DS starting to act like a gay, is this just a phase?

[Anonymous]

gays have alot of aids and its not by nature's design for a penis to go in a butt

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - I get what you're saying. I would feel the exact same way you do, if I were in your situation. I actually have a friend whose son is most likely gay. They noticed at a very young age, and finally in elementary school, they decided to work on acceptance. They had to get out of denial, stop wishing for something else, learn how to be supportive, which included helping the child understand his/her sexuality (other kids could be less accepting). With some things, acceptance takes a lot of work and does not come naturally. They sought a pyschologist to help them sort through their (just the parents) feelings, and joined a support group with other parents facing the same situation. Their child does not know they do this (as they don't want the child to think something is wrong with him). They have met many people in their situation who want to "deal" with this in the most positive manner. Some parents come alone as their spouse is either in denial or completely against their child being gay. The boys' parents used to cry a lot about this (even though the very much loved their son). They have come along way, and while they are pretty sure their son is gay, there's the small chance he may not be - they think they are on the right track in learning acceptance now rather than later.

Best post I have read out of all this jibberish. OP, I get it if you are disappointed - we all have certain dreams and expectations of our kids and sometimes (many times), they veer off. I grew up in an environment that had the mindset that being gay was a choice and for the longest time I thought that, until I realized that duh, if being gay was a choice, then there would never be any gay peope because no one loves being bullied, ostracized, disowned from family, losing friends, etc. Best of luck to you and your family.

But gays do have a choice. The choice is between indulging their sexual preferences (with the consequences that follow from that, as you mention) and sucking it up and living an appearance of a heterosexual life (which many gay people in the history have done). It is a choice between unappealing options to be sure but is a choice nevertheless.

What the hell? Could you suck it up and live your life as a lie? That isn't fair to yourself or your family.

Yes, I think I could. It's hard to know those things for sure, but I think I would want to suck it up and I would succeed in doing so. And I were to do it, it wouldn't be a lie. It would be a conscious choice with full awareness of the trade-offs involved. I imagine that close friends would probably know how I feel and how that is different from how I chose to live.

But the point is, the only reason why you think you would need to make this choice to "suck it up" is because the world still has a lot of bigots who have an irrational hatred for people who are different from themselves. If there were not people who thought being gay was wrong, then you wouldn't need to make this "choice."

No, it's not only because of bigots. It's a part of the reason but not the most important part. I just don't want it - for myself or my children. For others I don't care. My best friend is openly gay - he wasn't when we first met 20 years ago; I was the first person he told and have been very accepting throughout our whole lives.

I think it is easy to say as a straight person (assuming you are straight, since you haven't said otherwise) that you dont' want a gay lifestyle. Actually, what the heck is a gay lifestyle? I mean really waht is different? My gay friends are either married, in domestic partnerships, or in long term commited relationships. They have kids. They own houses with nice yard and have nice jobs. Their lifestyle outside of the bedroom is pretty much no different than mine.

Sorry, but you don't have a clue what you are talking about (maybe you only know lesbians). Lives you describe are an exception, not a rule, at least for male gays. A vast majority of male gays are extremely promiscuous, the dating scene is brutal (based 90% on youth and physicality) and most of them have one disease or other. Nobody (except for older gays and a few oddballs) has or wants family or children. If you are one of those few who wants a lasting relationship, you will struggle a lot because most of them don't want it.

I actually know a lot of gay males. And all of the ones over 30 are in commited relationships. I also do work with a lot of gay organizations and I seem to remember hearing something about a civil rights movement to legalize gay marriage (but I guess those gay folks must be freaks?).

[Anonymous]

OP, why are you apologizing? Even if you don't want your son to be homosexual, or even if you don't support homosexuality that is perfectly fine. Here in America it isnt' against the law to not prefer or support homosexuality. Many religious people won't and that's fine. So those of you who are advocates and supporters of homosexuality, remember everyone is entitled to their position.

There are intervention programs to help children such as yours. Google it and see what support you can fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - I get what you're saying. I would feel the exact same way you do, if I were in your situation. I actually have a friend whose son is most likely gay. They noticed at a very young age, and finally in elementary school, they decided to work on acceptance. They had to get out of denial, stop wishing for something else, learn how to be supportive, which included helping the child understand his/her sexuality (other kids could be less accepting). With some things, acceptance takes a lot of work and does not come naturally. They sought a pyschologist to help them sort through their (just the parents) feelings, and joined a support group with other parents facing the same situation. Their child does not know they do this (as they don't want the child to think something is wrong with him). They have met many people in their situation who want to "deal" with this in the most positive manner. Some parents come alone as their spouse is either in denial or completely against their child being gay. The boys' parents used to cry a lot about this (even though the very much loved their son). They have come along way, and while they are pretty sure their son is gay, there's the small chance he may not be - they think they are on the right track in learning acceptance now rather than later.

Best post I have read out of all this jibberish. OP, I get it if you are disappointed - we all have certain dreams and expectations of our kids and sometimes (many times), they veer off. I grew up in an environment that had the mindset that being gay was a choice and for the longest time I thought that, until I realized that duh, if being gay was a choice, then there would never be any gay peope because no one loves being bullied, ostracized, disowned from family, losing friends, etc. Best of luck to you and your family.

But gays do have a choice. The choice is between indulging their sexual preferences (with the consequences that follow from that, as you mention) and sucking it up and living an appearance of a heterosexual life (which many gay people in the history have done). It is a choice between unappealing options to be sure but is a choice nevertheless.

What the hell? Could you suck it up and live your life as a lie? That isn't fair to yourself or your family.

Yes, I think I could. It's hard to know those things for sure, but I think I would want to suck it up and I would succeed in doing so. And I were to do it, it wouldn't be a lie. It would be a conscious choice with full awareness of the trade-offs involved. I imagine that close friends would probably know how I feel and how that is different from how I chose to live.

But the point is, the only reason why you think you would need to make this choice to "suck it up" is because the world still has a lot of bigots who have an irrational hatred for people who are different from themselves. If there were not people who thought being gay was wrong, then you wouldn't need to make this "choice."

No, it's not only because of bigots. It's a part of the reason but not the most important part. I just don't want it - for myself or my children. For others I don't care. My best friend is openly gay - he wasn't when we first met 20 years ago; I was the first person he told and have been very accepting throughout our whole lives.

I think it is easy to say as a straight person (assuming you are straight, since you haven't said otherwise) that you dont' want a gay lifestyle. Actually, what the heck is a gay lifestyle? I mean really waht is different? My gay friends are either married, in domestic partnerships, or in long term commited relationships. They have kids. They own houses with nice yard and have nice jobs. Their lifestyle outside of the bedroom is pretty much no different than mine.

Sorry, but you don't have a clue what you are talking about (maybe you only know lesbians). Lives you describe are an exception, not a rule, at least for male gays. A vast majority of male gays are extremely promiscuous, the dating scene is brutal (based 90% on youth and physicality) and most of them have one disease or other. Nobody (except for older gays and a few oddballs) has or wants family or children. If you are one of those few who wants a lasting relationship, you will struggle a lot because most of them don't want it.

I actually know a lot of gay males. And all of the ones over 30 are in commited relationships. I also do work with a lot of gay organizations and I seem to remember hearing something about a civil rights movement to legalize gay marriage (but I guess those gay folks must be freaks?).

I don't believe you - at best you only know a few and you know them because their lifestyles happened to be similar to yours. And promiscuous guys want to legalize marriage as well, which is understandable and has nothing to do with whether and when they want marriage for themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - I get what you're saying. I would feel the exact same way you do, if I were in your situation. I actually have a friend whose son is most likely gay. They noticed at a very young age, and finally in elementary school, they decided to work on acceptance. They had to get out of denial, stop wishing for something else, learn how to be supportive, which included helping the child understand his/her sexuality (other kids could be less accepting). With some things, acceptance takes a lot of work and does not come naturally. They sought a pyschologist to help them sort through their (just the parents) feelings, and joined a support group with other parents facing the same situation. Their child does not know they do this (as they don't want the child to think something is wrong with him). They have met many people in their situation who want to "deal" with this in the most positive manner. Some parents come alone as their spouse is either in denial or completely against their child being gay. The boys' parents used to cry a lot about this (even though the very much loved their son). They have come along way, and while they are pretty sure their son is gay, there's the small chance he may not be - they think they are on the right track in learning acceptance now rather than later.

Best post I have read out of all this jibberish. OP, I get it if you are disappointed - we all have certain dreams and expectations of our kids and sometimes (many times), they veer off. I grew up in an environment that had the mindset that being gay was a choice and for the longest time I thought that, until I realized that duh, if being gay was a choice, then there would never be any gay peope because no one loves being bullied, ostracized, disowned from family, losing friends, etc. Best of luck to you and your family.

But gays do have a choice. The choice is between indulging their sexual preferences (with the consequences that follow from that, as you mention) and sucking it up and living an appearance of a heterosexual life (which many gay people in the history have done). It is a choice between unappealing options to be sure but is a choice nevertheless.

What the hell? Could you suck it up and live your life as a lie? That isn't fair to yourself or your family.

Yes, I think I could. It's hard to know those things for sure, but I think I would want to suck it up and I would succeed in doing so. And I were to do it, it wouldn't be a lie. It would be a conscious choice with full awareness of the trade-offs involved. I imagine that close friends would probably know how I feel and how that is different from how I chose to live.

But the point is, the only reason why you think you would need to make this choice to "suck it up" is because the world still has a lot of bigots who have an irrational hatred for people who are different from themselves. If there were not people who thought being gay was wrong, then you wouldn't need to make this "choice."

No, it's not only because of bigots. It's a part of the reason but not the most important part. I just don't want it - for myself or my children. For others I don't care. My best friend is openly gay - he wasn't when we first met 20 years ago; I was the first person he told and have been very accepting throughout our whole lives.

I think it is easy to say as a straight person (assuming you are straight, since you haven't said otherwise) that you dont' want a gay lifestyle. Actually, what the heck is a gay lifestyle? I mean really waht is different? My gay friends are either married, in domestic partnerships, or in long term commited relationships. They have kids. They own houses with nice yard and have nice jobs. Their lifestyle outside of the bedroom is pretty much no different than mine.

Sorry, but you don't have a clue what you are talking about (maybe you only know lesbians). Lives you describe are an exception, not a rule, at least for male gays. A vast majority of male gays are extremely promiscuous, the dating scene is brutal (based 90% on youth and physicality) and most of them have one disease or other. Nobody (except for older gays and a few oddballs) has or wants family or children. If you are one of those few who wants a lasting relationship, you will struggle a lot because most of them don't want it.

I actually know a lot of gay males. And all of the ones over 30 are in commited relationships. I also do work with a lot of gay organizations and I seem to remember hearing something about a civil rights movement to legalize gay marriage (but I guess those gay folks must be freaks?).

I don't believe you - at best you only know a few and you know them because their lifestyles happened to be similar to yours. And promiscuous guys want to legalize marriage as well, which is understandable and has nothing to do with whether and when they want marriage for themselves.

Well, believe what you want, it is not like I can force you to believe me.

Regardless, it doesn't make my point any less valid. If you are gay you can choose to live a lifestyle where you are in a committed relationship or you can chose to be promiscuous just like straight people can. I don't know why one would be forced to act like a slut just becuase they are gay.

[Anonymous]

OP, why are you apologizing? Even if you don't want your son to be homosexual, or even if you don't support homosexuality that is perfectly fine. Here in America it isnt' against the law to not prefer or support homosexuality. Many religious people won't and that's fine. So those of you who are advocates and supporters of homosexuality, remember everyone is entitled to their position.

There are intervention programs to help children such as yours. Google it and see what support you can fine.

No, it is not perfectly fine to be a bigot.

[Anonymous]

There are so many gay couples having children that are naturally one of the two of theirs and the other adopting and parenting together. There is adoption outright. There are openly gay people living as married partners with straight spouses (not the way I would go but we know a few - men gay/bi-sexual married to women who love them and are accepting) and they seem happy and have children. It seems to be less of an issue now than 25 years ago and may move more towards common practice 25 years in the future.
RELAX and enjoy your son.

That said, often a phase. For boys and girls. There is a good chapter on this in Why Gender Matters by Sax.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - I get what you're saying. I would feel the exact same way you do, if I were in your situation. I actually have a friend whose son is most likely gay. They noticed at a very young age, and finally in elementary school, they decided to work on acceptance. They had to get out of denial, stop wishing for something else, learn how to be supportive, which included helping the child understand his/her sexuality (other kids could be less accepting). With some things, acceptance takes a lot of work and does not come naturally. They sought a pyschologist to help them sort through their (just the parents) feelings, and joined a support group with other parents facing the same situation. Their child does not know they do this (as they don't want the child to think something is wrong with him). They have met many people in their situation who want to "deal" with this in the most positive manner. Some parents come alone as their spouse is either in denial or completely against their child being gay. The boys' parents used to cry a lot about this (even though the very much loved their son). They have come along way, and while they are pretty sure their son is gay, there's the small chance he may not be - they think they are on the right track in learning acceptance now rather than later.

Best post I have read out of all this jibberish. OP, I get it if you are disappointed - we all have certain dreams and expectations of our kids and sometimes (many times), they veer off. I grew up in an environment that had the mindset that being gay was a choice and for the longest time I thought that, until I realized that duh, if being gay was a choice, then there would never be any gay peope because no one loves being bullied, ostracized, disowned from family, losing friends, etc. Best of luck to you and your family.

But gays do have a choice. The choice is between indulging their sexual preferences (with the consequences that follow from that, as you mention) and sucking it up and living an appearance of a heterosexual life (which many gay people in the history have done). It is a choice between unappealing options to be sure but is a choice nevertheless.

What the hell? Could you suck it up and live your life as a lie? That isn't fair to yourself or your family.

Yes, I think I could. It's hard to know those things for sure, but I think I would want to suck it up and I would succeed in doing so. And I were to do it, it wouldn't be a lie. It would be a conscious choice with full awareness of the trade-offs involved. I imagine that close friends would probably know how I feel and how that is different from how I chose to live.

But the point is, the only reason why you think you would need to make this choice to "suck it up" is because the world still has a lot of bigots who have an irrational hatred for people who are different from themselves. If there were not people who thought being gay was wrong, then you wouldn't need to make this "choice."

No, it's not only because of bigots. It's a part of the reason but not the most important part. I just don't want it - for myself or my children. For others I don't care. My best friend is openly gay - he wasn't when we first met 20 years ago; I was the first person he told and have been very accepting throughout our whole lives.

I think it is easy to say as a straight person (assuming you are straight, since you haven't said otherwise) that you dont' want a gay lifestyle. Actually, what the heck is a gay lifestyle? I mean really waht is different? My gay friends are either married, in domestic partnerships, or in long term commited relationships. They have kids. They own houses with nice yard and have nice jobs. Their lifestyle outside of the bedroom is pretty much no different than mine.

Sorry, but you don't have a clue what you are talking about (maybe you only know lesbians). Lives you describe are an exception, not a rule, at least for male gays. A vast majority of male gays are extremely promiscuous, the dating scene is brutal (based 90% on youth and physicality) and most of them have one disease or other. Nobody (except for older gays and a few oddballs) has or wants family or children. If you are one of those few who wants a lasting relationship, you will struggle a lot because most of them don't want it.

I actually know a lot of gay males. And all of the ones over 30 are in commited relationships. I also do work with a lot of gay organizations and I seem to remember hearing something about a civil rights movement to legalize gay marriage (but I guess those gay folks must be freaks?).

I don't believe you - at best you only know a few and you know them because their lifestyles happened to be similar to yours. And promiscuous guys want to legalize marriage as well, which is understandable and has nothing to do with whether and when they want marriage for themselves.

Well, believe what you want, it is not like I can force you to believe me.

Regardless, it doesn't make my point any less valid. If you are gay you can choose to live a lifestyle where you are in a committed relationship or you can chose to be promiscuous just like straight people can. I don't know why one would be forced to act like a slut just becuase they are gay.

They are not "forced to act like sluts". It's just that male gays happen to be more promiscuous than heterosexual males and female gays. I don't have time to 1) demonstrate that this a fact and 2) explain why this is so, but, for a popular introduction, I recommend Pinker's "How the mind works" - a part of one of the chapters is devoted to that.

Your head would spin if you understood what amount of sex and with how many partners an average out of closet decent-looking gay has. There is nothing necessarily "wrong" with that, but to pretend that it's not different from the lifestyle of heterosexual men is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, why are you apologizing? Even if you don't want your son to be homosexual, or even if you don't support homosexuality that is perfectly fine. Here in America it isnt' against the law to not prefer or support homosexuality. Many religious people won't and that's fine. So those of you who are advocates and supporters of homosexuality, remember everyone is entitled to their position.

There are intervention programs to help children such as yours. Google it and see what support you can fine.

You may not approve of or "support" homosexuality, but conversion therapy (what you term "intervention programs") is dangerous, ineffective and little better than child abuse. Parents who send their minor children to conversion therapy should lose custody of their kids.

http://psychology.ucdavis.edu/rainbow/html/facts_changing.html
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/31/conversion-therapy-california_n_1560251.html
http://www.denverpost.com/nationworld/ci_20658893/doctor-recants-claim-that-reparative-therapy-can-cure
http://new.paho.org/sur/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=414&Itemid=400

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why are you apologizing? Even if you don't want your son to be homosexual, or even if you don't support homosexuality that is perfectly fine. Here in America it isnt' against the law to not prefer or support homosexuality. Many religious people won't and that's fine. So those of you who are advocates and supporters of homosexuality, remember everyone is entitled to their position.

There are intervention programs to help children such as yours. Google it and see what support you can fine.

You may not approve of or "support" homosexuality, but conversion therapy (what you term "intervention programs") is dangerous, ineffective and little better than child abuse. Parents who send their minor children to conversion therapy should lose custody of their kids.

http://psychology.ucdavis.edu/rainbow/html/facts_changing.html
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/31/conversion-therapy-california_n_1560251.html
http://www.denverpost.com/nationworld/ci_20658893/doctor-recants-claim-that-reparative-therapy-can-cure
http://new.paho.org/sur/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=414&Itemid=400

Oh wow thanks for the links to a bunch of liberal sites including the "rainbow"

[jsteele]

This thread seems to have gotten off topic so I am going to put it out of my misery.