In laws wanting to use new vacation home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That’s your husband’s brother. I would let my brother or sister or mother use my vacation home. I would do the same for my husband‘s family, which is also my family.

Hell no. My husbands family is not my family and I would not allow them into my home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL avoided this by not telling anyone in the family that she and FIL bought a beach house. Only her two children knew about it.

+1. We have a beautiful house in Hawaii we’ve never told anyone about. The only ones who know are people we know wouldn’t ask to stay there on their own.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:You are on a slippery slope. Now is the time to establish rules with extended family. We don't allow anybody there if we're not there.

Aren't you nice.

We both have large families. If we allowed anybody to stay for free whenever they wanted, it would be occupied frequently. There is wear and tear on the house when it is occupied. Things get broken, supplies get used up, other accidents happen. It is also easier to say no across the board, rather than play favorites.

Who cares about the wear and tear? Don't fill it with crap that you don't want to be touched or used.

It is their second home. They can fill it with whatever they want to. You don’t tell other people what to do with their home. Entitled much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are on a slippery slope. Now is the time to establish rules with extended family. We don't allow anybody there if we're not there.

This! Once you allow something one time with some in-laws that sets a precedent and then when you try to pull back on that you are seen as mean, but who cares. I would not let them think that they can automatically use the house anytime they feel like it. I would not let them use the house unless you are there. This is your investment not theirs.

This is why it is important you set a precedent early. It is extremely hard to walk back generosity without people complaining and guilting you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL avoided this by not telling anyone in the family that she and FIL bought a beach house. Only her two children knew about it.

This is the best thing to do. No one is entitled to know your investments.

[Anonymous]

Wow, a lunatic poster/troll has entered the room

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Yes, I'd let them use it. Ask them to pay the cleaning fee and a small fee for utilities.

Yea, send them a bill, cheapo

DP. It costs us a lot for each visit to our second home. Cleaning is $455, pool is $75, jacuzzi is $75, and water treatment (well water) has to be serviced $112

Do you rent it out? What "second home" has a $455 cleaning fee?

That is a minimum standard cleaning fee in desirable locations for second homes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I'd let them use it. Ask them to pay the cleaning fee and a small fee for utilities.

Yea, send them a bill, cheapo

DP. It costs us a lot for each visit to our second home. Cleaning is $455, pool is $75, jacuzzi is $75, and water treatment (well water) has to be serviced $112

Do you rent it out? What "second home" has a $455 cleaning fee?

I would guess this is for a beach house. We are at $375 for a cleaning. Even if you are being careful and have an outdoor shower, a lot of sand still gets in the house. It is also a constant fight against mold.

How often is the house being cleaned for $375? Is it a rental? We had a rental on the beach and the dynamics are quite different. Same with the $75 pool fee. Pool maintenance is a constant need -- that's a fee that you're going to be paying whether the pool is being used or not.

My house is not a rental so I actually care about it being clean, not just looking clean. I am competing with rentals who need to turn all the houses over in a short span of time. I have our cleaners come a different day of the week so I am getting a better rate, but cleaning costs have gone up a lot since COVID. This company is also licensed and bonded. Obviously I'm only paying this during the season. We don't have a pool or a hot tub, we belong to a club that has these amenities.

[Anonymous]

Utilities bills can triple for the time that someone is using your second home. I am not subsidizing their vacations. If they wanna go that bad, they would get a hotel or rent a home. And I bet they don’t.

[Anonymous]

We don’t rent ours out, but I wouldn’t say no to my family or DH’s asking to use it. TBH, I would prefer that over hosting my ILs when we’re there.

[Anonymous]

If family or close friends are responsible and you have a good relationship including good communication, I say yes.

Our cabin in the mountains is very old and it has a fairly long list of things that need to be done at arrival, during, and on departure. Anyone who asks to stay there has to go over the list with DH before finalizing, and a few people have decided it’s not worth it. We do have a caretaker that comes by to check but he doesn’t charge much. When he retires or dies that cost will probably increase significantly. I think if we had someone frequently asking to use it we might ask them to chip in then.

We haven’t had any major issues. People have forgotten to do things or broken something a few times but have always communicated if they realized and been very apologetic. Overall I’d just say it’s a blessing to be able to share and it’s ok to have some boundaries. If you know someone will be destructive it’s ok if it’s always unavailable when they ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Utilities bills can triple for the time that someone is using your second home. I am not subsidizing their vacations. If they wanna go that bad, they would get a hotel or rent a home. And I bet they don’t.

This X10000. The moocher relatives all get giddy at thinking about an empty house! They are doing you a favor by making you get more value for it! They are checking on it!

Well no. They are having you pay for the cleaning, pay for their utilities, pay for their with the wear and tear, and my favorite when they “book” early for the next free vacation you have to schedule around them. One of the perks of a vacation home is being able to be spontaneous. If the relatives feel entitled to stay every year this goes out the window.

SIL ran into this and what’s even worse was when she told the relative no as her adult kid may be back but they weren’t sure of the dates the relative insisted that they wouldn’t mind squeezing everyone together. No consideration that the owner wouldn’t want to squeeze together.

The other problem that comes up is that they will want to host other people with them. They’ll bring along kids’ friends or another couple if the house is large. They’ll be very generous with your property. Watched my SIL go through this with an aunt. Aunt told SIL “ Is the house free this week? I hope so as that’s usually my week. I need a week for my friend’s family because they are hosting me later this year.” I thought SIL was going to cry. I’m blunt so I butted in and said “What? You are demanding to use their house to pay someone else back? That’s crazy!”. SIL loves me, aunt hates me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL avoided this by not telling anyone in the family that she and FIL bought a beach house. Only her two children knew about it.

+1. We have a beautiful house in Hawaii we’ve never told anyone about. The only ones who know are people we know wouldn’t ask to stay there on their own.

If they are close enough to you to know, why wouldn't you let them use it for a week when you aren't?

[Anonymous]

Are all of you really this miserable in real life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I'd let them use it. Ask them to pay the cleaning fee and a small fee for utilities.

Yea, send them a bill, cheapo

DP. It costs us a lot for each visit to our second home. Cleaning is $455, pool is $75, jacuzzi is $75, and water treatment (well water) has to be serviced $112

Do you rent it out? What "second home" has a $455 cleaning fee?

I would guess this is for a beach house. We are at $375 for a cleaning. Even if you are being careful and have an outdoor shower, a lot of sand still gets in the house. It is also a constant fight against mold.

Yes, it is a beach house and they do an amazing job. It’s hard to find good cleaners so when you find one you do what it takes to keep them.