Moms who complain they have no time but clearly do

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am with OP on this one. Without a doubt. I work FT and I have a hard time not laughing out loud when I do the afternoon pick up every now and then and hear the SAHMs professing how busy and put upon they are with all their kids in elementary school.

Ahh.. but try it for a while. There are a lot of people who hear "SAHM" and seem to think "oh goody, she can help me with this project and look after Jr. for me while I run errands" the husband figures she's his personal secretary.. etc. Just because a mom doesn't go to work doesn't mean she's not busy. I worked for years and am now a SAHM.. sometimes I'm busier now than I was when I was working. And sometimes I'm just horrendous with time management.

[Anonymous]

PP, thanks for the honesty. Part of the WM disdain towards some SAHMs comes from the fact that WMs don't have the luxury of being horrendous time managers. And why would you SAH only to provide free secretarial services and babysitting? I'd have my own agenda and simply say no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, thanks for the honesty. Part of the WM disdain towards some SAHMs comes from the fact that WMs don't have the luxury of being horrendous time managers. And why would you SAH only to provide free secretarial services and babysitting? I'd have my own agenda and simply say no.

I am a WM, and I can tell you, by looking around my office, that some us are good time managers, some are not. I don't think being a WM automatically cultivates that talent. Having it can make your life easier, help you get better performance reviews, etc. But I see plenty of WMs wasting time around me. Heck, I am sitting at my desk responding to DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can everyone just hold off responding until I've poured myself a last drink, checked on the kids one more time and got comfortable on the couch with my computer.

This is still my favorite post of this thread.

[Anonymous]

Who is the writing critic today? If we all bore you might I suggest that you read Perez Hilton or someone else who includes pictures with their blurbs. This is not someone's personal blog or an acclaimed website, so I am not sure what the hell you expect from a bunch of women who clearly have no time!

[Anonymous]

I can understand where the OP is coming from, but I also agree that most of this is reflexive complaining and that it is always harder to envision another person's life and the demands it places on them. I work full-time out of the home, and it does irk me sometimes to hear SAHMs complain about having no time, but I also understand that they really don't have any time. What bothers me more is when they imply that us WOHMs have it good and that we get sick days and vacation time and they don't. Well, aren't we also still mothers? I can't remember the last sick day I got since having kids, and not to mention that many of us have really demanding jobs. A sick day is virtually unheard of at my company. We all work when we're sick, unfortunately, because we have to, and we all work on vacation. And, those of us who have kids do this while taking care of our kids. So, yes, I am equally annoyed by the complaining. But mostly I wish we would all just realize that life is hard for everyone no matter their circumstances, just in different ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, thanks for the honesty. Part of the WM disdain towards some SAHMs comes from the fact that WMs don't have the luxury of being horrendous time managers. And why would you SAH only to provide free secretarial services and babysitting? I'd have my own agenda and simply say no.

Why does there have to be disdain? As PP said, some people are good time managers, others are not. WM should not feel disdain for SAHM and vice versa.

[Anonymous]

15:20, I don't think everyone's life is hard. Especially once the kiddos are in full day school. Puhleez. SAH or WOH, everyone's life gets easier once the kids are older.

[Anonymous]

15:20, here: 15:24, I guess I was probably trying to be nice, but you're right. I don't think a SAHM with kids in school and a housekeeper has a particularly hard life. Especially not in comparison to a single WOHM or even more so a married WOHM like myself who also has a close-to-40-year old baby who calls himself my husband.

[Anonymous]

I am starting to find myself annoyed though at SAHMs who have children in school and still complain about not having time.

You know what, this opens you up for a good ole fashion can of whoop ass!

I am a stay at home mother of three kids. I have no children home with me all day as the youngest is in Elementary school ALL DAY.
To give you a glimpse into the day of one DC SAHM, because apparently you are clueless.

-I am up at 6:15am, I start the coffee, then start waking children. I have clothing laid out for them to get dressed. I come down and while sipping coffee I am making breakfast. NO I do not just toss cereal on the table for my kids. This morning was pancakes. I then pack two school lunches, make sure everyone has washed their faces, brushed teeth and hair and has their backpacks. Then it is off to catch the metro bus. We walk to the school from the bus stop, go to morning line up and say good bye at the classroom. I then proceed to meet with the other whining mothers who are part of the parent education committee to discuss school topics we are working on for that week. Then I walk the mile+ from school back to my house.

-I get home and it is between 9:30-10:00am. Now I am home and have the house to myself. I go head upstairs to make sure beds are made and then back down to the basement to start the first load of laundry for the day, empty the dishwasher and then check my emails. I spend about 30minutes on the computer working on my class parent responsibilities. Getting events organized, school functions and classroom news out to the rest of the families in the class. Then I go and take a shower. Now it is time to go back downstairs and get one load in the dryer and another one in the washer. I take a few minutes to get something out for dinner and plan what is for dinner. Then I go over my calendar and make/set any appointments etc that need to be made taken care of. THIS is just the morning BEFORE NOON.

-There is trash that needs to be taken out, grass that needs to be cut, or something in the yard that needs tending to. Clothes that may need mending, toys to be fixed, or a donation to be gotten together. Then I am getting a load of laundry out of the dryer to fold it and put it away and put the next in the dryer. Now I can sit and have lunch. It is about 1:00pm and I have to pick my kids up from school at 3:00pm. So I then take off and run any errands before heading to my kids school to pick them up.

-Back home by 4:00pm. We have homework, chores, reading, play dates after school activities (dance classes, etc) as well as dinner to be made and served for a family of 5. Then it is time to clean up after dinner while the kids play with Dad. Now it is time for baths pajamas teeth brushing and bedtime stories Kisses & Hugs and FINALLY I get to sit down It is 8:30-9:00pm. Oh wait I forgot to turn on the dishwasher and fold the last load of laundry in the dryer.

This is a typical day for a SAHM. So do I have at least 4 hours out of a day to myself HELL NO. Must be nice to go to work and get a break and then bash stay at home moms because YOU have guilt issues!

Give me a break. I learned a LONG time ago to NEVER pass judgment on any other mother unless I have walked in her shoes.

Ignorance is something I just do not have time for.

[Anonymous]

This is the PP....By the way- I am also a previous business owner/operator as well as a mother.

NO mother should EVER put down another mother, EVER.

Being a mother is the most demanding, tiring job in the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a single mother and a teacher which is why I have time to read DCUM today (thanks to the elections for closing the schools I do everything and there are some times where I feel like I don't have any time. But most of the time, I get everything done. When my friends who have kids and don't work FT complain about how busy they are, I am perplexed. They have the same number of kids I do and yet seem amazed that I do what they do all by myself. I also think it is just something people say esp in this area. It is kind of the same thing as people always asking you what you do for work. In other parts of the country, people rarely ask you what your job is. My neighbor's kids are in school FT so she has about 6-7 hrs a day to herself. She is always going on about not being able to get anything done. Why not? She isn't taking care of kids or elderly parents and she isn't sick herself. I find it funny that she always says this to a group of other moms who are standing there in their work clothes who just got home from a FT job.

Wow! Are you really a teacher? Are you as dull in person as you are in this post? Wow!

At least I'm not lazy. Boring is fine with me.

[Anonymous]

I made the time management comment. I can see now that I didn't phrase it well.

When I was a WOHM, I was organized. I had to be. I was single through most of it. Now I have days where I wonder where that skill went. Organized? Not so much, lol. Some days I think "I have no TIME" for whatever. And then I clue in. Yes I do have the time. For the most part I have 7 hours/day to do whatever needs to be done. I used to do everything that had to be done around the house with far less time.

Point being.. coming from a former WOHM turned SAHM.. that sometimes the lack of a need for a schedule = poor time management and having "no time." At least that's what happened here.

RE: the extra kids and secretarial duties. I say no. Well, except for dh's stuff, he can't make personal calls from work so making dental appointments or things like that is up to me. It's fine. But we used to have days where he would just assume that I could run all over the place picking things up for him, or finding something he needs. He wouldn't even ask what else I might have planned for the day. He learned to ask, not tell, lol. "Friends" would think it was no big deal if they dropped their kids off here for a few hours. Now I just say "no, that won't work." Unless it really will work.

[Anonymous]

I say "I don't have time to do...." when I decline volunteering for projects that don't interest me or for committees with people I don't like. In truth, I do have time, just not desire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think in some ways time is like money. You never feel you have enough. When you are lucky enough to get a little more, your ambitions for what you'd like to do with it grow, and once again you're feeling squeezed.

When I was in grad school, I lived on 11k a year. My first job paid about 25K and I felt so rich. But then I got used to finally affording Starbucks and highlights for my hair so felt poor again. And so on.

It's the same way with time. When DS was an infant, I thought of all the things I could accomplish with a little more time. I planned projects, etc., and pretty soon, those hours he spent in pre-school were filled and I was back to scrambling to put something on for dinner. Now he's in school full-time, I'm single-handedly doing major renovations on my house. Once again, I'm struggling to find time to make dinner, clean the bathroom, etc.

The more we have, the more we want because our sense of possibilities grows. I think that's human nature. When everything is, by necessity, cut down to the bare bones, little things like 30 minutes of quiet time to read a novel or $8 to buy a latte and muffin feel like wonderful luxuries. If you have more time and money, they're not so special and real luxury would be a whole afternoon in bed reading or dinner at a fancy restaurant.

Wow! Another boring & crappy writer. Wow!

Yeah, not my best effort. Newly pregnant, nauseous, seriously stuffy head from allergies, and off my ritalin because of baby. But thanks. You made me feel great.

Hey, I thought that was a great post! And a good perspective. Newly-pregnant mom, ignore the writing-cop because they are just wrong. NOT boring or crappy.