Why do women do so well compared to men post divorce?

[Anonymous]

Because they are better off. The women have usually been carrying 90% of the weight for two people. Lose the second person, and you are carrying a hell of a lot less weight. When it comes to the DH, well, suddenly they have to carry their own weight. Little things like their favorite yogurt doesn't just magically appear in the refrigerator anymore, and big things, like figuring out the budget. Or whatever.

It's no surprise when divorced men marry the first one they meet after the divorce. They can't make it on their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have seen the exact opposite in the 50-year date range. The men have zero problem moving on and doing well. Many of the SAHMs had complete lifestyle downgrades and had to get a job. Dating is much, much harder for them too. Easy to find someone to screw- but not an actual relationship.

Okay, so I’ve seen this too, but the women still seem happier than the men.
My friend went to live in a tiny apartment on the river and got a job coaching a D3 college team in a sport that she loves. She dates different men if she feels like it. She stays with me when she comes back into town to visit her college aged children, and she seems genuinely much happier.

I can see how you could say that she had a lifestyle downgrade, had to get a job, and doesn’t have a long term partner. But I don’t know that those things are all they are cracked up to be.

+1

I think it depends on what you value in life.

[Anonymous]

Sure, men have the wealth. But women are far happier without that wealth and the man-baggage that seems to come with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IME the men remarry faster and earn more; the women over 50 get plastic surgery and look desperate or spend time with their kids and never remarry. Sometime the women will have a boyfriend but it fades.

Agreed and I'm a woman. I'm spending a lot of my time trying to make ends meet and raise the kids and getting judged by my peers. My friends are kind but judge negatively and worry about divorce spread and without a husband I often don't fit in well. Money is low so less ability to do social things. The kids are needy. It's a lot of work and my friendships have gone down, not up. I do feel more capable but that's mainly because I now have to do more. I got the house for the kids and its a ton of upkeep. I now get to do all the volunteer work and am looked down on if I dont do my share. Swim team is almost a daily second job. My ex is doing worse if you mean social status and better if you mean more money and a relaxing life. He's moved onto easy street with the responsibilities of someone single and out of college with no debt. Lives in some apartment in DC with a revolving door of lovers. It's like an early retirement. Meanwhile my child from age 10 on had to grow up basically without a father.

I assume there is good reason why the kids dad isn’t involved and splitting some of the parenting responsibility?

Yes and the reason for the divorce. Five years later the guy just thinks he's a single guy again without a family. There are a lot of guys who just don't have the ability to be a father and husband.

[Anonymous]

At least not long term. They can stomach it for five, ten or maybe 15 years but then get the itch for single life again. My ex sees his kids once a month for several hours and pays the minimal child support. But per USA standards he's doing better because he's not struggling financially or with finding partners. America doesn't seem to care about its kids too much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anecdotal, but in my social circle, the women mostly initiated the divorces. After that, there was a period where they were really happy - dating a lot, celebrating being single, etc. That died down and they are single, don't date much, and are financially worse off than they were.

Their husbands, meanwhile, seemed more dejected initially. But they have mostly gotten re-married and are financially the same or better off.

*That said* the women who initiated the divorces are probably better off overall because the men they divorced simply were not great partners for one reason or another.

I can't say who is doing better overall. Depends how you keep score, I guess.

I think some people are just kind of over it with the house and suburban lifestyle after the kids leave. If your spouse isn’t on board with change, then you divorce.
It doesn’t have to mean that one person or the other was dead weight or a terrible partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do women do so well post divorce compared to men? Women look and act happier. Their love life is better. Men on the other hand go downhill....

Not my experience. IME, the opposite is often true. Men, freed from the shackles of their shrew, can date around, have freedom, parent in their own way. Not have their exes run up their credit cards...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this true? Men seem to remarry pretty quickly and move on.

+1. Men with a job seem to replace their mommy wifey quite quickly.

[Anonymous]

Rather than make it a gender thing, why not just say that if one person is dead weight in the marriage, they will often fair worse in a divorce than their spouse. If one partner takes much better care of themselves, they'll do better on the dating scene than a spouse who let themselves go. If one partner has a significantly better career, they'll eventually end up in a better place most of the time, but this will vary by couple based on their age, length of marriage, where they live, and what they got in their settlement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sure, men have the wealth. But women are far happier without that wealth and the man-baggage that seems to come with it.

+1. You couldn't pay me enough to have to carry a crappy man's weight again. I need a self-supporting model or I'd prefer to stay single.

[Anonymous]

Some women and men are lucky enough to find better partners pst divorce. The vast majority are not. Starting new relationships past your mid 30s is not a cake walk. And if you are a man, you have to account for the fact that most of the single women in their 30s want children which is a nonstarter for divorced men who already have kids.

Post divorce I guess women have more clarity on the type of men to avoid, but they are now going to magically find men that check all their green flags. The same goes for men.

In a nutshell, both genders will have big challenges if they want to be in serious relationships again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Rather than make it a gender thing, why not just say that if one person is dead weight in the marriage, they will often fair worse in a divorce than their spouse. If one partner takes much better care of themselves, they'll do better on the dating scene than a spouse who let themselves go. If one partner has a significantly better career, they'll eventually end up in a better place most of the time, but this will vary by couple based on their age, length of marriage, where they live, and what they got in their settlement.

Queer here. While you have a point, it's so frequently a gendered thing that it merits mentioning.

[Anonymous]

Women are doing better because that's what hey are telling us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Having been held down for a long time is like rubber band being released. He put me in the hole by using my credit cards.
Once I got rid of him, here came to rubber band to the other direction. My net worth skyrocketed.
Same with the emotional abuse. I get so much done when nobody is putting me down at home.
Before you ask where I find the losers, I said 'no' to about hundred other ones.

You were proposed to 100 times? Yeah, I want to know what it is about you that attracts these men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One reason - support network. Women have more friends than men.Womem maintain their friendship and help each other in times of emotional distress.

Men don't have friends. They have drinking and sports watching buddies.

I don't really think this is true. Most women's friendships are backbiting, toxic competitions.