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Do you think the popular girls tend to have the popular moms?
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Anonymous
| Popular doesn’t mean well liked. |
Anonymous
This is an important point! |
Anonymous
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Ok, this is one anecdote, but one of the "popular" or it girls or whatever in my DD's middle school class all wore matching skirts to a dance. I assumed the kids came up with this but it turns out a mom suggested it, ordered it, decided who was on the list to get the skirt, etc.
The moms of these girls all hang out and some of the moms are trying to push their kids into the group. It's super weird but I don't think that uncommon so to answer OP, yes, I personally think there is a mother-daughter correlation in many cases. |
Anonymous
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It was definitely the culture in our small private school.
The rick bored housewives wanted to feel a little powerful and created their own cliques and then their daughters created cliques. All in all it was a toxic social environment where it wasn’t “allowed” for kids to mingle with kids from other cliques. Both moms and girls played including/excluding games. There was one mom who dominated and manipulated the entire tennis team. It is very off putting and we are transferring to a public school. |
Anonymous
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I found that a lot of moms, starting in 4t/5th grade, start cultivating their kids' friendships. The moms plan the parties, the invite lists, etc. The girls eventually learn from their moms and adopt it as their own.
I am an American mom who has always led a live and let live attitude. There are some truly awful striver moms out there. |
Anonymous
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Small, private schools can be like this. The one my DD attends certainly is and her first year of middle school was rough.
We have told our daughter repeatedly that being respected is more important than being popular, and it definitely has sunk in as she does not let the girl drama get to her nearly as much as it did earlier in the year. We also are very clear as to what we value in terms of how we spend our time and money, involving our child in those discussions at times, and focus on community service once a month to keep our DD grounded from the very privileged bubble she finds herself in. She is slowly finding her people and will likely stay for high school. However, she also knows she can come to us and we can look at other options for high school if she gets through the second year of middle school and wants a change. If at a small school, participating in school activities such as sports and theater where kids across the grades mix can be helpful. Activities outside of school can also be great as they start to discuss the pros and cons of their individual schools they attend once friendships are formed. In so doing they see what they value. Good luck! |
Anonymous
I'm one of the PPs who was unpopular with a popular mom. This was in old money Connecticut. I'm still working through this in therapy. OP, if your public school is reasonable, that might be a better option!!!! |
Anonymous
So sorry to hear this happened to you. Switching schools should not be off the table. |
Anonymous
Ok, but that has nothing to do with being popular. That is just a small social grouping. There are many of those all throughout school. |
Anonymous
What is there to work through? |
Anonymous
 (DP)
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Anonymous
Yuck! |
Anonymous
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This is your daughters’ problem. No one
or their mother has done anything wrong. You don’t need to be “popular” to have good friend, be happy, and thrive. My daughter is not objectively popular. But she is happy, has a few close friends, is thriving at academically and socially. Your daughter’s haven’t found the right friends and they need to stop chasing the ones that don’t really want to be their friends. |
Anonymous
+1 I’m an immigrant and had exactly the same impressions. |
Anonymous
+1 Tell me more. I lived in Holland and this is not believable I'm the slightest. It's only nuanced differently. |