Husband and his partner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a very pragmatic person. Most people would call me quiet or reserved. I don’t often bring issues up with my spouse unless they’re quite serious, and I come armed with a solution. I think in 12 years of marriage, I’ve had a Sit Down conversation about something concerning me 3 or 4 times.

In my opinion, this is a serious issue, and I would be gearing up to discuss it. I don’t know if your husband is having an inappropriate relationship with his business partner, but I do know he’s doing a few things: 1) he is setting up a scenario where an inappropriate relationship can easily occur, 2) he is not being respectful of his marriage (I am very religious, so this is just my opinion, but I think his long, personal, all-day talks and lack of boundaries with the female colleague is extremely disrespectful to a marriage), and 3) he is pitting you, his wife, against a female colleague and creating deep, long term rifts and distrust by allowing this to continue in front of your face.

Now, I think you have to decide what you want, OP. When you sit down to talk with him, what are you wanting to achieve? He still has to communicate with her. That’s non-negotiable. But don’t be gaslit or fooled into thinking that the options are either the status quo or something extreme. Men have a tendency to do this when you push them. “What do you want? I guess I’ll just never talk to her again.” I’m sure you’ve seen it.

He is a grown man and is fully capable of implementing boundaries and demonstrating appropriate communication with his peers. You are not asking too much. Believe me, OP, your husband would be extremely uncomfortable if the tables were turned and you were giggling on the phone with one specific male coworker for 9 hours a day. He would have no issue telling you about how YOU need to be more respectful of the marriage.

So, sit down and think about what you want from the discussion. I do not think this is normal business behavior, and I think they’re dancing on the line of inappropriateness. Everyone has different boundaries for these things. Mine probably fall somewhere closer to yours because I would feel equally disturbed.

Disagree so much with this. First, it's not disrespectful to a marriage to have a close working relationship with a colleague of the opposite sex. OP's DH and his partner are peers/equals in the business. What about their interactions is "disrespectful?" There's no indication in the OP that either of them were complaining about their spouses to the other--which I agree would be disrespectful. This kind of thinking is what continues to hold women back in the workplace. I should be afforded the same opportunities and working relationships as my male colleagues without having to pay a price because one of their religious wives at home thinks it's disrespectful to their marriage since I happen to be female.

Second, it seems like OP is the one pitting herself against the partner. I'm not saying OP can't discuss it with her DH if it's causing her concern, but there's nothing to suggest that DH is pitting his wife against his business partner. And if DH works from home, he's not "allowing this to continue in front of her face" so much as he's simply working.

First of all you sound very immature.

"What about their interactions is "disrespectful?" OP said they are flirting. Let's start there.

You know you've lost your argument when your response is "you're immature." Lol

As someone who claims to be pragmatic, I would've expected you to understand that just because OP thinks it's flirting does not make it so. OP is viewing their interactions through her own lens, which may or may not be accurate. OP may not be able to be objective about the situation because she's having feelings about it. But that doesn't necessarily mean her DH is doing anything wrong.

Sounds exactly like what the AP would say.

NP. You continue with these weak sauce arguments. In fact these aren't even arguments, just insults.

Truth hurts, eh?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not being "cool girl", OP. If you wouldn't feel this way with this arrangement with a male partner, it's a you problem. Yes, running a business is 9 hours of communication a day, why is this so shocking to you?

OP: Well, it wasn’t always like this. We have had a huge decrease in the amount of sex we have since their communication ramped up to where it is now.

I would maybe lead with this. Why aren't we having sex as much instead of attacking his business

I am someone who has worked closely with lots of men throughout the years and have definitely had personal conversations. I'd argue that every good business relationship does. But what feels different in OP's situation is that the personal conversations have seemed to take over available energy and time for OP and their family. So I start tons of my meetings with a short personal catch up for our team (and sometimes ends that way once we solidify the work). It's great glue, but it and the idle chit--chat can never be so extensive that it actually keeps me from finishing up work on time to get back to my non-work life. Otherwise there is too much cross-over in the personal and professional. I saw it a lot when I worked a ton in my 20s but it wouldn't be right today.

So the comment from OP here is the thing to address. I don't think I'd ask why aren't we having as much sex. But instead, I'd say, I miss you. I'd like more time and energy for us.

[Anonymous]

I have a male business partner and we talk a lot, including about family goings on (not emotional more just factual stuff like little Larlo is sick so I’m working from home….) but there is no chance in hell anything would ever happen between us. There is ZERO chemistry, we have worked together for over ten years and my DH has met him many times and has witnessed the energy between us. One of my requirements for going into business with him was that I was absolutely certain nothing could ever develop.

You need to have a very frank discussion with your husband about all this if you sense anything different than the scenario I described above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a very pragmatic person. Most people would call me quiet or reserved. I don’t often bring issues up with my spouse unless they’re quite serious, and I come armed with a solution. I think in 12 years of marriage, I’ve had a Sit Down conversation about something concerning me 3 or 4 times.

In my opinion, this is a serious issue, and I would be gearing up to discuss it. I don’t know if your husband is having an inappropriate relationship with his business partner, but I do know he’s doing a few things: 1) he is setting up a scenario where an inappropriate relationship can easily occur, 2) he is not being respectful of his marriage (I am very religious, so this is just my opinion, but I think his long, personal, all-day talks and lack of boundaries with the female colleague is extremely disrespectful to a marriage), and 3) he is pitting you, his wife, against a female colleague and creating deep, long term rifts and distrust by allowing this to continue in front of your face.

Now, I think you have to decide what you want, OP. When you sit down to talk with him, what are you wanting to achieve? He still has to communicate with her. That’s non-negotiable. But don’t be gaslit or fooled into thinking that the options are either the status quo or something extreme. Men have a tendency to do this when you push them. “What do you want? I guess I’ll just never talk to her again.” I’m sure you’ve seen it.

He is a grown man and is fully capable of implementing boundaries and demonstrating appropriate communication with his peers. You are not asking too much. Believe me, OP, your husband would be extremely uncomfortable if the tables were turned and you were giggling on the phone with one specific male coworker for 9 hours a day. He would have no issue telling you about how YOU need to be more respectful of the marriage.

So, sit down and think about what you want from the discussion. I do not think this is normal business behavior, and I think they’re dancing on the line of inappropriateness. Everyone has different boundaries for these things. Mine probably fall somewhere closer to yours because I would feel equally disturbed.

Disagree so much with this. First, it's not disrespectful to a marriage to have a close working relationship with a colleague of the opposite sex. OP's DH and his partner are peers/equals in the business. What about their interactions is "disrespectful?" There's no indication in the OP that either of them were complaining about their spouses to the other--which I agree would be disrespectful. This kind of thinking is what continues to hold women back in the workplace. I should be afforded the same opportunities and working relationships as my male colleagues without having to pay a price because one of their religious wives at home thinks it's disrespectful to their marriage since I happen to be female.

Second, it seems like OP is the one pitting herself against the partner. I'm not saying OP can't discuss it with her DH if it's causing her concern, but there's nothing to suggest that DH is pitting his wife against his business partner. And if DH works from home, he's not "allowing this to continue in front of her face" so much as he's simply working.

I'm betting that this is the same poster who, earlier this week, argued strenuously for her right to continue conversing with husbands when the wives didn't like it. How unfair it was to her she couldn't just talk to the men and that she had to be couple friends, relegated to talking to the wives.

[Anonymous]

You are being insecure and overreacting.

Are you feeling neglected by your husband? Maybe you need to find the root cause of your anxiety here. There is really nothing wrong with him being friends with his business partner. I don't consider any of what he's doing flirting, it just bothers you that he is close to another woman, even platonically.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t reasonably control—or even express an opinion on—how business partners choose to communicate.

I’d get therapy to deal with your jealousy and impulse to control this.

Fwiw, I am NOT calling you paranoid here. I can understand why you feel this way.

OP, if how I’m feeling is understandable, why do I need therapy to deal with jealousy??

Because you are going to be a wreck without it, and end up making mistakes in dealing with it that will cost you your marriage. You are already posting on here about it. You seem very insecure and obsessive. If you don’t want him —it doesn’t matter, just get a lawyer not a therapist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 15 lpartners at work and we talk to each other about vacations, how we are feeling, what we did over the weekend, bounding ideas of reach other, etc. he isn’t her boss — he’s her partner. The only thing that seems very different is that there are only 2 of them. If their business is successful and making money and their personal friendship allows the business to thrive, I don’t see a real issue. (If they are not doing well because they spend too much time chatting, that’s a different issue.)

I just can’t see how you benefit by making a big deal about this “emotional affair.” Obviously it improves his mood to have a friend that he is in business with. Do you want him in a worse mood? Do you want his business to dissolve because they feel awkward around each other? What do you gain by telling him he can’t talk to his business partner so much? It seems to me you gain nothing and potentially lose a lot.

Finall question—would you feel this way if it was a male partner?

This. If it’s same sex, you know you would think it’s just friendship. But it’s the opposite sex, so it’s an “emotional affair.” :roll:
OP, insecurity is so unattractive.

OP: I’m really over the “cool girl”, go with the flow type of persona people try to push on women. “Insecurity is so unattractive”; great. I don’t honestly care about what’s attractive. What I care about is the respect and love my husband and I have for each other in our marriage. If something makes me feel uncomfortable, I don’t give a shit if it’s unattractive to discuss or makes me look insecure. My happiness, my satisfaction with my marriage, and my personhood is worth looking insecure over. Imagine caring how you look when you’re hurting inside and too scared to talk to your spouse because “it’s unattractive”. Pass.

Ok? So discuss this with him instead of us?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 15 lpartners at work and we talk to each other about vacations, how we are feeling, what we did over the weekend, bounding ideas of reach other, etc. he isn’t her boss — he’s her partner. The only thing that seems very different is that there are only 2 of them. If their business is successful and making money and their personal friendship allows the business to thrive, I don’t see a real issue. (If they are not doing well because they spend too much time chatting, that’s a different issue.)

I just can’t see how you benefit by making a big deal about this “emotional affair.” Obviously it improves his mood to have a friend that he is in business with. Do you want him in a worse mood? Do you want his business to dissolve because they feel awkward around each other? What do you gain by telling him he can’t talk to his business partner so much? It seems to me you gain nothing and potentially lose a lot.

Finall question—would you feel this way if it was a male partner?

This. If it’s same sex, you know you would think it’s just friendship. But it’s the opposite sex, so it’s an “emotional affair.”
OP, insecurity is so unattractive.

OP: I’m really over the “cool girl”, go with the flow type of persona people try to push on women. “Insecurity is so unattractive”; great. I don’t honestly care about what’s attractive. What I care about is the respect and love my husband and I have for each other in our marriage. If something makes me feel uncomfortable, I don’t give a shit if it’s unattractive to discuss or makes me look insecure. My happiness, my satisfaction with my marriage, and my personhood is worth looking insecure over. Imagine caring how you look when you’re hurting inside and too scared to talk to your spouse because “it’s unattractive”. Pass.

Me, me, me. My, my, my. What about your husband’s happiness? He clearly has a good working relationship with this woman. Do you honestly want to blow up his professional life just because it makes you uncomfortable?

Don’t worry, no one has ever mistaken you for a cool girl. You’re the stage 5 clinger that most men were smart enough to avoid.

Sounds like the female business partner has entered the chat.

No, just someone who knows that no one person can be everything to their spouse. OP is on a path to torpedo her marriage and her financial stability if she insists that she dictate how her husband interacts with his BUSINESS PARTNER.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a very pragmatic person. Most people would call me quiet or reserved. I don’t often bring issues up with my spouse unless they’re quite serious, and I come armed with a solution. I think in 12 years of marriage, I’ve had a Sit Down conversation about something concerning me 3 or 4 times.

In my opinion, this is a serious issue, and I would be gearing up to discuss it. I don’t know if your husband is having an inappropriate relationship with his business partner, but I do know he’s doing a few things: 1) he is setting up a scenario where an inappropriate relationship can easily occur, 2) he is not being respectful of his marriage (I am very religious, so this is just my opinion, but I think his long, personal, all-day talks and lack of boundaries with the female colleague is extremely disrespectful to a marriage), and 3) he is pitting you, his wife, against a female colleague and creating deep, long term rifts and distrust by allowing this to continue in front of your face.

Now, I think you have to decide what you want, OP. When you sit down to talk with him, what are you wanting to achieve? He still has to communicate with her. That’s non-negotiable. But don’t be gaslit or fooled into thinking that the options are either the status quo or something extreme. Men have a tendency to do this when you push them. “What do you want? I guess I’ll just never talk to her again.” I’m sure you’ve seen it.

He is a grown man and is fully capable of implementing boundaries and demonstrating appropriate communication with his peers. You are not asking too much. Believe me, OP, your husband would be extremely uncomfortable if the tables were turned and you were giggling on the phone with one specific male coworker for 9 hours a day. He would have no issue telling you about how YOU need to be more respectful of the marriage.

So, sit down and think about what you want from the discussion. I do not think this is normal business behavior, and I think they’re dancing on the line of inappropriateness. Everyone has different boundaries for these things. Mine probably fall somewhere closer to yours because I would feel equally disturbed.

Disagree so much with this. First, it's not disrespectful to a marriage to have a close working relationship with a colleague of the opposite sex. OP's DH and his partner are peers/equals in the business. What about their interactions is "disrespectful?" There's no indication in the OP that either of them were complaining about their spouses to the other--which I agree would be disrespectful. This kind of thinking is what continues to hold women back in the workplace. I should be afforded the same opportunities and working relationships as my male colleagues without having to pay a price because one of their religious wives at home thinks it's disrespectful to their marriage since I happen to be female.

Second, it seems like OP is the one pitting herself against the partner. I'm not saying OP can't discuss it with her DH if it's causing her concern, but there's nothing to suggest that DH is pitting his wife against his business partner. And if DH works from home, he's not "allowing this to continue in front of her face" so much as he's simply working.

First of all you sound very immature.

"What about their interactions is "disrespectful?" OP said they are flirting. Let's start there.

You know you've lost your argument when your response is "you're immature." Lol

As someone who claims to be pragmatic, I would've expected you to understand that just because OP thinks it's flirting does not make it so. OP is viewing their interactions through her own lens, which may or may not be accurate. OP may not be able to be objective about the situation because she's having feelings about it. But that doesn't necessarily mean her DH is doing anything wrong.

Sounds exactly like what the AP would say.

NP. You continue with these weak sauce arguments. In fact these aren't even arguments, just insults.

Truth hurts, eh?

And again with the non-arguments. At this point you just seem like a bot.

[Anonymous]

I would invite the business partner and her husband over for dinner, and I would observe everyone's interactions carefully. I would also become friendly with the husband just so there are two people watching that business relationship.

If I were in your position, I wouldn't care about their relationship, but the change in your sex life would give me pause...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 15 lpartners at work and we talk to each other about vacations, how we are feeling, what we did over the weekend, bounding ideas of reach other, etc. he isn’t her boss — he’s her partner. The only thing that seems very different is that there are only 2 of them. If their business is successful and making money and their personal friendship allows the business to thrive, I don’t see a real issue. (If they are not doing well because they spend too much time chatting, that’s a different issue.)

I just can’t see how you benefit by making a big deal about this “emotional affair.” Obviously it improves his mood to have a friend that he is in business with. Do you want him in a worse mood? Do you want his business to dissolve because they feel awkward around each other? What do you gain by telling him he can’t talk to his business partner so much? It seems to me you gain nothing and potentially lose a lot.

Finall question—would you feel this way if it was a male partner?

This. If it’s same sex, you know you would think it’s just friendship. But it’s the opposite sex, so it’s an “emotional affair.”
OP, insecurity is so unattractive.

OP: I’m really over the “cool girl”, go with the flow type of persona people try to push on women. “Insecurity is so unattractive”; great. I don’t honestly care about what’s attractive. What I care about is the respect and love my husband and I have for each other in our marriage. If something makes me feel uncomfortable, I don’t give a shit if it’s unattractive to discuss or makes me look insecure. My happiness, my satisfaction with my marriage, and my personhood is worth looking insecure over. Imagine caring how you look when you’re hurting inside and too scared to talk to your spouse because “it’s unattractive”. Pass.

Me, me, me. My, my, my. What about your husband’s happiness? He clearly has a good working relationship with this woman. Do you honestly want to blow up his professional life just because it makes you uncomfortable?

Don’t worry, no one has ever mistaken you for a cool girl. You’re the stage 5 clinger that most men were smart enough to avoid.

Sounds like the female business partner has entered the chat.

I was thinking the same thing, that girl who over shares at work, hangs all over the married men because that such low hanging fruit and the only attention she can get from men at work.

I bet she easily gets that attention from your DH…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: It’s her husband.

If you are not a troll, OP, I would not be so sure.

Do you have children?

How long has he been carrying on with this woman? Did this pre or post date your relationship?

[Anonymous]

The one hour coffee every morning is weird.

Talking on the phone to your co workers is normal and can be productive. It's also often better from a liability perspective not to put things in email. SO telling him he should email rather than talk to his worker is weird and controlling.

the baby nausea, well, maybe she's letting him know she feels bad and it is impacting her work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a very pragmatic person. Most people would call me quiet or reserved. I don’t often bring issues up with my spouse unless they’re quite serious, and I come armed with a solution. I think in 12 years of marriage, I’ve had a Sit Down conversation about something concerning me 3 or 4 times.

In my opinion, this is a serious issue, and I would be gearing up to discuss it. I don’t know if your husband is having an inappropriate relationship with his business partner, but I do know he’s doing a few things: 1) he is setting up a scenario where an inappropriate relationship can easily occur, 2) he is not being respectful of his marriage (I am very religious, so this is just my opinion, but I think his long, personal, all-day talks and lack of boundaries with the female colleague is extremely disrespectful to a marriage), and 3) he is pitting you, his wife, against a female colleague and creating deep, long term rifts and distrust by allowing this to continue in front of your face.

Now, I think you have to decide what you want, OP. When you sit down to talk with him, what are you wanting to achieve? He still has to communicate with her. That’s non-negotiable. But don’t be gaslit or fooled into thinking that the options are either the status quo or something extreme. Men have a tendency to do this when you push them. “What do you want? I guess I’ll just never talk to her again.” I’m sure you’ve seen it.

He is a grown man and is fully capable of implementing boundaries and demonstrating appropriate communication with his peers. You are not asking too much. Believe me, OP, your husband would be extremely uncomfortable if the tables were turned and you were giggling on the phone with one specific male coworker for 9 hours a day. He would have no issue telling you about how YOU need to be more respectful of the marriage.

So, sit down and think about what you want from the discussion. I do not think this is normal business behavior, and I think they’re dancing on the line of inappropriateness. Everyone has different boundaries for these things. Mine probably fall somewhere closer to yours because I would feel equally disturbed.

Disagree so much with this. First, it's not disrespectful to a marriage to have a close working relationship with a colleague of the opposite sex. OP's DH and his partner are peers/equals in the business. What about their interactions is "disrespectful?" There's no indication in the OP that either of them were complaining about their spouses to the other--which I agree would be disrespectful. This kind of thinking is what continues to hold women back in the workplace. I should be afforded the same opportunities and working relationships as my male colleagues without having to pay a price because one of their religious wives at home thinks it's disrespectful to their marriage since I happen to be female.

Second, it seems like OP is the one pitting herself against the partner. I'm not saying OP can't discuss it with her DH if it's causing her concern, but there's nothing to suggest that DH is pitting his wife against his business partner. And if DH works from home, he's not "allowing this to continue in front of her face" so much as he's simply working.

I'm betting that this is the same poster who, earlier this week, argued strenuously for her right to continue conversing with husbands when the wives didn't like it. How unfair it was to her she couldn't just talk to the men and that she had to be couple friends, relegated to talking to the wives.

You just lost your bet. I’m the poster from the previous thread and just now saw this one.
Apparently, I’m not the only person who thinks like this. (Horror!)

[Anonymous]

On what earth is asking "what food would you eat forever" flirting? Or asking a middle name? LOL

Maybe OP just doesnt know how to flirt and is misconstruing all this? Much ado about nothing?