Returned Home with Some Disturbing Stories

[Anonymous]

I still think of confronting the mean girls who bullied me in sixth grade..almost 30 years later! If one had made amends that would have done a lot for my self esteem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would offer the family of the bullied girl to pay for group counseling so your own daughter can get it off her chest and the bullied girl can get the apologies. Offer to pay for whatever the therapist decides the victim needs before and after the apology therapy session.

This is a ridiculous suggestion. How do you know the other child even lives in the same area?

And don’t dump this on “therapy.” OP and her DH have a responsibility as parents to handle their daughter.

Geography is not a limiting factor to what I’m suggesting.
Both girls need support. The victim and the one wracked with guilt. I don’t think parental “handling”, by which I’m guessing you mean punishment, is any more useful to the remorseful than being sent home was to the victim. Now the other bullies who went home carefree without regrets or remorse probably do need some handling.

No. The bully doesn’t get to use the victim to feel better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would offer the family of the bullied girl to pay for group counseling so your own daughter can get it off her chest and the bullied girl can get the apologies. Offer to pay for whatever the therapist decides the victim needs before and after the apology therapy session.

This is a ridiculous suggestion. How do you know the other child even lives in the same area?

And don’t dump this on “therapy.” OP and her DH have a responsibility as parents to handle their daughter.

Geography is not a limiting factor to what I’m suggesting.
Both girls need support. The victim and the one wracked with guilt. I don’t think parental “handling”, by which I’m guessing you mean punishment, is any more useful to the remorseful than being sent home was to the victim. Now the other bullies who went home carefree without regrets or remorse probably do need some handling.

No. The bully doesn’t get to use the victim to feel better.

The bully and the victim are both human beings. Stop being a robotic shrew.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would offer the family of the bullied girl to pay for group counseling so your own daughter can get it off her chest and the bullied girl can get the apologies. Offer to pay for whatever the therapist decides the victim needs before and after the apology therapy session.

This is a ridiculous suggestion. How do you know the other child even lives in the same area?

And don’t dump this on “therapy.” OP and her DH have a responsibility as parents to handle their daughter.

Geography is not a limiting factor to what I’m suggesting.
Both girls need support. The victim and the one wracked with guilt. I don’t think parental “handling”, by which I’m guessing you mean punishment, is any more useful to the remorseful than being sent home was to the victim. Now the other bullies who went home carefree without regrets or remorse probably do need some handling.

No. The bully doesn’t get to use the victim to feel better.

+1

[Anonymous]

You are very brave to post here. The fact that you are bothered by the behavior and aren’t denying your daughter’s role tells me that you’re a good parent. So many people would just sweep it under the rug. I’d reach out to the camp director to find out how your daughter can make amends. I’d also keep in mind that your daughter may be remorseful or she may simply be worried about the consequences. I think a few therapy sessions could be helpful. The fact you care to take action suggests you’ll find a way to make this a teachable experience. But I probably wouldn’t send her back next year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m pp, she needs to hold the camp accountable for not calling her and not stopping it. At least her DD is expressing remorse. It sounds like the camp failed.

You don’t even know if it is true. The other girl may have left because she peed on herself and was embarrassed. Someone may have started a rumor that she left because she was bullied in order to scare the kids. Get the truth and then react.

Agree. There isn’t enough info to say “the camp failed.” The girl went home a little over a week into camp, after they changed her bunk- that means the camp was trying to do something and had been in touch with HER parents about whatever was going on. Which we don’t really know what exactly was going on or why she left camp. The only details the camp is obligated to share with OP is what/if any role her daughter specifically played in any bullying.

[Anonymous]

You better find out what happened OP and do something. If this story is true and the girl does hurt herself that is just do horrible. Your daughter would live the rest of her life knowing she contributed and frankly could face consequences depending on what happened. This is extremely serious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, if you find out more hold them accountable. The Calleva counselors were bullying my son thus sanctioning fellow campers to pile on, and the director was lukewarm about it. The facts were very disturbing and this isn’t a quiet kid. I held the director’s feet to the fire and demanded answers and accountability.

Calleva is not a good camp in our experience. Not surprised at all.

[Anonymous]

So many girls will be girls posters here, it’s disgusting!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Yeah, OP, that’s s disturbing. In addition to finding out more from the camp staff, I would forbid your DD from any contact with this long-time friend. And she shouldn’t worry whether the camp will allow her back because you should tell her she isn’t going back. She doesn’t get to go to camp if she is going to abuse her fellow campers.

She shouldn’t go to camp if you can’t trust that camp to inform you about relevant incidents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell your daughter to befriend a quiet girl at school and invite her out to do something.

This will help empower her a bit.

Do you mean to have the quiet girl tutor the bully on how a kind person should behave? If not that, this is very odd comment to propose for the scenario that was shared. Really not following the logic.

[Anonymous]

Piling shame on OP is disgusting.

Kid's make mistakes. Sounds like the camp made mistakes too. Get the full story, then talk to your child. Seperate from the other mean girls, at least temporarily. Allow your daughter to grow and learn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Yeah, OP, that’s s disturbing. In addition to finding out more from the camp staff, I would forbid your DD from any contact with this long-time friend. And she shouldn’t worry whether the camp will allow her back because you should tell her she isn’t going back. She doesn’t get to go to camp if she is going to abuse her fellow campers.

She shouldn’t go to camp if you can’t trust that camp to inform you about relevant incidents.

That too. But the daughter being a bully is the most immediate concern. No camp and no contact with camp friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Piling shame on OP is disgusting.

Kid's make mistakes. Sounds like the camp made mistakes too. Get the full story, then talk to your child. Seperate from the other mean girls, at least temporarily. Allow your daughter to grow and learn.

What’s disgusting is people like you acting like this is normal girl behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are very brave to post here. The fact that you are bothered by the behavior and aren’t denying your daughter’s role tells me that you’re a good parent. So many people would just sweep it under the rug. I’d reach out to the camp director to find out how your daughter can make amends. I’d also keep in mind that your daughter may be remorseful or she may simply be worried about the consequences. I think a few therapy sessions could be helpful. The fact you care to take action suggests you’ll find a way to make this a teachable experience. But I probably wouldn’t send her back next year.

I agree - you are brave to post.