13 year old DD got in trouble at school - Consequences?

[Anonymous]

You described her as a great kid with no behavioral problems then go on to describe many behavioral problems since 6th grade. I imagine she’s still acting this way because you’re not honest with yourself about her problems and always let her off easy as you’re trying to do again. You have very few years left to parent your child, I suggest you start now. Huge consequences, to make up for your years of non parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kid sounds like a trouble maker. Throwing water? Breaking phone usage? Blatant disregard for authority? You have a big problem. I'd start by taking the phone, but the problem is deeper than the phone. I don't know you or your kid, so I can't recommend what will work best, typically I follow consequences related to offense - on this case no phone. In the case of throwing water in a school restroom- cleaning duty of some sort - I'd choose home because it benefits me, but school would be better.

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She said she has ADHD. When my DD was in 8th grade she was assigned ISS for throwing water in science class doing a lab, she was grounded for with no phone or ipad, but sometimes there is nothing we can do about it.

She’s not a brat because she has ADHD, that’s just poor parenting.

[Anonymous]

No screens until winter break.

[Anonymous]

Why does your term with ADHD even have a phone if she’s not responsible? I’d take it for the whole year and try again in high school.

[Anonymous]

She loses the phone. Turn the phone off if she can't remember not to use it on class. No excuses. She can keep the phone and you suspend the service .

[Anonymous]

I think your consequences sound good but go for longer than a few days. You could be dealing with a serious addiction.

I'd recommend spending a good amount of time scouring that phone to see what it is that was so important for her to keep doing.

When she gets it back, start with bare minimum calling and texting, no web browser, no apps and no ability to install them. Set it in black and white mode so it's less addictive. Set a time limit so it can only be used for 1 hour or less per day and only in hours after school and well before bedtime. She needs to sign a contract with you that you review regularly that spells out all the rules. That's the consequence for "forgetting" the rule.

We do the Tech Shabbat with no phone from Friday evening to Saturday evening. My kid would be reviewing the rules and resigning the contract every Saturday to get the dumbed down phone back

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You described her as a great kid with no behavioral problems then go on to describe many behavioral problems since 6th grade. I imagine she’s still acting this way because you’re not honest with yourself about her problems and always let her off easy as you’re trying to do again. You have very few years left to parent your child, I suggest you start now. Huge consequences, to make up for your years of non parenting.

+1000 this exactly. It’s so obvious.

[Anonymous]

Op you spent most of your words in your post making excuse after excuse for your daughter. If this were any other kid you would see right through it. You know in your gut this is a big problem and you need to pull up your parenting pants and make some big hard changes. You have infected your kid with entitlement. You need to take away everything until she earns it back. I’m sorry your spouse is likely not on your side, but tough, you need to act. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

My mom instincts are telling me she was doing something inappropriate on the phone and that’s why she didn’t want to hand it over. She was afraid of being caught. The insubordination would cross a line for me. Don’t fight the suspensions, take away phone, look through it and see what she was hiding. Good luck OP, we are all struggling with screen addiction with our kids.

[Anonymous]

Everything is going to be OK. A suspension will not go on her college application, and in the greater scheme of things, it's not a huge deal, but it will teach her a valuable lesson about respect.

Personally, I agree with your husband that suspension is a little harsh, but I don't think you have grounds for complaint. Schools are trying to crack down on phone use, which is a good thing, and so students will not be given the benefit of the doubt.

Move on. Everything happened as it should. Your kid is a good kid, and the punishment is what it is. No worries, OP.

[Anonymous]

It's because of parents like OP that kids are having to deal with pouches and other phone nonsense. She gives a phone to a middle schooler who is immature and lacks impulse control. Then when the kid disrupts class with her phone she makes excuses and attacks the school administration for being unfair.

[Anonymous]

Take the phone, you F’ed up as a parent by giving it to her too early. She’s not ready and you can barely parent so you aren’t ready. I’d spend the next year phone free getting the behavioral issues and parenting issues under control without phone distractions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At age 13, even with adhd she did not forget about not being able to use phones, I assure you she’s playing you. It’s different than forgetting your instrument.

I would lock down her phone during school hours, she shouldn’t be allowed to do anything on it during school hours with the exception of texting you in case of emergency. That can be all year long, not a punishment but “so you can keep your mind on your school work.”

Agree. OP, I can’t believe you believe that. Makes me think you are doing your DD a real disservice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Everything is going to be OK. A suspension will not go on her college application, and in the greater scheme of things, it's not a huge deal, but it will teach her a valuable lesson about respect.

Personally, I agree with your husband that suspension is a little harsh, but I don't think you have grounds for complaint. Schools are trying to crack down on phone use, which is a good thing, and so students will not be given the benefit of the doubt.

Move on. Everything happened as it should. Your kid is a good kid, and the punishment is what it is. No worries, OP.

Me again. My 15 year old daughter with mild ADHD has the opposite problem. She forgets her phone in the classrooms' phone pockets! Last year, one teacher even told her to keep her phone on her because she was forgetting it too often!

Other posters are making this into a bigger deal than it is. No, your kid doesn't have terrible behavior issues. She's just a teen and is learning that rules apply to her as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everything is going to be OK. A suspension will not go on her college application, and in the greater scheme of things, it's not a huge deal, but it will teach her a valuable lesson about respect.

Personally, I agree with your husband that suspension is a little harsh, but I don't think you have grounds for complaint. Schools are trying to crack down on phone use, which is a good thing, and so students will not be given the benefit of the doubt.

Move on. Everything happened as it should. Your kid is a good kid, and the punishment is what it is. No worries, OP.

Me again. My 15 year old daughter with mild ADHD has the opposite problem. She forgets her phone in the classrooms' phone pockets! Last year, one teacher even told her to keep her phone on her because she was forgetting it too often!

Other posters are making this into a bigger deal than it is. No, your kid doesn't have terrible behavior issues. She's just a teen and is learning that rules apply to her as well.

OP listed behavior problem after behavior problem, why are you saying there are no behavior issues?