Returned Home with Some Disturbing Stories

[Anonymous]

Our youngest just returned home from sleepaway camp. Something was off immediately. She’s been there for years, it’s a very reputable all-girls camp and we have only heard positive. However this year, she came home and was in tears over whether or not we were called by the director, and if I heard “what happened,” and worried about whether she and her friends will be allowed to come back. We did not hear a peep from camp staff.

The most I can make sense of is that a girl left early due to some pretty serious bullying, and my daughter definitely seems less than innocent in it all and now quite remorseful. She claims she was mostly a bystander, but the few things she’s shared are horrible (a long time friends of hers telling the girl that she should go kill herself, telling her she shouldn’t eat because she is fat just to mess with her because she wasn’t fat at all, and the list goes on). What can I do to get her talking to someone and make sure she can take the steps necessary to learn from this and hopefully repair with who she hurt? Is there a therapist that specializes in this? Should the camp have told us if a girl was bullied so bad she had to go home especially if my kid was bullying? I’m wondering if we even bother sending her back. I’m honestly so ashamed and embarrassed.

[Anonymous]

I'd first call the camp director to find out what happened exactly based on what your daughter told you
you can ask them what steps she could take to try to make amends
not necessarily sure she needs therapy vs. a learning experience and attempts to try to make amends and then of course talking to her about how to avoid peer pressure in the future and to remember how she feels now because it won't be the last time

[Anonymous]

I’d call the camp to and if she was a part of it serious consequences.

[Anonymous]

Next time let your kid think you know. Say “why don’t you tell me your side of things.”

[Anonymous]

Tell your daughter to befriend a quiet girl at school and invite her out to do something.

This will help empower her a bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell your daughter to befriend a quiet girl at school and invite her out to do something.

This will help empower her a bit.

Quiet kids don't need pity or community service friendships.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell your daughter to befriend a quiet girl at school and invite her out to do something.

This will help empower her a bit.

My quiet daughter doesn’t need your condescension, PP. She’s perfectly happy the way she is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What can I do to get her talking to someone and make sure she can take the steps necessary to learn from this and hopefully repair with who she hurt?

You can be ashamed and embarrassed later. First, find out more about what happened. Ask the camp director, and the parents of your DD's friends for more info. If your DD won't share at first, proceed slowly, break the conversation into chunks, and check your tone.

[Anonymous]

You need to call the director but not ask too many leading questions. Just ask about a potential bullying incident and go from there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell your daughter to befriend a quiet girl at school and invite her out to do something.

This will help empower her a bit.

My quiet daughter doesn’t need your condescension, PP. She’s perfectly happy the way she is.

Truly, ugh.

~ another mom of quiet girl

[Anonymous]

Also, if you find out more hold them accountable. The Calleva counselors were bullying my son thus sanctioning fellow campers to pile on, and the director was lukewarm about it. The facts were very disturbing and this isn’t a quiet kid. I held the director’s feet to the fire and demanded answers and accountability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, if you find out more hold them accountable. The Calleva counselors were bullying my son thus sanctioning fellow campers to pile on, and the director was lukewarm about it. The facts were very disturbing and this isn’t a quiet kid. I held the director’s feet to the fire and demanded answers and accountability.

Hold who accountable? OP’s kid was the bully.

[Anonymous]

I agree with calling the camp to find out more about what happened.

But I wouldn’t punish your kid for anything that happened. After all you only know about it because she told you and feels guilty. You want her to keep talking to you about these sorts of things instead of avoiding telling you for fear of a punishment.

Instead role play with her what she could have done differently to be kinder to the kid who was bullied. And keep it realistic, I find that one of the best things you can do when someone is being bullied isn’t necessarily speaking back to the bully, but instead just going to stand next to the kid being bullied and engaging the victim in conversation. It makes it so they aren’t alone, which does more to stop a bully than fighting back.

[Anonymous]

Wow. Yeah, OP, that’s s disturbing. In addition to finding out more from the camp staff, I would forbid your DD from any contact with this long-time friend. And she shouldn’t worry whether the camp will allow her back because you should tell her she isn’t going back. She doesn’t get to go to camp if she is going to abuse her fellow campers.

[Anonymous]

Think on your on childhood and teen years and what you saw and did yourself.

Talk about that with your kiddo.