MIL upset over dinner misunderstanding

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someone who would be late to an important event would also be someone who would *choose* to say they felt slighted.

You actually have a husband problem Op. He should not give an audience to her tales and complaints. He's sort-of looped into this behavior also, and that's not good. And you (you didn't think you would escape criticism, did you?) proving you can pull a rabbit out of a hat Your magical logistical feats, you need to chill more. Stop with the promises and making life more complicated. Say no to your DD next time, a lot more nos. When it complicates an otherwise already busy time.

NP, but is wild. How is getting a child fast food on the way to an event, when time has been allocated for it, making things complicated?

OP did nothing wrong. The MIL was late, full stop. Had she arrived before five as instructed, they would have all been in the car and gotten the pre-planned and time-allocated-for food together. But the MIL was late.

Do we even know how late she was or if she was? The OP says she was supposed to be there at 5, called at 4 45 saying she was running late, and OP wais surprised MIL got there when she did. Perhaps MIL was trying to be polite qnd give a heads up but wasn't very late, and OP mistimed it by going out instead of waiting 5 minutes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How is all of thus happening in a matter of minutes? It’s like some military operation planned to the last second. Does anyone have any chill to wait a minute?

I wanted DC to eat and knew if I waited until she arrived to get food, we’d be late to the performance. In all actuality, now that I think of it in terms like this, I don’t know how she got to us as quickly as she did, based on where she claims she was when she called, and the time it took me to return to pick her up.

This plan left no margin for error. Everyone taking one car? Meeting at one house? Getting dinner on the way? Your only responsibility is to your kid let the two Grandmas drive together. I don’t wait on anyone in situations like this.

There was a margin for error, but based on what MIL told me, I didn’t think we’d have enough time if we waited. I wanted to be sure my kid ate. I guess my mistake was waiting, but in all honesty, it all worked out just fine. I don’t understand why she is so upset over this imaginary scenario. It would be one thing if she had told my husband or me that she was upset that we didn’t call to tell her where we were going, but that’s not what she said, she was clear that she was mad we ate without her. We didn’t.

Well did you invite her in for the soup and salad after? Then she'd know you didn't eat?

Of course! Days before, and as soon as we got home. She didn’t even come inside, she just left.

Huh, I guess she was just shocked the house was empty when she got there and fixated on this idea that you ate without her and can't let go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Someone who would be late to an important event would also be someone who would *choose* to say they felt slighted.

You actually have a husband problem Op. He should not give an audience to her tales and complaints. He's sort-of looped into this behavior also, and that's not good. And you (you didn't think you would escape criticism, did you?) proving you can pull a rabbit out of a hat Your magical logistical feats, you need to chill more. Stop with the promises and making life more complicated. Say no to your DD next time, a lot more nos. When it complicates an otherwise already busy time.

NP, but is wild. How is getting a child fast food on the way to an event, when time has been allocated for it, making things complicated?

OP did nothing wrong. The MIL was late, full stop. Had she arrived before five as instructed, they would have all been in the car and gotten the pre-planned and time-allocated-for food together. But the MIL was late.

Do we even know how late she was or if she was? The OP says she was supposed to be there at 5, called at 4 45 saying she was running late, and OP wais surprised MIL got there when she did. Perhaps MIL was trying to be polite qnd give a heads up but wasn't very late, and OP mistimed it by going out instead of waiting 5 minutes.

In that case, they’re both in the “wrong”. I don’t think either is wrong, but the MIL clearly shares in the blame either way.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't have ordered the food until everyone was ready to get in the car and go pick it up, because it's a fast food place after all.

But it would have been nice if MIL had been more gracious and tried to understand instead of turning it into an unpleasant situation. She was running late, after all.

[Anonymous]

What time did you actually get back to the house?

[Anonymous]

It doesn't sound like MIL was late at all. You were going to leave by 5, get the food on the way, but decided to leave at 445 and get the food first. If you already had the food by 5 and were leaving the house you were ahead of schedule. MIL was probably totally confused by this new plan.

[Anonymous]

Hindsight is 20/20, but obviously you should have texted her to let her know the new plan.

[Anonymous]

Imagine it from her point of view. She's super stressed about being late and rushing to your house. She gets there, and no one is home. She's scared she has missed you and that you've left without her. Then you arrive, she hops in the car, and it smells like Chik Fil A. I can see why she thinks you made a plan to get Chik Fil A without her and only invite her for soup and salad!

[Anonymous]

If she called YOU to say she was a ways out, then that would have been an appropriate time to tell her you’re going to pick up DC’s food and would be right back. You’re making excuses for not communicating the change in plans to her.

[Anonymous]

Next time don't invite her.

[Anonymous]

You did nothing wrong, this is about her and her feelings. Just continue to be kind to her and let this one pass. Your husband can talk to her if he wants.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think you did anything wrong; I think your MIL is just highly sensitive about her place in the pecking order. However, I do think that changes of plans are harder for the elderly and it would have been nice for you to have left your mom at your house so that someone was there to meet MIL and explain what was happening. If I was dealing with two old ladies who were nervous about going to an event alone and finding parking, I wouldn’t have let one of them show up to an empty house.

In all honesty, I truly thought we’d be back before she got there, based on where she was when she called. She doesn’t ever see her text notifications, and isn’t a fan of calls while driving, so I truly thought this was the best plan. I just told everyone to get in the car and we’d be ready to go whenever MIL pulled up.

Saying she “doesn’t ever see her text notifications “ is being evasive. If so, you should have called her and told her your change of plans. Why is that so difficult to see? Everything else you say is superfluous to the big issue - you should have told her in a way she would get that you were moving on without her. She drove up to an empty house and didn’t know what to do. You made her look foolish, or worse, unimportant enough for you to make a single call. You did have time to to work the app right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think you did anything wrong; I think your MIL is just highly sensitive about her place in the pecking order. However, I do think that changes of plans are harder for the elderly and it would have been nice for you to have left your mom at your house so that someone was there to meet MIL and explain what was happening. If I was dealing with two old ladies who were nervous about going to an event alone and finding parking, I wouldn’t have let one of them show up to an empty house.

In all honesty, I truly thought we’d be back before she got there, based on where she was when she called. She doesn’t ever see her text notifications, and isn’t a fan of calls while driving, so I truly thought this was the best plan. I just told everyone to get in the car and we’d be ready to go whenever MIL pulled up.

I still would have texted or called before leaving. It is weird since you said youd be there. Then you could have said - I tried to reach you to you know. Or left a note on the door. OR left your own mother there to greet her while you ran to get the food.

+1

[Anonymous]

She called to tell you she was on her way but running late and then she got to the house and no one was there. She doesn't know where you are or what you are doing or what has changed in the plans.

You should have sent a quick text telling her you had just run out to pick up the food and would be back by 4:45 or whatever time you expected to be back. Or left someone at the house.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like she thought you guys had gone out to eat while waiting for her. She got there, no one was there and someone must have later told her that you had all gone to get food since she was running late. She understood that as you had all already eaten since she was late and no one had wanted to tell her...as she had shown up to an empty house.