to think something is wrong with him). They have met many people in their situation who want to "deal" with this in the most positive manner. Some parents come alone as their spouse is either in denial or completely against their child being gay. The boys' parents used to cry a lot about this (even though the very much loved their son). They have come along way, and while they are pretty sure their son is gay, there's the small chance he may not be - they think they are on the right track in learning acceptance now rather than later.

Best post I have read out of all this jibberish. OP, I get it if you are disappointed - we all have certain dreams and expectations of our kids and sometimes (many times), they veer off. I grew up in an environment that had the mindset that being gay was a choice and for the longest time I thought that, until I realized that duh, if being gay was a choice, then there would never be any gay peope because no one loves being bullied, ostracized, disowned from family, losing friends, etc. Best of luck to you and your family.

But gays do have a choice. The choice is between indulging their sexual preferences (with the consequences that follow from that, as you mention) and sucking it up and living an appearance of a heterosexual life (which many gay people in the history have done). It is a choice between unappealing options to be sure but is a choice nevertheless.

What the hell? Could you suck it up and live your life as a lie? That isn't fair to yourself or your family.

Yes, I think I could. It's hard to know those things for sure, but I think I would want to suck it up and I would succeed in doing so. And I were to do it, it wouldn't be a lie. It would be a conscious choice with full awareness of the trade-offs involved. I imagine that close friends would probably know how I feel and how that is different from how I chose to live.

WHAT??? Are you serious? You have NO idea what you would do or how happy or not you would be. And living the way you want to live is not "indulging your sexual preference" - its being who you are.

Neither do you. And btw, I don't care to be happy. I care to have a certain kind of life, regardless of whether it will make me "happy" or not.

Also, sexual preferences are not "who you are" but a part of it. Another part is what you decide you want to be. That is no less you than what your hormones tell you you are.

So wait...you would choose to be miserable just so that you could project a certain image? Wow. I think someone needs to get into therapy STAT.

I actually have PhD in psychology so I know that most of it is based on philosophical assumptions that I don't share and is ineffective to boot.

[Anonymous]

dude, you seriously didn't learn very much during your PhD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - I get what you're saying. I would feel the exact same way you do, if I were in your situation. I actually have a friend whose son is most likely gay. They noticed at a very young age, and finally in elementary school, they decided to work on acceptance. They had to get out of denial, stop wishing for something else, learn how to be supportive, which included helping the child understand his/her sexuality (other kids could be less accepting). With some things, acceptance takes a lot of work and does not come naturally. They sought a pyschologist to help them sort through their (just the parents) feelings, and joined a support group with other parents facing the same situation. Their child does not know they do this (as they don't want the child to think something is wrong with him). They have met many people in their situation who want to "deal" with this in the most positive manner. Some parents come alone as their spouse is either in denial or completely against their child being gay. The boys' parents used to cry a lot about this (even though the very much loved their son). They have come along way, and while they are pretty sure their son is gay, there's the small chance he may not be - they think they are on the right track in learning acceptance now rather than later.

Best post I have read out of all this jibberish. OP, I get it if you are disappointed - we all have certain dreams and expectations of our kids and sometimes (many times), they veer off. I grew up in an environment that had the mindset that being gay was a choice and for the longest time I thought that, until I realized that duh, if being gay was a choice, then there would never be any gay peope because no one loves being bullied, ostracized, disowned from family, losing friends, etc. Best of luck to you and your family.

But gays do have a choice. The choice is between indulging their sexual preferences (with the consequences that follow from that, as you mention) and sucking it up and living an appearance of a heterosexual life (which many gay people in the history have done). It is a choice between unappealing options to be sure but is a choice nevertheless.

What the hell? Could you suck it up and live your life as a lie? That isn't fair to yourself or your family.

Yes, I think I could. It's hard to know those things for sure, but I think I would want to suck it up and I would succeed in doing so. And I were to do it, it wouldn't be a lie. It would be a conscious choice with full awareness of the trade-offs involved. I imagine that close friends would probably know how I feel and how that is different from how I chose to live.

But the point is, the only reason why you think you would need to make this choice to "suck it up" is because the world still has a lot of bigots who have an irrational hatred for people who are different from themselves. If there were not people who thought being gay was wrong, then you wouldn't need to make this "choice."

No, it's not only because of bigots. It's a part of the reason but not the most important part. I just don't want it - for myself or my children. For others I don't care. My best friend is openly gay - he wasn't when we first met 20 years ago; I was the first person he told and have been very accepting throughout our whole lives.

I think it is easy to say as a straight person (assuming you are straight, since you haven't said otherwise) that you dont' want a gay lifestyle. Actually, what the heck is a gay lifestyle? I mean really waht is different? My gay friends are either married, in domestic partnerships, or in long term commited relationships. They have kids. They own houses with nice yard and have nice jobs. Their lifestyle outside of the bedroom is pretty much no different than mine.

[Anonymous]

Then please explain, Doctor, that if homophobia and bigotry against gays did not exist, what would your reason be to live a 'straight' lifestyle? Are you Christian and it's because of God/the bible or something?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - I get what you're saying. I would feel the exact same way you do, if I were in your situation. I actually have a friend whose son is most likely gay. They noticed at a very young age, and finally in elementary school, they decided to work on acceptance. They had to get out of denial, stop wishing for something else, learn how to be supportive, which included helping the child understand his/her sexuality (other kids could be less accepting). With some things, acceptance takes a lot of work and does not come naturally. They sought a pyschologist to help them sort through their (just the parents) feelings, and joined a support group with other parents facing the same situation. Their child does not know they do this (as they don't want the child to think something is wrong with him). They have met many people in their situation who want to "deal" with this in the most positive manner. Some parents come alone as their spouse is either in denial or completely against their child being gay. The boys' parents used to cry a lot about this (even though the very much loved their son). They have come along way, and while they are pretty sure their son is gay, there's the small chance he may not be - they think they are on the right track in learning acceptance now rather than later.

Best post I have read out of all this jibberish. OP, I get it if you are disappointed - we all have certain dreams and expectations of our kids and sometimes (many times), they veer off. I grew up in an environment that had the mindset that being gay was a choice and for the longest time I thought that, until I realized that duh, if being gay was a choice, then there would never be any gay peope because no one loves being bullied, ostracized, disowned from family, losing friends, etc. Best of luck to you and your family.

But gays do have a choice. The choice is between indulging their sexual preferences (with the consequences that follow from that, as you mention) and sucking it up and living an appearance of a heterosexual life (which many gay people in the history have done). It is a choice between unappealing options to be sure but is a choice nevertheless.

What the hell? Could you suck it up and live your life as a lie? That isn't fair to yourself or your family.

Yes, I think I could. It's hard to know those things for sure, but I think I would want to suck it up and I would succeed in doing so. And I were to do it, it wouldn't be a lie. It would be a conscious choice with full awareness of the trade-offs involved. I imagine that close friends would probably know how I feel and how that is different from how I chose to live.

But the point is, the only reason why you think you would need to make this choice to "suck it up" is because the world still has a lot of bigots who have an irrational hatred for people who are different from themselves. If there were not people who thought being gay was wrong, then you wouldn't need to make this "choice."

No, it's not only because of bigots. It's a part of the reason but not the most important part. I just don't want it - for myself or my children. For others I don't care. My best friend is openly gay - he wasn't when we first met 20 years ago; I was the first person he told and have been very accepting throughout our whole lives.

I think it is easy to say as a straight person (assuming you are straight, since you haven't said otherwise) that you dont' want a gay lifestyle. Actually, what the heck is a gay lifestyle? I mean really waht is different? My gay friends are either married, in domestic partnerships, or in long term commited relationships. They have kids. They own houses with nice yard and have nice jobs. Their lifestyle outside of the bedroom is pretty much no different than mine.

Sorry, but you don't have a clue what you are talking about (maybe you only know lesbians). Lives you describe are an exception, not a rule, at least for male gays. A vast majority of male gays are extremely promiscuous, the dating scene is brutal (based 90% on youth and physicality) and most of them have one disease or other. Nobody (except for older gays and a few oddballs) has or wants family or children. If you are one of those few who wants a lasting relationship, you will struggle a lot because most of them don't want it.

[Anonymous]

Doesn't anyone else find the original post a bit hard to believe?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Then please explain, Doctor, that if homophobia and bigotry against gays did not exist, what would your reason be to live a 'straight' lifestyle? Are you Christian and it's because of God/the bible or something?

I am an atheist, moron. And I don't need "reason" to be this or that - I just want it. Now, can you please explain to me why you have a problem with my hypothetical decision to live straight even if I were gay?