MIL upset over dinner misunderstanding

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not the point here at all but if we are going to stop at Chick-fil-A for the kid, I'd want some too (even if the plan was soup and salad later).

OP did have CFA; she was hungry.

No, she did not.

OP didn't say she did but maybe they all got some fries or nuggets kid shared or couldn't finish, and the child let it slip during the ride and that's how MIL came to conclusion 'y'all ate without me.'

I'm sure MIL could smell the fresh grease in the car the whole way to the performance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not the point here at all but if we are going to stop at Chick-fil-A for the kid, I'd want some too (even if the plan was soup and salad later).

OP did have CFA; she was hungry.

No, she did not.

OP didn't say she did but maybe they all got some fries or nuggets kid shared or couldn't finish, and the child let it slip during the ride and that's how MIL came to conclusion 'y'all ate without me.'

You are all such story tellers! You know a thread has jumped the shark when people start creating side stories lol

[Anonymous]

It sounds like everyone knew and agreed to the plan to pick up Chick-fil-A for the kid on the way to the performance. I'm just saying I'd want some too if I were in that car.

[Anonymous]

OP didn't know CFA was Grandma's all time favorite junk food, and was devastated she didn't even offer to pick up any for her. She doesn't comprehend a world where an entire family would go make a special trip to buy food for just for one little kid. She lived in a world where kids came last, elders came first.

[Anonymous]

Are you all NY’ers? I’m asking seriously as a NY’er….

[Anonymous]

I would’ve been mad y’all didn’t even ask me if I wanted a Chick-fil-A cookies and cream shake. Of course MIL is upset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s my take:

MIL wasn’t really late, but she wanted to show up a few minutes after the agreed time for attention. She just wanted everyone to be worked up so that when she arrived she would get that big “Grandma is here!” moment.

She wanted to feel important.

Instead, she showed up to an empty house and saw that plans would continue with or without her. That probably stung. I don’t know how old she is but I bet this became a metaphor for bigger things and she’s spiraling that nobody would even notice if she was gone. That’s why she’s so angry. She wanted to feel important and got very concrete proof that life goes on without her.

That said, all of that is your MIL’s issue to deal with. You should continue doing what you did which is sticking to your timeline and being happy to include her.

All true, but OP didn’t call, email or text grandma to say simply “we’re going to get the chicken, be right back” or “we went and got the chicken and are running late on our return so you may find a dark house “.. Why not? So simple. So grandma not only arrives at the dark house but no one has thought her important enough to warrant even a phone call to explain the new plan to leave the house and get the chicken.

+2. It’s this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Looking for some perspective and advice on a situation that unfolded yesterday evening during my child's performance event.

My DH is currently out of town, but both my mom and MIL were invited to attend the performance. The plan was for everyone to meet at my house by 5pm so we could drive together, since both were nervous about the parking situation. I had told them in advance that I’d promised DC Chick-fil-A for dinner, which we’d pick up on the way, and then after the performance, we’d all come back to my house for soup and salad that I’d already prepared. Everyone was informed of this plan and seemed to think it was a great idea.
At around 4:45, MIL called to say she was running behind. Since she was still a ways out, I quickly decided to go ahead with my mom to pick up the food (which I had already ordered via the app) so we wouldn’t be delayed. I figured we’d be back right around the time MIL arrived, that we wouldn’t even go back in the house and she could just hop in the car and go. The drive thru took longer than I anticipated and MIL got to the house and saw we weren’t there, and she called. I answered and told her we were literally right around the corner and would be there in less than a minute. She seemed fine with that, and the evening seemed fine. After the performance, however, MIL left almost immediately.

Later, she must have called my husband to say she was hurt that we ate without her, because he called to ask what happened. I explained the situation to DH, that I hadn’t eaten anything, and no one else had either, we all waited until after the event as originally planned. I then called MIL to try and clarify, but she was still very upset and is holding firm to the belief that she was left out.

For context, I don’t think this is memory-related or anything like that. I actually think this is more about her relationship with my mom. She’s always seemed very intimidated by my mom and is often extra sensitive whenever she’s around. I’m starting to wonder if this entire misunderstanding felt to her like my mom and I were intentionally excluding her, though that truly wasn’t the case at all.

Was I wrong to go ahead and grab the food? Should I have handled this differently? And more importantly, how do I fix it now, or is this something I just need to let go?

No. You were not wrong. MIL was wrong to be late.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think you did anything wrong; I think your MIL is just highly sensitive about her place in the pecking order. However, I do think that changes of plans are harder for the elderly and it would have been nice for you to have left your mom at your house so that someone was there to meet MIL and explain what was happening. If I was dealing with two old ladies who were nervous about going to an event alone and finding parking, I wouldn’t have let one of them show up to an empty house.

Yep this right here is the perfect insight. You didn’t do anything wrong, but you didn’t make the best call. Aging really changes people’s adaptability. Just a fact to be aware of.

[Anonymous]

I'm gonna need a clearer timeline with time stamps of what happened because I'm so confused.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm gonna need a clearer timeline with time stamps of what happened because I'm so confused.

Maybe just sit this one out, then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - don't invite MIL next time. My Mil caused a problem at 2 of my kid's performances which marred the experience. I don't invite her anymore. I still invite her to some things, but not as often. If your MIL is going to be a drama queen or act like a child, then it would make sense to limit the frequency with which you have to deal with it.

This 👆🏾

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She called to tell you she was on her way but running late and then she got to the house and no one was there. She doesn't know where you are or what you are doing or what has changed in the plans.

You should have sent a quick text telling her you had just run out to pick up the food and would be back by 4:45 or whatever time you expected to be back. Or left someone at the house.

I agree. You implied you would be home. Then you changed the plans, didn’t notify MIL, but took your own mom. Rude

Being rude and forcing people to have to alter their plans to accommodate your lateness, was more rude. When people can’t be on time, others do what they have to do and carry on without you.

Exactly, she sounds exhausting! Definitely do not keep apologizing.

[Anonymous]

She was wrong about the dinner but right to be irritated that you weren’t there when she arrived.

Also I agree with the PP who said that your logistics are way too over complicated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She called to tell you she was on her way but running late and then she got to the house and no one was there. She doesn't know where you are or what you are doing or what has changed in the plans.

You should have sent a quick text telling her you had just run out to pick up the food and would be back by 4:45 or whatever time you expected to be back. Or left someone at the house.

I agree. You implied you would be home. Then you changed the plans, didn’t notify MIL, but took your own mom. Rude

Being rude and forcing people to have to alter their plans to accommodate your lateness, was more rude. When people can’t be on time, others do what they have to do and carry on without you.

Exactly, she sounds exhausting! Definitely do not keep apologizing.

I actually find OP exhausting with the elaborate but poorly thought out plans that ended up with MIL pulling up to an empty house. It’s a band concert not a military operation. And the kid can wait to eat with adults after. OP seems to want to control everything and this is what she gets.