Returned Home with Some Disturbing Stories

[Anonymous]

At a minimum…your daughter and her friends bullied a girl to the point that the girl left camp and the camp orchestrated a cover up. I don’t see how your daughter can ever go back there—no only because the camp is complicit in the bulling, but also because your daughter could easily be the victim next time.

Also—your daughter needs counseling and to be cut of from her “friends.” Assume that what actually happened and her role in it is far far far worse that what she’s admitting to you. You should be horrified and act accordingly to get her straightened out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our youngest just returned home from sleepaway camp. Something was off immediately. She’s been there for years, it’s a very reputable all-girls camp and we have only heard positive. However this year, she came home and was in tears over whether or not we were called by the director, and if I heard “what happened,” and worried about whether she and her friends will be allowed to come back. We did not hear a peep from camp staff.

The most I can make sense of is that a girl left early due to some pretty serious bullying, and my daughter definitely seems less than innocent in it all and now quite remorseful. She claims she was mostly a bystander, but the few things she’s shared are horrible (a long time friends of hers telling the girl that she should go kill herself, telling her she shouldn’t eat because she is fat just to mess with her because she wasn’t fat at all, and the list goes on). What can I do to get her talking to someone and make sure she can take the steps necessary to learn from this and hopefully repair with who she hurt? Is there a therapist that specializes in this? Should the camp have told us if a girl was bullied so bad she had to go home especially if my kid was bullying? I’m wondering if we even bother sending her back. I’m honestly so ashamed and embarrassed.

I’m sorry you are having to navigate this, OP. I’m wishing you and DD peace and as good an outcome as possible for all here.

To every other parent out there: the part in bold? It is commonplace on your children’s social media. What the OP described? It should not shock you; it’s what kids do to each other now, because they have access to social.

It is far easier to say to another child “you should kill yourself,” when it is not face to face. Use Snapchat, and you are unlikely to get caught. Yes, I fully realize in OP’s case it likely was said to her face-to-face. But,

- kids are learning this through social media use. It is not like it was when you were a teen / tween.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our youngest just returned home from sleepaway camp. Something was off immediately. She’s been there for years, it’s a very reputable all-girls camp and we have only heard positive. However this year, she came home and was in tears over whether or not we were called by the director, and if I heard “what happened,” and worried about whether she and her friends will be allowed to come back. We did not hear a peep from camp staff.

The most I can make sense of is that a girl left early due to some pretty serious bullying, and my daughter definitely seems less than innocent in it all and now quite remorseful. She claims she was mostly a bystander, but the few things she’s shared are horrible (a long time friends of hers telling the girl that she should go kill herself, telling her she shouldn’t eat because she is fat just to mess with her because she wasn’t fat at all, and the list goes on). What can I do to get her talking to someone and make sure she can take the steps necessary to learn from this and hopefully repair with who she hurt? Is there a therapist that specializes in this? Should the camp have told us if a girl was bullied so bad she had to go home especially if my kid was bullying? I’m wondering if we even bother sending her back. I’m honestly so ashamed and embarrassed.

I’m sorry you are having to navigate this, OP. I’m wishing you and DD peace and as good an outcome as possible for all here.

To every other parent out there: the part in bold? It is commonplace on your children’s social media. What the OP described? It should not shock you; it’s what kids do to each other now, because they have access to social.

It is far easier to say to another child “you should kill yourself,” when it is not face to face. Use Snapchat, and you are unlikely to get caught. Yes, I fully realize in OP’s case it likely was said to her face-to-face. But,

- kids are learning this through social media use. It is not like it was when you were a teen / tween.

I’m pretty sure we all know that. What is your point?

[Anonymous]

Why did you raise her to be like this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why did you raise her to be like this?

Not helpful.

[Anonymous]

I would not do or say anything until I called the director. Until then anything said here is worthless.

[Anonymous]

Your daughter told another girl, to her face, that she’s fat and should off herself? This is truly disturbing and she needs a psych eval immediately. This goes well beyond girls will be girls. Your child needs serious help!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter told another girl, to her face, that she’s fat and should off herself? This is truly disturbing and she needs a psych eval immediately. This goes well beyond girls will be girls. Your child needs serious help!

Re-read the OP.

[Anonymous]

You SHOULD be ashamed, this is the most vile thing your child could do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Our youngest just returned home from sleepaway camp. Something was off immediately. She’s been there for years, it’s a very reputable all-girls camp and we have only heard positive. However this year, she came home and was in tears over whether or not we were called by the director, and if I heard “what happened,” and worried about whether she and her friends will be allowed to come back. We did not hear a peep from camp staff.

The most I can make sense of is that a girl left early due to some pretty serious bullying, and my daughter definitely seems less than innocent in it all and now quite remorseful. She claims she was mostly a bystander, but the few things she’s shared are horrible (a long time friends of hers telling the girl that she should go kill herself, telling her she shouldn’t eat because she is fat just to mess with her because she wasn’t fat at all, and the list goes on). What can I do to get her talking to someone and make sure she can take the steps necessary to learn from this and hopefully repair with who she hurt? Is there a therapist that specializes in this? Should the camp have told us if a girl was bullied so bad she had to go home especially if my kid was bullying? I’m wondering if we even bother sending her back. I’m honestly so ashamed and embarrassed.

I’m sorry you are having to navigate this, OP. I’m wishing you and DD peace and as good an outcome as possible for all here.

To every other parent out there: the part in bold? It is commonplace on your children’s social media. What the OP described? It should not shock you; it’s what kids do to each other now, because they have access to social.

It is far easier to say to another child “you should kill yourself,” when it is not face to face. Use Snapchat, and you are unlikely to get caught. Yes, I fully realize in OP’s case it likely was said to her face-to-face. But,

- kids are learning this through social media use. It is not like it was when you were a teen / tween.

I’m pretty sure we all know that. What is your point?

OP circling back. Actually no, I did not know that. I had no idea that it is common for kids to tell each other to kill themselves. I am obviously embarking on a huge overhaul of social media and cell phone usage. I think my husband and I are recognizing we have been incredibly naive and too hands off in the connections our child is making. She is definitely not going back. And I am heartbroken for this girl who got targeted, who from what I am now finding out, was from what it sounds like a perfectly kind and sweet new kid to camp at an age where most kids are not new to camp. My daughter said that it was so bad the camp tried moving the girl to a different bunk a week in, but that the girl left the next day anyways. This camp NEVER changes bunks so I am guessing without even hearing back yet from director that it was bad. Currently making my daughter come up with an apology letter, and waiting to decide how forthcoming to be with the camp.

[Anonymous]

I hope you’re doing something beyond not sending her back? Taking the phone? No screens for a year? Anything? Or just brush it off and not go back?

[Anonymous]

What do you mean by how forthcoming?

[Anonymous]

What age?

[Anonymous]

OP have you spoken with the director of the camp yet? I’d want to get some insight before I did anything next.

[Anonymous]

Thank you for your approach to this. It sounds like the camp probably needs to answer your questions. Your daughter’s regret is a hopeful sign—we all make mistakes, what’s important is to learn.