In laws wanting to use new vacation home

[Anonymous]

OP you are entitled to say no to whatever you want. Whenever you want

[Anonymous]

My MIL avoided this by not telling anyone in the family that she and FIL bought a beach house. Only her two children knew about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is an excellent example of a thread that brings out the nasty of DCUM. Why are so many of you so awful, ungenerous, and suspicious about people, especially family and friends.

We have a large second home a couple hours drive from DC. It's a great place to visit, on many acres with a pool and hot tub etc. Just a great respite. And we have a large family.

When we're not there, we let many people use it. We have overstocked everything -- toiletries, etc. -- so we don't run out of stock. We have a second refrigerator full of beverages. We have cleaners come in. We don't charge anybody a dime for anything, ever. And when the house is being used and someone asks to use it, we just say "sorry, it's used that week let's come up with another."

Sure, on occasion something might break or you might come back and be puzzled about the condition the place was left in. But life is short. You roll with it.

Seriously, what happened to so many of you in your past that you have to be so uptight?

I think it is great that you have been able to provide this for your extended family. We own a beach house and have gotten to know neighbors (who are also 2nd home owners) over the years. Your carefree attitude is not the norm in my experience, especially as energy, water, and cleaning costs have risen.. As families mature there can also be a lot of coordination time. We are facing this ourselves now that our kids are young adults. We let them use the beach house whenever they want (and don't charge them of course), but, it is a bigger lift with coordination even using shared, online calendars. Once they have kids, I imagine it will become even more time-consuming. We have neighbors where there are now 5+ actual owners of the house due to inheritance. Coordination of expenses and occupancy is a real challenge. I guess as a first generation owner, I won't have to deal, but my kids will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is an excellent example of a thread that brings out the nasty of DCUM. Why are so many of you so awful, ungenerous, and suspicious about people, especially family and friends.

We have a large second home a couple hours drive from DC. It's a great place to visit, on many acres with a pool and hot tub etc. Just a great respite. And we have a large family.

When we're not there, we let many people use it. We have overstocked everything -- toiletries, etc. -- so we don't run out of stock. We have a second refrigerator full of beverages. We have cleaners come in. We don't charge anybody a dime for anything, ever. And when the house is being used and someone asks to use it, we just say "sorry, it's used that week let's come up with another."

Sure, on occasion something might break or you might come back and be puzzled about the condition the place was left in. But life is short. You roll with it.

Seriously, what happened to so many of you in your past that you have to be so uptight?

The boogie board was broken!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL avoided this by not telling anyone in the family that she and FIL bought a beach house. Only her two children knew about it.

Impossible because people with beach houses talk incessantly about them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is an excellent example of a thread that brings out the nasty of DCUM. Why are so many of you so awful, ungenerous, and suspicious about people, especially family and friends.

We have a large second home a couple hours drive from DC. It's a great place to visit, on many acres with a pool and hot tub etc. Just a great respite. And we have a large family.

When we're not there, we let many people use it. We have overstocked everything -- toiletries, etc. -- so we don't run out of stock. We have a second refrigerator full of beverages. We have cleaners come in. We don't charge anybody a dime for anything, ever. And when the house is being used and someone asks to use it, we just say "sorry, it's used that week let's come up with another."

Sure, on occasion something might break or you might come back and be puzzled about the condition the place was left in. But life is short. You roll with it.

Seriously, what happened to so many of you in your past that you have to be so uptight?

The boogie board was broken!

This was a thread once! For people's reading pleasure! https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/review/345/984884.page

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is an excellent example of a thread that brings out the nasty of DCUM. Why are so many of you so awful, ungenerous, and suspicious about people, especially family and friends.

We have a large second home a couple hours drive from DC. It's a great place to visit, on many acres with a pool and hot tub etc. Just a great respite. And we have a large family.

When we're not there, we let many people use it. We have overstocked everything -- toiletries, etc. -- so we don't run out of stock. We have a second refrigerator full of beverages. We have cleaners come in. We don't charge anybody a dime for anything, ever. And when the house is being used and someone asks to use it, we just say "sorry, it's used that week let's come up with another."

Sure, on occasion something might break or you might come back and be puzzled about the condition the place was left in. But life is short. You roll with it.

Seriously, what happened to so many of you in your past that you have to be so uptight?

The boogie board was broken!

LOL, exactly. My God, people!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I'd let them use it. Ask them to pay the cleaning fee and a small fee for utilities.

Yea, send them a bill, cheapo

DP. It costs us a lot for each visit to our second home. Cleaning is $455, pool is $75, jacuzzi is $75, and water treatment (well water) has to be serviced $112

Do you rent it out? What "second home" has a $455 cleaning fee?

I would guess this is for a beach house. We are at $375 for a cleaning. Even if you are being careful and have an outdoor shower, a lot of sand still gets in the house. It is also a constant fight against mold.

How often is the house being cleaned for $375? Is it a rental? We had a rental on the beach and the dynamics are quite different. Same with the $75 pool fee. Pool maintenance is a constant need -- that's a fee that you're going to be paying whether the pool is being used or not.

This is not a rental. $375 is for a large home one block from the beach. Once a week during high season. It also includes cleaning some outdoor spaces and doing towels and sheets. We use a licensed and bonded company. I am particular about cleaning, and we have 10+ people in the house a week during the summer. The house gets used hard and gets dirty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL avoided this by not telling anyone in the family that she and FIL bought a beach house. Only her two children knew about it.

Impossible because people with beach houses talk incessantly about them.

Haha. She’s the type to brag in general, but has kept quiet about this one for years to avoid having relatives ask for access!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I'd let them use it. Ask them to pay the cleaning fee and a small fee for utilities.

Yea, send them a bill, cheapo

DP. It costs us a lot for each visit to our second home. Cleaning is $455, pool is $75, jacuzzi is $75, and water treatment (well water) has to be serviced $112

Do you rent it out? What "second home" has a $455 cleaning fee?

I would guess this is for a beach house. We are at $375 for a cleaning. Even if you are being careful and have an outdoor shower, a lot of sand still gets in the house. It is also a constant fight against mold.

How often is the house being cleaned for $375? Is it a rental? We had a rental on the beach and the dynamics are quite different. Same with the $75 pool fee. Pool maintenance is a constant need -- that's a fee that you're going to be paying whether the pool is being used or not.

This is not a rental. $375 is for a large home one block from the beach. Once a week during high season. It also includes cleaning some outdoor spaces and doing towels and sheets. We use a licensed and bonded company. I am particular about cleaning, and we have 10+ people in the house a week during the summer. The house gets used hard and gets dirty.

It's a rental.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are on a slippery slope. Now is the time to establish rules with extended family. We don't allow anybody there if we're not there.

Aren't you nice.

NP. Maybe this isn’t the nicest, but it’s correct. My parents had a beach house and allowed friends and family to use it. People are shockingly entitled - after the first visit almost all would ask to come again the next year. Family also crawled out of the woodwork, and people started asking to use it for a girl’s get together, bachelorette parties and even a honeymoon. My mom had trouble saying no after she had said yes to some people, and it got to the point that her own children couldn’t visit there in the summer bc it was booked up with friends and family. And even though we loved these people, they would break things, stain things, use up supplies and not replace them, etc. It eventually became such a headache that my parents sold the house.

Like PP I ended up selling my second home also. It makes me sad but I had no choice. I would not say no to my sister staying in it.
The problem was then all of her friends wanted to stay in it. My sister also put an illegal immigrant from Medellin Colombia in it. He stayed for 6 months. She did not tell me about the illegal immigrant until after he had been there for 45 days.

My second home was also in an area that it was very difficult to get house cleaners or repair people. There was a real shortage.

Also....check your insurance for the second home. If you bought it as a second home and insured it that way you cannot take money for it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are on a slippery slope. Now is the time to establish rules with extended family. We don't allow anybody there if we're not there.

Aren't you nice.

NP. Maybe this isn’t the nicest, but it’s correct. My parents had a beach house and allowed friends and family to use it. People are shockingly entitled - after the first visit almost all would ask to come again the next year. Family also crawled out of the woodwork, and people started asking to use it for a girl’s get together, bachelorette parties and even a honeymoon. My mom had trouble saying no after she had said yes to some people, and it got to the point that her own children couldn’t visit there in the summer bc it was booked up with friends and family. And even though we loved these people, they would break things, stain things, use up supplies and not replace them, etc. It eventually became such a headache that my parents sold the house.

Like PP I ended up selling my second home also. It makes me sad but I had no choice. I would not say no to my sister staying in it.
The problem was then all of her friends wanted to stay in it. My sister also put an illegal immigrant from Medellin Colombia in it. He stayed for 6 months. She did not tell me about the illegal immigrant until after he had been there for 45 days.

My second home was also in an area that it was very difficult to get house cleaners or repair people. There was a real shortage.

Also....check your insurance for the second home. If you bought it as a second home and insured it that way you cannot take money for it.

Go away MAGA

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are on a slippery slope. Now is the time to establish rules with extended family. We don't allow anybody there if we're not there.

This! Once you allow something one time with some in-laws that sets a precedent and then when you try to pull back on that you are seen as mean, but who cares. I would not let them think that they can automatically use the house anytime they feel like it. I would not let them use the house unless you are there. This is your investment not theirs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, we have a lake cottage and when we’re not there, we let family members use it. They have always followed the cleaning/safety instructions, and there’s never been a problem.

Since you asked, yes, we do let family use our vacation home. And I’m glad it gets used when we’re not there! Not only does it reduce the “cost per use” of the investment overall, but it’s good to have someone there, keeping an eye out for any maintenance issues and establishing more of a presence with our lake neighbors.

That's not a real number, its for your peace of mind I guess.

It absolutely is a real number. You can call it “Cost Per Wear” or “Return on Investment” or “Incentive to Buy Rather than Rent” or any other term you like: buying something wonderful and lovely and rarely using it and enjoying it is simply stupid. End of story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are on a slippery slope. Now is the time to establish rules with extended family. We don't allow anybody there if we're not there.

Aren't you nice.

Free loaders on a free load.