Moms who complain they have no time but clearly do

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, I think it's pretty obnoxious to even worry about this. I work with a young woman in her mid 20s who is single, no kids, lives in the city and doesn't have a mortgage to worry about, a house to clean, etc. Is she not allowed to be tired or have a bad day or complain?

Everybody is different. You adapt when you have kids. You adapt when you work and have kids. When you stay home I assume you have a different set of responsibilities that keep you busy. Or not. Whatever. Who cares???

Everybody whines and complains OP, and in case it's not clear, your post was whiny and complainy too. That's fine, but you are not immune!

Right on.

[Anonymous]

I think "time" is a relative concept.

When I had no kids, I never felt like I had enough time.

Now I have one kid, and I wonder how I ever thought I didn't have enough time.

My friend with four kids, thinks I live the life of luxery.

Its all relative.

[Anonymous]

My neighbor is a SAHM with both children in elementary school. She also has a nanny for after school two days a week and a cleaning company comes to her house once a week. It hasn't given her any serenity. She is frazzled, frantic, always running around. She's shopping for her kids, renting movies for her family, entertaining and loading them into activities all week. She enjoys the attention being so "busy" brings her. "I just don't have time for anything. I have to run. On my way to..." "How do you DO it without a nanny?"
One thing though, her house is always spotless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the PP's are right. Some people, whether they are parents or not, are just natural born whiners and/or want to appear busy and important. All of your women friends and acquaintances may happen to be parents, so the only pool from which you make your observations are mothers.

My best friend and her husband have no children and she is constantly telling me that she has no time to tackle projects like yard work or a thorough cleaning of her house. It's all I can do to keep from asking her if she is f#$-ing kidding me. Meanwhile, whenever she comes over in her skinny jeans and perfectly colored hair, I am running around trying not to look like the frazzled, home hair-colored, working mom of two kids under 3 that I am!

Sounds like your best friend is busy too -- working out, and taking care of herself, her hair, her clothes.

That might not be what you consider worthwhile, but it's what she places a priority on (apparently) over yard work or a clean house.

No doubt you'd say you are too busy to work out, get hair colored at a salon. It's all about what's important to you and your family.

[Anonymous]

Also, sometimes people say "I'm too busy, can't fit that in my schedule" when what they really mean is "I'm not interested in doing that."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can everyone just hold off responding until I've poured myself a last drink, checked on the kids one more time and got comfortable on the couch with my computer.

I'll bring the popcorn.

[Anonymous]

your post really bugged me. who are you to say what everyone else's priorities should be and what they are allowed to complain about? you have no idea what goes on in the lives of these other people -- maybe they have a sick relative they are caring for or have health issues themselves, maybe they work from home, maybe they are in school, maybe they are just sitting around eating bon bons (which i doubt), maybe they're sitting at home on DCUM -- but regardless i think it's more obnoxious of you to judge them, than it is for them to be just living their life the best they can (which is what we all do). we mothers beat ourselves up enough about the time we spend with our kids, the time we devote to ourselves, our homes, etc. -- let's just be nice to each other, assume the best, and not spend time stewing over what you perceive to be someone else's unappreciated free time. you just sound a little bitter and obsessed with other people's lives. if someone's whining and you don't like it, then don't talk to that person anymore. or just smile and nod and then move on.

[Anonymous]

Agree with 8:46. You don't know what goes on in people's lives or where they are at. And who cares. Live your own life. They're too busy to worry about yours.

[Anonymous]

This was me, before kids and marriage--I *was* busy, but it was working late every night, working out every morning before work, going out a couple nights a week (esp during the single years), traveling a bunch for work, learning a language, volunteering and taking care of myself better (frequent hair cuts, manicures, pedicures). So I felt like my days were full and I was always running around--the difference is that it was mostly *me* centered. Now its *family* centered, and a lot of it is less fulfilling.

And yes, it is slighly annoying to me now when a good friend who is a SAH mom with a kid in daycare 3 days a week complains about how hard it is to find time for everything--on the other hand, her house is spotless, she always looks amazing, she gets exercise every day, their home projects actually get done, she's a great planner and shopper and cook and she is always coming up with wonderful activities for her child. Plus her husband works all the time, so the responsibility for most other things fall tro her, which is a lot. So she is as busy as I am--its not like she sits around watching TV--but the diff. is that I would be "more" busy than she IF I attempted to do all that she does and work. Instead, our house looks like crap, we're having leftovers AGAIN, and the last time I had a manicure Bush was in office. But I like my job and we need the cash and it's not a competition.

okay, pumping over, back to work!

[Anonymous]

""Honestly, I think that mothers corner the market on busy, but it still seems that lots of people want to be sure that everyone knows how busy/important they are. "

Just like they did in high school. "

LMAO!

[Anonymous]

OP, I agree with some of the points that you brought up and I understand where you are coming from as I have the same frustrations with a few of my friends (both married and single, kids and no kids).

But, perhaps one of the reasons that the SAHMs are complaining is because their husbands work long hours (thus their ability to stay home) and they are doing everything by themselves. At least that is the case with a friend of mine. Her husband makes good money so she can stay at home but he spends way more time at work than at home and everything related to the house and kids fall on her. I work FT and so does my husband but he works from home and has a very flexible schedule. As much as I envy my SAHM friend sometimes, I think I am better off with a husband who truly is "partner" in this crazy gig we call parenting. I really feel that we share the responsibilities of parenting and that is something that I wouldn't be willing to give up to be a SAHM.

I'm not saying that is the case with everyone, but its just another perspective.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I agree with some of the points that you brought up and I understand where you are coming from as I have the same frustrations with a few of my friends (both married and single, kids and no kids).

But, perhaps one of the reasons that the SAHMs are complaining is because their husbands work long hours (thus their ability to stay home) and they are doing everything by themselves. At least that is the case with a friend of mine. Her husband makes good money so she can stay at home but he spends way more time at work than at home and everything related to the house and kids fall on her. I work FT and so does my husband but he works from home and has a very flexible schedule. As much as I envy my SAHM friend sometimes, I think I am better off with a husband who truly is "partner" in this crazy gig we call parenting. I really feel that we share the responsibilities of parenting and that is something that I wouldn't be willing to give up to be a SAHM.

I'm not saying that is the case with everyone, but its just another perspective.

I think you made a good point. I'm a SAHM and definitely have some days that are crazy busy but on the average, I do have time to surf the net, read some useless crap and flip through a magazine. Granted, when I was working I had that time too. I think the difference for me is that when I'm doing it at home I typically have one or more kids clamoring for my attention whereas at work I could shut my office door and just zone out for a bit. I'm also in a situation like the PP mentioned where my husband works tons so there is very little he does around the house to help. I take on the "male" jobs such as mowing the lawn, plus all the typical "mom" duties plus volunteering at school. So, like I said, I do have some crazy busy days and you may hear me bitching but I also have some days where I can chat on the phone for an hour during nap time without my boss buzzing in and needing me. I was definitely more stressed when working full time and running a house. Just a different kind of stressed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the PP's are right. Some people, whether they are parents or not, are just natural born whiners and/or want to appear busy and important. All of your women friends and acquaintances may happen to be parents, so the only pool from which you make your observations are mothers.

My best friend and her husband have no children and she is constantly telling me that she has no time to tackle projects like yard work or a thorough cleaning of her house. It's all I can do to keep from asking her if she is f#$-ing kidding me. Meanwhile, whenever she comes over in her skinny jeans and perfectly colored hair, I am running around trying not to look like the frazzled, home hair-colored, working mom of two kids under 3 that I am!

Sounds like your best friend is busy too -- working out, and taking care of herself, her hair, her clothes.

That might not be what you consider worthwhile, but it's what she places a priority on (apparently) over yard work or a clean house.

No doubt you'd say you are too busy to work out, get hair colored at a salon. It's all about what's important to you and your family.

This. Everyone has priorities and we make time for those. Your priority right now is caring for kids and your friend's priority is shopping for jeans or going to the salon, but what's the difference? They both take up time that could be spent doing yardwork or housecleaning.

[Anonymous]

I do find there's little tolerance and outright curiosity towards a friend of mine who is very rarely busy and jealously guards her time. She likes to do house projects and be very spontaneous. Doesn't work, kids are all in at least part time school. Doesn't pressure herself to have homecooked meals every night, her house is frankly always a mess and she doesn't look any better than the rest of us. What she excels at is having very little stress.

When confronted with her choices, I have to ask myself: is that how I want to live my life? For better or worse, the answer is no.

It really does depend on your priorities.

[Anonymous]

I wonder if the complaining about not having enough time is just something people say for small talk. I know that myself and other will always talk about being 'busy'. I know that sometimes I am busy doing important things, sometimes I am busy because I pissed away time and didn't get my stuff done, and sometimes I am not really busy but not invested enough in the conversation to come up with any other response.

It could also be just all the stuff that goes into having a house and kids. Before marriage and kids , I had years where I worked 70-90 hours a week and I am not exaggerating in any way. I still had time to sleep in for a few hours on a Saturday, then go into work for the rest of the day, work late but then meet someone for a drink and then go to bed getting a reasonable amount of sleep. I could work 12-18 hour days but still have time to get in a good run and catch dinner quickly with a friend or co-worker. I felt like I had so much more time to myself. With kids, a house, a full time job and a commute I have absolutely no time to myself at all. When I am not working (and I only work 40 hours now), I am with my kids. When my kids are sleeping I am working or cleaning the house and its pretty exhausting.

While I have never been a stay at home, I could imagine that those 4 hours a day gets sucked up cleaning the house, running errands, and doing stuff that fractures your time. None of these things is particularly rewarding so the feeling that you don't have any time is probably more intense.