Boyfriend dropped big news

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm just going to clear up the charges here. It does not matter if the sex was consensual or if the man is impaired. It's the age difference, and that is second degree rape. You can call it what you want...pedophilia ( which considering the circumstances it probably is not..in fact the 14 year old may have been the perp and aggressor..we don't know how impaired the brother is), but the facts remain that he commited a felony. He will be considered a sexual predator living in your home.

It's amazing how you can write an entire paragraph and virtually none of it is factual.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you should tell your BF that this probably isn't going to work long term, but help him research options and make a realistic plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you could never leave him alone with your kids or other minor relatives or you could be charged with failure to protect. No need to take this risk on.

He legally won't be permitted to be around kids, so he can't be around their kids if they have them. or any other kids. Welcome to the neighborhood, OP. You are about to learn what ostracization looks like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm just going to clear up the charges here. It does not matter if the sex was consensual or if the man is impaired. It's the age difference, and that is second degree rape. You can call it what you want...pedophilia ( which considering the circumstances it probably is not..in fact the 14 year old may have been the perp and aggressor..we don't know how impaired the brother is), but the facts remain that he commited a felony. He will be considered a sexual predator living in your home.

It's amazing how you can write an entire paragraph and virtually none of it is factual.

All of it is factual. Learn the law, my friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, how old are the parents? Are they in good health? How soon would this even be an issue?

OP here with more details. The parents are 69 and 75 with deteriorating health.

My boyfriend and his brother are adopted and have different bio parents, for those with concerns of passing along autism.

In addition, neither boyfriend or are are set on having kids. We could go either way. We’ve both been dating for a lot longer than expected trying to find a spouse, and we’re excited that we found each other.

I just don’t think I can have his brother living with me though. I will have to break things off I guess.

OP,

Maybe you answered this already, but a lot hinges on the degree of impairment of the brother.

If he's not financially independent and cannot live by himself, then a group home seems indicated. You need to ask your boyfriend WHY he wants his brother to live with him and not a group home. Has the brother been bullied, harassed or abused? Such people often are. My autistic son was terribly bullied when he was in elementary school, and he still risks being talked down to, yelled at, or made to do demeaning things at work in the future, because people get irritated by his personality, and some like to take advantage of his perceived passivity and compliance. It's a lifelong risk, and I understand that relatives might be very protective of their loved ones with disabilities.

Or is it because funds are tight? If there's no money after his parents pass, well, that's the end of the story. He can't really push out his brother into the street, can he? Would you be prepared to contribute to a disabled relative's group housing? That could be a compromise. Not the same situation, but my husband is an immigrant and has always sent money to his relatives in his home country. This is something I am fine with: it's for a good cause, and his relatives are decent, hard-working people who deserve the help.

However, your boyfriend must understand what living together with an autistic brother will mean for his love life. He likely won't have any. You need to talk to him about that too, so that he can at least do his research and look for affordable group housing near his home, which he can frequently visit to check on his brother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm just going to clear up the charges here. It does not matter if the sex was consensual or if the man is impaired. It's the age difference, and that is second degree rape. You can call it what you want...pedophilia ( which considering the circumstances it probably is not..in fact the 14 year old may have been the perp and aggressor..we don't know how impaired the brother is), but the facts remain that he commited a felony. He will be considered a sexual predator living in your home.

It's amazing how you can write an entire paragraph and virtually none of it is factual.

All of it is factual. Learn the law, my friend.

Haha ok but your first! My friend. Second degree rape is not the same as statutory rape and is not the same sexual abuse of any degree against a minor. You can’t call it what you want. You have to call it what it is!

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:No way Jose. Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Cut your losses now and find someone with compatible life goals.

Just like the thread about dating someone who supports his parents, you will never be a priority here. And unfortunately for you, you’re in line behind a sex offender. Is that going to impact where you live? (Xmiles away from a school?) is that going to be an issue when you have your own children and a pedophile lives with you? No. No. Nonononono. Do your future self and family a favor and cut this guy loose.

Statutory rape (if the DA can even call it that considering the autism) is NOT the same as being a being a pedophile. As I said before, you are just a shit person.

I think the person justifying sexual assault is more likely the “shit person”. Are you also a sex offender? Or dating one? Why is this so triggering for you?

Why are you so dumb? The law clearly distinguishes between the two so why can't you? And yes, you absolutely are a shit and a dumb person for causing him of pedophilia. No one is justifying anything. FACTS MATTER.

Ewww why is there a resident creep here who always chimes in on these iTs NoT pEdOpHiLiA. Whatever, perv.

Total NP but there is actually a difference? And even more so when the perpetrator is an autistic person with significant impairment. But the difference between a relationship between a developmentally struggling 19 year old and a 14 year old is VERY different then someone's uncle who just got out of prison for being a pedo.

And that isn't justifying the crime of either party. Pointing out that shoplifting lipstick is different then armed robbery is not saying shoplifting is perfectly acceptable.

And yet both would land this person on a sex offender watch list with future ramifications for the rest of their life. Which would greatly affect OP.

Well that is not the point I was making so if you are the one being so mean to the other pp I think you are just moving the goalposts to troll.

I gave no input on OP's situation.

My input on her situation would be, this is a really difficult situation. I think it says really good things about the boyfriend that this is something he's thinking about and communicating proactively. And that finding a really good person is rare. I think I would attempt to have a real in depth conversation about it before jumping to breaking up but be prepared that it might end if they can't reach a mutually agreed upon outcome.

Who's being mean? The one calling someone a "shit person" or the ones saying they don't want their kids around sex offenders? Hmm. Seems like you and pp are the trolls. You aren't even posting anything relevant to OP, just arguing with pps.

You are the one incessantly arguing this and telling the pp they don't think p@dophilia is a big deal and are apologists for r@pe.

This issue is relevant to OP's issue because there is a significant difference between the scenarios. There is zero chance I would ever have children with someone committed to having a se*ual predator in the house at any time, living with us or visiting or even like, nearby enough for regular visits. I would not even want to live in that house myself if the perpetrator was se*ually violence.

I would feel substantially different about a situation where an autistic teenager had a consensual but illegal relationship with a 14 year old that they were developmentally in line with. I would be open to that living situation for just myself (OP doesn't necessarily want children) and I would be open to having that person in my children's lives.

Someone who gets drunk and pees on a statue at a football game also gets put on the se* offender list but that doesn't mean they are necessarily a person to be feared.

This is a legitimate issue that impacts the OP's situation and your oversimplification and inflammatory rhetoric about a disabled man is not helping anyone other than your own amusement.

Why is a 14 year old "accusing" this man if it was consensual? You are assuming she wasn't just straight up raped. Your oversimplification of some sort of star crossed lovers who just happened to be a minor and an adult is not helping.

We have no idea if the 14 year old is accusing. It could be a parent, it could be a teacher, it could have been discovered in a way that a third party reported it. None of which makes the relationship ok. It just means different things for OP's calculus.

I am simply saying the details matter and you are rejecting that premise are you refuse to entertain the possibility that there are shades of grey here. And that is the difference between this and p*dophilia of course. There are NO shades of grey when it comes to a se*ual relationship with a young child. Zero.

NP. Though not prepubescent (most likely), 14 is still very much a child and therefore unable to consent to sex with an adult. In Virginia, statutory rape with a minor under 16 is treated differently than statutory rape with a minor 16 or older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My cousin allowed her husband's uncle to move in with them and their three young children after he was released from jail for being a pedophile. Guess what happened? Guess how those kids turned out? I would say thank you for telling me, I want kids, this is a no-go.

Pedophilia is not a crime.

What did you mean to say?

Rape of a minor. Under 14.

[Anonymous]

Most women can barely handle living with 1 man let alone 2 lol

[Anonymous]

Op here. To the people who derailed my thread, you suck. I can here for advice and it’s hard for me to sift through your back and fourth to find it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. To the people who derailed my thread, you suck. I can here for advice and it’s hard for me to sift through your back and fourth to find it.

You don’t want to read all of the responses to the thread you started? Mmmkkkaaayyyy

[Anonymous]

Only way it might work imo is if you have a house and an accessory dwelling guesthouse for BIL. Can he make his own meals? Or does he eat with family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here. To the people who derailed my thread, you suck. I can here for advice and it’s hard for me to sift through your back and fourth to find it.

You don’t want to read all of the responses to the thread you started? Mmmkkkaaayyyy

Dp, but there were multiple people who only posted to argue with other posters, who actually gave advice and opinions, just because they didn't like it. Some people just like to read their own words and added no value. Pointless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm just going to clear up the charges here. It does not matter if the sex was consensual or if the man is impaired. It's the age difference, and that is second degree rape. You can call it what you want...pedophilia ( which considering the circumstances it probably is not..in fact the 14 year old may have been the perp and aggressor..we don't know how impaired the brother is), but the facts remain that he commited a felony. He will be considered a sexual predator living in your home.

It's amazing how you can write an entire paragraph and virtually none of it is factual.

All of it is factual. Learn the law, my friend.

Haha ok but your first! My friend. Second degree rape is not the same as statutory rape and is not the same sexual abuse of any degree against a minor. You can’t call it what you want. You have to call it what it is!

Nope. It is called 2nd degree, even in statutory rape. You can look this up easily, no need to argue with strangers online. You just can't make up what you'd like it to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. To the people who derailed my thread, you suck. I can here for advice and it’s hard for me to sift through your back and fourth to find it.

Maybe there were quite a few things you had not considered, the largest being the crime involved. So now perhaps you will consider that in your dilemma. Maybe there were a lot here who didn't understand why that wasn't your first concern.