Moms who complain they have no time but clearly do

[Anonymous]

"I wonder if the complaining about not having enough time is just something people say for small talk. I know that myself and other will always talk about being 'busy'. I know that sometimes I am busy doing important things, sometimes I am busy because I pissed away time and didn't get my stuff done, and sometimes I am not really busy but not invested enough in the conversation to come up with any other response. "

It's the same people, with same big bag of B.S. in high school. Very little has changed, they're just fatter & balder.

[Anonymous]

OP here:
I would like to point out that, while I am of course complaining, I am not complaining about my lack of time, so the "you're complaining also" posts are pretty irrelevant. I never in there said anything about MY lack of time. I never said that I don't complain about ANYTHING. Just to address some of the responses (which were much more tame than I'd expected, BTW, and many very helpful.....the posts discussing small talk or making conversation were the most helpful)

1) I wasn't talking about 1 person, I was actually alternately referring to 3 people. 1 is my sister and 1 is a very close friend who knows full well how I feel about this. Trust me, if she read this posts she would laugh at me and know it was about her. I know the situations that these people are in.

2) If you never find anything your friends say or do irritating, you are a much better person than 99.9% of human beings. Posting about it anonymously on a website rather than saying nasty things to people seems far preferable to me than bad mouthing someone in person or to people that know who you're talking about just to get it off my chest....or stewing about it thinking negative things without bouncing it off other people. Everyone is different. I'm sure that some of these people think I'm a snot for things I say. I'd rather them complain here than give me crap about it. Get it off your chest, but you don't need to have a discussion with every person based on everything they may do that you wouldn't.

3) I am basically just venting. I am pregnant and nearly everything annoys me 100 times more than normal.

4) I actually think that some people with kids have more free time than some people with no kids......I certainly don't believe that just by having kids you therefore have less time. It depends on the person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here:
I would like to point out that, while I am of course complaining, I am not complaining about my lack of time, so the "you're complaining also" posts are pretty irrelevant. I never in there said anything about MY lack of time. I never said that I don't complain about ANYTHING. Just to address some of the responses (which were much more tame than I'd expected, BTW, and many very helpful.....the posts discussing small talk or making conversation were the most helpful)

1) I wasn't talking about 1 person, I was actually alternately referring to 3 people. 1 is my sister and 1 is a very close friend who knows full well how I feel about this. Trust me, if she read this posts she would laugh at me and know it was about her. I know the situations that these people are in.

2) If you never find anything your friends say or do irritating, you are a much better person than 99.9% of human beings. Posting about it anonymously on a website rather than saying nasty things to people seems far preferable to me than bad mouthing someone in person or to people that know who you're talking about just to get it off my chest....or stewing about it thinking negative things without bouncing it off other people. Everyone is different. I'm sure that some of these people think I'm a snot for things I say. I'd rather them complain here than give me crap about it. Get it off your chest, but you don't need to have a discussion with every person based on everything they may do that you wouldn't.

3) I am basically just venting. I am pregnant and nearly everything annoys me 100 times more than normal.

4) I actually think that some people with kids have more free time than some people with no kids......I certainly don't believe that just by having kids you therefore have less time. It depends on the person.

Wow! What what a boring & crappy writer. Wow!

[Anonymous]

I think in some ways time is like money. You never feel you have enough. When you are lucky enough to get a little more, your ambitions for what you'd like to do with it grow, and once again you're feeling squeezed.

When I was in grad school, I lived on 11k a year. My first job paid about 25K and I felt so rich. But then I got used to finally affording Starbucks and highlights for my hair so felt poor again. And so on.

It's the same way with time. When DS was an infant, I thought of all the things I could accomplish with a little more time. I planned projects, etc., and pretty soon, those hours he spent in pre-school were filled and I was back to scrambling to put something on for dinner. Now he's in school full-time, I'm single-handedly doing major renovations on my house. Once again, I'm struggling to find time to make dinner, clean the bathroom, etc.

The more we have, the more we want because our sense of possibilities grows. I think that's human nature. When everything is, by necessity, cut down to the bare bones, little things like 30 minutes of quiet time to read a novel or $8 to buy a latte and muffin feel like wonderful luxuries. If you have more time and money, they're not so special and real luxury would be a whole afternoon in bed reading or dinner at a fancy restaurant.

[Anonymous]

Here's one thing: a "PT work-at-home job" often turns into an effort to cram a full-time workload into a part-time schedule.

My job is nominally part time but with projects due, I often work a full schedule -- some of that on nights and weekends.

[Anonymous]

OP the point of pointing out your complaining was to show that everyone complains. You have the right to vent and complain about this as much as they have the right to bitch about time.

The thing with time is, most of us have enough, but we don't have it arranged always in a way we like. It's like trying to explain to someone why those first few weeks of having a newborn can be tough and frenzied. "But they sleep for 14-16 hours a day, why can't you sleep? Cook? Clean? Go have coffee? Spend time with your DH? What are you DOING?"

It's because it's not planned, neatly organized time. It's hard to plan because you don't know when the baby will eat, sleep, cry, etc.

Same with work. Yes, I have time to post on DCUM at work, but that's not time I could be spending with my child, cooking dinner, or running an errand. It's a few minutes here and there b/w meetings, while waiting for the next version of something to work on, waiting for a return email with answers I need to move forward, and so on. Even sleeping: I have designated time for that but I can't always control if I wake up worried about something or my kid cries out and then boom, I'm up for an hour. Totally wasted time. And them I'm tired the next day.

If everyone could neatly package their day the way they wanted, most of would all have enough time. But it doesn't work out that way. Which is why complaining about lack of time is universal and everyone does it - WMs, SAHMs, PT WMs and those without kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think in some ways time is like money. You never feel you have enough. When you are lucky enough to get a little more, your ambitions for what you'd like to do with it grow, and once again you're feeling squeezed.

When I was in grad school, I lived on 11k a year. My first job paid about 25K and I felt so rich. But then I got used to finally affording Starbucks and highlights for my hair so felt poor again. And so on.

It's the same way with time. When DS was an infant, I thought of all the things I could accomplish with a little more time. I planned projects, etc., and pretty soon, those hours he spent in pre-school were filled and I was back to scrambling to put something on for dinner. Now he's in school full-time, I'm single-handedly doing major renovations on my house. Once again, I'm struggling to find time to make dinner, clean the bathroom, etc.

The more we have, the more we want because our sense of possibilities grows. I think that's human nature. When everything is, by necessity, cut down to the bare bones, little things like 30 minutes of quiet time to read a novel or $8 to buy a latte and muffin feel like wonderful luxuries. If you have more time and money, they're not so special and real luxury would be a whole afternoon in bed reading or dinner at a fancy restaurant.

Wow! Another boring & crappy writer. Wow!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:your post really bugged me. who are you to say what everyone else's priorities should be and what they are allowed to complain about? you have no idea what goes on in the lives of these other people -- maybe they have a sick relative they are caring for or have health issues themselves, maybe they work from home, maybe they are in school, maybe they are just sitting around eating bon bons (which i doubt), maybe they're sitting at home on DCUM -- but regardless i think it's more obnoxious of you to judge them, than it is for them to be just living their life the best they can (which is what we all do). we mothers beat ourselves up enough about the time we spend with our kids, the time we devote to ourselves, our homes, etc. -- let's just be nice to each other, assume the best, and not spend time stewing over what you perceive to be someone else's unappreciated free time. you just sound a little bitter and obsessed with other people's lives. if someone's whining and you don't like it, then don't talk to that person anymore. or just smile and nod and then move on.

You really need to grow thicker skin? The OP bothers you? Seriously get a grip.

Why are people so bothered by what annoymous people think on the internet? Are these your only friends? Is website the extent of your life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think in some ways time is like money. You never feel you have enough. When you are lucky enough to get a little more, your ambitions for what you'd like to do with it grow, and once again you're feeling squeezed.

When I was in grad school, I lived on 11k a year. My first job paid about 25K and I felt so rich. But then I got used to finally affording Starbucks and highlights for my hair so felt poor again. And so on.

It's the same way with time. When DS was an infant, I thought of all the things I could accomplish with a little more time. I planned projects, etc., and pretty soon, those hours he spent in pre-school were filled and I was back to scrambling to put something on for dinner. Now he's in school full-time, I'm single-handedly doing major renovations on my house. Once again, I'm struggling to find time to make dinner, clean the bathroom, etc.

The more we have, the more we want because our sense of possibilities grows. I think that's human nature. When everything is, by necessity, cut down to the bare bones, little things like 30 minutes of quiet time to read a novel or $8 to buy a latte and muffin feel like wonderful luxuries. If you have more time and money, they're not so special and real luxury would be a whole afternoon in bed reading or dinner at a fancy restaurant.

Wow! Another boring & crappy writer. Wow!

Yeah, not my best effort. Newly pregnant, nauseous, seriously stuffy head from allergies, and off my ritalin because of baby. But thanks. You made me feel great.

[Anonymous]

I'm a single mother and a teacher which is why I have time to read DCUM today (thanks to the elections for closing the schools I do everything and there are some times where I feel like I don't have any time. But most of the time, I get everything done. When my friends who have kids and don't work FT complain about how busy they are, I am perplexed. They have the same number of kids I do and yet seem amazed that I do what they do all by myself. I also think it is just something people say esp in this area. It is kind of the same thing as people always asking you what you do for work. In other parts of the country, people rarely ask you what your job is. My neighbor's kids are in school FT so she has about 6-7 hrs a day to herself. She is always going on about not being able to get anything done. Why not? She isn't taking care of kids or elderly parents and she isn't sick herself. I find it funny that she always says this to a group of other moms who are standing there in their work clothes who just got home from a FT job.

[Anonymous]

You know, I get the point of your post. Because I am a mother of 6 (grown mind you) and I own a daycare. What gets me is parents with one child justifying dropping said child at daycare when they are not working because they simply HAVE to get some things done. Now, they pay for the spot so I have no issue with the child being here. It just makes me want to giggle because the things they are trying to get done I get done each day with six children (including theirs) LOL! One that sticks in my mind is a parent who had to pack for a weekend trip, and did not imagine this could be done with her very well behaved 4 yo at home. My goodness, can you imagine what in heavens name these people would have done if they had multiple children as I did? Stuff got done I tell ya, sometimes I am not sure how but it did

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, I'm a PT working mom, and I don't have any issue or qualm with women choosing to work or not to work. I think it's every family's decision.

I am starting to find myself annoyed though at SAHMs who have children in school and still complain about not having time. If you have 1 child who is in pre-school 4 hours a day how are you still complaining? I just don't get it. Do you know how hard it is to get 4 hours to yourself if you have other children to take care of or are at work? I have one friend who stays home and sends her youngest to daycare all day and still complains about money and time. Her youngest is 3, he doesn't need to go to full-time daycare instead of pre-school. I don't get it. How can she NOT have time? She doesn't work! She doesn't have children at home with her! What are people doing with their time? I mean, if you stay home and have help, that's great, but why are you still complaining? It's not what they're doing that bothers me, it's the whining.

In the same vein....I have known working Moms who clearly work more than they need to for their job but complain they never see their kids. OR, they go out at night and get babysitters rather than stay home with their children. I know you need time with your significant other. I need that time also. But when you do it several times a week it makes no sense to me. I mean, do it, but then don't whine that you have no time with your kids when you're choosing to spend that time doing other things. Just be who you are and accept that you're just not that Mom.

Why is everyone whining?! Is it guilt or something?

I found this statement puzzling. How would you ever know how much work is required for someone else's job?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a single mother and a teacher which is why I have time to read DCUM today (thanks to the elections for closing the schools I do everything and there are some times where I feel like I don't have any time. But most of the time, I get everything done. When my friends who have kids and don't work FT complain about how busy they are, I am perplexed. They have the same number of kids I do and yet seem amazed that I do what they do all by myself. I also think it is just something people say esp in this area. It is kind of the same thing as people always asking you what you do for work. In other parts of the country, people rarely ask you what your job is. My neighbor's kids are in school FT so she has about 6-7 hrs a day to herself. She is always going on about not being able to get anything done. Why not? She isn't taking care of kids or elderly parents and she isn't sick herself. I find it funny that she always says this to a group of other moms who are standing there in their work clothes who just got home from a FT job.

Wow! Are you really a teacher? Are you as dull in person as you are in this post? Wow!

[Anonymous]

Ok, what's with the critic today? The posts are not that boring or dull. The critic is being a PITA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, what's with the critic today? The posts are not that boring or dull. The critic is being a PITA.

Yeah, if you want excitement I wouldn't go to DCUM. I mean, I love it but come on. And criticizing the crappy writing of DCUM posts is weird too. It's an anonymous post on a parenting forum that most people are just dashing out, not a writing sample.