13 year old DD got in trouble at school - Consequences?

[Anonymous]

Id be more concerned about screen addiction or what’s so important on her phone that she didn’t want to give it up. Limit phone time to one hour a day and she cannot have it in a bedroom and it gets charged overnight in your room or somewhere she can’t access. Install Bark (it’s an app) on the phone, looks for sensitive information and sends to parents. She needs boundaries and will thrive if you put them in place. Short term pain-long term gain. Pediatric psych nurse practitioner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Id be more concerned about screen addiction or what’s so important on her phone that she didn’t want to give it up. Limit phone time to one hour a day and she cannot have it in a bedroom and it gets charged overnight in your room or somewhere she can’t access. Install Bark (it’s an app) on the phone, looks for sensitive information and sends to parents. She needs boundaries and will thrive if you put them in place. Short term pain-long term gain. Pediatric psych nurse practitioner

+1

She has an addiction that will cause a lot more harm than this if not restrained.

Phones and social media have one-shotted the brains of so many people with ADHD. It’s horrible.

[Anonymous]

This is why seventh graders should have phones - especially those with ADHD! I know it isn’t fair but kids have it too and it does change things.

No phone at school until next year.

[Anonymous]

You need to punish her for lying to you about forgetting that she couldn't have her phone in class. That's not something kids forget. That lie needs to have a consequence and you need to stop being so gullible.

[Anonymous]

How can you believe that her ADHD is severe enough that you believe she'd actually forget she can't use her phone in class, but also think it's okay to give her unfettered access to a smart phone? That's a major parenting fail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would want to see the policy that allows ISS for the first instance of insubordination and what the cell phone policy says about the refusal. If those policies are unclear, I agree with your husband on fighting it. It seems like a double whammy for essentially one issue to me.

The kid broke the known phone rule (she didn’t forget) and was disrespectful to the AP when she was told to turn the phone over for the rest of the day. You are part of the problem if you fight the consequences for those actions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would want to see the policy that allows ISS for the first instance of insubordination and what the cell phone policy says about the refusal. If those policies are unclear, I agree with your husband on fighting it. It seems like a double whammy for essentially one issue to me.

The kid broke the known phone rule (she didn’t forget) and was disrespectful to the AP when she was told to turn the phone over for the rest of the day. You are part of the problem if you fight the consequences for those actions.

My read of the rules at our school is parents would be called first and/or detention. ISS to me reads as a possible overreaction/the administration acting on a whim because they're offended she was disrespectful. Respect goes both ways and includes the school following their own policies.

[Anonymous]

Re: forgetting -- I don't necessarily think that's a lie. It's just a way to say in the moment her impulse to text a friend something exciting overtook what she knows as the rule. That's the very nature of ADHD. It doesn't mean she couldn't have told you the rule right then if she had been asked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would want to see the policy that allows ISS for the first instance of insubordination and what the cell phone policy says about the refusal. If those policies are unclear, I agree with your husband on fighting it. It seems like a double whammy for essentially one issue to me.

The kid broke the known phone rule (she didn’t forget) and was disrespectful to the AP when she was told to turn the phone over for the rest of the day. You are part of the problem if you fight the consequences for those actions.

My read of the rules at our school is parents would be called first and/or detention. ISS to me reads as a possible overreaction/the administration acting on a whim because they're offended she was disrespectful. Respect goes both ways and includes the school following their own policies.

OK, but the way to deal with this as a parent is to accept the consequence and then have a conversation with the school about their policies and your kid's needs. I agree with the poster who says that if you come in fighting this now, you are setting yourself up for conflict with the school all year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would want to see the policy that allows ISS for the first instance of insubordination and what the cell phone policy says about the refusal. If those policies are unclear, I agree with your husband on fighting it. It seems like a double whammy for essentially one issue to me.

The kid broke the known phone rule (she didn’t forget) and was disrespectful to the AP when she was told to turn the phone over for the rest of the day. You are part of the problem if you fight the consequences for those actions.

My read of the rules at our school is parents would be called first and/or detention. ISS to me reads as a possible overreaction/the administration acting on a whim because they're offended she was disrespectful. Respect goes both ways and includes the school following their own policies.

You sound exhausting. The kid effed up, they need to accept the consequences, not think that mommy and daddy will fight the consequences. That is how kids end up with a sense of entitlement, because they think NBD mommy and daddy will get me out of it. It’s a 1 day ISS, the take away should be don’t break the school rules and then be disrespectful about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Re: forgetting -- I don't necessarily think that's a lie. It's just a way to say in the moment her impulse to text a friend something exciting overtook what she knows as the rule. That's the very nature of ADHD. It doesn't mean she couldn't have told you the rule right then if she had been asked.

If she knew she was wrong, then why did she refuse to give her phone to the AP? She basically doubled down on on her lie when she was caught.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Re: forgetting -- I don't necessarily think that's a lie. It's just a way to say in the moment her impulse to text a friend something exciting overtook what she knows as the rule. That's the very nature of ADHD. It doesn't mean she couldn't have told you the rule right then if she had been asked.

If you know ADHD affects her ability to behave appropriately, why have you given her unrestricted access to a smart phone?

My middle schooler doesn't have ADHD and her phone becomes a brick during the school day. Texting isn't an option. You are glossing over your responsibility as a parent to give her freedoms incrementally as she shows she can handle them. Basically, you're a lazy parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Re: forgetting -- I don't necessarily think that's a lie. It's just a way to say in the moment her impulse to text a friend something exciting overtook what she knows as the rule. That's the very nature of ADHD. It doesn't mean she couldn't have told you the rule right then if she had been asked.

If you know ADHD affects her ability to behave appropriately, why have you given her unrestricted access to a smart phone?

My middle schooler doesn't have ADHD and her phone becomes a brick during the school day. Texting isn't an option. You are glossing over your responsibility as a parent to give her freedoms incrementally as she shows she can handle them. Basically, you're a lazy parent.

I wasn't the OP. I'm simply not so sure it was lying.

[Anonymous]

I have a kid with ADHD and I hate when people use it as an excuse for poor behavior.

In no way do I believe that OP’s DD “forgot” about the phone usage policy. However, as a parent, I would be infuriated that my child was so disrespectful to the AP and wouldn’t turn over the phone. I fully support the punishment and I would no longer allow the phone to be taken to school at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Re: forgetting -- I don't necessarily think that's a lie. It's just a way to say in the moment her impulse to text a friend something exciting overtook what she knows as the rule. That's the very nature of ADHD. It doesn't mean she couldn't have told you the rule right then if she had been asked.

If you know ADHD affects her ability to behave appropriately, why have you given her unrestricted access to a smart phone?

My middle schooler doesn't have ADHD and her phone becomes a brick during the school day. Texting isn't an option. You are glossing over your responsibility as a parent to give her freedoms incrementally as she shows she can handle them. Basically, you're a lazy parent.

I wasn't the OP. I'm simply not so sure it was lying.

Op just can't have it both ways. If her daughter is forgetting such basic things then she shouldn't have full access to a smartphone. Op only plans to take away the phone for a couple of days, and then everything would go back to normal with her daughter having full access to a smartphone. That's entirely inappropriate for a kid who can't remember when they shouldn't be on their phone.