Do you think it's okay to criticize the behavior of a kid who is not yours?

[Anonymous]

OP and her ilk were raised in low-class, vulgar families.

No, you do not name-call people casually like this. It is also poor form to insult a minor.

And calling a minor an ***hole, when they haven't even done anything that terrible?

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

OP and her ilk were raised in low-class, vulgar families.

No, you do not name-call people casually like this. It is also poor form to insult a minor.

And calling a minor an ***hole, when they haven't even done anything that terrible?

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU???

Calling someone low-class and vulgar is also name calling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you violated an unwritten rule between parents. You can call your own kid an ***hole. But you can't call someone else's kid an ***hole. It doesn't matter that they don't know each other.

Who wants to hear this, anyway? All of our kids will be ***holes one day. Your friend sounds kind and patient.

Oh please. No such rule ever existed. Clearly, so many of you think your kids can do no wrong.

I'm the PP you quoted. I'm a bad-ass ex-teacher not afraid to talk to kids when they do wrong. I just don't whine about them behind their parents' backs. Life is too short for that. The DMV is full of adults who would rather judge than roll up their sleeves. How about you?

I've successfully advocated for my child and have gone to the school when other kids were being a-holes to my child. And, yes, that's what they were (mocking his disability, mocking his shoes, throwing things at him). Should I have gone directly to the parents to pick a fight?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP and her ilk were raised in low-class, vulgar families.

No, you do not name-call people casually like this. It is also poor form to insult a minor.

And calling a minor an ***hole, when they haven't even done anything that terrible?

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU???

Calling someone low-class and vulgar is also name calling.

i know, right? Also, "that terrible" is making me giggle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s alarming how many people here will side with bullying a kid. However, it proves that insecurities like this child’s are hard to overcome! Be better, everyone!

No one is bullying a kid FFS. She was talking to another adult and the kid in question will never know about it.

You're fine with getting called an ***hole by other people if you never get to know about it?

Yeah, I don't think you are, hypocrite.

Why would I care? I would prefer that someone call me that to my face if I'm being an a**hole but I couldn't care less.

+1, I'm sure people have called me names behind my back before and I don't really have an issue with it. What other people think of me is none of my business.

Lies. You do care. You would not want any parent calling your kid an ***hole, even if none of you knew about it. Stop trolling on DCUM. I bet you made up this thread solely to argue about this.

DP, why in the world would I care (or how would it even be possible) about something that I don't know about??

I've been called an a-hole to my face before and sometimes it was well deserved. Perhaps develop some self reflection skills for you and your child and you will see that it's often well deserved.

Most DCUM posters can't imagine not being obsessed with what other people think of them. It's why they spend their time debating the prestige of neighborhoods.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s alarming how many people here will side with bullying a kid. However, it proves that insecurities like this child’s are hard to overcome! Be better, everyone!

No one is bullying a kid FFS. She was talking to another adult and the kid in question will never know about it.

You're fine with getting called an ***hole by other people if you never get to know about it?

Yeah, I don't think you are, hypocrite.

Why would I care? I would prefer that someone call me that to my face if I'm being an a**hole but I couldn't care less.

+1, I'm sure people have called me names behind my back before and I don't really have an issue with it. What other people think of me is none of my business.

Lies. You do care. You would not want any parent calling your kid an ***hole, even if none of you knew about it. Stop trolling on DCUM. I bet you made up this thread solely to argue about this.

DP, why in the world would I care (or how would it even be possible) about something that I don't know about??

I've been called an a-hole to my face before and sometimes it was well deserved. Perhaps develop some self reflection skills for you and your child and you will see that it's often well deserved.

Most DCUM posters can't imagine not being obsessed with what other people think of them. It's why they spend their time debating the prestige of neighborhoods.

Exactly. Also, all of the "is this trashy or low class" posts. God forbid they just live their lives and not care about what others think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s alarming how many people here will side with bullying a kid. However, it proves that insecurities like this child’s are hard to overcome! Be better, everyone!

No one is bullying a kid FFS. She was talking to another adult and the kid in question will never know about it.

You're fine with getting called an ***hole by other people if you never get to know about it?

Yeah, I don't think you are, hypocrite.

Why would I care? I would prefer that someone call me that to my face if I'm being an a**hole but I couldn't care less.

+1, I'm sure people have called me names behind my back before and I don't really have an issue with it. What other people think of me is none of my business.

Lies. You do care. You would not want any parent calling your kid an ***hole, even if none of you knew about it. Stop trolling on DCUM. I bet you made up this thread solely to argue about this.

First of all, sometimes my kid *is* being an ***hole. And while it doesn't bring me pleasure to think that others might be thinking that or saying it out loud behind my back, it doesn't make me upset with them. In those instances, I am focused on correcting my child's problematic behavior.

It's crazy to me that people seem to think the worst possible thing that can happen here is that someone calls your kid a mean name in a private conversation you never hear about.

Obviously the bigger issue is that your kid behaves in a way that makes people (even just in their heads) think "wow, what an ***hole."

Fix the behavior, and what people think about your kid won't matter so much to you anymore. You're feeling defensive because you know your kid sometimes acts like this and you'd rather try to stop other people from observing and commenting on it than do the hard work of parenting to address it.

Of course it's ok for parents to criticize other kids who are unkind and problematic in the classroom to the extent OP describes. A child who is a "bully" deserves to be called a "bully", for example -- no one would disagree, right? Good for OP for not jumping to label all problematic behavior as bullying (I hate that). I guess she could have said the kid was "mean" or "nasty" or whatever. So she used a curse word instead? Big deal! My DD was in a 4th grade class with a girl like that a few years ago. They manage to permeate and put a damper on everything. By May, I was fed up too OP. I get it. You're fine!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP and her ilk were raised in low-class, vulgar families.

No, you do not name-call people casually like this. It is also poor form to insult a minor.

And calling a minor an ***hole, when they haven't even done anything that terrible?

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU???

Calling someone low-class and vulgar is also name calling.

Yes, and this time it's fully deserved. OP insulted a kid and then does on DCUM to complain about her friend who remonstrated with her.

Stop insulting kids, and people will stop correcting you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP and her ilk were raised in low-class, vulgar families.

No, you do not name-call people casually like this. It is also poor form to insult a minor.

And calling a minor an ***hole, when they haven't even done anything that terrible?

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU???

Calling someone low-class and vulgar is also name calling.

Yes, and this time it's fully deserved. OP insulted a kid and then does on DCUM to complain about her friend who remonstrated with her.

Stop insulting kids, and people will stop correcting you.

I would have told OPs friend is she was lecturing me about my speech to shove it where the sun don't shine and walked off. Who the hell is she (or you) to lecture people on what they say? Get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s alarming how many people here will side with bullying a kid. However, it proves that insecurities like this child’s are hard to overcome! Be better, everyone!

No one is bullying a kid FFS. She was talking to another adult and the kid in question will never know about it.

You're fine with getting called an ***hole by other people if you never get to know about it?

Yeah, I don't think you are, hypocrite.

Why would I care? I would prefer that someone call me that to my face if I'm being an a**hole but I couldn't care less.

+1, I'm sure people have called me names behind my back before and I don't really have an issue with it. What other people think of me is none of my business.

Lies. You do care. You would not want any parent calling your kid an ***hole, even if none of you knew about it. Stop trolling on DCUM. I bet you made up this thread solely to argue about this.

First of all, sometimes my kid *is* being an ***hole. And while it doesn't bring me pleasure to think that others might be thinking that or saying it out loud behind my back, it doesn't make me upset with them. In those instances, I am focused on correcting my child's problematic behavior.

It's crazy to me that people seem to think the worst possible thing that can happen here is that someone calls your kid a mean name in a private conversation you never hear about.

Obviously the bigger issue is that your kid behaves in a way that makes people (even just in their heads) think "wow, what an ***hole."

Fix the behavior, and what people think about your kid won't matter so much to you anymore. You're feeling defensive because you know your kid sometimes acts like this and you'd rather try to stop other people from observing and commenting on it than do the hard work of parenting to address it.

+1. I know there are parents out there saying negative things about my kid's behavior. She has different issues, but I know people have called her a crybaby (which is fair). If she were being an a**hole, I'd assume they'd say that, too. You work on it, but two other parents saying mean things about her? I don't have enough years left on this Earth to give a fig about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you violated an unwritten rule between parents. You can call your own kid an ***hole. But you can't call someone else's kid an ***hole. It doesn't matter that they don't know each other.

Who wants to hear this, anyway? All of our kids will be ***holes one day. Your friend sounds kind and patient.

Oh please. No such rule ever existed. Clearly, so many of you think your kids can do no wrong.

I'm the PP you quoted. I'm a bad-ass ex-teacher not afraid to talk to kids when they do wrong. I just don't whine about them behind their parents' backs. Life is too short for that. The DMV is full of adults who would rather judge than roll up their sleeves. How about you?

Huh? I'm putting in the hard work as a parent to raise kind and good human beings. And I have a FT job on top of that. Why would I be expected to do the work of helping some random mean girl in my kid's class be better? If someone has been teasing/taunting my DD all year, I just might vent to a friend about that. Normal human behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you violated an unwritten rule between parents. You can call your own kid an ***hole. But you can't call someone else's kid an ***hole. It doesn't matter that they don't know each other.

Who wants to hear this, anyway? All of our kids will be ***holes one day. Your friend sounds kind and patient.

Oh please. No such rule ever existed. Clearly, so many of you think your kids can do no wrong.

I'm the PP you quoted. I'm a bad-ass ex-teacher not afraid to talk to kids when they do wrong. I just don't whine about them behind their parents' backs. Life is too short for that. The DMV is full of adults who would rather judge than roll up their sleeves. How about you?

I've successfully advocated for my child and have gone to the school when other kids were being a-holes to my child. And, yes, that's what they were (mocking his disability, mocking his shoes, throwing things at him). Should I have gone directly to the parents to pick a fight?

You tell me. I'm a SN parent myself. Why do you think I wrote that all our kids will be ***holes one day? It's because I've seen it too. But when you went to the school to advocate for your child, did you call the kids names? Or did you calm yourself down - like you and I, and every SN parent have done a thousand times - and describe the kids' aggression so the your child could be protected and the other kids could course-correct?

Calling someone names is not the same as calling out bad behavior in a productive way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s alarming how many people here will side with bullying a kid. However, it proves that insecurities like this child’s are hard to overcome! Be better, everyone!

No one is bullying a kid FFS. She was talking to another adult and the kid in question will never know about it.

You're fine with getting called an ***hole by other people if you never get to know about it?

Yeah, I don't think you are, hypocrite.

Why would I care? I would prefer that someone call me that to my face if I'm being an a**hole but I couldn't care less.

+1, I'm sure people have called me names behind my back before and I don't really have an issue with it. What other people think of me is none of my business.

Lies. You do care. You would not want any parent calling your kid an ***hole, even if none of you knew about it. Stop trolling on DCUM. I bet you made up this thread solely to argue about this.

First of all, sometimes my kid *is* being an ***hole. And while it doesn't bring me pleasure to think that others might be thinking that or saying it out loud behind my back, it doesn't make me upset with them. In those instances, I am focused on correcting my child's problematic behavior.

It's crazy to me that people seem to think the worst possible thing that can happen here is that someone calls your kid a mean name in a private conversation you never hear about.

Obviously the bigger issue is that your kid behaves in a way that makes people (even just in their heads) think "wow, what an ***hole."

Fix the behavior, and what people think about your kid won't matter so much to you anymore. You're feeling defensive because you know your kid sometimes acts like this and you'd rather try to stop other people from observing and commenting on it than do the hard work of parenting to address it.

+1. I know there are parents out there saying negative things about my kid's behavior. She has different issues, but I know people have called her a crybaby (which is fair). If she were being an a**hole, I'd assume they'd say that, too. You work on it, but two other parents saying mean things about her? I don't have enough years left on this Earth to give a fig about that.

This! I know people cally kid "annoying" and "weird" behind her back. The people who use weird can eff off, I don't care about them. The people who say annoying aren't wrong and it's something we work on. But I don't have a problem with other people venting about how challenging my kid can be sometimes! I feel that way too. It's normal.

We don't have to pretend kids are all blank plates or that they don't have the capacity to annoy, bother, or hurt others. You need to always be the bigger person when interacting with them, but blowing off steam later? It's fine. Kids are just people. Sometimes people are the worst.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you violated an unwritten rule between parents. You can call your own kid an ***hole. But you can't call someone else's kid an ***hole. It doesn't matter that they don't know each other.

Who wants to hear this, anyway? All of our kids will be ***holes one day. Your friend sounds kind and patient.

Oh please. No such rule ever existed. Clearly, so many of you think your kids can do no wrong.

I'm the PP you quoted. I'm a bad-ass ex-teacher not afraid to talk to kids when they do wrong. I just don't whine about them behind their parents' backs. Life is too short for that. The DMV is full of adults who would rather judge than roll up their sleeves. How about you?

I've successfully advocated for my child and have gone to the school when other kids were being a-holes to my child. And, yes, that's what they were (mocking his disability, mocking his shoes, throwing things at him). Should I have gone directly to the parents to pick a fight?

You tell me. I'm a SN parent myself. Why do you think I wrote that all our kids will be ***holes one day? It's because I've seen it too. But when you went to the school to advocate for your child, did you call the kids names? Or did you calm yourself down - like you and I, and every SN parent have done a thousand times - and describe the kids' aggression so the your child could be protected and the other kids could course-correct?

Calling someone names is not the same as calling out bad behavior in a productive way.

No I didn't call them a-holes at school and neither did OP. But I sure as hell did at home and to my friends which is totally fine. They were.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you violated an unwritten rule between parents. You can call your own kid an ***hole. But you can't call someone else's kid an ***hole. It doesn't matter that they don't know each other.

Who wants to hear this, anyway? All of our kids will be ***holes one day. Your friend sounds kind and patient.

Oh please. No such rule ever existed. Clearly, so many of you think your kids can do no wrong.

I'm the PP you quoted. I'm a bad-ass ex-teacher not afraid to talk to kids when they do wrong. I just don't whine about them behind their parents' backs. Life is too short for that. The DMV is full of adults who would rather judge than roll up their sleeves. How about you?

Huh? I'm putting in the hard work as a parent to raise kind and good human beings. And I have a FT job on top of that. Why would I be expected to do the work of helping some random mean girl in my kid's class be better? If someone has been teasing/taunting my DD all year, I just might vent to a friend about that. Normal human behavior.

I just think that venting is fine, but kind and good human beings don't cross the line into name-calling. And refraining from name-calling isn't the same as thinking your kids can do no wrong.