MIL upset over dinner misunderstanding

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She called to tell you she was on her way but running late and then she got to the house and no one was there. She doesn't know where you are or what you are doing or what has changed in the plans.

You should have sent a quick text telling her you had just run out to pick up the food and would be back by 4:45 or whatever time you expected to be back. Or left someone at the house.

I agree. You implied you would be home. Then you changed the plans, didn’t notify MIL, but took your own mom. Rude

[Anonymous]

Sounds like MIL thought you were all planning to eat at chick filet and when you showed up without food, she thought you ate without her. If this situation comes up again, I’d probably tell her you’re leaving at X time and if she’s late to meet you at the event.

[Anonymous]

Chick fil a is not worth any of this agitas.

[Anonymous]

She’s overreacting and can’t shake off her initial understanding of what happened, even though it’s been explained to her. Next time text her, but it’s not that big a deal. She needs to let it go.

[Anonymous]

Much ado about nothing. You apologized. If MIL chooses to stay huffy then that’s her problem. There’s no need to write a PhD thesis analyzing her behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She called to tell you she was on her way but running late and then she got to the house and no one was there. She doesn't know where you are or what you are doing or what has changed in the plans.

You should have sent a quick text telling her you had just run out to pick up the food and would be back by 4:45 or whatever time you expected to be back. Or left someone at the house.

I agree. You implied you would be home. Then you changed the plans, didn’t notify MIL, but took your own mom. Rude

Being rude and forcing people to have to alter their plans to accommodate your lateness, was more rude. When people can’t be on time, others do what they have to do and carry on without you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think you did anything wrong; I think your MIL is just highly sensitive about her place in the pecking order. However, I do think that changes of plans are harder for the elderly and it would have been nice for you to have left your mom at your house so that someone was there to meet MIL and explain what was happening. If I was dealing with two old ladies who were nervous about going to an event alone and finding parking, I wouldn’t have let one of them show up to an empty house.

+1

[Anonymous]

Also, unrelated, but why not pick up chick filet after, if you weren't eating it until later?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, unrelated, but why not pick up chick filet after, if you weren't eating it until later?

The CFA was for the child who had the concert, OP was feeding her beforehand. Adults later for soup.

[Anonymous]

Your MIL could have picked her phone and called you when she arrived at your home? Obviously MIL is overreacting. If you want to be nice, you can explain again that you didn’t ignore her, you needed to get your child fed. She started this mess when SHE was running late.

[Anonymous]

This sounds exactly what my mom would do. And she also gets very sensitive around my MIL.

If your MIL is like my mom, trying to over explain may make it worse, because she won’t believe you and will just think you’re lying to cover your tracks. Don’t be apologetic.

It sounds like you handled it fine. You can be matter of fact in explaining, if she asks about it. Otherwise move on, because this was a non-issue.

You can make her feel included in other ways. And though logistically harder, it might be mentally easier for you if you do not host them together. Pretty hard to do the mental gymnastics to make sure there are no misunderstandings in that scenario.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She called to tell you she was on her way but running late and then she got to the house and no one was there. She doesn't know where you are or what you are doing or what has changed in the plans.

You should have sent a quick text telling her you had just run out to pick up the food and would be back by 4:45 or whatever time you expected to be back. Or left someone at the house.

I agree. You implied you would be home. Then you changed the plans, didn’t notify MIL, but took your own mom. Rude

I also agree. This is something a quick text to your mother-in-law would have solved.

You can also resolve it now by either calling her or sending her an apology text.

[Anonymous]

Leaving an old fashioned note, considering her age, on the door, would have probably worked

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, unrelated, but why not pick up chick filet after, if you weren't eating it until later?

The CFA was for the child who had the concert, OP was feeding her beforehand. Adults later for soup.

It's neither here nor there but I would've picked up the CFA much earlier to just be eaten at home before leaving. No eating in the car. No extra stop on the way. More opportunities for things to go awry. Some problem at CFA (drive thru took too long), sauce getting all over clothes, messing up plans to meet up to leave together. Just overly complicated.

[Anonymous]

The overall, bigger problem to watch for Op is you and DH getting drawn into this minutiae of supposed hurt feelings. What a time and energy suck that is. He needs to shut down his Mother from coming to him with these recounts.