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DS starting to act like a gay, is this just a phase?
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Anonymous
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I posted a similar thread earlier, but multiple people immediately flamed me criticizing my language and general demeanor. The moderators deleted my post after typing a long and sincere message. I want to set some things straight this time so my post doesnt get deleted. No I am not a troll (I was accused of this in my last thread), and yes this is a real, serious post. In addition, no I am not homophobic at all just a concerned parent. Please hear me out and keep in mind that not everyone talks and refers to things the same way, so if you don't like my use of language I apologize in advance but please just try to ignore by language differences.
Ok so to start off, SAHM here with an only child DS that me and DH absolutely adore. He is in pre-k at a top private school in the area. Prior to the last couple of weeks, our son seemed very similar to his peers in terms of demeanor and behavior. Engaging in the typical "boy activities," he definitely seemed to be the typical rough and tumble type of kid. But recently, and this is odd because I usually notice things before DH, he has been acting slightly more feminine and making assertions that he feels like a girl. His voice is even changing to a more feminine tone. DS' teacher even noted that he no longer prefers to play with the boys at school, but opts to spend his time with the girls. Because of the sudden shift, I am leaning towards seeing this as a phase, but nevertheless I am concerned. I plead with you to believe me when I say that I am not a homophobe. I have nothing against the gays, and I will not love DS any less if it turns out that he is a gay. But I'm not going to lie and say that I would not prefer for him to not be a gay. This has to do long time hopes of growing old with grand children, and also my concern for him because I know that the gays tend to have a more difficult life because of discrimination and aids. So yes, I would prefer for him not to be a gay. So that is the situation. I want to know if anyone has any advice or feedback or just something. Anything would be great, but similar experiences would be even better. If any of you had a DS that actually was a gay or just seemed like a gay, your input would be appreciated. I want to thank everyone in advance, and please understand what I am experiencing as a parent. |
Anonymous
| "A gay," OP, really? |
Anonymous
| Whether it's a phase or whether he turns out to be gay, who cares. What sort of advice are you looking for. Let him develop into he is and accept him. Provide support and encouragement. In other words do what everyone should do for every child. |
Anonymous
| I honestly believe it could be a phase but I could be wrong. My DS went through something that sounded very similar to what you described...actually went on for a few years. He played with only girls and had only girl friends at school, preferred quiet activities at home like crafts and baking (he asked for an easy bake oven for Christmas), and just didn't have interest in playing sports or roughhousing with his brothers. Not sure what flipped the switch because DH and I were always supportive no matter what, but almost out of the blue he took an interest in baseball...after that it was hockey, then soccer..he made more boy friends through sports and now is as boy as it gets. So I'm not sure if I can say that same for your son..I don't know and I didnt know what was going to happen with my own son but just wanted to share my experience. |
Anonymous
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Well "the gays" can adopt children, so you could still have grandchildren. And last time I checked being gay doesn't mean a life sentence to a difficult life because of AIDS.
Wow. Love and accept DS for whomever he turns out to be and let him enjoy his childhood. |
Anonymous
I'm gay and we have more kids than any of our siblings. |
Anonymous
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Is English your second language, OP? I ask because I think people will think your use of "a gay" as opposed to "gay" as a little unusual (and maybe old-fashioned).
Anyway, if it's recent, I wouldn't worry about it at all. The only thing I would be concerned about (and maybe not that concerned, just noting it) is that perhaps he has fallen out with 'the guys' in his class and moved towards the safer environment of 'the girls'. I have a DS in pre-K and, while he hasn't displayed the characteristics you mentioned, he is very in and out with his friends, and very influenced by them. I'm guessing 'the guys' have excluded him somewhat (which means nothing) and he's gravitating towards playing with the girls which is very common at this stage (my kids have had close friends of both genders all their lives -they're 5 & 7 now). Try not to worry, and listen to your child to find out if he is having trouble coping with some social situations at school. |
Anonymous
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I would be concerned, but I don't have any suggestions. Sorry OP. Perhaps you should post on another website that doesn't have so many irrational people.
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Anonymous
| Wow, OP you seem to have a very 1980's view of "the gays". First of all I would suggest you stop saying "acts like a gay" or "the gays". That right there makes you sound homophobic. I'm an interior designer so I hang out with a lot of gay men. Not one of them has AIDS. And as a matter of fact a few of them are married and have children. Yes, they are adopted children but they have some of the best and most functional families I know. So if you want people to truly believe you are not homophobic you need to stop referring to them is the way you do. If your son is truly gay then good for him. The world is a very different place now and gay people are very accepted in the world. Especially in DC. |
Anonymous
Yes, people who aren't anti-gay are very irrational people 
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Anonymous
Yes, I said in my post that I will always love him and accept him even if he winds up being a homosexual. This is just a matter of a preference for my only son to be a straight person. I have nothing against gays, and I don't want to initiate a debate or anything but I would honestly say that they have it worse in general, think about discrimination and just being a minority in general (harder to find other gays). Bottom line is I love my DS, and will accept him no matter what, but if I had a choice I would have him be straight. Not meant to be offensive in any way. |
Anonymous
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I will put aside the fact that you seem to come from an older generation than someone who has a kid in pre-K and try to answer your question. We noticed some of these same things with my niece at about the same age (of course in reverse.) She seemed to gravitate to playing with boys, talked about wanting to be a boy, would only wear boys clothes, wanted to go to the "boys" section of summer camp, etc. We all read up on gender identity issues and were prepared to accept her no matter what ended up happening. She is eleven now and is still a tom boy and prefers to play with boys, but she has also moderated a lot in her identification with boys as she has gotten older. This year in school she started talking about crushes that she had on different boys and it looks like she may end up as a female-identifying heterosexual in the end. You just can't know how these things are going to play out until the child is older. It is better not to try to predict anything and let nature take its course.
As to the other parts of your comment, you should remember that your child will be growing up in a very different era than you did. Even if he is gay, he can grow up to get married and have children and have a very typical life. I was at the University of Maryland's graduation a few weeks ago and an openly gay member of President Obama's Cabinet (John Berry) gave a very nice commencement speech stressing how happy and fulfilled his life has been both personally and professionally. It will be helpful to your son, gay or not, if you try to get a bit more current in terms of understanding the way that gay and lesbian people are living within the mainstream in 21st century America. |
Anonymous
But the choice is not up to you. It is out of your hands. So relax and enjoy your son just as he is. And "harder to find other gays"???? Are you kidding me? Have you been in DC or any other major metropolitan area lately. They are everywhere. Everywhere. Thank God gay people are much more accepted in society and they have more freedom to be who they are. |
Anonymous
*Sorry I meant to say OP here. I'm sorry that some of you don't like me calling them the gays. I didn't mean to be offensive at all. |