Boyfriend dropped big news

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually think it is admirable that he plans to take care of his brother.

Imagine one day if you had children and one had a disability. Wouldn’t you want the sibling to step up after you pass away?

I have a friend with 3 kids, one being severely disabled. Her other two children know they will likely be the ones to care for the disabled sibling. While it doesn’t seem fair, they love the disabled sibling. Their whole family life revolves around this sibling.

I wouldn’t.

As the parent, it’s my job to ensure there is care for that sibling after I’m gone. I absolutely would not expect my other children to sacrifice their own happiness to care for a sibling they never asked for.

How privileged and high and mighty of you. There is NOTHING wrong with taking care of your disabled brother.

Nobody said that’s wrong.

But it is 100% wrong for parents’ to place that burden on their other children if the children don’t want it.

It needs to be “if you want to, that’s your choice, but if not, we have another plan in place so you don’t have to”.

The parents might not have a choice!!! Not all are born with a silver spoon in their mouths earning half a million a year after going to top schools. Why do you assume they have a choice?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My boyfriend shared some big news with me that has me questioning how we move forward. He has a brother who lives out of state who is autistic. I’ve never met him before. My boyfriend shared that after their parents pass away he plans to have his brother move in with him forever after. His brother is currently going to court on charges of having sexual relations with a minor. The girl accusing was 14 and his brother was 19 at the time.

Boyfriend and I have talked about having a future together, but I cannot see myself living with his brother. What are your thoughts on this?

Troll

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's good to have told you. You get to decide based on these facts. Don't plan on changing his mind. Decide if you can see a life with him and his brother living in the same house.

Bizarre that he agreed to do this. His parents should have had a better plan than this. This makes no sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually think it is admirable that he plans to take care of his brother.

Imagine one day if you had children and one had a disability. Wouldn’t you want the sibling to step up after you pass away?

I have a friend with 3 kids, one being severely disabled. Her other two children know they will likely be the ones to care for the disabled sibling. While it doesn’t seem fair, they love the disabled sibling. Their whole family life revolves around this sibling.

I wouldn’t.

As the parent, it’s my job to ensure there is care for that sibling after I’m gone. I absolutely would not expect my other children to sacrifice their own happiness to care for a sibling they never asked for.

How privileged and high and mighty of you. There is NOTHING wrong with taking care of your disabled brother.

Nobody said that’s wrong.

But it is 100% wrong for parents’ to place that burden on their other children if the children don’t want it.

It needs to be “if you want to, that’s your choice, but if not, we have another plan in place so you don’t have to”.

The parents might not have a choice!!! Not all are born with a silver spoon in their mouths earning half a million a year after going to top schools. Why do you assume they have a choice?

They gotta figure it out. Maybe they get a second job, maybe they spend more time looking into other resources, whatever.

But dumping them on your other kid, who never asked you to have a baby, is wrong.

Plus, what if that sibling says no? Then what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would say goodbye to him. I know my limits, and living with an autistic brother is beyond my scope.

I wouldn’t agree to live with anyone’s brother or sister.

Are they loaded? Will you live in a mansion with staff and protection?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:His dedication to family and to a brother with challenges, is admirable. That makes him, potentially, a better than average life partner prospect. That said, I’m a very private person who is easily overwhelmed by people and I would not want to live with someone’s brother—this particular brother’s issues aside.

More like naive and ignorant.

The person guy to dump this on his girlfriend or wife. Forever

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, my DH has a brother with serious psychiatric problems. He has a history of violence and volatility. Early in our relationship I asked DH (then boyfriend) if he ever planned to have his brother live with him. He said emphatically no, and that I should never even answer the door if he showed up at his apartment. Had he said yes, I would have ended the relationship immediately. Everyone is entitled to boundaries. It is fine if yours include not living with (or having your future children) live with someone who has sex with minors or other is seriously disruptive to a domestic environment. Please move on now rather than taking this on for the rest of your life.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Best case scenario is that the sexual relations was a humnaly but it legally consensual act that was a terrible decision, and I hope it was something like a grope and not a full on rape. And maybe the brother manages to meet an adult in a compatible life, and they pair off and your brother provides loos supervision.

But not necessarily likely.

How autistic is this?
Verbal?
Able to hold a basic job? Professional job?
Prone to violence or just extremely awkward and irresponsible around children?

OP here. Boyfriend said that the autism brings significant impairments to his brother. That it is hard for him to stay employed and he is not able to make enough money to care for himself. he requires supervision due to poor decision making. He’s never lived alone, only with their parents.

To answer an earlier question boyfriend is 35.

Troll

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not. It's just going to be too hard, and at 35 your boyfriend is mature enough to know what he is saying. Thank him for his honesty and wish him well. It's not an easy thing to be the sibling in this situation.

Agree. He’s a good brother but not good husband material.

Plus asd is hereditary

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually think it is admirable that he plans to take care of his brother.

Imagine one day if you had children and one had a disability. Wouldn’t you want the sibling to step up after you pass away?

I have a friend with 3 kids, one being severely disabled. Her other two children know they will likely be the ones to care for the disabled sibling. While it doesn’t seem fair, they love the disabled sibling. Their whole family life revolves around this sibling.

Absolutely not, I would never want one child to bear the burden of "stepping up" after I pass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I actually think it is admirable that he plans to take care of his brother.

Imagine one day if you had children and one had a disability. Wouldn’t you want the sibling to step up after you pass away?

I have a friend with 3 kids, one being severely disabled. Her other two children know they will likely be the ones to care for the disabled sibling. While it doesn’t seem fair, they love the disabled sibling. Their whole family life revolves around this sibling.

I wouldn’t.

As the parent, it’s my job to ensure there is care for that sibling after I’m gone. I absolutely would not expect my other children to sacrifice their own happiness to care for a sibling they never asked for.

How privileged and high and mighty of you. There is NOTHING wrong with taking care of your disabled brother.

Nobody said that’s wrong.

But it is 100% wrong for parents’ to place that burden on their other children if the children don’t want it.

It needs to be “if you want to, that’s your choice, but if not, we have another plan in place so you don’t have to”.

The parents might not have a choice!!! Not all are born with a silver spoon in their mouths earning half a million a year after going to top schools. Why do you assume they have a choice?

Maybe people shouldn't have kids if they can't afford to care for them?

[Anonymous]

I would let your boyfriend know NOW how you feel about this issue.

See how your boyfriend responds.
If he feels strongly that he will have his brother live w/him then it is best if you walk away now before you invest more time w/him.

If he shows a change of ♥️ and understands your concern then I may stay…..yet time will tell if this will be the right option.
Good luck ~

[jsteele]

The original poster is a troll. I am going to lock this thread.