Husband and his partner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a very pragmatic person. Most people would call me quiet or reserved. I don’t often bring issues up with my spouse unless they’re quite serious, and I come armed with a solution. I think in 12 years of marriage, I’ve had a Sit Down conversation about something concerning me 3 or 4 times.

In my opinion, this is a serious issue, and I would be gearing up to discuss it. I don’t know if your husband is having an inappropriate relationship with his business partner, but I do know he’s doing a few things: 1) he is setting up a scenario where an inappropriate relationship can easily occur, 2) he is not being respectful of his marriage (I am very religious, so this is just my opinion, but I think his long, personal, all-day talks and lack of boundaries with the female colleague is extremely disrespectful to a marriage), and 3) he is pitting you, his wife, against a female colleague and creating deep, long term rifts and distrust by allowing this to continue in front of your face.

Now, I think you have to decide what you want, OP. When you sit down to talk with him, what are you wanting to achieve? He still has to communicate with her. That’s non-negotiable. But don’t be gaslit or fooled into thinking that the options are either the status quo or something extreme. Men have a tendency to do this when you push them. “What do you want? I guess I’ll just never talk to her again.” I’m sure you’ve seen it.

He is a grown man and is fully capable of implementing boundaries and demonstrating appropriate communication with his peers. You are not asking too much. Believe me, OP, your husband would be extremely uncomfortable if the tables were turned and you were giggling on the phone with one specific male coworker for 9 hours a day. He would have no issue telling you about how YOU need to be more respectful of the marriage.

So, sit down and think about what you want from the discussion. I do not think this is normal business behavior, and I think they’re dancing on the line of inappropriateness. Everyone has different boundaries for these things. Mine probably fall somewhere closer to yours because I would feel equally disturbed.

Disagree so much with this. First, it's not disrespectful to a marriage to have a close working relationship with a colleague of the opposite sex. OP's DH and his partner are peers/equals in the business. What about their interactions is "disrespectful?" There's no indication in the OP that either of them were complaining about their spouses to the other--which I agree would be disrespectful. This kind of thinking is what continues to hold women back in the workplace. I should be afforded the same opportunities and working relationships as my male colleagues without having to pay a price because one of their religious wives at home thinks it's disrespectful to their marriage since I happen to be female.

Second, it seems like OP is the one pitting herself against the partner. I'm not saying OP can't discuss it with her DH if it's causing her concern, but there's nothing to suggest that DH is pitting his wife against his business partner. And if DH works from home, he's not "allowing this to continue in front of her face" so much as he's simply working.

First of all you sound very immature.

"What about their interactions is "disrespectful?" OP said they are flirting. Let's start there.

You know you've lost your argument when your response is "you're immature." Lol

As someone who claims to be pragmatic, I would've expected you to understand that just because OP thinks it's flirting does not make it so. OP is viewing their interactions through her own lens, which may or may not be accurate. OP may not be able to be objective about the situation because she's having feelings about it. But that doesn't necessarily mean her DH is doing anything wrong.

Sounds exactly like what the AP would say.

NP. You continue with these weak sauce arguments. In fact these aren't even arguments, just insults.

Truth hurts, eh?

And again with the non-arguments. At this point you just seem like a bot.

As you do.

[Anonymous]

Focus on strengthening your relationship. Couples retreat, counseling, dates, whatever. That has to be the main thing you put time into. This is a symptom of underlying issues in the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On what earth is asking "what food would you eat forever" flirting? Or asking a middle name? LOL

Maybe OP just doesnt know how to flirt and is misconstruing all this? Much ado about nothing?

If a man is talking to another woman to the extent that he’s less invested in his own marriage it would seem like an ado an out something.

[Anonymous]

Your DH affair partner is on this thread and sock puppeting rapidly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a very pragmatic person. Most people would call me quiet or reserved. I don’t often bring issues up with my spouse unless they’re quite serious, and I come armed with a solution. I think in 12 years of marriage, I’ve had a Sit Down conversation about something concerning me 3 or 4 times.

In my opinion, this is a serious issue, and I would be gearing up to discuss it. I don’t know if your husband is having an inappropriate relationship with his business partner, but I do know he’s doing a few things: 1) he is setting up a scenario where an inappropriate relationship can easily occur, 2) he is not being respectful of his marriage (I am very religious, so this is just my opinion, but I think his long, personal, all-day talks and lack of boundaries with the female colleague is extremely disrespectful to a marriage), and 3) he is pitting you, his wife, against a female colleague and creating deep, long term rifts and distrust by allowing this to continue in front of your face.

Now, I think you have to decide what you want, OP. When you sit down to talk with him, what are you wanting to achieve? He still has to communicate with her. That’s non-negotiable. But don’t be gaslit or fooled into thinking that the options are either the status quo or something extreme. Men have a tendency to do this when you push them. “What do you want? I guess I’ll just never talk to her again.” I’m sure you’ve seen it.

He is a grown man and is fully capable of implementing boundaries and demonstrating appropriate communication with his peers. You are not asking too much. Believe me, OP, your husband would be extremely uncomfortable if the tables were turned and you were giggling on the phone with one specific male coworker for 9 hours a day. He would have no issue telling you about how YOU need to be more respectful of the marriage.

So, sit down and think about what you want from the discussion. I do not think this is normal business behavior, and I think they’re dancing on the line of inappropriateness. Everyone has different boundaries for these things. Mine probably fall somewhere closer to yours because I would feel equally disturbed.

Disagree so much with this. First, it's not disrespectful to a marriage to have a close working relationship with a colleague of the opposite sex. OP's DH and his partner are peers/equals in the business. What about their interactions is "disrespectful?" There's no indication in the OP that either of them were complaining about their spouses to the other--which I agree would be disrespectful. This kind of thinking is what continues to hold women back in the workplace. I should be afforded the same opportunities and working relationships as my male colleagues without having to pay a price because one of their religious wives at home thinks it's disrespectful to their marriage since I happen to be female.

Second, it seems like OP is the one pitting herself against the partner. I'm not saying OP can't discuss it with her DH if it's causing her concern, but there's nothing to suggest that DH is pitting his wife against his business partner. And if DH works from home, he's not "allowing this to continue in front of her face" so much as he's simply working.

I'm betting that this is the same poster who, earlier this week, argued strenuously for her right to continue conversing with husbands when the wives didn't like it. How unfair it was to her she couldn't just talk to the men and that she had to be couple friends, relegated to talking to the wives.

Uh, no sorry. I don't even know what that other thread is. Sounds like a totally different situation, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a very pragmatic person. Most people would call me quiet or reserved. I don’t often bring issues up with my spouse unless they’re quite serious, and I come armed with a solution. I think in 12 years of marriage, I’ve had a Sit Down conversation about something concerning me 3 or 4 times.

In my opinion, this is a serious issue, and I would be gearing up to discuss it. I don’t know if your husband is having an inappropriate relationship with his business partner, but I do know he’s doing a few things: 1) he is setting up a scenario where an inappropriate relationship can easily occur, 2) he is not being respectful of his marriage (I am very religious, so this is just my opinion, but I think his long, personal, all-day talks and lack of boundaries with the female colleague is extremely disrespectful to a marriage), and 3) he is pitting you, his wife, against a female colleague and creating deep, long term rifts and distrust by allowing this to continue in front of your face.

Now, I think you have to decide what you want, OP. When you sit down to talk with him, what are you wanting to achieve? He still has to communicate with her. That’s non-negotiable. But don’t be gaslit or fooled into thinking that the options are either the status quo or something extreme. Men have a tendency to do this when you push them. “What do you want? I guess I’ll just never talk to her again.” I’m sure you’ve seen it.

He is a grown man and is fully capable of implementing boundaries and demonstrating appropriate communication with his peers. You are not asking too much. Believe me, OP, your husband would be extremely uncomfortable if the tables were turned and you were giggling on the phone with one specific male coworker for 9 hours a day. He would have no issue telling you about how YOU need to be more respectful of the marriage.

So, sit down and think about what you want from the discussion. I do not think this is normal business behavior, and I think they’re dancing on the line of inappropriateness. Everyone has different boundaries for these things. Mine probably fall somewhere closer to yours because I would feel equally disturbed.

Disagree so much with this. First, it's not disrespectful to a marriage to have a close working relationship with a colleague of the opposite sex. OP's DH and his partner are peers/equals in the business. What about their interactions is "disrespectful?" There's no indication in the OP that either of them were complaining about their spouses to the other--which I agree would be disrespectful. This kind of thinking is what continues to hold women back in the workplace. I should be afforded the same opportunities and working relationships as my male colleagues without having to pay a price because one of their religious wives at home thinks it's disrespectful to their marriage since I happen to be female.

Second, it seems like OP is the one pitting herself against the partner. I'm not saying OP can't discuss it with her DH if it's causing her concern, but there's nothing to suggest that DH is pitting his wife against his business partner. And if DH works from home, he's not "allowing this to continue in front of her face" so much as he's simply working.

First of all you sound very immature.

"What about their interactions is "disrespectful?" OP said they are flirting. Let's start there.

You know you've lost your argument when your response is "you're immature." Lol

As someone who claims to be pragmatic, I would've expected you to understand that just because OP thinks it's flirting does not make it so. OP is viewing their interactions through her own lens, which may or may not be accurate. OP may not be able to be objective about the situation because she's having feelings about it. But that doesn't necessarily mean her DH is doing anything wrong.

Sounds exactly like what the AP would say.

NP. You continue with these weak sauce arguments. In fact these aren't even arguments, just insults.

Truth hurts, eh?

And again with the non-arguments. At this point you just seem like a bot.

As you do.

So basically, "I know you are but what am I?" Predictable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The one hour coffee every morning is weird.

Talking on the phone to your co workers is normal and can be productive. It's also often better from a liability perspective not to put things in email. SO telling him he should email rather than talk to his worker is weird and controlling.

the baby nausea, well, maybe she's letting him know she feels bad and it is impacting her work.

This is dumb. I see people in my office all the time chattering away in the kitchen, male, female, non-binary. Have you never heard of the proverbial water cooler?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On what earth is asking "what food would you eat forever" flirting? Or asking a middle name? LOL

Maybe OP just doesnt know how to flirt and is misconstruing all this? Much ado about nothing?

If a man is talking to another woman to the extent that he’s less invested in his own marriage it would seem like an ado an out something.

Where is the indication that he is less invested in his marriage because he's talking to his business partner?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On what earth is asking "what food would you eat forever" flirting? Or asking a middle name? LOL

Maybe OP just doesnt know how to flirt and is misconstruing all this? Much ado about nothing?

If a man is talking to another woman to the extent that he’s less invested in his own marriage it would seem like an ado an out something.

All OP said (after quite a while of posting, sus already) is that their sex life has dropped a bit. That is the issue. Not that her DH talks to his business partner or that she tells him that she's pregnant and not feeling well. OP would be best served to focus on the actual issue she wants solved - sex. If her DH was still sexxing her up non-stop but nothing changed with his business partner, would she feel the same?

[Anonymous]

PSA: We don't want your DH. We work together really well and we are friendly. That's it. In fact, we know your DH so well that we see all the weaknesses too. You don't need to worry. Your DH loves you and your family. We hear about the fun times you all have, and how awesome your kids are. We share tidbits about our families, too. We might also talk about current events, pets, sports, and whatever else comes up. It's nice to work with people you genuinely like and can have enjoyable conversations with. So please don't make a big deal about how friendly we are with each other, or much we work together, because you're making it weird and we are just trying to get through the week and do our jobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a very pragmatic person. Most people would call me quiet or reserved. I don’t often bring issues up with my spouse unless they’re quite serious, and I come armed with a solution. I think in 12 years of marriage, I’ve had a Sit Down conversation about something concerning me 3 or 4 times.

In my opinion, this is a serious issue, and I would be gearing up to discuss it. I don’t know if your husband is having an inappropriate relationship with his business partner, but I do know he’s doing a few things: 1) he is setting up a scenario where an inappropriate relationship can easily occur, 2) he is not being respectful of his marriage (I am very religious, so this is just my opinion, but I think his long, personal, all-day talks and lack of boundaries with the female colleague is extremely disrespectful to a marriage), and 3) he is pitting you, his wife, against a female colleague and creating deep, long term rifts and distrust by allowing this to continue in front of your face.

Now, I think you have to decide what you want, OP. When you sit down to talk with him, what are you wanting to achieve? He still has to communicate with her. That’s non-negotiable. But don’t be gaslit or fooled into thinking that the options are either the status quo or something extreme. Men have a tendency to do this when you push them. “What do you want? I guess I’ll just never talk to her again.” I’m sure you’ve seen it.

He is a grown man and is fully capable of implementing boundaries and demonstrating appropriate communication with his peers. You are not asking too much. Believe me, OP, your husband would be extremely uncomfortable if the tables were turned and you were giggling on the phone with one specific male coworker for 9 hours a day. He would have no issue telling you about how YOU need to be more respectful of the marriage.

So, sit down and think about what you want from the discussion. I do not think this is normal business behavior, and I think they’re dancing on the line of inappropriateness. Everyone has different boundaries for these things. Mine probably fall somewhere closer to yours because I would feel equally disturbed.

Disagree so much with this. First, it's not disrespectful to a marriage to have a close working relationship with a colleague of the opposite sex. OP's DH and his partner are peers/equals in the business. What about their interactions is "disrespectful?" There's no indication in the OP that either of them were complaining about their spouses to the other--which I agree would be disrespectful. This kind of thinking is what continues to hold women back in the workplace. I should be afforded the same opportunities and working relationships as my male colleagues without having to pay a price because one of their religious wives at home thinks it's disrespectful to their marriage since I happen to be female.

Second, it seems like OP is the one pitting herself against the partner. I'm not saying OP can't discuss it with her DH if it's causing her concern, but there's nothing to suggest that DH is pitting his wife against his business partner. And if DH works from home, he's not "allowing this to continue in front of her face" so much as he's simply working.

First of all you sound very immature.

"What about their interactions is "disrespectful?" OP said they are flirting. Let's start there.

You know you've lost your argument when your response is "you're immature." Lol

As someone who claims to be pragmatic, I would've expected you to understand that just because OP thinks it's flirting does not make it so. OP is viewing their interactions through her own lens, which may or may not be accurate. OP may not be able to be objective about the situation because she's having feelings about it. But that doesn't necessarily mean her DH is doing anything wrong.

Sounds exactly like what the AP would say.

NP. You continue with these weak sauce arguments. In fact these aren't even arguments, just insults.

Truth hurts, eh?

And again with the non-arguments. At this point you just seem like a bot.

As you do.

So basically, "I know you are but what am I?" Predictable.

Just like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:On what earth is asking "what food would you eat forever" flirting? Or asking a middle name? LOL

Maybe OP just doesnt know how to flirt and is misconstruing all this? Much ado about nothing?

If a man is talking to another woman to the extent that he’s less invested in his own marriage it would seem like an ado an out something.

Where is the indication that he is less invested in his marriage because he's talking to his business partner?

No sex.

[Anonymous]

OP: It’s hard. I try to be fair in these things, but my husband is old (we’re 50+), and she is this hot young 20-something. I’m trying to be logical, but I understand the appeal of a shiny new toy. It also doesn’t help that they go into the office together a lot. It’s just the two of them. It just makes me feel uncomfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 15 lpartners at work and we talk to each other about vacations, how we are feeling, what we did over the weekend, bounding ideas of reach other, etc. he isn’t her boss — he’s her partner. The only thing that seems very different is that there are only 2 of them. If their business is successful and making money and their personal friendship allows the business to thrive, I don’t see a real issue. (If they are not doing well because they spend too much time chatting, that’s a different issue.)


I just can’t see how you benefit by making a big deal about this “emotional affair.” Obviously it improves his mood to have a friend that he is in business with. Do you want him in a worse mood? Do you want his business to dissolve because they feel awkward around each other? What do you gain by telling him he can’t talk to his business partner so much? It seems to me you gain nothing and potentially lose a lot.

Finall question—would you feel this way if it was a male partner?

I’d think they were gay

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 15 lpartners at work and we talk to each other about vacations, how we are feeling, what we did over the weekend, bounding ideas of reach other, etc. he isn’t her boss — he’s her partner. The only thing that seems very different is that there are only 2 of them. If their business is successful and making money and their personal friendship allows the business to thrive, I don’t see a real issue. (If they are not doing well because they spend too much time chatting, that’s a different issue.)

I just can’t see how you benefit by making a big deal about this “emotional affair.” Obviously it improves his mood to have a friend that he is in business with. Do you want him in a worse mood? Do you want his business to dissolve because they feel awkward around each other? What do you gain by telling him he can’t talk to his business partner so much? It seems to me you gain nothing and potentially lose a lot.

Finall question—would you feel this way if it was a male partner?

This. If it’s same sex, you know you would think it’s just friendship. But it’s the opposite sex, so it’s an “emotional affair.”
OP, insecurity is so unattractive.

OP: I’m really over the “cool girl”, go with the flow type of persona people try to push on women. “Insecurity is so unattractive”; great. I don’t honestly care about what’s attractive. What I care about is the respect and love my husband and I have for each other in our marriage. If something makes me feel uncomfortable, I don’t give a shit if it’s unattractive to discuss or makes me look insecure. My happiness, my satisfaction with my marriage, and my personhood is worth looking insecure over. Imagine caring how you look when you’re hurting inside and too scared to talk to your spouse because “it’s unattractive”. Pass.

My, my, my, my, my.