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Do you think the popular girls tend to have the popular moms?
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Anonymous
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It might be vice versa. I am navigating (as a mom from Holland) a new private school with 2 girls 11 and 13. It has not been easy. The girls that my girls want to be friends with (the in circle to them) occasionally include them but not all the time. I see it as it is and tell them to ignore them but of course being their ages, they cannot and to be rebuffed only makes them want to fit in more. One popular boy apparently likes one of my girls and therefore the other girls are not happy with this.
One of my girls is now saying she wants to switch schools which is not going to happen. We have paid for next year and I think the summer off perhaps will give things fresh start in the fall. We are in Holland for 6 weeks so they have not seen their friends (or these girls) for quite a while. My daughter still brings up changing schools but we both made it clear she cannot run from people like this, they all always be present in life and she must learn how to deal with them. Interesting is that the moms of these 5 girls seem to also be the "in mom" clique. They seem to do a lot of the in school events, go to the right vacations, drive a certain car, play a certain sport at a specific club and these girls seems to be mini me's of their moms. Is this typical? Is this an American thing? It is interesting, fascinating and perplexing to me. In Holland, dynamics are quite different. This feels cultural to me, not sure, perhaps I am wrong? |
Anonymous
| Yes, generally that’s how it works. |
Anonymous
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Its totally cultural, and it's weird.
I think the mothers groom their daughters to look and act a certain way too - Person who has spent a lot of time in Hollan |
Anonymous
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That is an American thing in a small private school with a smaller class size and people with money.
Not typical in big American public schools. |
Anonymous
| It's cultural. But it is a very small subculture. |
Anonymous
| Private school subculture. Specifically. |
Anonymous
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Be careful OP. You’re giving information that could make you identifiable. You're doing the right thing. Like Taylor says, haters gonna hate. These are very insecure people who are to be pitied.
Keep showing them how it’s done. |
Anonymous
| I am surprised to learn that a Dutch mother would be this involved in the details of her tween/teens social life. |
Anonymous
| I am also from Europe and these cliques were hard for me to see. As someone more down to earth, I found the rich American parenting scene extremely off-putting, intense, and the kids reflected the parents' intensity by being very competitive. We ended up moving to an area with many foreign parents and less wealth. |
Anonymous
| I have daughters of a similar age at a private school in DC. The pandemic caused "pods" to form and those still influence my daughters' classes socially. The parents and the kids spent lots of quality time together during COVID and still do. |
Anonymous
| I think it is random. You can’t make your teen popular by getting them lululemon clothes and Stanley mugs. It just doesn’t work that way. Their personality is completely their own. Some kids want to be popular, try hard to be, and aren’t. Other don’t care at (and aren’t), others don’t care (and are). |
Anonymous
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Our private school is very much like this.
And - because I have a son, I can say that it also often turns out that the "popular" moms also have the popular sons who have been groomed and trained accordingly. It was like this at my Chicago high school in the 80s, too, fwiw. So it isn't a new thing or just a "DC thing". |
Anonymous
I’ve definitely seen it in my local public school. |
Anonymous
| Public school family here. Inexplicably, my daughter is very popular in spite of me. I am not popular in my private life. I am at work, so I’ve got what it takes , but it doesn’t translate for me. |
Anonymous
| Yes, but who gives a s**t? |