MIL upset over dinner misunderstanding

[Anonymous]

MIL sounds really unreasonable. Next time don't invite her and don't try to be so accommodating. MIL should also have talked to you directly instead of calling your DH. Weird.

[Anonymous]

Nah, not inviting is an overreaction, to an overreaction, which will eventually result in a loop of resentment

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I’ll never understand coddling people who are late. Your failure to plan correctly does not constitute an emergency for everyone else. To me, this feels like a manipulation of that fact, and instead of owning up to the fact that she was late and caused everyone else to have to alter their plans, she’s distracting with a made up slight. And it’s working.

[Anonymous]

Here’s my take:

MIL wasn’t really late, but she wanted to show up a few minutes after the agreed time for attention. She just wanted everyone to be worked up so that when she arrived she would get that big “Grandma is here!” moment.

She wanted to feel important.

Instead, she showed up to an empty house and saw that plans would continue with or without her. That probably stung. I don’t know how old she is but I bet this became a metaphor for bigger things and she’s spiraling that nobody would even notice if she was gone. That’s why she’s so angry. She wanted to feel important and got very concrete proof that life goes on without her.

That said, all of that is your MIL’s issue to deal with. You should continue doing what you did which is sticking to your timeline and being happy to include her.

[Anonymous]

She sounds like a biotch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here’s my take:

MIL wasn’t really late, but she wanted to show up a few minutes after the agreed time for attention. She just wanted everyone to be worked up so that when she arrived she would get that big “Grandma is here!” moment.

She wanted to feel important.

Instead, she showed up to an empty house and saw that plans would continue with or without her. That probably stung. I don’t know how old she is but I bet this became a metaphor for bigger things and she’s spiraling that nobody would even notice if she was gone. That’s why she’s so angry. She wanted to feel important and got very concrete proof that life goes on without her.

That said, all of that is your MIL’s issue to deal with. You should continue doing what you did which is sticking to your timeline and being happy to include her.

This is actually pretty insightful. You might be on to something, especially when you consider what OP clarified, saying that the timing didn’t match up to where the MIL claimed to be stuck in traffic.

Dang! These older women can be manipulative as hell!

[Anonymous]

What time did MIL arrive and what time was op back from chick fil a? Did this all happen at 4:58?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s my take:

MIL wasn’t really late, but she wanted to show up a few minutes after the agreed time for attention. She just wanted everyone to be worked up so that when she arrived she would get that big “Grandma is here!” moment.

She wanted to feel important.

Instead, she showed up to an empty house and saw that plans would continue with or without her. That probably stung. I don’t know how old she is but I bet this became a metaphor for bigger things and she’s spiraling that nobody would even notice if she was gone. That’s why she’s so angry. She wanted to feel important and got very concrete proof that life goes on without her.

That said, all of that is your MIL’s issue to deal with. You should continue doing what you did which is sticking to your timeline and being happy to include her.

This is actually pretty insightful. You might be on to something, especially when you consider what OP clarified, saying that the timing didn’t match up to where the MIL claimed to be stuck in traffic.

Dang! These older women can be manipulative as hell!

It is insightful as to the reaction but I wouldn't assume she had ulterior motives. Calling 15 minutes before arrival time is polite, obviously it would be better not to be running late, but such is life.

[Anonymous]

I am still hung up on the fact that you picked up chick-fil-a BEFORE the event and let it sit at your house for an hour instead of just picking it up on the way home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s my take:

MIL wasn’t really late, but she wanted to show up a few minutes after the agreed time for attention. She just wanted everyone to be worked up so that when she arrived she would get that big “Grandma is here!” moment.

She wanted to feel important.

Instead, she showed up to an empty house and saw that plans would continue with or without her. That probably stung. I don’t know how old she is but I bet this became a metaphor for bigger things and she’s spiraling that nobody would even notice if she was gone. That’s why she’s so angry. She wanted to feel important and got very concrete proof that life goes on without her.

That said, all of that is your MIL’s issue to deal with. You should continue doing what you did which is sticking to your timeline and being happy to include her.

This is actually pretty insightful. You might be on to something, especially when you consider what OP clarified, saying that the timing didn’t match up to where the MIL claimed to be stuck in traffic.

Dang! These older women can be manipulative as hell!

Both of you are insane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am still hung up on the fact that you picked up chick-fil-a BEFORE the event and let it sit at your house for an hour instead of just picking it up on the way home.

That didn’t happen. The performing kid are it on the car immediately after it was obtained.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Looking for some perspective and advice on a situation that unfolded yesterday evening during my child's performance event.

My DH is currently out of town, but both my mom and MIL were invited to attend the performance. The plan was for everyone to meet at my house by 5pm so we could drive together, since both were nervous about the parking situation. I had told them in advance that I’d promised DC Chick-fil-A for dinner, which we’d pick up on the way, and then after the performance, we’d all come back to my house for soup and salad that I’d already prepared. Everyone was informed of this plan and seemed to think it was a great idea.
At around 4:45, MIL called to say she was running behind. Since she was still a ways out, I quickly decided to go ahead with my mom to pick up the food (which I had already ordered via the app) so we wouldn’t be delayed. I figured we’d be back right around the time MIL arrived, that we wouldn’t even go back in the house and she could just hop in the car and go. The drive thru took longer than I anticipated and MIL got to the house and saw we weren’t there, and she called. I answered and told her we were literally right around the corner and would be there in less than a minute. She seemed fine with that, and the evening seemed fine. After the performance, however, MIL left almost immediately.

Later, she must have called my husband to say she was hurt that we ate without her, because he called to ask what happened. I explained the situation to DH, that I hadn’t eaten anything, and no one else had either, we all waited until after the event as originally planned. I then called MIL to try and clarify, but she was still very upset and is holding firm to the belief that she was left out.

For context, I don’t think this is memory-related or anything like that. I actually think this is more about her relationship with my mom. She’s always seemed very intimidated by my mom and is often extra sensitive whenever she’s around. I’m starting to wonder if this entire misunderstanding felt to her like my mom and I were intentionally excluding her, though that truly wasn’t the case at all.

Was I wrong to go ahead and grab the food? Should I have handled this differently? And more importantly, how do I fix it now, or is this something I just need to let go?

F her

[Anonymous]

She's weird, and rude. What was her excuse for being late? She has nothing but time, apparently.

[Anonymous]

I would have had my mom stay back to greet MIL when she arrived to avoid confusion. And to help move things along so MIL was ready when you got back to the house. But I get that you were trying to accommodate a lot of things at the last minute and she was late so she caused the chaos.

Some people are just like this, my mother included. No matter what someone else (usually me) does to try to accommodate everyone, somehow, she is always the victim. Even when she is not. Its maddening but I don't think you can change people like that.

[Anonymous]

Learn from this, from now on she drives her own car, don't meet up anywhere. She can drive to the event and drive to dinner and drive home.