Do you think the popular girls tend to have the popular moms?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was definitely the culture in our small private school.

The rick bored housewives wanted to feel a little powerful and created their own cliques and then their daughters created cliques.

All in all it was a toxic social environment where it wasn’t “allowed” for kids to mingle with kids from other cliques. Both moms and girls played including/excluding games.

There was one mom who dominated and manipulated the entire tennis team.

It is very off putting and we are transferring to a public school.

I suspect this is a very bad take on the situation. The “rich bored housewives” were probably just long time friends. There weren’t rules excluding your kid, it just takes time for friendships to grow. The tennis mom was probably the only volunteer and doing her best.

ha ha this makes me laugh. People know this culture is alive and to make excuses like this for it is pathetic. I am sorry you are part of the problem.

But is there even a problem?

NP. I don’t think there is. There is a friend or several to be found for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was definitely the culture in our small private school.

The rick bored housewives wanted to feel a little powerful and created their own cliques and then their daughters created cliques.

All in all it was a toxic social environment where it wasn’t “allowed” for kids to mingle with kids from other cliques. Both moms and girls played including/excluding games.

There was one mom who dominated and manipulated the entire tennis team.

It is very off putting and we are transferring to a public school.

I suspect this is a very bad take on the situation. The “rich bored housewives” were probably just long time friends. There weren’t rules excluding your kid, it just takes time for friendships to grow. The tennis mom was probably the only volunteer and doing her best.

ha ha this makes me laugh. People know this culture is alive and to make excuses like this for it is pathetic. I am sorry you are part of the problem.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was definitely the culture in our small private school.

The rick bored housewives wanted to feel a little powerful and created their own cliques and then their daughters created cliques.

All in all it was a toxic social environment where it wasn’t “allowed” for kids to mingle with kids from other cliques. Both moms and girls played including/excluding games.

There was one mom who dominated and manipulated the entire tennis team.

It is very off putting and we are transferring to a public school.

I suspect this is a very bad take on the situation. The “rich bored housewives” were probably just long time friends. There weren’t rules excluding your kid, it just takes time for friendships to grow. The tennis mom was probably the only volunteer and doing her best.

ha ha this makes me laugh. People know this culture is alive and to make excuses like this for it is pathetic. I am sorry you are part of the problem.

+1

But what if I’m right. Just consider it. Either way, those moms aren’t thinking about you. They’d be friends with you if you did thing things together but life happens and people don’t have unlimited time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just elbowing my way in to say that this whole Popular Mom/Popular Girls thing is alive and well in public schools and begins in K and ramps up precipitously reaching crescendo by freshman year HS.

Starts with “right” activities (swim or country clubs), then moves into cool girl sports and specific teams and coaches, then to travel sports (bonus here is aura of exclusivity) and the bespoke childhood of the privileged thus begins. Next is admittance to the almighty AAP program (further segregation with school choice for MS). Travel sports ramp up so more sharing hotel rooms with other popular girls and parents, taking trips over Thanksgiving with just the other families on travel team sport.

Enter encouragement to be mini teens by around grades 5-6. Boy craziness begins and everything that goes with this phase. Consider that by junior year of HS these girls are behaving in a way you might recall some college freshman did back in your day. Pre-gaming at someone’s house before a football game, drunken sleepovers afterwards, hangovers, vaping, sex, experimenting with everything - moms will host parties, buy booze, “chaperone” beach week and proudly proclaim, “At least no one is driving drunk.”

That’s not typical with all schools. In other schools it has nothing to do with sports. It’s a group of boys and girls who are friends based on whatever it is that makes a kid popular. Looks, clothing, personality, advanced social skills are what they have in common. They don’t just happen to join the same sport. Some would be in a sport, some would be a serious ballet student or singer, some just like to hang around. But the “popular” crowd does not consist of a group of girls who do sports.

It is true they are most likely to drink, sneak out, have sex earlier than average which is why you don’t want your child to be one of them. My dd plays basketball and she’s not in a popular group. I lucked out this time.

[Anonymous]

My kids' public elementary and middle schools were about 500-700 kids and their high school is 2000. I have no idea who the popular parents were or are. This is like asking who is the most popular person shopping at a particular Walmart store right now. Private school must be its own special kind of hell if this is what you worry about all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids' public elementary and middle schools were about 500-700 kids and their high school is 2000. I have no idea who the popular parents were or are. This is like asking who is the most popular person shopping at a particular Walmart store right now. Private school must be its own special kind of hell if this is what you worry about all the time.

.

Plus one. I can’t even name kids at the school other than my kids’ direct friends, let alone their parents. Nobody has time for this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The phenomenon continues into college for these parents. My DC will be starting at a flagship this fall and there are plenty of moms on the parent facebook group who are falling over trying to engineer friendships for their children.

Good lord, that’s scary!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just elbowing my way in to say that this whole Popular Mom/Popular Girls thing is alive and well in public schools and begins in K and ramps up precipitously reaching crescendo by freshman year HS.

Starts with “right” activities (swim or country clubs), then moves into cool girl sports and specific teams and coaches, then to travel sports (bonus here is aura of exclusivity) and the bespoke childhood of the privileged thus begins. Next is admittance to the almighty AAP program (further segregation with school choice for MS). Travel sports ramp up so more sharing hotel rooms with other popular girls and parents, taking trips over Thanksgiving with just the other families on travel team sport.

Enter encouragement to be mini teens by around grades 5-6. Boy craziness begins and everything that goes with this phase. Consider that by junior year of HS these girls are behaving in a way you might recall some college freshman did back in your day. Pre-gaming at someone’s house before a football game, drunken sleepovers afterwards, hangovers, vaping, sex, experimenting with everything - moms will host parties, buy booze, “chaperone” beach week and proudly proclaim, “At least no one is driving drunk.”

This is all likely true but we can model the behavior for our kids by not caring about this stuff. Don’t pay attention to what these groups are doing, don’t follow the gossip or drama and don’t try to make a huge social circle out of the parents at your kid’s school. Separation is key.

[Anonymous]

What I have found is that the mean moms were the ones who were unpopular in high school and want more than anything for their daughters to be popular. They are the worst.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What I have found is that the mean moms were the ones who were unpopular in high school and want more than anything for their daughters to be popular. They are the worst.

Nope. They were the butterfaced mean girls raising butterfaced mean girls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am also from Europe and these cliques were hard for me to see. As someone more down to earth, I found the rich American parenting scene extremely off-putting, intense, and the kids reflected the parents' intensity by being very competitive. We ended up moving to an area with many foreign parents and less wealth.

+1

I’m an immigrant and had exactly the same impressions.

And yet you moved from your own country. Says something to me about your inability to understand why you moved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just elbowing my way in to say that this whole Popular Mom/Popular Girls thing is alive and well in public schools and begins in K and ramps up precipitously reaching crescendo by freshman year HS.

Starts with “right” activities (swim or country clubs), then moves into cool girl sports and specific teams and coaches, then to travel sports (bonus here is aura of exclusivity) and the bespoke childhood of the privileged thus begins. Next is admittance to the almighty AAP program (further segregation with school choice for MS). Travel sports ramp up so more sharing hotel rooms with other popular girls and parents, taking trips over Thanksgiving with just the other families on travel team sport.

Enter encouragement to be mini teens by around grades 5-6. Boy craziness begins and everything that goes with this phase. Consider that by junior year of HS these girls are behaving in a way you might recall some college freshman did back in your day. Pre-gaming at someone’s house before a football game, drunken sleepovers afterwards, hangovers, vaping, sex, experimenting with everything - moms will host parties, buy booze, “chaperone” beach week and proudly proclaim, “At least no one is driving drunk.”

Agree. The boldes especially resonates with me. In 5th/6th my kid was still on. The young side in terms of actual age but also interests. Some of her friends started with the social media, had iPhones, were “dating” and acting much more mature. The parents enabled that from what I could see.

These are now the girls going to school half dressed, with bfs, having sex, and drinking alcohol. They are also, almost to a one, mean kids.

[Anonymous]

I don’t understand all the meanness here. Who cares what moms are friends with whom and their daughters? I’m sure you all have friends and your kids do too? What makes your chosen social group fine and theirs “mean” Live your own life and stop ruminating about what others are doing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand all the meanness here. Who cares what moms are friends with whom and their daughters? I’m sure you all have friends and your kids do too? What makes your chosen social group fine and theirs “mean” Live your own life and stop ruminating about what others are doing

I think the issue as I see it is that some moms are forming groups for the purpose of promoting their kids into a certain social group, and with that group comes exclusivity and power, and with that often mean behavior. It goes beyond just people (adults and kids) forming friends with other like-minded peers.

I posted earlier about the mom who bought matching tutus for her daughter and three friends to wear to a middle school dance. Others who are sort of in that group got wind and also wore tutus but they were not the exact color or style. Most kids did not have tutus but the skirts were a clear marker of who was in and not in, and by how much.

Is this all stupid? For sure. But for middle school students this can really land poorly. Do our kids need resilience and to know this is stupid? Sure, but a mom coming up, buying, etc the skirts - that's not where I want my kid learning these lessons.

I also think parents (mom, really) getting this involved really robs the kids of the opportunity to make friends the normal way, as well as relationships with the many amazing kids who are not part of this parent social group.

My kid does not care about the skirts, or at least it isn't sending her into any kind of tailspin, so I'm really only watching this dynamic play out from afar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I suspect this is a very bad take on the situation. The “rich bored housewives” were probably just long time friends. There weren’t rules excluding your kid, it just takes time for friendships to grow. The tennis mom was probably the only volunteer and doing her best.

Lol, no. There were plenty of parents available.

This mom managed to create a clique even inside the tennis team parents.

Her DD created a clique inside the tennis team and at school. During tournaments the clique would hang out together and only go cheer for the clique members, but not the rest of the team.

When her younger DD and another clique’s members DD decided they wanted to play tennis, she manipulated the coach to bump all the too JV girls down so that their girls got top ranks and could go to tournaments too. Never mind that they didn’t play tennis.

That’s how it works at private schools.

This woman is just a housewife to a rich husband. She hasn’t accomplished anything herself. This is how she flexes her power.