Husband and his partner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The one hour coffee every morning is weird.

Talking on the phone to your co workers is normal and can be productive. It's also often better from a liability perspective not to put things in email. SO telling him he should email rather than talk to his worker is weird and controlling.

the baby nausea, well, maybe she's letting him know she feels bad and it is impacting her work.

This is dumb. I see people in my office all the time chattering away in the kitchen, male, female, non-binary. Have you never heard of the proverbial water cooler?

Work colleagues don’t sit an hour before or after work downloading from the night before. I don’t do all this or share all this with work colleagues. [/quote

I do. With both men and women that I work with. OP and everyone in her court are way overreacting. Even if the husband is just digging the attention, so what. When you're in your 50s and married for decades, partners do get bored and annoyed with each other. So what if you just like a little new energy in your conversations. OP needs a job and hobbies herself and to stop relying on her husband for all her emotional needs.

An hour every day? Wow, don’t you have hobbies and other things?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband has a female business partner, and I am uncomfortable by the amount of communication they have and how much personal information is shared.

Every single day, the two of them have a one-on-one meeting for an hour where they just have coffee, discuss what they did the night before, chat about personal things (“Oh, did you do yoga on the beach when you were on vacation?”, “If you could eat one thing forever, what would it be?”, “what’s your middle name?”), and laugh.

After that, they are in near constant contact from 9 am to 7 pm. She calls him around 7 times a day. They chat on Slack when they’re not on the phone. They call each other before meetings to plan, call after meetings to discuss how it went, and any questions she may have during the day, she calls him. It’s never less than 30 minutes.

Now, she’s pregnant. She told him when she was about 6-7 weeks, which is way early for work. He’s been mentioning things like, “Oh, She came to the meeting today but she was so nauseous” or I’ll overhear her whining to him about how nauseous she feels or how unwell she feels.

I have talked to him numerous times about how the excessive communication makes me feel like he does nothing but spend his days giggling and flirting with her. If there’s a question, I think email or slack is appropriate. It doesn’t need to be an hour long phone call. If you need to plan meetings, do it during your hour long morning call when you do nothing but just chat about your lives and how much you have in common. The pregnancy stuff is really throwing me off too— that’s stuff I would never, ever share with a boss or coworker; I’d text my husband if I was feeling morning sickness.

I am preparing to talk to him about it again today because I’ve gotten to the point where it deeply bothers me. His response is always that he’s doing nothing wrong except running a business and if I have a problem with the way he’s doing it, THAT is a problem.

Any advice? Am I overreacting?

I own a business and I'm a bit like this with my male partner (I'm a woman). He & I travel together and will sight-see, hang out, etc. I also have a woman operations manager and she & I talk/text/Slack alllll day long. It's just a way of getting social interaction. It's also really fun & exciting to build a business, I love talking about it, and it's not really something I can talk about with H - he doesn't really get it (just like I don't get his line of work, so he talks a lot with his coworkers, both male and female).

That being said, H and I put a LOT of effort into our relationship, and daily coffee dates with another person wouldn't sit well with either of us. Maybe 1-2 times a week is okay, but we'd instead try to have coffee dates with each other.

I also don't believe women should be quiet, secure, "cool", or whatever.

In the past when H and I have had issues around his communication with other women, I realized it wasn't necessarily the communication itself that bothered me - it was that their communication was on a deeper level than the communication he and I had (if that makes sense). As an example, he had a woman friend who he would compliment on her brain, personality, the connection they had, etc - NOT even her looks or anything sexual - but it bothered me because he never complimented me in that way.

So even though I know he loves me, it felt like this woman was special to him in ways that I wasn't. We had many, many, MANY long discussions about it and he now puts in the effort to appreciate me for who I am beyond just wife & mom, and to make me feel special. I hope that makes sense.

I think if you approach it as "H, you CANNOT do this anymore", you're not going to get anywhere. I'd have an open, vulnerable conversation with him - that you miss him, you feel unattractive, you feel like he doesn't care about you anymore, etc. Make it more about the state of your relationship rather than just telling him what he can and can't do. I wouldn't like if my H tried to tell me I was no longer allowed to travel with y partner, but I'd absolutely listen if he expressed feeling insecure and worried, and I would do everything I could to reassure him and build our relationship up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The one hour coffee every morning is weird.

Talking on the phone to your co workers is normal and can be productive. It's also often better from a liability perspective not to put things in email. SO telling him he should email rather than talk to his worker is weird and controlling.

the baby nausea, well, maybe she's letting him know she feels bad and it is impacting her work.

This is dumb. I see people in my office all the time chattering away in the kitchen, male, female, non-binary. Have you never heard of the proverbial water cooler?

Work colleagues don’t sit an hour before or after work downloading from the night before. I don’t do all this or share all this with work colleagues.

Just because you don’t do something doesn’t mean it’s not perfectly normal. You may well be a total freak.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband has a female business partner, and I am uncomfortable by the amount of communication they have and how much personal information is shared.

Every single day, the two of them have a one-on-one meeting for an hour where they just have coffee, discuss what they did the night before, chat about personal things (“Oh, did you do yoga on the beach when you were on vacation?”, “If you could eat one thing forever, what would it be?”, “what’s your middle name?”), and laugh.

After that, they are in near constant contact from 9 am to 7 pm. She calls him around 7 times a day. They chat on Slack when they’re not on the phone. They call each other before meetings to plan, call after meetings to discuss how it went, and any questions she may have during the day, she calls him. It’s never less than 30 minutes.

Now, she’s pregnant. She told him when she was about 6-7 weeks, which is way early for work. He’s been mentioning things like, “Oh, She came to the meeting today but she was so nauseous” or I’ll overhear her whining to him about how nauseous she feels or how unwell she feels.

I have talked to him numerous times about how the excessive communication makes me feel like he does nothing but spend his days giggling and flirting with her. If there’s a question, I think email or slack is appropriate. It doesn’t need to be an hour long phone call. If you need to plan meetings, do it during your hour long morning call when you do nothing but just chat about your lives and how much you have in common. The pregnancy stuff is really throwing me off too— that’s stuff I would never, ever share with a boss or coworker; I’d text my husband if I was feeling morning sickness.

I am preparing to talk to him about it again today because I’ve gotten to the point where it deeply bothers me. His response is always that he’s doing nothing wrong except running a business and if I have a problem with the way he’s doing it, THAT is a problem.

Any advice? Am I overreacting?

I own a business and I'm a bit like this with my male partner (I'm a woman). He & I travel together and will sight-see, hang out, etc. I also have a woman operations manager and she & I talk/text/Slack alllll day long. It's just a way of getting social interaction. It's also really fun & exciting to build a business, I love talking about it, and it's not really something I can talk about with H - he doesn't really get it (just like I don't get his line of work, so he talks a lot with his coworkers, both male and female).

That being said, H and I put a LOT of effort into our relationship, and daily coffee dates with another person wouldn't sit well with either of us. Maybe 1-2 times a week is okay, but we'd instead try to have coffee dates with each other.

I also don't believe women should be quiet, secure, "cool", or whatever.

In the past when H and I have had issues around his communication with other women, I realized it wasn't necessarily the communication itself that bothered me - it was that their communication was on a deeper level than the communication he and I had (if that makes sense). As an example, he had a woman friend who he would compliment on her brain, personality, the connection they had, etc - NOT even her looks or anything sexual - but it bothered me because he never complimented me in that way.

So even though I know he loves me, it felt like this woman was special to him in ways that I wasn't. We had many, many, MANY long discussions about it and he now puts in the effort to appreciate me for who I am beyond just wife & mom, and to make me feel special. I hope that makes sense.

I think if you approach it as "H, you CANNOT do this anymore", you're not going to get anywhere. I'd have an open, vulnerable conversation with him - that you miss him, you feel unattractive, you feel like he doesn't care about you anymore, etc. Make it more about the state of your relationship rather than just telling him what he can and can't do. I wouldn't like if my H tried to tell me I was no longer allowed to travel with y partner, but I'd absolutely listen if he expressed feeling insecure and worried, and I would do everything I could to reassure him and build our relationship up.

You don’t believe women should be secure? That’s so weird. Everyone should be secure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband has a female business partner, and I am uncomfortable by the amount of communication they have and how much personal information is shared.

Every single day, the two of them have a one-on-one meeting for an hour where they just have coffee, discuss what they did the night before, chat about personal things (“Oh, did you do yoga on the beach when you were on vacation?”, “If you could eat one thing forever, what would it be?”, “what’s your middle name?”), and laugh.

After that, they are in near constant contact from 9 am to 7 pm. She calls him around 7 times a day. They chat on Slack when they’re not on the phone. They call each other before meetings to plan, call after meetings to discuss how it went, and any questions she may have during the day, she calls him. It’s never less than 30 minutes.

Now, she’s pregnant. She told him when she was about 6-7 weeks, which is way early for work. He’s been mentioning things like, “Oh, She came to the meeting today but she was so nauseous” or I’ll overhear her whining to him about how nauseous she feels or how unwell she feels.

I have talked to him numerous times about how the excessive communication makes me feel like he does nothing but spend his days giggling and flirting with her. If there’s a question, I think email or slack is appropriate. It doesn’t need to be an hour long phone call. If you need to plan meetings, do it during your hour long morning call when you do nothing but just chat about your lives and how much you have in common. The pregnancy stuff is really throwing me off too— that’s stuff I would never, ever share with a boss or coworker; I’d text my husband if I was feeling morning sickness.

I am preparing to talk to him about it again today because I’ve gotten to the point where it deeply bothers me. His response is always that he’s doing nothing wrong except running a business and if I have a problem with the way he’s doing it, THAT is a problem.

Any advice? Am I overreacting?

I own a business and I'm a bit like this with my male partner (I'm a woman). He & I travel together and will sight-see, hang out, etc. I also have a woman operations manager and she & I talk/text/Slack alllll day long. It's just a way of getting social interaction. It's also really fun & exciting to build a business, I love talking about it, and it's not really something I can talk about with H - he doesn't really get it (just like I don't get his line of work, so he talks a lot with his coworkers, both male and female).

That being said, H and I put a LOT of effort into our relationship, and daily coffee dates with another person wouldn't sit well with either of us. Maybe 1-2 times a week is okay, but we'd instead try to have coffee dates with each other.

I also don't believe women should be quiet, secure, "cool", or whatever.

In the past when H and I have had issues around his communication with other women, I realized it wasn't necessarily the communication itself that bothered me - it was that their communication was on a deeper level than the communication he and I had (if that makes sense). As an example, he had a woman friend who he would compliment on her brain, personality, the connection they had, etc - NOT even her looks or anything sexual - but it bothered me because he never complimented me in that way.

So even though I know he loves me, it felt like this woman was special to him in ways that I wasn't. We had many, many, MANY long discussions about it and he now puts in the effort to appreciate me for who I am beyond just wife & mom, and to make me feel special. I hope that makes sense.

I think if you approach it as "H, you CANNOT do this anymore", you're not going to get anywhere. I'd have an open, vulnerable conversation with him - that you miss him, you feel unattractive, you feel like he doesn't care about you anymore, etc. Make it more about the state of your relationship rather than just telling him what he can and can't do. I wouldn't like if my H tried to tell me I was no longer allowed to travel with y partner, but I'd absolutely listen if he expressed feeling insecure and worried, and I would do everything I could to reassure him and build our relationship up.

You don’t believe women should be secure? That’s so weird. Everyone should be secure.

I don't believe women should stuff down their feelings in order to be "secure". If something is bothering you, it should be addressed, not ignored.

Telling people to "stop being insecure" doesn't address the actual issue. If either H or I feel insecure, we talk about it and find ways to fix it together.

[Anonymous]

OP needs to get a platonic boyfriend to maintain the balance. It's hard to live with someone watching them have their own life without you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I guess I’m a dissenter.

I don’t know if your DH is having an affair with his business partner or not.

But if he isn’t, this just sounds like a close colleague friendship to me. It wouldn’t bother me personally.

If he is, I don’t see how you monitoring or setting rules for his work relationships would help.

I guess I basically feel like cheating or not cheating is in the spouse’s hands. You can’t prevent it by policing his friendships. It’s on him.

This was on page 3 and it is still the best answer IMO. OP you have my sympathy honestly if your husband is spending time with a very beautiful younger woman it is going to feel very weird. It’s just a tough situation. He may find her attractive or not. Probably he does. It’s part of life.

Honestly nothing you described sounded like inappropriate discussion. If he was telling her she was beautiful at work or she was giving tons of over the top compliments about his appearance or something I would be uncomfortable with that (that actually has happened- there’s a woman who used to work with my husband who would just fawn over him about what a genius he was and how charming he was etc etc) but not just hanging out.

Anyway he’s going to do what he’s going to do. I Think all you can do is focus on strengthening your marriage - try to continue to connect and have fun together. I don’t look like a hot 20 year old anymore either but hopefully I am still fun and enjoyable!

[Anonymous]

That’s really weird.

I chat with colleagues about non work related things, but usually in a group setting and for 10 minutes, not an hour every day.

I find it unprofessional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: It’s hard. I try to be fair in these things, but my husband is old (we’re 50+), and she is this hot young 20-something. I’m trying to be logical, but I understand the appeal of a shiny new toy. It also doesn’t help that they go into the office together a lot. It’s just the two of them. It just makes me feel uncomfortable.

What kind of business has a 50+ year old man partnering with a 20-something woman? These are your descriptors, I think you are OP. So just curious because that seems odd? Yes it is possible although would be pegging the scale on likelihood. Please share, what is this business?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is flirting with crossing the line.

+1

Absolutely this.
I also agree w/the people who responded that your husband is having an emotional affair w/this woman.

I am curious how her own husband feels about all that is going on here.

If I were you, I wouldn’t like any of this either.
If you have talked to your husband about how uncomfortable this makes you feel + he blows off your feelings while continuing this behavior, then I would strongly encourage you and him sign up for marriage counseling, preferably w/someone who has experience in communication for couples as well as infidelity.

Hopefully a neutral, third party can open your husband’s eyes to the error of his ways.

If he will not seek counseling for this issue > then perhaps it is time to take a good, long look at your overall marriage & consider whether you truly want to live out the rest of your years w/someone who has a blatant disregard for your feelings. 💔

Wishing you all the best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: It’s hard. I try to be fair in these things, but my husband is old (we’re 50+), and she is this hot young 20-something. I’m trying to be logical, but I understand the appeal of a shiny new toy. It also doesn’t help that they go into the office together a lot. It’s just the two of them. It just makes me feel uncomfortable.

If your husband wants to cheat he will. He’s not lacking for opportunity in this scenario. Make sure you have your ducks in a row and try to live your life as best as you can.

Disagree. He’s lacking for opportunity to cheat because he’s middle-aged and she’s young and hot. She might like the attention and connection and he might want to be banging her but chances are they won’t.

This- why does everyone think just because you talk to a person of the opposite sex and form a bond you will sleep with them?

It is very Karen Pence around here.

+1 NP but I think OP is totally overreacting and I’m surprised to see myself in the distinct minority here.

[Anonymous]

OP is there an update here? Did you talk to him?

[Anonymous]

The elephant in the room is how attractive the two woman are. If OP is a 4 and the business partner is a 9, then this situation is a problem, because (a) they are having an affair, (b) they will eventually, (c) OP's jealousy will overtake everything, or (d) all of the above.

But if they are the other way around (i.e., OP is hot and business partner is not), then this is nothing to worry about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The elephant in the room is how attractive the two woman are. If OP is a 4 and the business partner is a 9, then this situation is a problem, because (a) they are having an affair, (b) they will eventually, (c) OP's jealousy will overtake everything, or (d) all of the above.

But if they are the other way around (i.e., OP is hot and business partner is not), then this is nothing to worry about.

Well OP and her husband are 50+ and business partner is 20's. But it's extremely unlikely that she is interested in anything (or at least not OPs old ass DH when she has her own). Maybe OPs husband likes chatting with a hot young woman, but that doesnt mean anything will happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The elephant in the room is how attractive the two woman are. If OP is a 4 and the business partner is a 9, then this situation is a problem, because (a) they are having an affair, (b) they will eventually, (c) OP's jealousy will overtake everything, or (d) all of the above.

But if they are the other way around (i.e., OP is hot and business partner is not), then this is nothing to worry about.

Looks don’t matter that much as long as someone is in reasonable shape and willing to put out.