S/O What motivates men to string women along for years?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just read the thread about the 26yo whose 34yo boyfriend still hasn’t proposed after 3 years of dating and it has got me thinking about why men do this.

I know many women who’ve experienced this. The guy would always know that his girlfriend wants commitment and he knew he wasn’t planning to her give her that, yet, would continue to date her and waste years of her time.

Why aren’t they just upfront about their intentions and end the relationship?

The OP in that thread never identified a job and acknowledged she was still being supported by her parents. While they had been dating for three years, she was still in the process of moving in with him. No rational person could think she was ready for marriage.

She exhibited good analytical skills and had a good idea what she wanted and what her partner was capable of as a husband and father. So what if her parents still provided some financial support. She's more traditional than you, and that's okay. Lucky her that she has wealthy, loving parents. The problem, which she saw but needed some help identifying for what it was, is that her partner is not that into her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just read the thread about the 26yo whose 34yo boyfriend still hasn’t proposed after 3 years of dating and it has got me thinking about why men do this.

I know many women who’ve experienced this. The guy would always know that his girlfriend wants commitment and he knew he wasn’t planning to her give her that, yet, would continue to date her and waste years of her time.

Why aren’t they just upfront about their intentions and end the relationship?

The OP in that thread never identified a job and acknowledged she was still being supported by her parents. While they had been dating for three years, she was still in the process of moving in with him. No rational person could think she was ready for marriage.

She exhibited good analytical skills and had a good idea what she wanted and what her partner was capable of as a husband and father. So what if her parents still provided some financial support. She's more traditional than you, and that's okay. Lucky her that she has wealthy, loving parents. The problem, which she saw but needed some help identifying for what it was, is that her partner is not that into her.

Gen Z and young millennials are more traditional than their elders so not a big surprise. PP is a boomer so doesn’t get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just propose to him. Will you marry me? No? Ok bye. Don’t twist his arm and make him propose to you, that’s really just you proposing and lying about who is doing it.

A man who wants to propose will do so. No reason to make it weird.

How old are you?

How old are you?? Do you think you speak for modern young men or something?

Why not answer the question? Are you suffering from dementia?

I’m in my 30s; young enough to know men propose when they want to. But you’re clearly playing some dumb game, trying to convince people men like playing the girl now.

What a strange way to put it. Why can't women just say what they want instead of making it a game?

And there's no way you're younger than 60.

I’m guessing you’re a boomer who believes in boomer feminism.

Sure. That makes about as much sense as anything from a demented cat lady.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just propose to him. Will you marry me? No? Ok bye. Don’t twist his arm and make him propose to you, that’s really just you proposing and lying about who is doing it.

A man who wants to propose will do so. No reason to make it weird.

How old are you?

How old are you?? Do you think you speak for modern young men or something?

Why not answer the question? Are you suffering from dementia?

I’m in my 30s; young enough to know men propose when they want to. But you’re clearly playing some dumb game, trying to convince people men like playing the girl now.

What a strange way to put it. Why can't women just say what they want instead of making it a game?

And there's no way you're younger than 60.

I’m guessing you’re a boomer who believes in boomer feminism.

I can’t even understand the argument the two of you are having. Can one of you break it down for me?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just read the thread about the 26yo whose 34yo boyfriend still hasn’t proposed after 3 years of dating and it has got me thinking about why men do this.

I know many women who’ve experienced this. The guy would always know that his girlfriend wants commitment and he knew he wasn’t planning to her give her that, yet, would continue to date her and waste years of her time.

Why aren’t they just upfront about their intentions and end the relationship?

The OP in that thread never identified a job and acknowledged she was still being supported by her parents. While they had been dating for three years, she was still in the process of moving in with him. No rational person could think she was ready for marriage.

She exhibited good analytical skills and had a good idea what she wanted and what her partner was capable of as a husband and father. So what if her parents still provided some financial support. She's more traditional than you, and that's okay. Lucky her that she has wealthy, loving parents. The problem, which she saw but needed some help identifying for what it was, is that her partner is not that into her.

Clearly she doesn't have good analytical skills based on her situation. She's either unreasonable or gullible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just propose to him. Will you marry me? No? Ok bye. Don’t twist his arm and make him propose to you, that’s really just you proposing and lying about who is doing it.

A man who wants to propose will do so. No reason to make it weird.

How old are you?

How old are you?? Do you think you speak for modern young men or something?

Why not answer the question? Are you suffering from dementia?

I’m in my 30s; young enough to know men propose when they want to. But you’re clearly playing some dumb game, trying to convince people men like playing the girl now.

What a strange way to put it. Why can't women just say what they want instead of making it a game?

And there's no way you're younger than 60.

I’m guessing you’re a boomer who believes in boomer feminism.

I can’t even understand the argument the two of you are having. Can one of you break it down for me?

Cat lady thinks it's "weird" for a woman to propose marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just read the thread about the 26yo whose 34yo boyfriend still hasn’t proposed after 3 years of dating and it has got me thinking about why men do this.

I know many women who’ve experienced this. The guy would always know that his girlfriend wants commitment and he knew he wasn’t planning to her give her that, yet, would continue to date her and waste years of her time.

Why aren’t they just upfront about their intentions and end the relationship?

The OP in that thread never identified a job and acknowledged she was still being supported by her parents. While they had been dating for three years, she was still in the process of moving in with him. No rational person could think she was ready for marriage.

She exhibited good analytical skills and had a good idea what she wanted and what her partner was capable of as a husband and father. So what if her parents still provided some financial support. She's more traditional than you, and that's okay. Lucky her that she has wealthy, loving parents. The problem, which she saw but needed some help identifying for what it was, is that her partner is not that into her.

Clearly she doesn't have good analytical skills based on her situation. She's either unreasonable or gullible.

I got the sense she was moving in, but was questioning the wisdom of doing so. She reached out to DCUM to see what people had to say about her situation. That's wise of her, despite her age. Maybe she doesn't have the kind of friends to give it to her straight. I think DCUM for the most part (with a couple of troll exceptions) gave it to her straight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just read the thread about the 26yo whose 34yo boyfriend still hasn’t proposed after 3 years of dating and it has got me thinking about why men do this.

I know many women who’ve experienced this. The guy would always know that his girlfriend wants commitment and he knew he wasn’t planning to her give her that, yet, would continue to date her and waste years of her time.

Why aren’t they just upfront about their intentions and end the relationship?

The OP in that thread never identified a job and acknowledged she was still being supported by her parents. While they had been dating for three years, she was still in the process of moving in with him. No rational person could think she was ready for marriage.

She exhibited good analytical skills and had a good idea what she wanted and what her partner was capable of as a husband and father. So what if her parents still provided some financial support. She's more traditional than you, and that's okay. Lucky her that she has wealthy, loving parents. The problem, which she saw but needed some help identifying for what it was, is that her partner is not that into her.

Clearly she doesn't have good analytical skills based on her situation. She's either unreasonable or gullible.

I got the sense she was moving in, but was questioning the wisdom of doing so. She reached out to DCUM to see what people had to say about her situation. That's wise of her, despite her age. Maybe she doesn't have the kind of friends to give it to her straight. I think DCUM for the most part (with a couple of troll exceptions) gave it to her straight.

Dcum is never a good place to get advice. Too many bitter old women looking to share their misery.

[Anonymous]

She lets him. A man will treat you how you allow him to treat you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just read the thread about the 26yo whose 34yo boyfriend still hasn’t proposed after 3 years of dating and it has got me thinking about why men do this.

I know many women who’ve experienced this. The guy would always know that his girlfriend wants commitment and he knew he wasn’t planning to her give her that, yet, would continue to date her and waste years of her time.

Why aren’t they just upfront about their intentions and end the relationship?

Often the are but the women think they can change their mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:An anecdote about this. Told by a long married, older neighbor. She told her long term boyfriend, "I want to be married to you. But if you don't want to be married, I need to be dating other people." And she did. And no longer saw him. He had some months experiencing this new normal, evaluated his feelings and intentions and proposed marriage.

This is what I would suggest to young women. Women who do want to be married. If you don't want to be married that's ok too. But if you do, it's not exactly an ultimatum. It's just stating the truth. I can't be devoted to you, for any longer, if you're not wanting to be married.

Life isn’t a Hallmark movie. This shit rarely happens in real life. No guy realizes how good they had it and comes groveling. That’s just weird romance novel fantasy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You already know the answer to this.

+1

Lame OP question. Must be a slow troll day.

[Anonymous]

I dont understand being strung along. If your goal is to be married after a year or two of dating, then move on when that doesn’t happen. What am I missing? Being strung along makes it sound like women are passive and have no control of their own destiny. Don’t blame the man for your inability to move own.

[Anonymous]

Man here: there are a couple of scenarios of which I am aware. There is the straight-up string-her-along-on-purpose guy, who has no intention of ever marrying her and is intentionally taking advantage of the situation. This happens but is relatively rare. The mindset of most men in this situation goes something like this, I think: marriage is not particularly on his mind because dating-to-get-married is not the way most men think about dating in their late 20s and early 30s; the relationship is good and working for both parties; he’s not thinking about kids yet; and often the woman does not bring marriage up, waiting for him to propose. So this situation can sit a long time. Most men in the situation feel justified, because they usually have expressed ambivalence or worse about the institution of marriage many times, and when the situation blows up as it always does, he’s often blindsided: i told her a lot of times i wasn’t sure about marriage, why is she acting surprised and hurt?

From my perspective, stringing a woman along in this manner in her late 20s and early 30s is one of the worst things a man can do, but we don’t really have the vocabulary to condemn it anymore: both sex and dating have been decoupled from marriage, so there is no uniform set of expectations that both parties understand; the major focus is on consent these days, and the hapless man in this situation often thinks, “what, I told her I wasn’t sure about marriage and she stayed in the relationship voluntarily even so, how did I wrong her?”; and I do think dating at that often involves people who have been hurt a lot before and are kind of one-foot-out anyway a lot of the time.

But not every long dating scenario is stringing along, sometimes there are real issues in the relationship to work through before marriage.

[Anonymous]

Unless a man is very good looking or rich, dating to get sex is a hassle, so they are content to stay in a good-enough relationship as long as they can get away with it or until they meet someone they like better. They don’t have to worry about a biological clock the way women do.