13 year old DD got in trouble at school - Consequences?

[Anonymous]

Is there a question here? Because if your question is "what should I do?" or "Did I do the right thing?" my comment to you is that you should not let her take her phone to school ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would want to see the policy that allows ISS for the first instance of insubordination and what the cell phone policy says about the refusal. If those policies are unclear, I agree with your husband on fighting it. It seems like a double whammy for essentially one issue to me.

The kid broke the known phone rule (she didn’t forget) and was disrespectful to the AP when she was told to turn the phone over for the rest of the day. You are part of the problem if you fight the consequences for those actions.

My read of the rules at our school is parents would be called first and/or detention. ISS to me reads as a possible overreaction/the administration acting on a whim because they're offended she was disrespectful. Respect goes both ways and includes the school following their own policies.

My read of the situation is that the ISS is due to her refusing to give the phone to the Admin. The Admin called her to the office, reminded her she couldn't use the phone, and told her that the consequence was that she needed to give him the phone. She would be able to pick up the phone at the end of the day. If the child had done that, the incident is done and life goes on. She returns to class and has to stop by the office to get her phone before leaving school.

She escalated the situation when she refused to give the phone to the Admin. The consequence for not following the direction, give me your phone and pick it up at the end of the day, was an ISS. Maybe there was a back and forth and it started with a detention, and she still refused to turn over the phone, maybe there wasn't but she 1) used the phone when she wasn't supposed to 2) refused the instruction to give the phone to the Admin.

I would assume that the appeal would be "DD's ADHD makes her impulsive and she does not think through consequences, so we are punishing her for her disability." I suspect that there were a few missing steps in-between the refusal and the suspension because a suspension strikes me as extreme unless there were some in between steps.

[Anonymous]

Wow, baby girl has you wrapped around her little finger, doesn't she?

She didn't forget she can't use her phone OP. The messaging has been loud and clear and every teacher has a big sign up in their room about it. She's just a spoiled brat because mom lets her get away with everything.

I can't believe she is trying to convince you to contest the suspension. Heck no, she earned that suspension.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would want to see the policy that allows ISS for the first instance of insubordination and what the cell phone policy says about the refusal. If those policies are unclear, I agree with your husband on fighting it. It seems like a double whammy for essentially one issue to me.

The kid broke the known phone rule (she didn’t forget) and was disrespectful to the AP when she was told to turn the phone over for the rest of the day. You are part of the problem if you fight the consequences for those actions.

My read of the rules at our school is parents would be called first and/or detention. ISS to me reads as a possible overreaction/the administration acting on a whim because they're offended she was disrespectful. Respect goes both ways and includes the school following their own policies.

My read of the situation is that the ISS is due to her refusing to give the phone to the Admin. The Admin called her to the office, reminded her she couldn't use the phone, and told her that the consequence was that she needed to give him the phone. She would be able to pick up the phone at the end of the day. If the child had done that, the incident is done and life goes on. She returns to class and has to stop by the office to get her phone before leaving school.

She escalated the situation when she refused to give the phone to the Admin. The consequence for not following the direction, give me your phone and pick it up at the end of the day, was an ISS. Maybe there was a back and forth and it started with a detention, and she still refused to turn over the phone, maybe there wasn't but she 1) used the phone when she wasn't supposed to 2) refused the instruction to give the phone to the Admin.

I would assume that the appeal would be "DD's ADHD makes her impulsive and she does not think through consequences, so we are punishing her for her disability." I suspect that there were a few missing steps in-between the refusal and the suspension because a suspension strikes me as extreme unless there were some in between steps.

I personally think ISS before involving the parents is extreme even if the situation escalated. That's why I'd want to know the policies for cell phones and insubordination. DD doing things wrong doesn't give the admin the right to go outside their own policies (if they did). That would give DD less respect for the authority because they're unfair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everything is going to be OK. A suspension will not go on her college application, and in the greater scheme of things, it's not a huge deal, but it will teach her a valuable lesson about respect.

Personally, I agree with your husband that suspension is a little harsh, but I don't think you have grounds for complaint. Schools are trying to crack down on phone use, which is a good thing, and so students will not be given the benefit of the doubt.

Move on. Everything happened as it should. Your kid is a good kid, and the punishment is what it is. No worries, OP.

Me again. My 15 year old daughter with mild ADHD has the opposite problem. She forgets her phone in the classrooms' phone pockets! Last year, one teacher even told her to keep her phone on her because she was forgetting it too often!

Other posters are making this into a bigger deal than it is. No, your kid doesn't have terrible behavior issues. She's just a teen and is learning that rules apply to her as well.

OP listed behavior problem after behavior problem, why are you saying there are no behavior issues?

Because the behaviors are in the range of normal. You should see what the actually troubled kids get up to, PP! None of this is concerning. Consequences have been meted out. There's really nothing to discuss. The kid is 13 and will grow up to be a perfectly decent adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everything is going to be OK. A suspension will not go on her college application, and in the greater scheme of things, it's not a huge deal, but it will teach her a valuable lesson about respect.

Personally, I agree with your husband that suspension is a little harsh, but I don't think you have grounds for complaint. Schools are trying to crack down on phone use, which is a good thing, and so students will not be given the benefit of the doubt.

Move on. Everything happened as it should. Your kid is a good kid, and the punishment is what it is. No worries, OP.

Me again. My 15 year old daughter with mild ADHD has the opposite problem. She forgets her phone in the classrooms' phone pockets! Last year, one teacher even told her to keep her phone on her because she was forgetting it too often!

Other posters are making this into a bigger deal than it is. No, your kid doesn't have terrible behavior issues. She's just a teen and is learning that rules apply to her as well.

OP listed behavior problem after behavior problem, why are you saying there are no behavior issues?

Because the behaviors are in the range of normal. You should see what the actually troubled kids get up to, PP! None of this is concerning. Consequences have been meted out. There's really nothing to discuss. The kid is 13 and will grow up to be a perfectly decent adult.

Except she has lax parents so she probably won’t.

[Anonymous]

I am a teacher and 90% of students go through middle and high school without ever getting so much as a lunch detention. Your DD has had multiple run ins with upper admin and she is only 13. If you don't turn things around quickly, you'll be posting here about her vaping/drinking/promiscuity all due to ADHD. Start parenting now before things get worse. If you have the means, change schools, go private or homeschool. Your DD does not have a good peer group and the quickest way to get her out of it, is by removing her She is now known by admin, and not in a good way. The year is only going to get tougher for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would want to see the policy that allows ISS for the first instance of insubordination and what the cell phone policy says about the refusal. If those policies are unclear, I agree with your husband on fighting it. It seems like a double whammy for essentially one issue to me.

The kid broke the known phone rule (she didn’t forget) and was disrespectful to the AP when she was told to turn the phone over for the rest of the day. You are part of the problem if you fight the consequences for those actions.

My read of the rules at our school is parents would be called first and/or detention. ISS to me reads as a possible overreaction/the administration acting on a whim because they're offended she was disrespectful. Respect goes both ways and includes the school following their own policies.

My read of the situation is that the ISS is due to her refusing to give the phone to the Admin. The Admin called her to the office, reminded her she couldn't use the phone, and told her that the consequence was that she needed to give him the phone. She would be able to pick up the phone at the end of the day. If the child had done that, the incident is done and life goes on. She returns to class and has to stop by the office to get her phone before leaving school.

She escalated the situation when she refused to give the phone to the Admin. The consequence for not following the direction, give me your phone and pick it up at the end of the day, was an ISS. Maybe there was a back and forth and it started with a detention, and she still refused to turn over the phone, maybe there wasn't but she 1) used the phone when she wasn't supposed to 2) refused the instruction to give the phone to the Admin.

I would assume that the appeal would be "DD's ADHD makes her impulsive and she does not think through consequences, so we are punishing her for her disability." I suspect that there were a few missing steps in-between the refusal and the suspension because a suspension strikes me as extreme unless there were some in between steps.

I personally think ISS before involving the parents is extreme even if the situation escalated. That's why I'd want to know the policies for cell phones and insubordination. DD doing things wrong doesn't give the admin the right to go outside their own policies (if they did). That would give DD less respect for the authority because they're unfair.

I can't tell if this is OP or not - but either way, they are not involving parents because 1) they don't have to, and 2) the parents will attempt to justify their kid's behavior and reduce the punishment. OP, I'm sorry, but your kid needs to have in-school consequences for her actions because she clearly disregards authority and seems to think it's okay to be rude and push back. It is problematic and, perhaps I'm misreading, but your responses indicate that you aren't really taking it seriously. Better to learn now rather than later when it goes on her transcript.

[Anonymous]

I would not hammer down on her not wanting to hand it over, she could've had a strong reaction to that, we're trained to protect our phones. Phones are a unique piece of personal property. It's not the same as when teachers used to confiscate comic books.

But she needs to understand that if she uses it in class it will need to be taken away, and that's it. So you will be helping her with that by not allowing the phone to school (or blocking it during whatever hours).

ISS for this seems a little ridiculous. I don't understand why she had to give it to them instead of putting it away, in her locker, etc. I don't like whoever having my phone or my teens phone in their possession, having it near whatever other phones.

[Anonymous]

Your kid is a troublemaker and she’s playing you. You’re excusing it bc you don’t want to believe it, so you blame ADHD.

[Anonymous]

Lol at "we are trained to protect our phones."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you in LCPS?
“Wow, ISS for that? I know she shouldn’t have been on her phone, but detention would’ve made more sense. It’s so early in the school year—kids are still adjusting. Do you know if this was her first referral?”

Please read more carefully. The ISS was for not giving the phone up not for being on it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lol at "we are trained to protect our phones."

Sorry. I don't always phrase things properly. Im sure you can understand what I mean if you've dealt with teaching a kid how to take care of their phone or dealt with smashed screens from who knows what, or have had to teach them how to be in areas where you do have to protect your phone from being grabbed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everything is going to be OK. A suspension will not go on her college application, and in the greater scheme of things, it's not a huge deal, but it will teach her a valuable lesson about respect.

Personally, I agree with your husband that suspension is a little harsh, but I don't think you have grounds for complaint. Schools are trying to crack down on phone use, which is a good thing, and so students will not be given the benefit of the doubt.

Move on. Everything happened as it should. Your kid is a good kid, and the punishment is what it is. No worries, OP.

Me again. My 15 year old daughter with mild ADHD has the opposite problem. She forgets her phone in the classrooms' phone pockets! Last year, one teacher even told her to keep her phone on her because she was forgetting it too often!

Other posters are making this into a bigger deal than it is. No, your kid doesn't have terrible behavior issues. She's just a teen and is learning that rules apply to her as well.

OP listed behavior problem after behavior problem, why are you saying there are no behavior issues?

Because the behaviors are in the range of normal. You should see what the actually troubled kids get up to, PP! None of this is concerning. Consequences have been meted out. There's really nothing to discuss. The kid is 13 and will grow up to be a perfectly decent adult.

Except she has lax parents so she probably won’t.

Sigh. Stop perseverating. The kid's alright. The parents are alright, otherwise they wouldn't have posted in the first place. The whole thing is so minor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kid sounds like a trouble maker. Throwing water? Breaking phone usage? Blatant disregard for authority? You have a big problem. I'd start by taking the phone, but the problem is deeper than the phone. I don't know you or your kid, so I can't recommend what will work best, typically I follow consequences related to offense - on this case no phone. In the case of throwing water in a school restroom- cleaning duty of some sort - I'd choose home because it benefits me, but school would be better.

.

She said she has ADHD. When my DD was in 8th grade she was assigned ISS for throwing water in science class doing a lab, she was grounded for with no phone or ipad, but sometimes there is nothing we can do about it.

What does ADHD have to do with it?? Kids do not “forget” they aren’t allowed to use their phones in class.