Husband and his partner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a very pragmatic person. Most people would call me quiet or reserved. I don’t often bring issues up with my spouse unless they’re quite serious, and I come armed with a solution. I think in 12 years of marriage, I’ve had a Sit Down conversation about something concerning me 3 or 4 times.

In my opinion, this is a serious issue, and I would be gearing up to discuss it. I don’t know if your husband is having an inappropriate relationship with his business partner, but I do know he’s doing a few things: 1) he is setting up a scenario where an inappropriate relationship can easily occur, 2) he is not being respectful of his marriage (I am very religious, so this is just my opinion, but I think his long, personal, all-day talks and lack of boundaries with the female colleague is extremely disrespectful to a marriage), and 3) he is pitting you, his wife, against a female colleague and creating deep, long term rifts and distrust by allowing this to continue in front of your face.

Now, I think you have to decide what you want, OP. When you sit down to talk with him, what are you wanting to achieve? He still has to communicate with her. That’s non-negotiable. But don’t be gaslit or fooled into thinking that the options are either the status quo or something extreme. Men have a tendency to do this when you push them. “What do you want? I guess I’ll just never talk to her again.” I’m sure you’ve seen it.

He is a grown man and is fully capable of implementing boundaries and demonstrating appropriate communication with his peers. You are not asking too much. Believe me, OP, your husband would be extremely uncomfortable if the tables were turned and you were giggling on the phone with one specific male coworker for 9 hours a day. He would have no issue telling you about how YOU need to be more respectful of the marriage.

So, sit down and think about what you want from the discussion. I do not think this is normal business behavior, and I think they’re dancing on the line of inappropriateness. Everyone has different boundaries for these things. Mine probably fall somewhere closer to yours because I would feel equally disturbed.

+100

[Anonymous]

OP this is completely inappropriate behavior, and at a minimum this is definitely an emotional affair. Just because he doesn't try to hide it doesn't mean it's not an emotional affair. Over sharing, giggling and flirting is not remotely professional at all. This needs to be addressed with him immediately. You are not the problem here and don't let him gaslight you telling you otherwise. This is not ok at all. He needs to rein this in and keep it professional but it sounds like it's way past that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 15 lpartners at work and we talk to each other about vacations, how we are feeling, what we did over the weekend, bounding ideas of reach other, etc. he isn’t her boss — he’s her partner. The only thing that seems very different is that there are only 2 of them. If their business is successful and making money and their personal friendship allows the business to thrive, I don’t see a real issue. (If they are not doing well because they spend too much time chatting, that’s a different issue.)

I just can’t see how you benefit by making a big deal about this “emotional affair.” Obviously it improves his mood to have a friend that he is in business with. Do you want him in a worse mood? Do you want his business to dissolve because they feel awkward around each other? What do you gain by telling him he can’t talk to his business partner so much? It seems to me you gain nothing and potentially lose a lot.

Finall question—would you feel this way if it was a male partner?

This. If it’s same sex, you know you would think it’s just friendship. But it’s the opposite sex, so it’s an “emotional affair.”
OP, insecurity is so unattractive.

OP: I’m really over the “cool girl”, go with the flow type of persona people try to push on women. “Insecurity is so unattractive”; great. I don’t honestly care about what’s attractive. What I care about is the respect and love my husband and I have for each other in our marriage. If something makes me feel uncomfortable, I don’t give a shit if it’s unattractive to discuss or makes me look insecure. My happiness, my satisfaction with my marriage, and my personhood is worth looking insecure over. Imagine caring how you look when you’re hurting inside and too scared to talk to your spouse because “it’s unattractive”. Pass.

Me, me, me. My, my, my. What about your husband’s happiness? He clearly has a good working relationship with this woman. Do you honestly want to blow up his professional life just because it makes you uncomfortable?

Don’t worry, no one has ever mistaken you for a cool girl. You’re the stage 5 clinger that most men were smart enough to avoid.

Sounds like the female business partner has entered the chat.

I was thinking the same thing, that girl who over shares at work, hangs all over the married men because that such low hanging fruit and the only attention she can get from men at work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a very pragmatic person. Most people would call me quiet or reserved. I don’t often bring issues up with my spouse unless they’re quite serious, and I come armed with a solution. I think in 12 years of marriage, I’ve had a Sit Down conversation about something concerning me 3 or 4 times.

In my opinion, this is a serious issue, and I would be gearing up to discuss it. I don’t know if your husband is having an inappropriate relationship with his business partner, but I do know he’s doing a few things: 1) he is setting up a scenario where an inappropriate relationship can easily occur, 2) he is not being respectful of his marriage (I am very religious, so this is just my opinion, but I think his long, personal, all-day talks and lack of boundaries with the female colleague is extremely disrespectful to a marriage), and 3) he is pitting you, his wife, against a female colleague and creating deep, long term rifts and distrust by allowing this to continue in front of your face.

Now, I think you have to decide what you want, OP. When you sit down to talk with him, what are you wanting to achieve? He still has to communicate with her. That’s non-negotiable. But don’t be gaslit or fooled into thinking that the options are either the status quo or something extreme. Men have a tendency to do this when you push them. “What do you want? I guess I’ll just never talk to her again.” I’m sure you’ve seen it.

He is a grown man and is fully capable of implementing boundaries and demonstrating appropriate communication with his peers. You are not asking too much. Believe me, OP, your husband would be extremely uncomfortable if the tables were turned and you were giggling on the phone with one specific male coworker for 9 hours a day. He would have no issue telling you about how YOU need to be more respectful of the marriage.

So, sit down and think about what you want from the discussion. I do not think this is normal business behavior, and I think they’re dancing on the line of inappropriateness. Everyone has different boundaries for these things. Mine probably fall somewhere closer to yours because I would feel equally disturbed.

Disagree so much with this. First, it's not disrespectful to a marriage to have a close working relationship with a colleague of the opposite sex. OP's DH and his partner are peers/equals in the business. What about their interactions is "disrespectful?" There's no indication in the OP that either of them were complaining about their spouses to the other--which I agree would be disrespectful. This kind of thinking is what continues to hold women back in the workplace. I should be afforded the same opportunities and working relationships as my male colleagues without having to pay a price because one of their religious wives at home thinks it's disrespectful to their marriage since I happen to be female.

Second, it seems like OP is the one pitting herself against the partner. I'm not saying OP can't discuss it with her DH if it's causing her concern, but there's nothing to suggest that DH is pitting his wife against his business partner. And if DH works from home, he's not "allowing this to continue in front of her face" so much as he's simply working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 15 lpartners at work and we talk to each other about vacations, how we are feeling, what we did over the weekend, bounding ideas of reach other, etc. he isn’t her boss — he’s her partner. The only thing that seems very different is that there are only 2 of them. If their business is successful and making money and their personal friendship allows the business to thrive, I don’t see a real issue. (If they are not doing well because they spend too much time chatting, that’s a different issue.)

I just can’t see how you benefit by making a big deal about this “emotional affair.” Obviously it improves his mood to have a friend that he is in business with. Do you want him in a worse mood? Do you want his business to dissolve because they feel awkward around each other? What do you gain by telling him he can’t talk to his business partner so much? It seems to me you gain nothing and potentially lose a lot.

Finall question—would you feel this way if it was a male partner?

This. If it’s same sex, you know you would think it’s just friendship. But it’s the opposite sex, so it’s an “emotional affair.”
OP, insecurity is so unattractive.

OP: I’m really over the “cool girl”, go with the flow type of persona people try to push on women. “Insecurity is so unattractive”; great. I don’t honestly care about what’s attractive. What I care about is the respect and love my husband and I have for each other in our marriage. If something makes me feel uncomfortable, I don’t give a shit if it’s unattractive to discuss or makes me look insecure. My happiness, my satisfaction with my marriage, and my personhood is worth looking insecure over. Imagine caring how you look when you’re hurting inside and too scared to talk to your spouse because “it’s unattractive”. Pass.

Me, me, me. My, my, my. What about your husband’s happiness? He clearly has a good working relationship with this woman. Do you honestly want to blow up his professional life just because it makes you uncomfortable?

Don’t worry, no one has ever mistaken you for a cool girl. You’re the stage 5 clinger that most men were smart enough to avoid.

Sounds like the female business partner has entered the chat.

No, just someone who knows that no one person can be everything to their spouse. OP is on a path to torpedo her marriage and her financial stability if she insists that she dictate how her husband interacts with his BUSINESS PARTNER.

Why is this on OP? I’m confused why she’s going to wreck her marriage for speaking up. Her husband is the one being inappropriate.

Except he's not being inappropriate. If the business partner were a man, OP would have no complaint. But it's a woman, which makes OP feel insecure, so she's going to tear down something positive to make herself feel better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 15 lpartners at work and we talk to each other about vacations, how we are feeling, what we did over the weekend, bounding ideas of reach other, etc. he isn’t her boss — he’s her partner. The only thing that seems very different is that there are only 2 of them. If their business is successful and making money and their personal friendship allows the business to thrive, I don’t see a real issue. (If they are not doing well because they spend too much time chatting, that’s a different issue.)

I just can’t see how you benefit by making a big deal about this “emotional affair.” Obviously it improves his mood to have a friend that he is in business with. Do you want him in a worse mood? Do you want his business to dissolve because they feel awkward around each other? What do you gain by telling him he can’t talk to his business partner so much? It seems to me you gain nothing and potentially lose a lot.

Finall question—would you feel this way if it was a male partner?

This. If it’s same sex, you know you would think it’s just friendship. But it’s the opposite sex, so it’s an “emotional affair.”
OP, insecurity is so unattractive.

OP: I’m really over the “cool girl”, go with the flow type of persona people try to push on women. “Insecurity is so unattractive”; great. I don’t honestly care about what’s attractive. What I care about is the respect and love my husband and I have for each other in our marriage. If something makes me feel uncomfortable, I don’t give a shit if it’s unattractive to discuss or makes me look insecure. My happiness, my satisfaction with my marriage, and my personhood is worth looking insecure over. Imagine caring how you look when you’re hurting inside and too scared to talk to your spouse because “it’s unattractive”. Pass.

Me, me, me. My, my, my. What about your husband’s happiness? He clearly has a good working relationship with this woman. Do you honestly want to blow up his professional life just because it makes you uncomfortable?

Don’t worry, no one has ever mistaken you for a cool girl. You’re the stage 5 clinger that most men were smart enough to avoid.

Sounds like the female business partner has entered the chat.

No, just someone who knows that no one person can be everything to their spouse. OP is on a path to torpedo her marriage and her financial stability if she insists that she dictate how her husband interacts with his BUSINESS PARTNER.

Why is this on OP? I’m confused why she’s going to wreck her marriage for speaking up. Her husband is the one being inappropriate.

Except he's not being inappropriate. If the business partner were a man, OP would have no complaint. But it's a woman, which makes OP feel insecure, so she's going to tear down something positive to make herself feel better.

Are you new to life? A male versus a female makes all the difference in the world. If I’m going to share a bed with a female friend on a trip, it’s way different than sharing with a male friend.

Stop making this some stupid “we’re all equal” bullshit. It’s why men and women so typically cannot be friends and why affairs are so rampant—- it’s because it IS different when it’s a male versus a female.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a very pragmatic person. Most people would call me quiet or reserved. I don’t often bring issues up with my spouse unless they’re quite serious, and I come armed with a solution. I think in 12 years of marriage, I’ve had a Sit Down conversation about something concerning me 3 or 4 times.

In my opinion, this is a serious issue, and I would be gearing up to discuss it. I don’t know if your husband is having an inappropriate relationship with his business partner, but I do know he’s doing a few things: 1) he is setting up a scenario where an inappropriate relationship can easily occur, 2) he is not being respectful of his marriage (I am very religious, so this is just my opinion, but I think his long, personal, all-day talks and lack of boundaries with the female colleague is extremely disrespectful to a marriage), and 3) he is pitting you, his wife, against a female colleague and creating deep, long term rifts and distrust by allowing this to continue in front of your face.

Now, I think you have to decide what you want, OP. When you sit down to talk with him, what are you wanting to achieve? He still has to communicate with her. That’s non-negotiable. But don’t be gaslit or fooled into thinking that the options are either the status quo or something extreme. Men have a tendency to do this when you push them. “What do you want? I guess I’ll just never talk to her again.” I’m sure you’ve seen it.

He is a grown man and is fully capable of implementing boundaries and demonstrating appropriate communication with his peers. You are not asking too much. Believe me, OP, your husband would be extremely uncomfortable if the tables were turned and you were giggling on the phone with one specific male coworker for 9 hours a day. He would have no issue telling you about how YOU need to be more respectful of the marriage.

So, sit down and think about what you want from the discussion. I do not think this is normal business behavior, and I think they’re dancing on the line of inappropriateness. Everyone has different boundaries for these things. Mine probably fall somewhere closer to yours because I would feel equally disturbed.

Disagree so much with this. First, it's not disrespectful to a marriage to have a close working relationship with a colleague of the opposite sex. OP's DH and his partner are peers/equals in the business. What about their interactions is "disrespectful?" There's no indication in the OP that either of them were complaining about their spouses to the other--which I agree would be disrespectful. This kind of thinking is what continues to hold women back in the workplace. I should be afforded the same opportunities and working relationships as my male colleagues without having to pay a price because one of their religious wives at home thinks it's disrespectful to their marriage since I happen to be female.

Second, it seems like OP is the one pitting herself against the partner. I'm not saying OP can't discuss it with her DH if it's causing her concern, but there's nothing to suggest that DH is pitting his wife against his business partner. And if DH works from home, he's not "allowing this to continue in front of her face" so much as he's simply working.

First of all you sound very immature.

"What about their interactions is "disrespectful?" OP said they are flirting. Let's start there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 15 lpartners at work and we talk to each other about vacations, how we are feeling, what we did over the weekend, bounding ideas of reach other, etc. he isn’t her boss — he’s her partner. The only thing that seems very different is that there are only 2 of them. If their business is successful and making money and their personal friendship allows the business to thrive, I don’t see a real issue. (If they are not doing well because they spend too much time chatting, that’s a different issue.)

I just can’t see how you benefit by making a big deal about this “emotional affair.” Obviously it improves his mood to have a friend that he is in business with. Do you want him in a worse mood? Do you want his business to dissolve because they feel awkward around each other? What do you gain by telling him he can’t talk to his business partner so much? It seems to me you gain nothing and potentially lose a lot.

Finall question—would you feel this way if it was a male partner?

This. If it’s same sex, you know you would think it’s just friendship. But it’s the opposite sex, so it’s an “emotional affair.”
OP, insecurity is so unattractive.

OP: I’m really over the “cool girl”, go with the flow type of persona people try to push on women. “Insecurity is so unattractive”; great. I don’t honestly care about what’s attractive. What I care about is the respect and love my husband and I have for each other in our marriage. If something makes me feel uncomfortable, I don’t give a shit if it’s unattractive to discuss or makes me look insecure. My happiness, my satisfaction with my marriage, and my personhood is worth looking insecure over. Imagine caring how you look when you’re hurting inside and too scared to talk to your spouse because “it’s unattractive”. Pass.

Me, me, me. My, my, my. What about your husband’s happiness? He clearly has a good working relationship with this woman. Do you honestly want to blow up his professional life just because it makes you uncomfortable?

Don’t worry, no one has ever mistaken you for a cool girl. You’re the stage 5 clinger that most men were smart enough to avoid.

Sounds like the female business partner has entered the chat.

No, just someone who knows that no one person can be everything to their spouse. OP is on a path to torpedo her marriage and her financial stability if she insists that she dictate how her husband interacts with his BUSINESS PARTNER.

Why is this on OP? I’m confused why she’s going to wreck her marriage for speaking up. Her husband is the one being inappropriate.

Except he's not being inappropriate. If the business partner were a man, OP would have no complaint. But it's a woman, which makes OP feel insecure, so she's going to tear down something positive to make herself feel better.

"Except he's not being inappropriate."

Do you know how to read? OP said he was flirting with the business partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have 15 lpartners at work and we talk to each other about vacations, how we are feeling, what we did over the weekend, bounding ideas of reach other, etc. he isn’t her boss — he’s her partner. The only thing that seems very different is that there are only 2 of them. If their business is successful and making money and their personal friendship allows the business to thrive, I don’t see a real issue. (If they are not doing well because they spend too much time chatting, that’s a different issue.)

I just can’t see how you benefit by making a big deal about this “emotional affair.” Obviously it improves his mood to have a friend that he is in business with. Do you want him in a worse mood? Do you want his business to dissolve because they feel awkward around each other? What do you gain by telling him he can’t talk to his business partner so much? It seems to me you gain nothing and potentially lose a lot.

Finall question—would you feel this way if it was a male partner?

This. If it’s same sex, you know you would think it’s just friendship. But it’s the opposite sex, so it’s an “emotional affair.”
OP, insecurity is so unattractive.

OP: I’m really over the “cool girl”, go with the flow type of persona people try to push on women. “Insecurity is so unattractive”; great. I don’t honestly care about what’s attractive. What I care about is the respect and love my husband and I have for each other in our marriage. If something makes me feel uncomfortable, I don’t give a shit if it’s unattractive to discuss or makes me look insecure. My happiness, my satisfaction with my marriage, and my personhood is worth looking insecure over. Imagine caring how you look when you’re hurting inside and too scared to talk to your spouse because “it’s unattractive”. Pass.

Me, me, me. My, my, my. What about your husband’s happiness? He clearly has a good working relationship with this woman. Do you honestly want to blow up his professional life just because it makes you uncomfortable?

Don’t worry, no one has ever mistaken you for a cool girl. You’re the stage 5 clinger that most men were smart enough to avoid.

Sounds like the female business partner has entered the chat.

No, just someone who knows that no one person can be everything to their spouse. OP is on a path to torpedo her marriage and her financial stability if she insists that she dictate how her husband interacts with his BUSINESS PARTNER.

Why is this on OP? I’m confused why she’s going to wreck her marriage for speaking up. Her husband is the one being inappropriate.

Except he's not being inappropriate. If the business partner were a man, OP would have no complaint. But it's a woman, which makes OP feel insecure, so she's going to tear down something positive to make herself feel better.

Are you new to life? A male versus a female makes all the difference in the world. If I’m going to share a bed with a female friend on a trip, it’s way different than sharing with a male friend.

Stop making this some stupid “we’re all equal” bullshit. It’s why men and women so typically cannot be friends and why affairs are so rampant—- it’s because it IS different when it’s a male versus a female.

Umm...no one is sharing a bed in this scenario? And men and women can be friends--who says they can't?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a very pragmatic person. Most people would call me quiet or reserved. I don’t often bring issues up with my spouse unless they’re quite serious, and I come armed with a solution. I think in 12 years of marriage, I’ve had a Sit Down conversation about something concerning me 3 or 4 times.

In my opinion, this is a serious issue, and I would be gearing up to discuss it. I don’t know if your husband is having an inappropriate relationship with his business partner, but I do know he’s doing a few things: 1) he is setting up a scenario where an inappropriate relationship can easily occur, 2) he is not being respectful of his marriage (I am very religious, so this is just my opinion, but I think his long, personal, all-day talks and lack of boundaries with the female colleague is extremely disrespectful to a marriage), and 3) he is pitting you, his wife, against a female colleague and creating deep, long term rifts and distrust by allowing this to continue in front of your face.

Now, I think you have to decide what you want, OP. When you sit down to talk with him, what are you wanting to achieve? He still has to communicate with her. That’s non-negotiable. But don’t be gaslit or fooled into thinking that the options are either the status quo or something extreme. Men have a tendency to do this when you push them. “What do you want? I guess I’ll just never talk to her again.” I’m sure you’ve seen it.

He is a grown man and is fully capable of implementing boundaries and demonstrating appropriate communication with his peers. You are not asking too much. Believe me, OP, your husband would be extremely uncomfortable if the tables were turned and you were giggling on the phone with one specific male coworker for 9 hours a day. He would have no issue telling you about how YOU need to be more respectful of the marriage.

So, sit down and think about what you want from the discussion. I do not think this is normal business behavior, and I think they’re dancing on the line of inappropriateness. Everyone has different boundaries for these things. Mine probably fall somewhere closer to yours because I would feel equally disturbed.

Disagree so much with this. First, it's not disrespectful to a marriage to have a close working relationship with a colleague of the opposite sex. OP's DH and his partner are peers/equals in the business. What about their interactions is "disrespectful?" There's no indication in the OP that either of them were complaining about their spouses to the other--which I agree would be disrespectful. This kind of thinking is what continues to hold women back in the workplace. I should be afforded the same opportunities and working relationships as my male colleagues without having to pay a price because one of their religious wives at home thinks it's disrespectful to their marriage since I happen to be female.

Second, it seems like OP is the one pitting herself against the partner. I'm not saying OP can't discuss it with her DH if it's causing her concern, but there's nothing to suggest that DH is pitting his wife against his business partner. And if DH works from home, he's not "allowing this to continue in front of her face" so much as he's simply working.

First of all you sound very immature.

"What about their interactions is "disrespectful?" OP said they are flirting. Let's start there.

Yes, let's start there. This is the conversation OP described:

“Oh, did you do yoga on the beach when you were on vacation?”, “If you could eat one thing forever, what would it be?”, “what’s your middle name?”).

These are all perfectly innocuous topics of conversation that I would have with my 12 year old niece (minus her middle name because I know what it is). OP is just insecure. If she wants us to believe her DH is flirting, she's going to have to give better examples.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a very pragmatic person. Most people would call me quiet or reserved. I don’t often bring issues up with my spouse unless they’re quite serious, and I come armed with a solution. I think in 12 years of marriage, I’ve had a Sit Down conversation about something concerning me 3 or 4 times.

In my opinion, this is a serious issue, and I would be gearing up to discuss it. I don’t know if your husband is having an inappropriate relationship with his business partner, but I do know he’s doing a few things: 1) he is setting up a scenario where an inappropriate relationship can easily occur, 2) he is not being respectful of his marriage (I am very religious, so this is just my opinion, but I think his long, personal, all-day talks and lack of boundaries with the female colleague is extremely disrespectful to a marriage), and 3) he is pitting you, his wife, against a female colleague and creating deep, long term rifts and distrust by allowing this to continue in front of your face.

Now, I think you have to decide what you want, OP. When you sit down to talk with him, what are you wanting to achieve? He still has to communicate with her. That’s non-negotiable. But don’t be gaslit or fooled into thinking that the options are either the status quo or something extreme. Men have a tendency to do this when you push them. “What do you want? I guess I’ll just never talk to her again.” I’m sure you’ve seen it.

He is a grown man and is fully capable of implementing boundaries and demonstrating appropriate communication with his peers. You are not asking too much. Believe me, OP, your husband would be extremely uncomfortable if the tables were turned and you were giggling on the phone with one specific male coworker for 9 hours a day. He would have no issue telling you about how YOU need to be more respectful of the marriage.

So, sit down and think about what you want from the discussion. I do not think this is normal business behavior, and I think they’re dancing on the line of inappropriateness. Everyone has different boundaries for these things. Mine probably fall somewhere closer to yours because I would feel equally disturbed.

Disagree so much with this. First, it's not disrespectful to a marriage to have a close working relationship with a colleague of the opposite sex. OP's DH and his partner are peers/equals in the business. What about their interactions is "disrespectful?" There's no indication in the OP that either of them were complaining about their spouses to the other--which I agree would be disrespectful. This kind of thinking is what continues to hold women back in the workplace. I should be afforded the same opportunities and working relationships as my male colleagues without having to pay a price because one of their religious wives at home thinks it's disrespectful to their marriage since I happen to be female.

Second, it seems like OP is the one pitting herself against the partner. I'm not saying OP can't discuss it with her DH if it's causing her concern, but there's nothing to suggest that DH is pitting his wife against his business partner. And if DH works from home, he's not "allowing this to continue in front of her face" so much as he's simply working.

First of all you sound very immature.

"What about their interactions is "disrespectful?" OP said they are flirting. Let's start there.

You know you've lost your argument when your response is "you're immature." Lol

As someone who claims to be pragmatic, I would've expected you to understand that just because OP thinks it's flirting does not make it so. OP is viewing their interactions through her own lens, which may or may not be accurate. OP may not be able to be objective about the situation because she's having feelings about it. But that doesn't necessarily mean her DH is doing anything wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 15 lpartners at work and we talk to each other about vacations, how we are feeling, what we did over the weekend, bounding ideas of reach other, etc. he isn’t her boss — he’s her partner. The only thing that seems very different is that there are only 2 of them. If their business is successful and making money and their personal friendship allows the business to thrive, I don’t see a real issue. (If they are not doing well because they spend too much time chatting, that’s a different issue.)

I just can’t see how you benefit by making a big deal about this “emotional affair.” Obviously it improves his mood to have a friend that he is in business with. Do you want him in a worse mood? Do you want his business to dissolve because they feel awkward around each other? What do you gain by telling him he can’t talk to his business partner so much? It seems to me you gain nothing and potentially lose a lot.

Finall question—would you feel this way if it was a male partner?

I agree with this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a very pragmatic person. Most people would call me quiet or reserved. I don’t often bring issues up with my spouse unless they’re quite serious, and I come armed with a solution. I think in 12 years of marriage, I’ve had a Sit Down conversation about something concerning me 3 or 4 times.

In my opinion, this is a serious issue, and I would be gearing up to discuss it. I don’t know if your husband is having an inappropriate relationship with his business partner, but I do know he’s doing a few things: 1) he is setting up a scenario where an inappropriate relationship can easily occur, 2) he is not being respectful of his marriage (I am very religious, so this is just my opinion, but I think his long, personal, all-day talks and lack of boundaries with the female colleague is extremely disrespectful to a marriage), and 3) he is pitting you, his wife, against a female colleague and creating deep, long term rifts and distrust by allowing this to continue in front of your face.

Now, I think you have to decide what you want, OP. When you sit down to talk with him, what are you wanting to achieve? He still has to communicate with her. That’s non-negotiable. But don’t be gaslit or fooled into thinking that the options are either the status quo or something extreme. Men have a tendency to do this when you push them. “What do you want? I guess I’ll just never talk to her again.” I’m sure you’ve seen it.

He is a grown man and is fully capable of implementing boundaries and demonstrating appropriate communication with his peers. You are not asking too much. Believe me, OP, your husband would be extremely uncomfortable if the tables were turned and you were giggling on the phone with one specific male coworker for 9 hours a day. He would have no issue telling you about how YOU need to be more respectful of the marriage.

So, sit down and think about what you want from the discussion. I do not think this is normal business behavior, and I think they’re dancing on the line of inappropriateness. Everyone has different boundaries for these things. Mine probably fall somewhere closer to yours because I would feel equally disturbed.

Disagree so much with this. First, it's not disrespectful to a marriage to have a close working relationship with a colleague of the opposite sex. OP's DH and his partner are peers/equals in the business. What about their interactions is "disrespectful?" There's no indication in the OP that either of them were complaining about their spouses to the other--which I agree would be disrespectful. This kind of thinking is what continues to hold women back in the workplace. I should be afforded the same opportunities and working relationships as my male colleagues without having to pay a price because one of their religious wives at home thinks it's disrespectful to their marriage since I happen to be female.

Second, it seems like OP is the one pitting herself against the partner. I'm not saying OP can't discuss it with her DH if it's causing her concern, but there's nothing to suggest that DH is pitting his wife against his business partner. And if DH works from home, he's not "allowing this to continue in front of her face" so much as he's simply working.

First of all you sound very immature.

"What about their interactions is "disrespectful?" OP said they are flirting. Let's start there.

You know you've lost your argument when your response is "you're immature." Lol

As someone who claims to be pragmatic, I would've expected you to understand that just because OP thinks it's flirting does not make it so. OP is viewing their interactions through her own lens, which may or may not be accurate. OP may not be able to be objective about the situation because she's having feelings about it. But that doesn't necessarily mean her DH is doing anything wrong.

Sounds exactly like what the AP would say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a very pragmatic person. Most people would call me quiet or reserved. I don’t often bring issues up with my spouse unless they’re quite serious, and I come armed with a solution. I think in 12 years of marriage, I’ve had a Sit Down conversation about something concerning me 3 or 4 times.

In my opinion, this is a serious issue, and I would be gearing up to discuss it. I don’t know if your husband is having an inappropriate relationship with his business partner, but I do know he’s doing a few things: 1) he is setting up a scenario where an inappropriate relationship can easily occur, 2) he is not being respectful of his marriage (I am very religious, so this is just my opinion, but I think his long, personal, all-day talks and lack of boundaries with the female colleague is extremely disrespectful to a marriage), and 3) he is pitting you, his wife, against a female colleague and creating deep, long term rifts and distrust by allowing this to continue in front of your face.

Now, I think you have to decide what you want, OP. When you sit down to talk with him, what are you wanting to achieve? He still has to communicate with her. That’s non-negotiable. But don’t be gaslit or fooled into thinking that the options are either the status quo or something extreme. Men have a tendency to do this when you push them. “What do you want? I guess I’ll just never talk to her again.” I’m sure you’ve seen it.

He is a grown man and is fully capable of implementing boundaries and demonstrating appropriate communication with his peers. You are not asking too much. Believe me, OP, your husband would be extremely uncomfortable if the tables were turned and you were giggling on the phone with one specific male coworker for 9 hours a day. He would have no issue telling you about how YOU need to be more respectful of the marriage.

So, sit down and think about what you want from the discussion. I do not think this is normal business behavior, and I think they’re dancing on the line of inappropriateness. Everyone has different boundaries for these things. Mine probably fall somewhere closer to yours because I would feel equally disturbed.

Disagree so much with this. First, it's not disrespectful to a marriage to have a close working relationship with a colleague of the opposite sex. OP's DH and his partner are peers/equals in the business. What about their interactions is "disrespectful?" There's no indication in the OP that either of them were complaining about their spouses to the other--which I agree would be disrespectful. This kind of thinking is what continues to hold women back in the workplace. I should be afforded the same opportunities and working relationships as my male colleagues without having to pay a price because one of their religious wives at home thinks it's disrespectful to their marriage since I happen to be female.

Second, it seems like OP is the one pitting herself against the partner. I'm not saying OP can't discuss it with her DH if it's causing her concern, but there's nothing to suggest that DH is pitting his wife against his business partner. And if DH works from home, he's not "allowing this to continue in front of her face" so much as he's simply working.

First of all you sound very immature.

"What about their interactions is "disrespectful?" OP said they are flirting. Let's start there.

You know you've lost your argument when your response is "you're immature." Lol

As someone who claims to be pragmatic, I would've expected you to understand that just because OP thinks it's flirting does not make it so. OP is viewing their interactions through her own lens, which may or may not be accurate. OP may not be able to be objective about the situation because she's having feelings about it. But that doesn't necessarily mean her DH is doing anything wrong.

Here goes the immature sock puppet again!!!!

I see you!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a very pragmatic person. Most people would call me quiet or reserved. I don’t often bring issues up with my spouse unless they’re quite serious, and I come armed with a solution. I think in 12 years of marriage, I’ve had a Sit Down conversation about something concerning me 3 or 4 times.

In my opinion, this is a serious issue, and I would be gearing up to discuss it. I don’t know if your husband is having an inappropriate relationship with his business partner, but I do know he’s doing a few things: 1) he is setting up a scenario where an inappropriate relationship can easily occur, 2) he is not being respectful of his marriage (I am very religious, so this is just my opinion, but I think his long, personal, all-day talks and lack of boundaries with the female colleague is extremely disrespectful to a marriage), and 3) he is pitting you, his wife, against a female colleague and creating deep, long term rifts and distrust by allowing this to continue in front of your face.

Now, I think you have to decide what you want, OP. When you sit down to talk with him, what are you wanting to achieve? He still has to communicate with her. That’s non-negotiable. But don’t be gaslit or fooled into thinking that the options are either the status quo or something extreme. Men have a tendency to do this when you push them. “What do you want? I guess I’ll just never talk to her again.” I’m sure you’ve seen it.

He is a grown man and is fully capable of implementing boundaries and demonstrating appropriate communication with his peers. You are not asking too much. Believe me, OP, your husband would be extremely uncomfortable if the tables were turned and you were giggling on the phone with one specific male coworker for 9 hours a day. He would have no issue telling you about how YOU need to be more respectful of the marriage.

So, sit down and think about what you want from the discussion. I do not think this is normal business behavior, and I think they’re dancing on the line of inappropriateness. Everyone has different boundaries for these things. Mine probably fall somewhere closer to yours because I would feel equally disturbed.

Disagree so much with this. First, it's not disrespectful to a marriage to have a close working relationship with a colleague of the opposite sex. OP's DH and his partner are peers/equals in the business. What about their interactions is "disrespectful?" There's no indication in the OP that either of them were complaining about their spouses to the other--which I agree would be disrespectful. This kind of thinking is what continues to hold women back in the workplace. I should be afforded the same opportunities and working relationships as my male colleagues without having to pay a price because one of their religious wives at home thinks it's disrespectful to their marriage since I happen to be female.

Second, it seems like OP is the one pitting herself against the partner. I'm not saying OP can't discuss it with her DH if it's causing her concern, but there's nothing to suggest that DH is pitting his wife against his business partner. And if DH works from home, he's not "allowing this to continue in front of her face" so much as he's simply working.

First of all you sound very immature.

"What about their interactions is "disrespectful?" OP said they are flirting. Let's start there.

You know you've lost your argument when your response is "you're immature." Lol

As someone who claims to be pragmatic, I would've expected you to understand that just because OP thinks it's flirting does not make it so. OP is viewing their interactions through her own lens, which may or may not be accurate. OP may not be able to be objective about the situation because she's having feelings about it. But that doesn't necessarily mean her DH is doing anything wrong.

Sounds exactly like what the AP would say.

NP. You continue with these weak sauce arguments. In fact these aren't even arguments, just insults.