Do you think the popular girls tend to have the popular moms?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It was definitely the culture in our small private school.

The rick bored housewives wanted to feel a little powerful and created their own cliques and then their daughters created cliques.

All in all it was a toxic social environment where it wasn’t “allowed” for kids to mingle with kids from other cliques. Both moms and girls played including/excluding games.

There was one mom who dominated and manipulated the entire tennis team.

It is very off putting and we are transferring to a public school.

Just pick a better private school. They are not all the same, seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Popular doesn’t mean well liked.

This is an important point!

+2

They’re usually annoying, but kids pretend to like them because most schools allow them to gatekeep if you don’t complain.

[Anonymous]

The phenomenon continues into college for these parents. My DC will be starting at a flagship this fall and there are plenty of moms on the parent facebook group who are falling over trying to engineer friendships for their children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, this is one anecdote, but one of the "popular" or it girls or whatever in my DD's middle school class all wore matching skirts to a dance. I assumed the kids came up with this but it turns out a mom suggested it, ordered it, decided who was on the list to get the skirt, etc.

The moms of these girls all hang out and some of the moms are trying to push their kids into the group. It's super weird but I don't think that uncommon so to answer OP, yes, I personally think there is a mother-daughter correlation in many cases.

Yuck!

+1

I would want my kid to actively avoid being a part of this copy cat cult and be her own person instead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, this is one anecdote, but one of the "popular" or it girls or whatever in my DD's middle school class all wore matching skirts to a dance. I assumed the kids came up with this but it turns out a mom suggested it, ordered it, decided who was on the list to get the skirt, etc.

The moms of these girls all hang out and some of the moms are trying to push their kids into the group. It's super weird but I don't think that uncommon so to answer OP, yes, I personally think there is a mother-daughter correlation in many cases.

Yuck!

+1

I would want my kid to actively avoid being a part of this copy cat cult and be her own person instead.

+2

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:By high school a lot of this evens out.

I have two high school kids at snobby DC privates. You can imagine which schools.

-many socially alpha people have socially alpha kids. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
-other alpha parents do not. They can't force other teens to include their kid. At some point (around 9th grade) personality and charisma take over.

We are NOT cool but our kids are what I would call "popular adjacent." They are invited to all popular kid parties so we are invited to many as well. But they are not the 5 kids in their grades who are leaders of the pack. BTW, their social standing is driven entirely by them. It used to drive my husband nuts when perceived them chasing after the popular crowd or even being part of the popular of this group (he was a proud geek in high school). But you get what you get in terms of teens.

No.

In my experience they definitely do. 100%. At least among boys.

[Anonymous]

Just elbowing my way in to say that this whole Popular Mom/Popular Girls thing is alive and well in public schools and begins in K and ramps up precipitously reaching crescendo by freshman year HS.

Starts with “right” activities (swim or country clubs), then moves into cool girl sports and specific teams and coaches, then to travel sports (bonus here is aura of exclusivity) and the bespoke childhood of the privileged thus begins. Next is admittance to the almighty AAP program (further segregation with school choice for MS). Travel sports ramp up so more sharing hotel rooms with other popular girls and parents, taking trips over Thanksgiving with just the other families on travel team sport.

Enter encouragement to be mini teens by around grades 5-6. Boy craziness begins and everything that goes with this phase. Consider that by junior year of HS these girls are behaving in a way you might recall some college freshman did back in your day. Pre-gaming at someone’s house before a football game, drunken sleepovers afterwards, hangovers, vaping, sex, experimenting with everything - moms will host parties, buy booze, “chaperone” beach week and proudly proclaim, “At least no one is driving drunk.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just elbowing my way in to say that this whole Popular Mom/Popular Girls thing is alive and well in public schools and begins in K and ramps up precipitously reaching crescendo by freshman year HS.

Starts with “right” activities (swim or country clubs), then moves into cool girl sports and specific teams and coaches, then to travel sports (bonus here is aura of exclusivity) and the bespoke childhood of the privileged thus begins. Next is admittance to the almighty AAP program (further segregation with school choice for MS). Travel sports ramp up so more sharing hotel rooms with other popular girls and parents, taking trips over Thanksgiving with just the other families on travel team sport.

Enter encouragement to be mini teens by around grades 5-6. Boy craziness begins and everything that goes with this phase. Consider that by junior year of HS these girls are behaving in a way you might recall some college freshman did back in your day. Pre-gaming at someone’s house before a football game, drunken sleepovers afterwards, hangovers, vaping, sex, experimenting with everything - moms will host parties, buy booze, “chaperone” beach week and proudly proclaim, “At least no one is driving drunk.”

+1000

[Anonymous]

My DD is in the popular crowd at her Bethesda public school. I am not a popular mom and neither are any of her friends' parents and none of us hang out with one another. I have not done anything to social engineer my DD and allow her to be friends with whomever she wants.

Not saying it doesn't happen, but it's not always the case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was definitely the culture in our small private school.

The rick bored housewives wanted to feel a little powerful and created their own cliques and then their daughters created cliques.

All in all it was a toxic social environment where it wasn’t “allowed” for kids to mingle with kids from other cliques. Both moms and girls played including/excluding games.

There was one mom who dominated and manipulated the entire tennis team.

It is very off putting and we are transferring to a public school.

Just pick a better private school. They are not all the same, seriously.

I heard something similar from a mom at one of the 3 private schools my kids attend. It was the worst one for this culture. She literally couldn't see his bad the problem was. BTW I think the parent group was closed to me despite me trying to be friendly. I'm social at the other schools. This one was really bad in this regard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It was definitely the culture in our small private school.

The rick bored housewives wanted to feel a little powerful and created their own cliques and then their daughters created cliques.

All in all it was a toxic social environment where it wasn’t “allowed” for kids to mingle with kids from other cliques. Both moms and girls played including/excluding games.

There was one mom who dominated and manipulated the entire tennis team.

It is very off putting and we are transferring to a public school.

I suspect this is a very bad take on the situation. The “rich bored housewives” were probably just long time friends. There weren’t rules excluding your kid, it just takes time for friendships to grow. The tennis mom was probably the only volunteer and doing her best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was definitely the culture in our small private school.

The rick bored housewives wanted to feel a little powerful and created their own cliques and then their daughters created cliques.

All in all it was a toxic social environment where it wasn’t “allowed” for kids to mingle with kids from other cliques. Both moms and girls played including/excluding games.

There was one mom who dominated and manipulated the entire tennis team.

It is very off putting and we are transferring to a public school.

I suspect this is a very bad take on the situation. The “rich bored housewives” were probably just long time friends. There weren’t rules excluding your kid, it just takes time for friendships to grow. The tennis mom was probably the only volunteer and doing her best.

ha ha this makes me laugh. People know this culture is alive and to make excuses like this for it is pathetic. I am sorry you are part of the problem.

[Anonymous]

Teach your daughter deeper things, shallow stuff doesn't need time of your day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The phenomenon continues into college for these parents. My DC will be starting at a flagship this fall and there are plenty of moms on the parent facebook group who are falling over trying to engineer friendships for their children.

Those would be Southern public universities like UVA (on the line) and Alabama, not anywhere else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was definitely the culture in our small private school.

The rick bored housewives wanted to feel a little powerful and created their own cliques and then their daughters created cliques.

All in all it was a toxic social environment where it wasn’t “allowed” for kids to mingle with kids from other cliques. Both moms and girls played including/excluding games.

There was one mom who dominated and manipulated the entire tennis team.

It is very off putting and we are transferring to a public school.

I suspect this is a very bad take on the situation. The “rich bored housewives” were probably just long time friends. There weren’t rules excluding your kid, it just takes time for friendships to grow. The tennis mom was probably the only volunteer and doing her best.

ha ha this makes me laugh. People know this culture is alive and to make excuses like this for it is pathetic. I am sorry you are part of the problem.

But is there even a problem?