In laws wanting to use new vacation home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Utilities bills can triple for the time that someone is using your second home. I am not subsidizing their vacations. If they wanna go that bad, they would get a hotel or rent a home. And I bet they don’t.

This X10000. The moocher relatives all get giddy at thinking about an empty house! They are doing you a favor by making you get more value for it! They are checking on it!

Well no. They are having you pay for the cleaning, pay for their utilities, pay for their with the wear and tear, and my favorite when they “book” early for the next free vacation you have to schedule around them. One of the perks of a vacation home is being able to be spontaneous. If the relatives feel entitled to stay every year this goes out the window.

SIL ran into this and what’s even worse was when she told the relative no as her adult kid may be back but they weren’t sure of the dates the relative insisted that they wouldn’t mind squeezing everyone together. No consideration that the owner wouldn’t want to squeeze together.

The other problem that comes up is that they will want to host other people with them. They’ll bring along kids’ friends or another couple if the house is large. They’ll be very generous with your property. Watched my SIL go through this with an aunt. Aunt told SIL “ Is the house free this week? I hope so as that’s usually my week. I need a week for my friend’s family because they are hosting me later this year.” I thought SIL was going to cry. I’m blunt so I butted in and said “What? You are demanding to use their house to pay someone else back? That’s crazy!”. SIL loves me, aunt hates me.

This! So true. The entitled in-laws act like your assets are their assets to do as they please. But they never have any assets to share with you lol.. You have to be very clear and blunt with people like this. Just say no. They will probably appear to be offended as they are entitled. But who cares as they should not be putting you in that position to begin with. They made you feel awkward, so they get to feel awkward right back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, a lunatic poster/troll has entered the room

Probably OP sockpuppeting. The thread hadn't gone off the rails yet so OP had to help it along.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I'd let them use it. Ask them to pay the cleaning fee and a small fee for utilities.

Yea, send them a bill, cheapo

DP. It costs us a lot for each visit to our second home. Cleaning is $455, pool is $75, jacuzzi is $75, and water treatment (well water) has to be serviced $112

Then charge them $717. What's the problem? I'd happily pay that. If they baulk at that, then say no.

[Anonymous]

The problem with lending it out is (1) you don't get a security deposit, and (2) you don't get a cleaning fee. If we were to rent out our second home, we'd want a large deposit because we have expensive furniture and electronics. We also pay our cleaner $500 after each visit.

I wouldn't like house guests, either, OP, but I fully acknowledge that both DH and I are a little on the spectrum - DH is OCD about cleanliness, and I am the same way about organization - everything has a place, and when things get moved around, I lose it. He can't cope with a mess, and I can't cope with disorganization. So, we have to say no to guests, even if that makes us seem like jerks.

Protect your peace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are all of you really this miserable in real life?

These are not real people. They are play acting how they would act in real life if they had a 2nd home while in reality they don't even own a single home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Utilities bills can triple for the time that someone is using your second home. I am not subsidizing their vacations. If they wanna go that bad, they would get a hotel or rent a home. And I bet they don’t.

This X10000. The moocher relatives all get giddy at thinking about an empty house! They are doing you a favor by making you get more value for it! They are checking on it!

Well no. They are having you pay for the cleaning, pay for their utilities, pay for their with the wear and tear, and my favorite when they “book” early for the next free vacation you have to schedule around them. One of the perks of a vacation home is being able to be spontaneous. If the relatives feel entitled to stay every year this goes out the window.

SIL ran into this and what’s even worse was when she told the relative no as her adult kid may be back but they weren’t sure of the dates the relative insisted that they wouldn’t mind squeezing everyone together. No consideration that the owner wouldn’t want to squeeze together.

The other problem that comes up is that they will want to host other people with them. They’ll bring along kids’ friends or another couple if the house is large. They’ll be very generous with your property. Watched my SIL go through this with an aunt. Aunt told SIL “ Is the house free this week? I hope so as that’s usually my week. I need a week for my friend’s family because they are hosting me later this year.” I thought SIL was going to cry. I’m blunt so I butted in and said “What? You are demanding to use their house to pay someone else back? That’s crazy!”. SIL loves me, aunt hates me.

Good on you! I gotta know, what was the aunts reaction? Did she even get what you were saying?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are all of you really this miserable in real life?

These are not real people. They are play acting how they would act in real life if they had a 2nd home while in reality they don't even own a single home.

Really? It seems like most of our neighbors own two or three homes as do we. It is pretty common to own a second or third home for people living in more exclusive areas in northern Virginia. It just is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are all of you really this miserable in real life?

These are not real people. They are play acting how they would act in real life if they had a 2nd home while in reality they don't even own a single home.

Really? It seems like most of our neighbors own two or three homes as do we. It is pretty common to own a second or third home for people living in more exclusive areas in northern Virginia. It just is.

Your mistake is assuming the posters here are your friends and neighbors.

[Anonymous]

You get a cleaning crew on call and then you charge guests for a cleaning each time they stay. This is easy. Pretty normal for people with second homes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem with lending it out is (1) you don't get a security deposit, and (2) you don't get a cleaning fee. If we were to rent out our second home, we'd want a large deposit because we have expensive furniture and electronics. We also pay our cleaner $500 after each visit.

I wouldn't like house guests, either, OP, but I fully acknowledge that both DH and I are a little on the spectrum - DH is OCD about cleanliness, and I am the same way about organization - everything has a place, and when things get moved around, I lose it. He can't cope with a mess, and I can't cope with disorganization. So, we have to say no to guests, even if that makes us seem like jerks.

Protect your peace.

We are the same, and we are NOT on the spectrum. Nothing wrong with keeping your property organized and protecting your peace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are all of you really this miserable in real life?

These are not real people. They are play acting how they would act in real life if they had a 2nd home while in reality they don't even own a single home.

Really? It seems like most of our neighbors own two or three homes as do we. It is pretty common to own a second or third home for people living in more exclusive areas in northern Virginia. It just is.

Your mistake is assuming the posters here are your friends and neighbors.

Well, if they own second and third home they might be. Lol.😁

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are all of you really this miserable in real life?

These are not real people. They are play acting how they would act in real life if they had a 2nd home while in reality they don't even own a single home.

Really? It seems like most of our neighbors own two or three homes as do we. It is pretty common to own a second or third home for people living in more exclusive areas in northern Virginia. It just is.

Your mistake is assuming the posters here are your friends and neighbors.

How about you stop making assumptions and give people the benefit of the doubt unless they raise a red flag? Many of the posters on here share enough details about second-home ownership to check out. Their experience aligns with mine. Anywhere from $300 to $ 800, depending on the market and the size of the house, sounds right for a cleaning fee. It's usually managed by a property manager. And yes, of course, there are other fees incurred by guests, including, I could see a case for an extra hot tub or pool cleaning after a guest; usually, though, those are just on a set schedule. The highest cost that is hard to pass on is when they break or damage things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are all of you really this miserable in real life?

These are not real people. They are play acting how they would act in real life if they had a 2nd home while in reality they don't even own a single home.

Really? It seems like most of our neighbors own two or three homes as do we. It is pretty common to own a second or third home for people living in more exclusive areas in northern Virginia. It just is.

Your mistake is assuming the posters here are your friends and neighbors.

Well, if they own second and third home they might be. Lol.😁

Then I guess your friends and neighbors are particularly miserable and would never let their in-laws cross their threshold because they aren't family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Utilities bills can triple for the time that someone is using your second home. I am not subsidizing their vacations. If they wanna go that bad, they would get a hotel or rent a home. And I bet they don’t.

This X10000. The moocher relatives all get giddy at thinking about an empty house! They are doing you a favor by making you get more value for it! They are checking on it!

Well no. They are having you pay for the cleaning, pay for their utilities, pay for their with the wear and tear, and my favorite when they “book” early for the next free vacation you have to schedule around them. One of the perks of a vacation home is being able to be spontaneous. If the relatives feel entitled to stay every year this goes out the window.

SIL ran into this and what’s even worse was when she told the relative no as her adult kid may be back but they weren’t sure of the dates the relative insisted that they wouldn’t mind squeezing everyone together. No consideration that the owner wouldn’t want to squeeze together.

The other problem that comes up is that they will want to host other people with them. They’ll bring along kids’ friends or another couple if the house is large. They’ll be very generous with your property. Watched my SIL go through this with an aunt. Aunt told SIL “ Is the house free this week? I hope so as that’s usually my week. I need a week for my friend’s family because they are hosting me later this year.” I thought SIL was going to cry. I’m blunt so I butted in and said “What? You are demanding to use their house to pay someone else back? That’s crazy!”. SIL loves me, aunt hates me.

Good on you! I gotta know, what was the aunts reaction? Did she even get what you were saying?

Puckered up scowl and waddled away!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If family or close friends are responsible and you have a good relationship including good communication, I say yes.

Our cabin in the mountains is very old and it has a fairly long list of things that need to be done at arrival, during, and on departure. Anyone who asks to stay there has to go over the list with DH before finalizing, and a few people have decided it’s not worth it. We do have a caretaker that comes by to check but he doesn’t charge much. When he retires or dies that cost will probably increase significantly. I think if we had someone frequently asking to use it we might ask them to chip in then.

We haven’t had any major issues. People have forgotten to do things or broken something a few times but have always communicated if they realized and been very apologetic. Overall I’d just say it’s a blessing to be able to share and it’s ok to have some boundaries. If you know someone will be destructive it’s ok if it’s always unavailable when they ask.

My brother's wife uses this tactic. I think it is pretty ingenious. The list is intimidating.