Do you think it's okay to criticize the behavior of a kid who is not yours?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:OP you violated an unwritten rule between parents. You can call your own kid an ***hole. But you can't call someone else's kid an ***hole. It doesn't matter that they don't know each other.

Who wants to hear this, anyway? All of our kids will be ***holes one day. Your friend sounds kind and patient.

Oh please. No such rule ever existed. Clearly, so many of you think your kids can do no wrong.

I'm the PP you quoted. I'm a bad-ass ex-teacher not afraid to talk to kids when they do wrong. I just don't whine about them behind their parents' backs. Life is too short for that. The DMV is full of adults who would rather judge than roll up their sleeves. How about you?

I've successfully advocated for my child and have gone to the school when other kids were being a-holes to my child. And, yes, that's what they were (mocking his disability, mocking his shoes, throwing things at him). Should I have gone directly to the parents to pick a fight?

You tell me. I'm a SN parent myself. Why do you think I wrote that all our kids will be ***holes one day? It's because I've seen it too. But when you went to the school to advocate for your child, did you call the kids names? Or did you calm yourself down - like you and I, and every SN parent have done a thousand times - and describe the kids' aggression so the your child could be protected and the other kids could course-correct?

Calling someone names is not the same as calling out bad behavior in a productive way.

Calling a kid and ***hole in a private convo with a friend is VERY different from calling a kid an ***hole to a teacher, administrator, the kid's parent, etc.

It's like the difference between calling a colleague and ***hole when describing your workday to your spouse, versus saying it in a conversation with your boss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you violated an unwritten rule between parents. You can call your own kid an ***hole. But you can't call someone else's kid an ***hole. It doesn't matter that they don't know each other.

Who wants to hear this, anyway? All of our kids will be ***holes one day. Your friend sounds kind and patient.

Oh please. No such rule ever existed. Clearly, so many of you think your kids can do no wrong.

I'm the PP you quoted. I'm a bad-ass ex-teacher not afraid to talk to kids when they do wrong. I just don't whine about them behind their parents' backs. Life is too short for that. The DMV is full of adults who would rather judge than roll up their sleeves. How about you?

Huh? I'm putting in the hard work as a parent to raise kind and good human beings. And I have a FT job on top of that. Why would I be expected to do the work of helping some random mean girl in my kid's class be better? If someone has been teasing/taunting my DD all year, I just might vent to a friend about that. Normal human behavior.

I just think that venting is fine, but kind and good human beings don't cross the line into name-calling. And refraining from name-calling isn't the same as thinking your kids can do no wrong.

So you would not call an adult who acted this way (condescending, baiting people, bragging, etc.) an ***hole?

I would. I don't see the point in using a euphemism for it. It's obnoxious. The only way to dissuade people like this from acting this way is to talk about it for what it is -- ***hole behavior.

[Anonymous]

No it’s not okay to call this kid a name. Say you’re glad your kid won’t be around that kind of behavior as much, but wow, calling a 9 year old an a$$hole is too much.

And good luck, because kids who brag will be present at all times. You teach your kid how to handle it.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:It’s alarming how many people here will side with bullying a kid. However, it proves that insecurities like this child’s are hard to overcome! Be better, everyone!

No one is bullying a kid FFS. She was talking to another adult and the kid in question will never know about it.

You're fine with getting called an ***hole by other people if you never get to know about it?

Yeah, I don't think you are, hypocrite.

Why would I care? I would prefer that someone call me that to my face if I'm being an a**hole but I couldn't care less.

+1, I'm sure people have called me names behind my back before and I don't really have an issue with it. What other people think of me is none of my business.

Lies. You do care. You would not want any parent calling your kid an ***hole, even if none of you knew about it. Stop trolling on DCUM. I bet you made up this thread solely to argue about this.

First of all, sometimes my kid *is* being an ***hole. And while it doesn't bring me pleasure to think that others might be thinking that or saying it out loud behind my back, it doesn't make me upset with them. In those instances, I am focused on correcting my child's problematic behavior.

It's crazy to me that people seem to think the worst possible thing that can happen here is that someone calls your kid a mean name in a private conversation you never hear about.

Obviously the bigger issue is that your kid behaves in a way that makes people (even just in their heads) think "wow, what an ***hole."

Fix the behavior, and what people think about your kid won't matter so much to you anymore. You're feeling defensive because you know your kid sometimes acts like this and you'd rather try to stop other people from observing and commenting on it than do the hard work of parenting to address it.

+1. I know there are parents out there saying negative things about my kid's behavior. She has different issues, but I know people have called her a crybaby (which is fair). If she were being an a**hole, I'd assume they'd say that, too. You work on it, but two other parents saying mean things about her? I don't have enough years left on this Earth to give a fig about that.

This! I know people cally kid "annoying" and "weird" behind her back. The people who use weird can eff off, I don't care about them. The people who say annoying aren't wrong and it's something we work on. But I don't have a problem with other people venting about how challenging my kid can be sometimes! I feel that way too. It's normal.

We don't have to pretend kids are all blank plates or that they don't have the capacity to annoy, bother, or hurt others. You need to always be the bigger person when interacting with them, but blowing off steam later? It's fine. Kids are just people. Sometimes people are the worst.

Strongly agree with the bolded and it's strange to see people acting like kids aren't people with the full range of human behavior and personalities or that at least we all need to pretend like they aren't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No it’s not okay to call this kid a name. Say you’re glad your kid won’t be around that kind of behavior as much, but wow, calling a 9 year old an a$$hole is too much.

And good luck, because kids who brag will be present at all times. You teach your kid how to handle it.

I handle braggy people by ignoring it in the moment and then later telling a friend what an ***hole that person is.

[Anonymous]

1. Teach your kid to not give this girl any details.
2. Of course it's okay to call that girl a name when talking to AN ADULT. Her thinking it's not oaky is a sign she was never bullied and possibly was a mean girl herself as a child.

[Anonymous]

I don’t see anything in your post that is beyond immature elementary school behavior- and elementary school kids are immature by nature. You, OTOH, are awful - calling a little Kid names. I’m glad you got called out on it.

[Anonymous]

Bragging about what a good student and athlete your kid is and putting down other kids is typical DCUM behavior, so of course people here think it's fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No it’s not okay to call this kid a name. Say you’re glad your kid won’t be around that kind of behavior as much, but wow, calling a 9 year old an a$$hole is too much.

And good luck, because kids who brag will be present at all times. You teach your kid how to handle it.

I handle braggy people by ignoring it in the moment and then later telling a friend what an ***hole that person is.

[Anonymous]

I think it all boils down to whether you're the sort of person who calls other people a**holes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t see anything in your post that is beyond immature elementary school behavior- and elementary school kids are immature by nature. You, OTOH, are awful - calling a little Kid names. I’m glad you got called out on it.

My kids don't act like that and I would correct them if they did. I don't consider it typical to brag, bait other kids, or put down others for not being as successful.

The better one of my kids is at something, the more I emphasize good sportsmanship and being kind, for precisely this reason. Nobody likes a sore winner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it all boils down to whether you're the sort of person who calls other people a**holes.

I'm sure you're soooooooo above that.

Either the majority of you are full of it, or truly insufferable in real life like OP's friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it all boils down to whether you're the sort of person who calls other people a**holes.

I call other people far worse than ***holes. That's one of my more mild insults, thus I consider it perfectly appropriate for a child. I would never call a child a c**t or a f***wit, for instance. And sh*thead is teens to 20s, but never younger and only older if someone is acting very immature.

[Anonymous]

It’s so insane to even be venting about someone else’s kid to another parent, let alone calling the kid an a**hole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s so insane to even be venting about someone else’s kid to another parent, let alone calling the kid an a**hole.

Major