Do you think it's okay to criticize the behavior of a kid who is not yours?

[Anonymous]

It’s also worth noting that the behavior OP describes with the supposed “a**hole” child is pretty tame. OP, your kid can handle a competitive friend and can actually learn a lot from this situation and improve her ability to stand up for herself. Focus on that rather than getting mentally competitive with a young kid.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I didn't come here for validation. I was curious if there were others who felt the way my friend did and wanted to understand better why.

To be honest, I still don't get what the issue is with using the word a**hole to describe a kid in a private conversation. It doesn't impact this girl at all -- she wasn't there and didn't hear it.

Also someone on the last page accused me of "Pearl clutching" and, uh, what? There is a lot of pearl clutching in this thread but I am not participating in it. Y'all are more angry at me for using a foul word to describe a PITA kid in a private conversation than you are about a kid who mocks other children for needing tutoring. You're entitled to your opinion but that's like the definition of pearl clutching. Come on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I didn't come here for validation. I was curious if there were others who felt the way my friend did and wanted to understand better why.

To be honest, I still don't get what the issue is with using the word a**hole to describe a kid in a private conversation. It doesn't impact this girl at all -- she wasn't there and didn't hear it.

Also someone on the last page accused me of "Pearl clutching" and, uh, what? There is a lot of pearl clutching in this thread but I am not participating in it. Y'all are more angry at me for using a foul word to describe a PITA kid in a private conversation than you are about a kid who mocks other children for needing tutoring. You're entitled to your opinion but that's like the definition of pearl clutching. Come on.

lol you definitely expected validation. So defensive!

[Anonymous]

Please don't give us brats and more failure to launch.

A little bit of discipline is necessary since no one goes into the military anymore.

Want a good barometer? Go overseas to a civilized country and see how their kids act.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I didn't come here for validation. I was curious if there were others who felt the way my friend did and wanted to understand better why.

To be honest, I still don't get what the issue is with using the word a**hole to describe a kid in a private conversation. It doesn't impact this girl at all -- she wasn't there and didn't hear it.

Also someone on the last page accused me of "Pearl clutching" and, uh, what? There is a lot of pearl clutching in this thread but I am not participating in it. Y'all are more angry at me for using a foul word to describe a PITA kid in a private conversation than you are about a kid who mocks other children for needing tutoring. You're entitled to your opinion but that's like the definition of pearl clutching. Come on.

“Y’all are more angry about an adult’s bad behavior than a kid’s bad behavior!”

Um, yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please don't give us brats and more failure to launch.

A little bit of discipline is necessary since no one goes into the military anymore.

Want a good barometer? Go overseas to a civilized country and see how their kids act.

OP seems to be the brat here, but I agree she was badly parented.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I didn't come here for validation. I was curious if there were others who felt the way my friend did and wanted to understand better why.

To be honest, I still don't get what the issue is with using the word a**hole to describe a kid in a private conversation. It doesn't impact this girl at all -- she wasn't there and didn't hear it.

Also someone on the last page accused me of "Pearl clutching" and, uh, what? There is a lot of pearl clutching in this thread but I am not participating in it. Y'all are more angry at me for using a foul word to describe a PITA kid in a private conversation than you are about a kid who mocks other children for needing tutoring. You're entitled to your opinion but that's like the definition of pearl clutching. Come on.

“Y’all are more angry about an adult’s bad behavior than a kid’s bad behavior!”

Um, yes.

I think it's more that even if you don't think adults should name call kids, OP did it in private and it didn't impact the kid in any way.

Whereas the child in question is mocking other children about their academic needs right in front of them, which is harmful both to those kids and the culture of the school.

OP's bad behavior is mild and victimless, whereas this girl's bad behavior sounds potentially really toxic, ongoing, and awful for kids at her school.

Yet people on this thread think what OP did is much worse and are making up all kinds of excuses for the girl.

These are misplaced values.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I didn't come here for validation. I was curious if there were others who felt the way my friend did and wanted to understand better why.

To be honest, I still don't get what the issue is with using the word a**hole to describe a kid in a private conversation. It doesn't impact this girl at all -- she wasn't there and didn't hear it.

Also someone on the last page accused me of "Pearl clutching" and, uh, what? There is a lot of pearl clutching in this thread but I am not participating in it. Y'all are more angry at me for using a foul word to describe a PITA kid in a private conversation than you are about a kid who mocks other children for needing tutoring. You're entitled to your opinion but that's like the definition of pearl clutching. Come on.

“Y’all are more angry about an adult’s bad behavior than a kid’s bad behavior!”

Um, yes.

I think it's more that even if you don't think adults should name call kids, OP did it in private and it didn't impact the kid in any way.

Whereas the child in question is mocking other children about their academic needs right in front of them, which is harmful both to those kids and the culture of the school.

OP's bad behavior is mild and victimless, whereas this girl's bad behavior sounds potentially really toxic, ongoing, and awful for kids at her school.

Yet people on this thread think what OP did is much worse and are making up all kinds of excuses for the girl.

These are misplaced values.

+100

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I didn't come here for validation. I was curious if there were others who felt the way my friend did and wanted to understand better why.

To be honest, I still don't get what the issue is with using the word a**hole to describe a kid in a private conversation. It doesn't impact this girl at all -- she wasn't there and didn't hear it.

Also someone on the last page accused me of "Pearl clutching" and, uh, what? There is a lot of pearl clutching in this thread but I am not participating in it. Y'all are more angry at me for using a foul word to describe a PITA kid in a private conversation than you are about a kid who mocks other children for needing tutoring. You're entitled to your opinion but that's like the definition of pearl clutching. Come on.

“Y’all are more angry about an adult’s bad behavior than a kid’s bad behavior!”

Um, yes.

I think it's more that even if you don't think adults should name call kids, OP did it in private and it didn't impact the kid in any way.

Whereas the child in question is mocking other children about their academic needs right in front of them, which is harmful both to those kids and the culture of the school.

OP's bad behavior is mild and victimless, whereas this girl's bad behavior sounds potentially really toxic, ongoing, and awful for kids at her school.

Yet people on this thread think what OP did is much worse and are making up all kinds of excuses for the girl.

These are misplaced values.

OP’s behavior looked very bad to her friend. That’s what OP is missing. Most people don’t think nasty gossip about a child is victimless. yes I do think an adult calling a child names is worse than what the girl is doing even accepting OP’s story about it (which I don’t really).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I didn't come here for validation. I was curious if there were others who felt the way my friend did and wanted to understand better why.

To be honest, I still don't get what the issue is with using the word a**hole to describe a kid in a private conversation. It doesn't impact this girl at all -- she wasn't there and didn't hear it.

Also someone on the last page accused me of "Pearl clutching" and, uh, what? There is a lot of pearl clutching in this thread but I am not participating in it. Y'all are more angry at me for using a foul word to describe a PITA kid in a private conversation than you are about a kid who mocks other children for needing tutoring. You're entitled to your opinion but that's like the definition of pearl clutching. Come on.

“Y’all are more angry about an adult’s bad behavior than a kid’s bad behavior!”

Um, yes.

I think it's more that even if you don't think adults should name call kids, OP did it in private and it didn't impact the kid in any way.

Whereas the child in question is mocking other children about their academic needs right in front of them, which is harmful both to those kids and the culture of the school.

OP's bad behavior is mild and victimless, whereas this girl's bad behavior sounds potentially really toxic, ongoing, and awful for kids at her school.

Yet people on this thread think what OP did is much worse and are making up all kinds of excuses for the girl.

These are misplaced values.

+100

at the point when you’re trying to excuse the bad behavior of an adult based on the argument that “well the 10 year old is worse!!!” … you’re losing the fight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I didn't come here for validation. I was curious if there were others who felt the way my friend did and wanted to understand better why.

To be honest, I still don't get what the issue is with using the word a**hole to describe a kid in a private conversation. It doesn't impact this girl at all -- she wasn't there and didn't hear it.

Also someone on the last page accused me of "Pearl clutching" and, uh, what? There is a lot of pearl clutching in this thread but I am not participating in it. Y'all are more angry at me for using a foul word to describe a PITA kid in a private conversation than you are about a kid who mocks other children for needing tutoring. You're entitled to your opinion but that's like the definition of pearl clutching. Come on.

“Y’all are more angry about an adult’s bad behavior than a kid’s bad behavior!”

Um, yes.

I think it's more that even if you don't think adults should name call kids, OP did it in private and it didn't impact the kid in any way.

Whereas the child in question is mocking other children about their academic needs right in front of them, which is harmful both to those kids and the culture of the school.

OP's bad behavior is mild and victimless, whereas this girl's bad behavior sounds potentially really toxic, ongoing, and awful for kids at her school.

Yet people on this thread think what OP did is much worse and are making up all kinds of excuses for the girl.

These are misplaced values.

+100

at the point when you’re trying to excuse the bad behavior of an adult based on the argument that “well the 10 year old is worse!!!” … you’re losing the fight.

Probably true, ha. But I was agreeing with the prior post which made the point that even if you believe name calling a child in a private conversation with someone outside your school community IS wrong... that a child taunting other children who are struggling academically is worse behavior because in the latter scenario children get hurt. So no excusing OP at all. But if, for the sake of philosophical argument, we are ranking behaviors, then I agree that taunting children about a weakness they can't help (like reading struggles) to their face is worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I didn't come here for validation. I was curious if there were others who felt the way my friend did and wanted to understand better why.

To be honest, I still don't get what the issue is with using the word a**hole to describe a kid in a private conversation. It doesn't impact this girl at all -- she wasn't there and didn't hear it.

Also someone on the last page accused me of "Pearl clutching" and, uh, what? There is a lot of pearl clutching in this thread but I am not participating in it. Y'all are more angry at me for using a foul word to describe a PITA kid in a private conversation than you are about a kid who mocks other children for needing tutoring. You're entitled to your opinion but that's like the definition of pearl clutching. Come on.

“Y’all are more angry about an adult’s bad behavior than a kid’s bad behavior!”

Um, yes.

I think it's more that even if you don't think adults should name call kids, OP did it in private and it didn't impact the kid in any way.

Whereas the child in question is mocking other children about their academic needs right in front of them, which is harmful both to those kids and the culture of the school.

OP's bad behavior is mild and victimless, whereas this girl's bad behavior sounds potentially really toxic, ongoing, and awful for kids at her school.

Yet people on this thread think what OP did is much worse and are making up all kinds of excuses for the girl.

These are misplaced values.

+100

at the point when you’re trying to excuse the bad behavior of an adult based on the argument that “well the 10 year old is worse!!!” … you’re losing the fight.

Probably true, ha. But I was agreeing with the prior post which made the point that even if you believe name calling a child in a private conversation with someone outside your school community IS wrong... that a child taunting other children who are struggling academically is worse behavior because in the latter scenario children get hurt. So no excusing OP at all. But if, for the sake of philosophical argument, we are ranking behaviors, then I agree that taunting children about a weakness they can't help (like reading struggles) to their face is worse.

It’s bizarre that you are comparing adult and child behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I didn't come here for validation. I was curious if there were others who felt the way my friend did and wanted to understand better why.

To be honest, I still don't get what the issue is with using the word a**hole to describe a kid in a private conversation. It doesn't impact this girl at all -- she wasn't there and didn't hear it.

Also someone on the last page accused me of "Pearl clutching" and, uh, what? There is a lot of pearl clutching in this thread but I am not participating in it. Y'all are more angry at me for using a foul word to describe a PITA kid in a private conversation than you are about a kid who mocks other children for needing tutoring. You're entitled to your opinion but that's like the definition of pearl clutching. Come on.

“Y’all are more angry about an adult’s bad behavior than a kid’s bad behavior!”

Um, yes.

I think it's more that even if you don't think adults should name call kids, OP did it in private and it didn't impact the kid in any way.

Whereas the child in question is mocking other children about their academic needs right in front of them, which is harmful both to those kids and the culture of the school.

OP's bad behavior is mild and victimless, whereas this girl's bad behavior sounds potentially really toxic, ongoing, and awful for kids at her school.

Yet people on this thread think what OP did is much worse and are making up all kinds of excuses for the girl.

These are misplaced values.

+100

at the point when you’re trying to excuse the bad behavior of an adult based on the argument that “well the 10 year old is worse!!!” … you’re losing the fight.

Probably true, ha. But I was agreeing with the prior post which made the point that even if you believe name calling a child in a private conversation with someone outside your school community IS wrong... that a child taunting other children who are struggling academically is worse behavior because in the latter scenario children get hurt. So no excusing OP at all. But if, for the sake of philosophical argument, we are ranking behaviors, then I agree that taunting children about a weakness they can't help (like reading struggles) to their face is worse.

It’s bizarre that you are comparing adult and child behavior.

Countless number of folks on here have told OP they think her behavior is worse than the child's, and I agreed that it you feel that way, your values are misplaced. And I say that as someone who can't conceive of ever calling a 4th grader an ***hole, even to my DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s alarming how many people here will side with bullying a kid. However, it proves that insecurities like this child’s are hard to overcome! Be better, everyone!

No one is bullying a kid FFS. She was talking to another adult and the kid in question will never know about it.

You're fine with getting called an ***hole by other people if you never get to know about it?

Yeah, I don't think you are, hypocrite.

Why would I care? I would prefer that someone call me that to my face if I'm being an a**hole but I couldn't care less.

+1, I'm sure people have called me names behind my back before and I don't really have an issue with it. What other people think of me is none of my business.

Lies. You do care. You would not want any parent calling your kid an ***hole, even if none of you knew about it. Stop trolling on DCUM. I bet you made up this thread solely to argue about this.

First of all, sometimes my kid *is* being an ***hole. And while it doesn't bring me pleasure to think that others might be thinking that or saying it out loud behind my back, it doesn't make me upset with them. In those instances, I am focused on correcting my child's problematic behavior.

It's crazy to me that people seem to think the worst possible thing that can happen here is that someone calls your kid a mean name in a private conversation you never hear about.

Obviously the bigger issue is that your kid behaves in a way that makes people (even just in their heads) think "wow, what an ***hole."

Fix the behavior, and what people think about your kid won't matter so much to you anymore. You're feeling defensive because you know your kid sometimes acts like this and you'd rather try to stop other people from observing and commenting on it than do the hard work of parenting to address it.

+1000

I can't be friends with someone who doesn't think their own kid is sometimes an a**hole. All kids are sometimes. I know a mom who thinks her kid can do no wrong and that kid is the biggest a**hole out there. Interesting how that works.

This is irrelevant. Calling your own kid’s behavior out is your job, it’s done out of your commitment and responsibility to raising them, and it’s done in their best interests. It’s done with a belief they are capable of being better. That’s completely different than the attitude of calling a kid a name just to be mean spirited, and with no acknowledgment for that kid’s humanity.

Oh please, how was OP being mean spirited? She was talking to her friend about how she felt. You know, as people with friends do. She didn't say it to the kid. She didn't say it to a group of people. She didn't say it hoping it would get back to the kid or the parent. So just stop. You're ridiculous.

I mean, feel free to tell anyone how you feel. The consequence is that people will form judgments from it (such as, it is unhinged to call a 10 year old an *sshole)

Honestly, the friend did OP a favor in letting her know that she isn't someone OP wants to be friends with.

Enjoy your "hinged" friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This conversation is interesting. I wouldn't get too hung up on whether not I'm right to dislike this kid -- I feel confident in my assessment here. I've known this child and her parents since K, so five years. I'm not basing my assessment in just a few months of my kid complaining -- I've personally witnessed this child's behavior enough to know that when DD complains about it, I understand the context. I've interacted with this kid a lot and also watched her interact with both my DD and other kids and adults.

My friend's complaint was specifically with me referring to this kid the way you might describe a difficult neighbor or coworker, like "oh yeah, they are an a**hole." I know my friend would have no problem with me describing a bad neighbor that way. So I was surprised that she drew the line regarding a kid she doesn't know. She has kids, so I don't know if she just feels bothered by the idea of someone referring to her kids that way, or just generally doesn't think you should ever call a kid an a**hole.

No one has written anything here that changed my mind, though it does seem some people just don't like vulgarity I'm general or applied to kids. Would people have a different opinion if I called the kid a jerk? I would not call her a bully because I don't think her behavior is bullying -- it's more annoying and kind of a downer than anything else. It's the sort of behavior that, in an adult, would make me avoid them as much as I could, which is why I do feel bad for my kid winding up in the same classroom this year, plus we live a few blocks apart so paths overlap quite a bit. My kid doesn't really have the option of avoiding right now. But soon!

NP. If you said what you said to me, I would do a slow fade and keep my kid away from you. I have very little patience for adults who do not give kids space to grow. You do not know what’s going on in this child’s life right now, what she can’t control, and what she is learning.

I think your language was appalling. And I’d feel the same way if you used “jerk,” for what it’s worth. Parents who gossip about kids are generally terrible people and I’d want to stay far, far away.

Then your kids have never been bullied. Congratulations I guess.