Husband and his partner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would call this an emotional affair. It’s definitely way beyond a business relationship or even a normal friendship.

You'd be wrong.

He's clearly pretty open about it all. So now nobody is allowed to have friends of the opposite sex? Or close working relationships? JFC some of you need to grow up and stop being so insecure.

My friend’s husband was very open about everything except for the little fact about banging his coworker. Som people think it’s easier to hide in plain sight.

This. My husband who banged his business associate used to come home and complain about her to me. He made it seem like she was annoying to him. They try to hide it in plain sight, like the other poster said. You have to judge their actions, their words, and the level of respect they have for you in addressing the behavior you find appropriate.

If you’ve talked to him about this, and it’s still escalating, it’s an active choice for him.

[Anonymous]

Could be nothing, could be something.

How is she towards you?

My husband has had a handful of close co-worker friendships with women, even discussing personal things like family/kids etc. I’ve also had work friendships like that with men. In all cases, spouses have been friendly with each other. I know that’s not a sure fire way to know it’s not something more, but it’s a good sign.

[Anonymous]

They are business partners. It's fine that she told him about her pregnancy especially if she's barely making it through meetings without blowing chunks.

[Anonymous]

You can’t reasonably control—or even express an opinion on—how business partners choose to communicate.

I’d get therapy to deal with your jealousy and impulse to control this.

Fwiw, I am NOT calling you paranoid here. I can understand why you feel this way.

[Anonymous]

What kind of business is this? Is it just the two of them, or are they part of a larger corporation?

I get why you’re concerned, but at the same time, I don’t see how this changes at this point. I’d bide my time until she goes on maternity leave. The level of contact they have through that will be informative.

[Anonymous]

This will 200% end in an affair. I have seen it over and over and over again. Business partner is going to be the step-mom and new wife. I give it 5 years.

If you can’t be professional and keep a boundary at work, there’s no hope for a marriage continuing successfully. I’m sorry, OP. I’m trying to give it to you straight. I would be contacting a lawyer soon, especially since he expects you to sit idly by and watch him flirt with an affair.

[Anonymous]

My DH has a friend like this from 40 years ago when there worked together. He talks to her once or twice a week for like an hour. She live 1,000 miles away so they see each other rarely.

He has always had close female friends... he went to Sarah Lawrence!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can’t reasonably control—or even express an opinion on—how business partners choose to communicate.

I’d get therapy to deal with your jealousy and impulse to control this.

Fwiw, I am NOT calling you paranoid here. I can understand why you feel this way.

OP, if how I’m feeling is understandable, why do I need therapy to deal with jealousy??

[Anonymous]

A lot of what you describe sounds like a normal business relationship between two people who work closely together. I know all of my partners' middle names. We talk before conference/Teams calls to strategize, afterward to strategize about follow up. We chat about our families, what we did over the weekend, how our vacations went. Depending on the current project, we might speak several times each day. Over the years I've traveled quite a bit with a few of my male colleagues and we sit next to each and chat the whole time--just as I do with my female colleagues. It wouldn't surprise me if some of their wives felt like you do about me, but I have no idea and it isn't any of my business anyway. I didn't speak in detail about my pregnancies with anyone at work because I'm just more private about that kind of thing. I don't really care to share any personal health info with anyone at work in general (nor do I want to hear about it from others). But some people are oversharers and she sounds like one of them. Sometimes I'm amazed at how much personal health info people share at work.

However, I can see why you feel uncomfortable if you've never experienced this situation yourself. Not sure there is anything to do about it right now other than to be aware of it and check in with your DH from time to time about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH has a friend like this from 40 years ago when there worked together. He talks to her once or twice a week for like an hour. She live 1,000 miles away so they see each other rarely.

He has always had close female friends... he went to Sarah Lawrence!

That’s not even remotely the same. These people are talking 7-8 hours straight, even day, often about personal issues. It seems like they’re both making up reasons to call each other too. Either that or your husband is a bad business owner with horrible time management skills. Why have 8 phone calls a day when an hour long morning meeting frees everyone up to work independently through the day? He’s choosing this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 15 lpartners at work and we talk to each other about vacations, how we are feeling, what we did over the weekend, bounding ideas of reach other, etc. he isn’t her boss — he’s her partner. The only thing that seems very different is that there are only 2 of them. If their business is successful and making money and their personal friendship allows the business to thrive, I don’t see a real issue. (If they are not doing well because they spend too much time chatting, that’s a different issue.)

I just can’t see how you benefit by making a big deal about this “emotional affair.” Obviously it improves his mood to have a friend that he is in business with. Do you want him in a worse mood? Do you want his business to dissolve because they feel awkward around each other? What do you gain by telling him he can’t talk to his business partner so much? It seems to me you gain nothing and potentially lose a lot.

Finall question—would you feel this way if it was a male partner?

This. If it’s same sex, you know you would think it’s just friendship. But it’s the opposite sex, so it’s an “emotional affair.”
OP, insecurity is so unattractive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t reasonably control—or even express an opinion on—how business partners choose to communicate.

I’d get therapy to deal with your jealousy and impulse to control this.

Fwiw, I am NOT calling you paranoid here. I can understand why you feel this way.

OP, if how I’m feeling is understandable, why do I need therapy to deal with jealousy??

Just because it’s understandable doesn’t mean it’s healthy or rational. This is a YOU problem, so so you need to work on yourself to solve it.

[Anonymous]

Curious how you know the context of the morning meeting with coffee?? Definitely do not think you can manage how they discuss business matters and I personally would be happy my husband had a great friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 15 lpartners at work and we talk to each other about vacations, how we are feeling, what we did over the weekend, bounding ideas of reach other, etc. he isn’t her boss — he’s her partner. The only thing that seems very different is that there are only 2 of them. If their business is successful and making money and their personal friendship allows the business to thrive, I don’t see a real issue. (If they are not doing well because they spend too much time chatting, that’s a different issue.)

I just can’t see how you benefit by making a big deal about this “emotional affair.” Obviously it improves his mood to have a friend that he is in business with. Do you want him in a worse mood? Do you want his business to dissolve because they feel awkward around each other? What do you gain by telling him he can’t talk to his business partner so much? It seems to me you gain nothing and potentially lose a lot.

Finall question—would you feel this way if it was a male partner?

This. If it’s same sex, you know you would think it’s just friendship. But it’s the opposite sex, so it’s an “emotional affair.”
OP, insecurity is so unattractive.

OP: I’m really over the “cool girl”, go with the flow type of persona people try to push on women. “Insecurity is so unattractive”; great. I don’t honestly care about what’s attractive. What I care about is the respect and love my husband and I have for each other in our marriage. If something makes me feel uncomfortable, I don’t give a shit if it’s unattractive to discuss or makes me look insecure. My happiness, my satisfaction with my marriage, and my personhood is worth looking insecure over. Imagine caring how you look when you’re hurting inside and too scared to talk to your spouse because “it’s unattractive”. Pass.

[Anonymous]

It's not being "cool girl", OP. If you wouldn't feel this way with this arrangement with a male partner, it's a you problem. Yes, running a business is 9 hours of communication a day, why is this so shocking to you?