13 year old DD got in trouble at school - Consequences?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol at "we are trained to protect our phones."

Sorry. I don't always phrase things properly. Im sure you can understand what I mean if you've dealt with teaching a kid how to take care of their phone or dealt with smashed screens from who knows what, or have had to teach them how to be in areas where you do have to protect your phone from being grabbed.

You did all that and missed the lessons on respecting authority?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everything is going to be OK. A suspension will not go on her college application, and in the greater scheme of things, it's not a huge deal, but it will teach her a valuable lesson about respect.

Personally, I agree with your husband that suspension is a little harsh, but I don't think you have grounds for complaint. Schools are trying to crack down on phone use, which is a good thing, and so students will not be given the benefit of the doubt.

Move on. Everything happened as it should. Your kid is a good kid, and the punishment is what it is. No worries, OP.

Me again. My 15 year old daughter with mild ADHD has the opposite problem. She forgets her phone in the classrooms' phone pockets! Last year, one teacher even told her to keep her phone on her because she was forgetting it too often!

Other posters are making this into a bigger deal than it is. No, your kid doesn't have terrible behavior issues. She's just a teen and is learning that rules apply to her as well.

OP listed behavior problem after behavior problem, why are you saying there are no behavior issues?

Because the behaviors are in the range of normal. You should see what the actually troubled kids get up to, PP! None of this is concerning. Consequences have been meted out. There's really nothing to discuss. The kid is 13 and will grow up to be a perfectly decent adult.

Except she has lax parents so she probably won’t.

Sigh. Stop perseverating. The kid's alright. The parents are alright, otherwise they wouldn't have posted in the first place. The whole thing is so minor.

Except it’s not minor, it’s a pattern of poor parenting. Ate you the OP? You need to get a handle on your child and their behavior. Time is short.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kid sounds like a trouble maker. Throwing water? Breaking phone usage? Blatant disregard for authority? You have a big problem. I'd start by taking the phone, but the problem is deeper than the phone. I don't know you or your kid, so I can't recommend what will work best, typically I follow consequences related to offense - on this case no phone. In the case of throwing water in a school restroom- cleaning duty of some sort - I'd choose home because it benefits me, but school would be better.

.

She said she has ADHD. When my DD was in 8th grade she was assigned ISS for throwing water in science class doing a lab, she was grounded for with no phone or ipad, but sometimes there is nothing we can do about it.

What does ADHD have to do with it?? Kids do not “forget” they aren’t allowed to use their phones in class.

Kids with ADHD have poor impulse control that can lead them to make poor choices because it is harder for them respond impulsively. A kid without ADHD might do the same thing, because kids are kids and do things they shouldn't for a variety of reasons, but should have better impulse control making the choice to splash water more of a thought-out action then an impulse. It doesn't mean that a kid without ADHD won't make the same choice but that a kid without ADHD should be able to make a better choice.

So the kid might very well remember that they are not supposed to be on the phone and then be thinking about Taylor Swift getting engaged and that triggers a thought which leads to checking the phone because she has to follow up on that thought right now and now she broke the rule that she forgot about because her brain was chasing a thought. I am not saying that is the case here, just providing an example. I call it squirrel brain, my Mom bought me a squirrel charm for a necklace as an adult. It made me laugh but my squirrel moments where a new thought enters my head, I forget what I was doing, and I really fixate on the new thought are very real.

OP, maybe suggest that your daughter have a lockable pouch so that she can't access the phone or find something that the phone goes in with a label "Do not use in school" to help her remember.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Lol at "we are trained to protect our phones."

Sorry. I don't always phrase things properly. Im sure you can understand what I mean if you've dealt with teaching a kid how to take care of their phone or dealt with smashed screens from who knows what, or have had to teach them how to be in areas where you do have to protect your phone from being grabbed.

My kid who has never had their phone taken away has reported that the admins carry multiple phones around and look at them.

[Anonymous]

Not mature. Take the phone.

[Anonymous]

Contest the suspension as that is harsh, detention ok. She loses the phone for two weeks and get her a cellular watch to contact you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kid sounds like a trouble maker. Throwing water? Breaking phone usage? Blatant disregard for authority? You have a big problem. I'd start by taking the phone, but the problem is deeper than the phone. I don't know you or your kid, so I can't recommend what will work best, typically I follow consequences related to offense - on this case no phone. In the case of throwing water in a school restroom- cleaning duty of some sort - I'd choose home because it benefits me, but school would be better.

.

She said she has ADHD. When my DD was in 8th grade she was assigned ISS for throwing water in science class doing a lab, she was grounded for with no phone or ipad, but sometimes there is nothing we can do about it.

What does ADHD have to do with it?? Kids do not “forget” they aren’t allowed to use their phones in class.

Kids with ADHD have poor impulse control that can lead them to make poor choices because it is harder for them respond impulsively. A kid without ADHD might do the same thing, because kids are kids and do things they shouldn't for a variety of reasons, but should have better impulse control making the choice to splash water more of a thought-out action then an impulse. It doesn't mean that a kid without ADHD won't make the same choice but that a kid without ADHD should be able to make a better choice.

So the kid might very well remember that they are not supposed to be on the phone and then be thinking about Taylor Swift getting engaged and that triggers a thought which leads to checking the phone because she has to follow up on that thought right now and now she broke the rule that she forgot about because her brain was chasing a thought. I am not saying that is the case here, just providing an example. I call it squirrel brain, my Mom bought me a squirrel charm for a necklace as an adult. It made me laugh but my squirrel moments where a new thought enters my head, I forget what I was doing, and I really fixate on the new thought are very real.

OP, maybe suggest that your daughter have a lockable pouch so that she can't access the phone or find something that the phone goes in with a label "Do not use in school" to help her remember.

You’re describing OCD, ops kid has ADHD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kid sounds like a trouble maker. Throwing water? Breaking phone usage? Blatant disregard for authority? You have a big problem. I'd start by taking the phone, but the problem is deeper than the phone. I don't know you or your kid, so I can't recommend what will work best, typically I follow consequences related to offense - on this case no phone. In the case of throwing water in a school restroom- cleaning duty of some sort - I'd choose home because it benefits me, but school would be better.

.

She said she has ADHD. When my DD was in 8th grade she was assigned ISS for throwing water in science class doing a lab, she was grounded for with no phone or ipad, but sometimes there is nothing we can do about it.

What does ADHD have to do with it?? Kids do not “forget” they aren’t allowed to use their phones in class.

Kids with ADHD have poor impulse control that can lead them to make poor choices because it is harder for them respond impulsively. A kid without ADHD might do the same thing, because kids are kids and do things they shouldn't for a variety of reasons, but should have better impulse control making the choice to splash water more of a thought-out action then an impulse. It doesn't mean that a kid without ADHD won't make the same choice but that a kid without ADHD should be able to make a better choice.

So the kid might very well remember that they are not supposed to be on the phone and then be thinking about Taylor Swift getting engaged and that triggers a thought which leads to checking the phone because she has to follow up on that thought right now and now she broke the rule that she forgot about because her brain was chasing a thought. I am not saying that is the case here, just providing an example. I call it squirrel brain, my Mom bought me a squirrel charm for a necklace as an adult. It made me laugh but my squirrel moments where a new thought enters my head, I forget what I was doing, and I really fixate on the new thought are very real.

OP, maybe suggest that your daughter have a lockable pouch so that she can't access the phone or find something that the phone goes in with a label "Do not use in school" to help her remember.

You’re describing OCD, ops kid has ADHD.

Sounds exactly like ADHD to me.

[Anonymous]

I was caught smoking in the bathroom when I was 13 and was suspended for a day or two. I still remember the dread and anguish I felt, sitting in class and looking around at all the other kids as if they were still in the 'regular life' group while I was now in a private hell. I think the school consequences are enough. Also help her deal with her feelings -- although using a phone in class pales compared to smoking in class, she may be more affected by the suspension than she's letting on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At age 13, even with adhd she did not forget about not being able to use phones, I assure you she’s playing you. It’s different than forgetting your instrument.

I would lock down her phone during school hours, she shouldn’t be allowed to do anything on it during school hours with the exception of texting you in case of emergency. That can be all year long, not a punishment but “so you can keep your mind on your school work.”

+1 million. These phone bans are all these kids talk (and whine) about. She knew d@mn well. And I’d be absolutely pissed that she didn’t give her phone to the principal and was kept out of class. Your kid already looks bad in the eyes of the administration and teachers. Throw in a complaint about the suspension and you are “those parents.” Forget about ANY goodwill when you actually need the administration for something. Have a problem with a teacher and want help from the administration? Forget it. You are “that family.” Signed parent of ADHD teen

[Anonymous]

She has proven herself to be irresponsible. Take away the phone and get her a dumb phone for the rest of the year.
But you wont. You'll hold onto her phone for two days and then give it back.
And my question is why? Are you afraid she won't love you anymore? Are you annoyed at the thought of her complaining about the consequences? Or are you afraid it will affect her popularity and social standing at school?
In my experience it's usually the latter. Parents, worry more about your kids education and less about how cool they are.

[Anonymous]

I am shocked at your daughter’s behavior. Kids are going to test the phone policy. But her blatant disrespect for the top authority at the school is appalling.

I wouldnt contest the suspension. I think she got off lightly and even if you don’t agree , you don’t want to send the message that it’s not a big deal to disrespect the principal and disregard their orders.

As to punishments/consequences, this would be easy for me. The phone would be gone until she showed me that she was ready, willing and able to comply with phone rules. And she would get it back gradually with school being the last to get back.

And honestly you seem in denial about her rule breaking with the phone and you are amazingly accepting of such terrible behavior toward the principal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kid sounds like a trouble maker. Throwing water? Breaking phone usage? Blatant disregard for authority? You have a big problem. I'd start by taking the phone, but the problem is deeper than the phone. I don't know you or your kid, so I can't recommend what will work best, typically I follow consequences related to offense - on this case no phone. In the case of throwing water in a school restroom- cleaning duty of some sort - I'd choose home because it benefits me, but school would be better.

.

She said she has ADHD. When my DD was in 8th grade she was assigned ISS for throwing water in science class doing a lab, she was grounded for with no phone or ipad, but sometimes there is nothing we can do about it.

What does ADHD have to do with it?? Kids do not “forget” they aren’t allowed to use their phones in class.

Kids with ADHD have poor impulse control that can lead them to make poor choices because it is harder for them respond impulsively. A kid without ADHD might do the same thing, because kids are kids and do things they shouldn't for a variety of reasons, but should have better impulse control making the choice to splash water more of a thought-out action then an impulse. It doesn't mean that a kid without ADHD won't make the same choice but that a kid without ADHD should be able to make a better choice.

So the kid might very well remember that they are not supposed to be on the phone and then be thinking about Taylor Swift getting engaged and that triggers a thought which leads to checking the phone because she has to follow up on that thought right now and now she broke the rule that she forgot about because her brain was chasing a thought. I am not saying that is the case here, just providing an example. I call it squirrel brain, my Mom bought me a squirrel charm for a necklace as an adult. It made me laugh but my squirrel moments where a new thought enters my head, I forget what I was doing, and I really fixate on the new thought are very real.

OP, maybe suggest that your daughter have a lockable pouch so that she can't access the phone or find something that the phone goes in with a label "Do not use in school" to help her remember.

Ok maybe that is attributable to ADHD but being rude and disrespectful to the AP is not. And, as other PPs pointed out, that was the reason for the ISS.

[Anonymous]

I feel bad for administrators that have to deal with parents like you guys- do not contest ISS.

Stop using ADHD as a cop out for bad behavior. My adhd teens would never disrespect authority like that.

[Anonymous]

Probably a troll post, no adult is that stupid. I can’t get over how many kids have been diagnosed with ADHD.

I’ve been watching these instagram videos where young drivers have been pulled over for something as simple as speeding or a red light. They immediately get on their phones and refuse to follow the cops directions. They cling to that phone like it’s a lifesaver and if the cop has to end up taking it they literally break down. Get the phones under control.