Boyfriend dropped big news

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:No way Jose. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Cut your losses now and find someone with compatible life goals.

Just like the thread about dating someone who supports his parents, you will never be a priority here. And unfortunately for you, you’re in line behind a sex offender. Is that going to impact where you live? (Xmiles away from a school?) is that going to be an issue when you have your own children and a pedophile lives with you? No. No. Nonononono. Do your future self and family a favor and cut this guy loose.

Statutory rape (if the DA can even call it that considering the autism) is NOT the same as being a being a pedophile. As I said before, you are just a shit person.

I think the person justifying sexual assault is more likely the “shit person”. Are you also a sex offender? Or dating one? Why is this so triggering for you?

Why are you so dumb? The law clearly distinguishes between the two so why can't you? And yes, you absolutely are a shit and a dumb person for causing him of pedophilia. No one is justifying anything. FACTS MATTER.

He could absolutely be a pedophile, and it is incredibly naive not to consider that possibility. I have a developmentally disabled cousin (not autistic) who went to jail for sex with a minor with about the same ages as the brother here. Many sort of shrugged it off because he was a young adult and with his disabilities, was at a similar emotional level to the girl he was with. Guess what? He's a pedophile. Years later he got caught with all kinds of child porn and ended up back in jail. And I'm very glad that I've never let him be around my kids.

So now we are just speculating? I was responding to the facts OP provided, not what could be. Currently, he is not accused of being a pedophile.

You speculated that it was consensual and that he’s so severely delayed that they are the same age. It’s not ok for you to make up facts to suit your narrative either.

No, I didn't. I said statutory rape often is consensual. It doesn't mean it's right or legal. But you really think a 15 year old and an 18 year old having sex is the same as pedophilia? And if he was charged with statutory rape vs. sexual assault vs. rape that should tell you something. It's more than speculation. Also, if you knew anything about autism, you'd know that he is behind.

Op doesn’t list the exact crime(s) he is charged with. Your rabid defence of someone accused of a sex crime is disturbing.

I think it's more disturbing to call a disabled man a pedophile without proof but that's just me.

You seem to think that because someone is disabled they are not responsible for their own decisions. That’s incorrect. If you had a problem with the verbiage used you could have conveyed that much more concisely (and without personal insults). Your point is completely lost while defending someone accused of sex crimes with a minor.

Depending on the severity of his disability, of course! People have to be of a certain mental capacity to be held liable. I stated many times that my problem was the verbiage but every time I was called an apologist for sexual predators which is, yes, moronic.

[Anonymous]

There are no halfway houses available. It's not going to be an option for your boyfriend.

[Anonymous]

Ok hold up everyone. How old are your boyfriend’s parents? If this is a case where they’re going to be around for 20 years, I don’t think the concern is there for your future kids, because they’ll likely be out of the house by the time the brother comes to live with you.

Like someone else mentioned, by that time (20 years later), your boyfriend may feel differently about what the best living situation is for his brother. There are definitely developmental group housing situations available for highly functional autism.

I am planning on taking in my sister after my parents pass or become unable to take care of her. My DH knows this and supports this, but she is not capable of living alone and needs 24/7 care. I have at least 15-20 years before this happens. I don’t know if in the future a group home or assisted living facility might be better for her, but we will explore all those options and if the best course for her is our home, that will be what happens. My kids will be fully grown by then and I don’t expect it to impact them at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, how old are the parents? Are they in good health? How soon would this even be an issue?

OP here with more details. The parents are 69 and 75 with deteriorating health.

My boyfriend and his brother are adopted and have different bio parents, for those with concerns of passing along autism.

In addition, neither boyfriend or are are set on having kids. We could go either way. We’ve both been dating for a lot longer than expected trying to find a spouse, and we’re excited that we found each other.

I just don’t think I can have his brother living with me though. I will have to break things off I guess.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:No way Jose. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Cut your losses now and find someone with compatible life goals.

Just like the thread about dating someone who supports his parents, you will never be a priority here. And unfortunately for you, you’re in line behind a sex offender. Is that going to impact where you live? (Xmiles away from a school?) is that going to be an issue when you have your own children and a pedophile lives with you? No. No. Nonononono. Do your future self and family a favor and cut this guy loose.

Statutory rape (if the DA can even call it that considering the autism) is NOT the same as being a being a pedophile. As I said before, you are just a shit person.

I think the person justifying sexual assault is more likely the “shit person”. Are you also a sex offender? Or dating one? Why is this so triggering for you?

Why are you so dumb? The law clearly distinguishes between the two so why can't you? And yes, you absolutely are a shit and a dumb person for causing him of pedophilia. No one is justifying anything. FACTS MATTER.

He could absolutely be a pedophile, and it is incredibly naive not to consider that possibility. I have a developmentally disabled cousin (not autistic) who went to jail for sex with a minor with about the same ages as the brother here. Many sort of shrugged it off because he was a young adult and with his disabilities, was at a similar emotional level to the girl he was with. Guess what? He's a pedophile. Years later he got caught with all kinds of child porn and ended up back in jail. And I'm very glad that I've never let him be around my kids.

So now we are just speculating? I was responding to the facts OP provided, not what could be. Currently, he is not accused of being a pedophile.

You speculated that it was consensual and that he’s so severely delayed that they are the same age. It’s not ok for you to make up facts to suit your narrative either.

No, I didn't. I said statutory rape often is consensual. It doesn't mean it's right or legal. But you really think a 15 year old and an 18 year old having sex is the same as pedophilia? And if he was charged with statutory rape vs. sexual assault vs. rape that should tell you something. It's more than speculation. Also, if you knew anything about autism, you'd know that he is behind.

Op doesn’t list the exact crime(s) he is charged with. Your rabid defence of someone accused of a sex crime is disturbing.

I think it's more disturbing to call a disabled man a pedophile without proof but that's just me.

You seem to think that because someone is disabled they are not responsible for their own decisions. That’s incorrect. If you had a problem with the verbiage used you could have conveyed that much more concisely (and without personal insults). Your point is completely lost while defending someone accused of sex crimes with a minor.

Depending on the severity of his disability, of course! People have to be of a certain mental capacity to be held liable. I stated many times that my problem was the verbiage but every time I was called an apologist for sexual predators which is, yes, moronic.

And that means you call someone a “shit person”? Gross.

[Anonymous]

That is big news, and it's good that he told you sooner rather than later.

I would not choose that life for myself. If the parents die and then the spouse predeceases you, then what? Are you stuck having to find a place for the brother to live?

What might you have to deal with 40 years down the road when you are an old lady dealing with her own health issues?

[Anonymous]

Can the brother live in an apartment attached to your place instead of in your place? Perhaps a caretaker could be hired for him while your bf would still be close but the brother would be in a separate dwelling? I think it’s a lot to as a spouse to take in a family member, especially one with a disability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No way Jose. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Cut your losses now and find someone with compatible life goals.

Just like the thread about dating someone who supports his parents, you will never be a priority here. And unfortunately for you, you’re in line behind a sex offender. Is that going to impact where you live? (Xmiles away from a school?) is that going to be an issue when you have your own children and a pedophile lives with you? No. No. Nonononono. Do your future self and family a favor and cut this guy loose.

Statutory rape (if the DA can even call it that considering the autism) is NOT the same as being a being a pedophile. As I said before, you are just a shit person.

I think the person justifying sexual assault is more likely the “shit person”. Are you also a sex offender? Or dating one? Why is this so triggering for you?

Why are you so dumb? The law clearly distinguishes between the two so why can't you? And yes, you absolutely are a shit and a dumb person for causing him of pedophilia. No one is justifying anything. FACTS MATTER.

He could absolutely be a pedophile, and it is incredibly naive not to consider that possibility. I have a developmentally disabled cousin (not autistic) who went to jail for sex with a minor with about the same ages as the brother here. Many sort of shrugged it off because he was a young adult and with his disabilities, was at a similar emotional level to the girl he was with. Guess what? He's a pedophile. Years later he got caught with all kinds of child porn and ended up back in jail. And I'm very glad that I've never let him be around my kids.

So now we are just speculating? I was responding to the facts OP provided, not what could be. Currently, he is not accused of being a pedophile.

You speculated that it was consensual and that he’s so severely delayed that they are the same age. It’s not ok for you to make up facts to suit your narrative either.

No, I didn't. I said statutory rape often is consensual. It doesn't mean it's right or legal. But you really think a 15 year old and an 18 year old having sex is the same as pedophilia? And if he was charged with statutory rape vs. sexual assault vs. rape that should tell you something. It's more than speculation. Also, if you knew anything about autism, you'd know that he is behind.

Op doesn’t list the exact crime(s) he is charged with. Your rabid defence of someone accused of a sex crime is disturbing.

I think it's more disturbing to call a disabled man a pedophile without proof but that's just me.

You seem to think that because someone is disabled they are not responsible for their own decisions. That’s incorrect. If you had a problem with the verbiage used you could have conveyed that much more concisely (and without personal insults). Your point is completely lost while defending someone accused of sex crimes with a minor.

Depending on the severity of his disability, of course! People have to be of a certain mental capacity to be held liable. I stated many times that my problem was the verbiage but every time I was called an apologist for sexual predators which is, yes, moronic.

And that means you call someone a “shit person”? Gross.

Not someone. the one I was responding to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No way Jose. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Cut your losses now and find someone with compatible life goals.

Just like the thread about dating someone who supports his parents, you will never be a priority here. And unfortunately for you, you’re in line behind a sex offender. Is that going to impact where you live? (Xmiles away from a school?) is that going to be an issue when you have your own children and a pedophile lives with you? No. No. Nonononono. Do your future self and family a favor and cut this guy loose.

Statutory rape (if the DA can even call it that considering the autism) is NOT the same as being a being a pedophile. As I said before, you are just a shit person.

I think the person justifying sexual assault is more likely the “shit person”. Are you also a sex offender? Or dating one? Why is this so triggering for you?

Why are you so dumb? The law clearly distinguishes between the two so why can't you? And yes, you absolutely are a shit and a dumb person for causing him of pedophilia. No one is justifying anything. FACTS MATTER.

He could absolutely be a pedophile, and it is incredibly naive not to consider that possibility. I have a developmentally disabled cousin (not autistic) who went to jail for sex with a minor with about the same ages as the brother here. Many sort of shrugged it off because he was a young adult and with his disabilities, was at a similar emotional level to the girl he was with. Guess what? He's a pedophile. Years later he got caught with all kinds of child porn and ended up back in jail. And I'm very glad that I've never let him be around my kids.

So now we are just speculating? I was responding to the facts OP provided, not what could be. Currently, he is not accused of being a pedophile.

You speculated that it was consensual and that he’s so severely delayed that they are the same age. It’s not ok for you to make up facts to suit your narrative either.

No, I didn't. I said statutory rape often is consensual. It doesn't mean it's right or legal. But you really think a 15 year old and an 18 year old having sex is the same as pedophilia? And if he was charged with statutory rape vs. sexual assault vs. rape that should tell you something. It's more than speculation. Also, if you knew anything about autism, you'd know that he is behind.

It’s literally written in black and white.

“Statutory rape between an autistic 19 year old (who is obviously developmentally behind) and a 14-year-old was likely consensual”

You are assuming consent, you are assuming his delay. Feel free to read your own posts instead of throwing out insults to people who don’t want sex offenders in their home/around their kids 🙄

I never said she should have a sex offender in her home FFS. Statutory rape is still a sexual offense. What I can't stand is hysterics and calling him a pedophile when he was (according to OP) never charged with that.

What do you think statutory rape is?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's sad, but especially if you want to have kids, given his criminal history that's going to be a deal breaker. Boyfriend isn't a bad person for wanting to care for his brother but realistically it's going to come at a sacrifice for his own family.

+1

It’s very good that you know this now.

As heartbreaking as it is, this is something that you, I, would step away from. I would not move forward with this relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can the brother live in an apartment attached to your place instead of in your place? Perhaps a caretaker could be hired for him while your bf would still be close but the brother would be in a separate dwelling? I think it’s a lot to as a spouse to take in a family member, especially one with a disability.

Exactly. Details could be worked out for his brother to live in assisted living or semi-independently. It doesn't have to be the end of the relationship just because he wants to take care of his brother.

[Anonymous]

He's doing the right thing by disclosing this now. And you're fully within your right to decide that this arrangement is not for you. It's neither of your fault. I'm sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No way Jose. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Cut your losses now and find someone with compatible life goals.

Just like the thread about dating someone who supports his parents, you will never be a priority here. And unfortunately for you, you’re in line behind a sex offender. Is that going to impact where you live? (Xmiles away from a school?) is that going to be an issue when you have your own children and a pedophile lives with you? No. No. Nonononono. Do your future self and family a favor and cut this guy loose.

Statutory rape (if the DA can even call it that considering the autism) is NOT the same as being a being a pedophile. As I said before, you are just a shit person.

I think the person justifying sexual assault is more likely the “shit person”. Are you also a sex offender? Or dating one? Why is this so triggering for you?

Why are you so dumb? The law clearly distinguishes between the two so why can't you? And yes, you absolutely are a shit and a dumb person for causing him of pedophilia. No one is justifying anything. FACTS MATTER.

He could absolutely be a pedophile, and it is incredibly naive not to consider that possibility. I have a developmentally disabled cousin (not autistic) who went to jail for sex with a minor with about the same ages as the brother here. Many sort of shrugged it off because he was a young adult and with his disabilities, was at a similar emotional level to the girl he was with. Guess what? He's a pedophile. Years later he got caught with all kinds of child porn and ended up back in jail. And I'm very glad that I've never let him be around my kids.

So now we are just speculating? I was responding to the facts OP provided, not what could be. Currently, he is not accused of being a pedophile.

You speculated that it was consensual and that he’s so severely delayed that they are the same age. It’s not ok for you to make up facts to suit your narrative either.

No, I didn't. I said statutory rape often is consensual. It doesn't mean it's right or legal. But you really think a 15 year old and an 18 year old having sex is the same as pedophilia? And if he was charged with statutory rape vs. sexual assault vs. rape that should tell you something. It's more than speculation. Also, if you knew anything about autism, you'd know that he is behind.

It’s literally written in black and white.

“Statutory rape between an autistic 19 year old (who is obviously developmentally behind) and a 14-year-old was likely consensual”

You are assuming consent, you are assuming his delay. Feel free to read your own posts instead of throwing out insults to people who don’t want sex offenders in their home/around their kids 🙄

I never said she should have a sex offender in her home FFS. Statutory rape is still a sexual offense. What I can't stand is hysterics and calling him a pedophile when he was (according to OP) never charged with that.

What do you think statutory rape is?

I've stated many times what know it is. What do you think it is?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No way Jose. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Cut your losses now and find someone with compatible life goals.

Just like the thread about dating someone who supports his parents, you will never be a priority here. And unfortunately for you, you’re in line behind a sex offender. Is that going to impact where you live? (Xmiles away from a school?) is that going to be an issue when you have your own children and a pedophile lives with you? No. No. Nonononono. Do your future self and family a favor and cut this guy loose.

Statutory rape (if the DA can even call it that considering the autism) is NOT the same as being a being a pedophile. As I said before, you are just a shit person.

I think the person justifying sexual assault is more likely the “shit person”. Are you also a sex offender? Or dating one? Why is this so triggering for you?

Why are you so dumb? The law clearly distinguishes between the two so why can't you? And yes, you absolutely are a shit and a dumb person for causing him of pedophilia. No one is justifying anything. FACTS MATTER.

He could absolutely be a pedophile, and it is incredibly naive not to consider that possibility. I have a developmentally disabled cousin (not autistic) who went to jail for sex with a minor with about the same ages as the brother here. Many sort of shrugged it off because he was a young adult and with his disabilities, was at a similar emotional level to the girl he was with. Guess what? He's a pedophile. Years later he got caught with all kinds of child porn and ended up back in jail. And I'm very glad that I've never let him be around my kids.

So now we are just speculating? I was responding to the facts OP provided, not what could be. Currently, he is not accused of being a pedophile.

You speculated that it was consensual and that he’s so severely delayed that they are the same age. It’s not ok for you to make up facts to suit your narrative either.

No, I didn't. I said statutory rape often is consensual. It doesn't mean it's right or legal. But you really think a 15 year old and an 18 year old having sex is the same as pedophilia? And if he was charged with statutory rape vs. sexual assault vs. rape that should tell you something. It's more than speculation. Also, if you knew anything about autism, you'd know that he is behind.

Op doesn’t list the exact crime(s) he is charged with. Your rabid defence of someone accused of a sex crime is disturbing.

I think it's more disturbing to call a disabled man a pedophile without proof but that's just me.

You seem to think that because someone is disabled they are not responsible for their own decisions. That’s incorrect. If you had a problem with the verbiage used you could have conveyed that much more concisely (and without personal insults). Your point is completely lost while defending someone accused of sex crimes with a minor.

Depending on the severity of his disability, of course! People have to be of a certain mental capacity to be held liable. I stated many times that my problem was the verbiage but every time I was called an apologist for sexual predators which is, yes, moronic.

And that means you call someone a “shit person”? Gross.

Not someone. the one I was responding to.

...Thats me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, how old are the parents? Are they in good health? How soon would this even be an issue?

OP here with more details. The parents are 69 and 75 with deteriorating health.

My boyfriend and his brother are adopted and have different bio parents, for those with concerns of passing along autism.

In addition, neither boyfriend or are are set on having kids. We could go either way. We’ve both been dating for a lot longer than expected trying to find a spouse, and we’re excited that we found each other.

I just don’t think I can have his brother living with me though. I will have to break things off I guess.

It's your choice of course, but if you want to try and keep this going, now would be a time to seriously look at other options for his brother, like a group home. It may work better for him (they have structured activities for example) and better the future of you and your bf also. These often have waiting lists, so the time to explore this is now. Don't worry about cost -- often it's covered by the state. My relative is in a situation like this, and the non-profit that runs his home receives his SSI (disability) check and sets aside money for his incidentals, and keeps the rest, plus they get a subsidy from the state for the rest.

In other words, if you want to walk solely because of a hypothetical that may or may not happen, you may want to give that some close though because a group home setting may be best for all parties involved.