First dates feel like job interviews

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a man in my early 30s and every first date feels like a job interview. I have tried coffee dates, meeting at bars, walking dogs at parks, and lunch dates. The conversations are dry and they always seem to center around college and career. The dates are never fun or engaging. I am aiming for women in the age range of 25 to 29 who have at least a bachelors degree. What can I do to genuinely connect with someone in the first few dates ?

Stop doing that then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would try dating women in their thirties. Perhaps women in their twenties have the time and energy to be a bit more strict and focused about the college/career of the men they are considering, while women in their thirties have dated enough to realize that isn't what always matters the most in a partner. I say this as a woman.

When we're in our twenties, we're striving for a dream man; when we're in our thirties, we're searching for a good man.

This is so true and the best advice. Even if there are more women in their twenties available to date, you're better off not wasting your time. Date fewer women but older. They'll appreciate you more. And go into the first date knowing that it will be something like an interview. If it's a decent introduction, then have a second date where you may both loosen up a bit.

The idea that women in their thirties will appreciate him more is ridiculous. They'll be even more likely to treat dates as job interviews.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[img]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never agree to wonder around town with a total stranger that I have zero information about. I'm in my 40s and have a high paying career, my time is very limited and valuable. I pre-screen men over the phone or on a video call before I go out with anyone.

Try to have video intros and phone calls prior to meeting in RL.

What's wrong with them wanting to know your career and degree before they start going out with you? I don't want to waste my time on someone without any aspirations and boring

You sound fun. And I think I know why you’re not married!

You missed - I was married for almost 20 years to one of the wealthiest men on the East Coast. Date similar post divorce. Good luck to you building something remotely close .

Sure you were. And you also look at least 15 years younger than your real age. And you have a line of 25 year old men fighting to date you now. If so, all of this must makes you an average DCUM woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[img]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never agree to wonder around town with a total stranger that I have zero information about. I'm in my 40s and have a high paying career, my time is very limited and valuable. I pre-screen men over the phone or on a video call before I go out with anyone.

Try to have video intros and phone calls prior to meeting in RL.

What's wrong with them wanting to know your career and degree before they start going out with you? I don't want to waste my time on someone without any aspirations and boring

You sound fun. And I think I know why you’re not married!

You missed - I was married for almost 20 years to one of the wealthiest men on the East Coast. Date similar post divorce. Good luck to you building something remotely close .

Sure you were. And you also look at least 15 years younger than your real age. And you have a line of 25 year old men fighting to date you now. If so, all of this must makes you an average DCUM woman.

I said none of it. What I said is that I have more experience than most women out there how to build a relationship with so called "high value" man. Alhtough when we met he was not the wealthiest out there, I extensively interviewed....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[img]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never agree to wonder around town with a total stranger that I have zero information about. I'm in my 40s and have a high paying career, my time is very limited and valuable. I pre-screen men over the phone or on a video call before I go out with anyone.

Try to have video intros and phone calls prior to meeting in RL.

What's wrong with them wanting to know your career and degree before they start going out with you? I don't want to waste my time on someone without any aspirations and boring

You sound fun. And I think I know why you’re not married!

You missed - I was married for almost 20 years to one of the wealthiest men on the East Coast. Date similar post divorce. Good luck to you building something remotely close .

Sure you were. And you also look at least 15 years younger than your real age. And you have a line of 25 year old men fighting to date you now. If so, all of this must makes you an average DCUM woman.

I said none of it. What I said is that I have more experience than most women out there how to build a relationship with so called "high value" man. Alhtough when we met he was not the wealthiest out there, I extensively interviewed....

I don't know what's more pathetic? That you're just some troll or this is real and you need DCUm validation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never agree to wonder around town with a total stranger that I have zero information about. I'm in my 40s and have a high paying career, my time is very limited and valuable. I pre-screen men over the phone or on a video call before I go out with anyone.

Try to have video intros and phone calls prior to meeting in RL.

What's wrong with them wanting to know your career and degree before they start going out with you? I don't want to waste my time on someone without any aspirations and boring

Not OP. That is a great idea! No longer single, but when I was I didn't want to waste my time on someone who wasn't aligned on on the basics.

A lot of men on video interviews just not my specs. Very young kids, just divided and marriage negative (say they dumped a prior GF because she wanted kids/marriage) , have kids out of wedlock, not employed, live far away, out of share, don’t own a car, never travel etc. No need to meet.
Very few people meet basics - eg are like me - home and car owners, employed, like to travel, in shape, seek life partners etc.

What apps are you using that you can’t figure this out before you get to the video chatting stage. Ive been on Hinge and Match and have been able to determine dealbreakers like this early on in the process, although tbh I run across very few people who don’t have these basic life qualifications of employment and car ownership.

Perhaps its something about your profile that is causing the algorithm to match you with losers?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would try dating women in their thirties. Perhaps women in their twenties have the time and energy to be a bit more strict and focused about the college/career of the men they are considering, while women in their thirties have dated enough to realize that isn't what always matters the most in a partner. I say this as a woman.

When we're in our twenties, we're striving for a dream man; when we're in our thirties, we're searching for a good man.

I’m 40m it’s the opposite

It’s like pulling teeth trying to date attractive women in their 30s

It’s relatively easier to go on casual dates with attractive women 24-28.

The latter are way more willing to give someone a chance and get a nice coffee, walk, bop around in a book store, down for whatever

Also it’s a supply issue. There is straight up way more of the latter than former.

Found the guy who lies about his age on the apps and then says he "doesnt know how to change it" lolol. Loser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[img]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never agree to wonder around town with a total stranger that I have zero information about. I'm in my 40s and have a high paying career, my time is very limited and valuable. I pre-screen men over the phone or on a video call before I go out with anyone.

Try to have video intros and phone calls prior to meeting in RL.

What's wrong with them wanting to know your career and degree before they start going out with you? I don't want to waste my time on someone without any aspirations and boring

You sound fun. And I think I know why you’re not married!

You missed - I was married for almost 20 years to one of the wealthiest men on the East Coast. Date similar post divorce. Good luck to you building something remotely close .

Sure you were. And you also look at least 15 years younger than your real age. And you have a line of 25 year old men fighting to date you now. If so, all of this must makes you an average DCUM woman.

I said none of it. What I said is that I have more experience than most women out there how to build a relationship with so called "high value" man. Alhtough when we met he was not the wealthiest out there, I extensively interviewed....

You extensively interviewed for a man you’d divorce? How’s that feel?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never agree to wonder around town with a total stranger that I have zero information about. I'm in my 40s and have a high paying career, my time is very limited and valuable. I pre-screen men over the phone or on a video call before I go out with anyone.

Try to have video intros and phone calls prior to meeting in RL.

What's wrong with them wanting to know your career and degree before they start going out with you? I don't want to waste my time on someone without any aspirations and boring

Not OP. That is a great idea! No longer single, but when I was I didn't want to waste my time on someone who wasn't aligned on on the basics.

A lot of men on video interviews just not my specs. Very young kids, just divided and marriage negative (say they dumped a prior GF because she wanted kids/marriage) , have kids out of wedlock, not employed, live far away, out of share, don’t own a car, never travel etc. No need to meet.
Very few people meet basics - eg are like me - home and car owners, employed, like to travel, in shape, seek life partners etc.

What apps are you using that you can’t figure this out before you get to the video chatting stage. Ive been on Hinge and Match and have been able to determine dealbreakers like this early on in the process, although tbh I run across very few people who don’t have these basic life qualifications of employment and car ownership.

Perhaps its something about your profile that is causing the algorithm to match you with losers?

I used the same - men would put "consultant", etc which means nothing No app gives you these detail. Also why and when his prior relationship ended. You need to have a good convo to infer those things

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:[img]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never agree to wonder around town with a total stranger that I have zero information about. I'm in my 40s and have a high paying career, my time is very limited and valuable. I pre-screen men over the phone or on a video call before I go out with anyone.

Try to have video intros and phone calls prior to meeting in RL.

What's wrong with them wanting to know your career and degree before they start going out with you? I don't want to waste my time on someone without any aspirations and boring

You sound fun. And I think I know why you’re not married!

You missed - I was married for almost 20 years to one of the wealthiest men on the East Coast. Date similar post divorce. Good luck to you building something remotely close .

This really made me laugh. Sure darling. LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[img]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would never agree to wonder around town with a total stranger that I have zero information about. I'm in my 40s and have a high paying career, my time is very limited and valuable. I pre-screen men over the phone or on a video call before I go out with anyone.

Try to have video intros and phone calls prior to meeting in RL.

What's wrong with them wanting to know your career and degree before they start going out with you? I don't want to waste my time on someone without any aspirations and boring

You sound fun. And I think I know why you’re not married!

You missed - I was married for almost 20 years to one of the wealthiest men on the East Coast. Date similar post divorce. Good luck to you building something remotely close .

Building what exactly? That the most interesting thing about it are the men you've spread your legs for?

Ha ha, good one. What a nightmare!

[Anonymous]

"coffee dates, meeting at bars, walking dogs at parks, and lunch dates"

Those first dates all sound pretty boring, as PP's have said, which may be leading to the boring conversations. Some of my best dates have been dinner (Kinship), mini golf (Swingers), interesting bar (The Line Hotel), athletic events (Nats game), etc. Also alcohol at night does help lead to a more casual atmosphere rather than a more business feel of daytime and sober.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Attractive women have options at any age. I have a queue of 3-4 men for every one I turn down and I'm late 40s.

False. Women are like milk. The longer it is on the shelf, the less attractive it becomes. Given a choice of one week vs. four weeks of milk expiration date, nobody wants to pickup milk with one week of expiration date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Attractive women have options at any age. I have a queue of 3-4 men for every one I turn down and I'm late 40s.

False. Women are like milk. The longer it is on the shelf, the less attractive it becomes. Given a choice of one week vs. four weeks of milk expiration date, nobody wants to pickup milk with one week of expiration date.

Translation: Women are transactional commodities to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Attractive women have options at any age. I have a queue of 3-4 men for every one I turn down and I'm late 40s.

False. Women are like milk. The longer it is on the shelf, the less attractive it becomes. Given a choice of one week vs. four weeks of milk expiration date, nobody wants to pickup milk with one week of expiration date.

Shocking that you’re single.