S/O What motivates men to string women along for years?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just read the thread about the 26yo whose 34yo boyfriend still hasn’t proposed after 3 years of dating and it has got me thinking about why men do this.

I know many women who’ve experienced this. The guy would always know that his girlfriend wants commitment and he knew he wasn’t planning to her give her that, yet, would continue to date her and waste years of her time.

Why aren’t they just upfront about their intentions and end the relationship?

They want to continue the benefits (not just sex) for now and think the woman will be better behaved if she thinks a proposal is coming. I’m not guessing, I’ve had men tell me this about their gfs.

My cousin let a woman put him through grad school (tuition and living expenses) and then move him across country to a better job market because she thought he would propose once he had a good job. He told her that he couldn’t support a wife and kids without the degree and job. He left out that he was already divorced and had five kids by 3 women.

She invested the better part of her 30s with him. Three months after he’s settled in the new job market, she quit her job and moved out there only to find he was already dating someone else. I guess he found it really hard to cook his own meals and do his own laundry.

[Anonymous]

A lot of things - a lot of times it’s financial, maybe he isn’t where he thinks he should be yet.

[Anonymous]

Don't act like men haven't heard all of the (partially to mostly true) horror stories about women pulling back on sex once married. Sex is the most important part of a relationship, why upset the apple cart?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just read the thread about the 26yo whose 34yo boyfriend still hasn’t proposed after 3 years of dating and it has got me thinking about why men do this.

I know many women who’ve experienced this. The guy would always know that his girlfriend wants commitment and he knew he wasn’t planning to her give her that, yet, would continue to date her and waste years of her time.

Why aren’t they just upfront about their intentions and end the relationship?

As I get older I see that women don't give themselves enough agency. That can always leave when they are not getting what they want. No need to be a victim.

We also give men too much credit for having a 'motivation'. They generally have no idea what they are doing.

This is the best nugget of wisdom in this thread. Most men have zero clue what women want and can’t articulate their own feelings.

It took me way too long to go after what I wanted. Prior to my now-wife, I was sliding in and out of relationships that were not right for me. I’d stay way too long because that was the easiest thing to do. I had zero clue what I was doing with life.

-A Man

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just read the thread about the 26yo whose 34yo boyfriend still hasn’t proposed after 3 years of dating and it has got me thinking about why men do this.

I know many women who’ve experienced this. The guy would always know that his girlfriend wants commitment and he knew he wasn’t planning to her give her that, yet, would continue to date her and waste years of her time.

Why aren’t they just upfront about their intentions and end the relationship?

As I get older I see that women don't give themselves enough agency. That can always leave when they are not getting what they want. No need to be a victim.

We also give men too much credit for having a 'motivation'. They generally have no idea what they are doing.

This is the best nugget of wisdom in this thread. Most men have zero clue what women want and can’t articulate their own feelings.

It took me way too long to go after what I wanted. Prior to my now-wife, I was sliding in and out of relationships that were not right for me. I’d stay way too long because that was the easiest thing to do. I had zero clue what I was doing with life.

-A Man

Bottom line, this is a simple communication problem. If a woman wants a proposal, either propose yourself, or ask your man to propose to you. If he says he doesn't know or isn't ready, figure out a time period that you are willing to wait, and tell him to figure it out by that date. If he hasn't figured it out, move on. The man that wants to be with you will figure it out immediately, because that will be one of the most important questions in his life at that time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just read the thread about the 26yo whose 34yo boyfriend still hasn’t proposed after 3 years of dating and it has got me thinking about why men do this.

I know many women who’ve experienced this. The guy would always know that his girlfriend wants commitment and he knew he wasn’t planning to her give her that, yet, would continue to date her and waste years of her time.

Why aren’t they just upfront about their intentions and end the relationship?

As I get older I see that women don't give themselves enough agency. That can always leave when they are not getting what they want. No need to be a victim.

We also give men too much credit for having a 'motivation'. They generally have no idea what they are doing.

This is the best nugget of wisdom in this thread. Most men have zero clue what women want and can’t articulate their own feelings.

It took me way too long to go after what I wanted. Prior to my now-wife, I was sliding in and out of relationships that were not right for me. I’d stay way too long because that was the easiest thing to do. I had zero clue what I was doing with life.

-A Man

This is so interesting. I’m dating a man who seems to have no real input on anything. Whenever I try to talk about the future, our relationship, anything we can improve on, he has nothing to say. Just shrugs and says “I’m fine” or “nothing” or “I dunno”.

Even when I’ve tried to spice up our sex life by asking him what new things he wants to try, he just says “nothing, I’m just happy to get any”.

It’s so annoying! I’m very attracted to men who have a sense of purpose, not those who are aimlessly bouncing around life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just read the thread about the 26yo whose 34yo boyfriend still hasn’t proposed after 3 years of dating and it has got me thinking about why men do this.

I know many women who’ve experienced this. The guy would always know that his girlfriend wants commitment and he knew he wasn’t planning to her give her that, yet, would continue to date her and waste years of her time.

Why aren’t they just upfront about their intentions and end the relationship?

As I get older I see that women don't give themselves enough agency. That can always leave when they are not getting what they want. No need to be a victim.

We also give men too much credit for having a 'motivation'. They generally have no idea what they are doing.

This is the best nugget of wisdom in this thread. Most men have zero clue what women want and can’t articulate their own feelings.

It took me way too long to go after what I wanted. Prior to my now-wife, I was sliding in and out of relationships that were not right for me. I’d stay way too long because that was the easiest thing to do. I had zero clue what I was doing with life.

-A Man

This is so interesting. I’m dating a man who seems to have no real input on anything. Whenever I try to talk about the future, our relationship, anything we can improve on, he has nothing to say. Just shrugs and says “I’m fine” or “nothing” or “I dunno”.

Even when I’ve tried to spice up our sex life by asking him what new things he wants to try, he just says “nothing, I’m just happy to get any”.

It’s so annoying! I’m very attracted to men who have a sense of purpose, not those who are aimlessly bouncing around life.

Girl, run. And fast.

[Anonymous]

Marriage is a terrible deal for the majority of men. By dating women with the promise of engagement/marriage, you can have access to sex without the social and financial devastation that comes with marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't act like men haven't heard all of the (partially to mostly true) horror stories about women pulling back on sex once married. Sex is the most important part of a relationship, why upset the apple cart?

That's when they get fat and naggy, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just read the thread about the 26yo whose 34yo boyfriend still hasn’t proposed after 3 years of dating and it has got me thinking about why men do this.

I know many women who’ve experienced this. The guy would always know that his girlfriend wants commitment and he knew he wasn’t planning to her give her that, yet, would continue to date her and waste years of her time.

Why aren’t they just upfront about their intentions and end the relationship?

As I get older I see that women don't give themselves enough agency. That can always leave when they are not getting what they want. No need to be a victim.

We also give men too much credit for having a 'motivation'. They generally have no idea what they are doing.

This is the best nugget of wisdom in this thread. Most men have zero clue what women want and can’t articulate their own feelings.

It took me way too long to go after what I wanted. Prior to my now-wife, I was sliding in and out of relationships that were not right for me. I’d stay way too long because that was the easiest thing to do. I had zero clue what I was doing with life.

-A Man

This is so interesting. I’m dating a man who seems to have no real input on anything. Whenever I try to talk about the future, our relationship, anything we can improve on, he has nothing to say. Just shrugs and says “I’m fine” or “nothing” or “I dunno”.

Even when I’ve tried to spice up our sex life by asking him what new things he wants to try, he just says “nothing, I’m just happy to get any”.

It’s so annoying! I’m very attracted to men who have a sense of purpose, not those who are aimlessly bouncing around life.

Yuck.

Aimless and indecisive never stops. Good luck raising kids owning a house with that type of loser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men enjoy regular sex without long term commitment or putting in any effort.

This

[Anonymous]

He isn't stringing her along. If she doesn't have the relationship SHE wants it's up to her to fix that problem, HE has the relationship he wants, why should he change that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He isn't stringing her along. If she doesn't have the relationship SHE wants it's up to her to fix that problem, HE has the relationship he wants, why should he change that?

Because women want everything handed to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just read the thread about the 26yo whose 34yo boyfriend still hasn’t proposed after 3 years of dating and it has got me thinking about why men do this.

I know many women who’ve experienced this. The guy would always know that his girlfriend wants commitment and he knew he wasn’t planning to her give her that, yet, would continue to date her and waste years of her time.

Why aren’t they just upfront about their intentions and end the relationship?

As I get older I see that women don't give themselves enough agency. That can always leave when they are not getting what they want. No need to be a victim.

We also give men too much credit for having a 'motivation'. They generally have no idea what they are doing.

This is the best nugget of wisdom in this thread. Most men have zero clue what women want and can’t articulate their own feelings.

It took me way too long to go after what I wanted. Prior to my now-wife, I was sliding in and out of relationships that were not right for me. I’d stay way too long because that was the easiest thing to do. I had zero clue what I was doing with life.

-A Man

This is so interesting. I’m dating a man who seems to have no real input on anything. Whenever I try to talk about the future, our relationship, anything we can improve on, he has nothing to say. Just shrugs and says “I’m fine” or “nothing” or “I dunno”.

Even when I’ve tried to spice up our sex life by asking him what new things he wants to try, he just says “nothing, I’m just happy to get any”.

It’s so annoying! I’m very attracted to men who have a sense of purpose, not those who are aimlessly bouncing around life.

Yuck.

Aimless and indecisive never stops. Good luck raising kids owning a house with that type of loser.

The weird thing is he’s actually done really well in his career. He takes his job seriously. But the rest of life, he just doesn’t really care what happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just read the thread about the 26yo whose 34yo boyfriend still hasn’t proposed after 3 years of dating and it has got me thinking about why men do this.

I know many women who’ve experienced this. The guy would always know that his girlfriend wants commitment and he knew he wasn’t planning to her give her that, yet, would continue to date her and waste years of her time.

Why aren’t they just upfront about their intentions and end the relationship?

As I get older I see that women don't give themselves enough agency. That can always leave when they are not getting what they want. No need to be a victim.

We also give men too much credit for having a 'motivation'. They generally have no idea what they are doing.

This is the best nugget of wisdom in this thread. Most men have zero clue what women want and can’t articulate their own feelings.

It took me way too long to go after what I wanted. Prior to my now-wife, I was sliding in and out of relationships that were not right for me. I’d stay way too long because that was the easiest thing to do. I had zero clue what I was doing with life.

-A Man

What was different with your now-wife?