Why do women do so well compared to men post divorce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because they did everything to begin with.

This.

Not if your wife had severe ADHD and struggled with executive functioning, follow-through, organization, energy, depression, phone addiction.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One reason - support network. Women have more friends than men.Womem maintain their friendship and help each other in times of emotional distress.

Men don't have friends. They have drinking and sports watching buddies.

Unless they’re like my ex DH and had female “friends”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women at any age have an advantage whether married divorced or single. For example if a man wants to hook up he can only get a woman who also wants him. A woman on the other hand can be with the guy she wants because any man she picks will likely say yes because that man knows he is competing with countless other men out there.

What? How is a man competing with countless other men, but a woman isn’t competing with countless other women?

And if men are competing so hard for women, then why do they spend so much less time and money on their appearance?

[Anonymous]

I have seen the exact opposite in the 50-year date range. The men have zero problem moving on and doing well. Many of the SAHMs had complete lifestyle downgrades and had to get a job. Dating is much, much harder for them too. Easy to find someone to screw- but not an actual relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because they did everything to begin with.

This.

Not if your wife had severe ADHD and struggled with executive functioning, follow-through, organization, energy, depression, phone addiction.

+1

Same, all those issues above make me really reluctant to want to move on, no matter what they’ll have at least 50% custody and I can guarantee the smirnoff lemonades will start earlier and earlier in the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:IME the men remarry faster and earn more; the women over 50 get plastic surgery and look desperate or spend time with their kids and never remarry. Sometime the women will have a boyfriend but it fades.

Agreed and I'm a woman. I'm spending a lot of my time trying to make ends meet and raise the kids and getting judged by my peers. My friends are kind but judge negatively and worry about divorce spread and without a husband I often don't fit in well. Money is low so less ability to do social things. The kids are needy. It's a lot of work and my friendships have gone down, not up. I do feel more capable but that's mainly because I now have to do more. I got the house for the kids and its a ton of upkeep. I now get to do all the volunteer work and am looked down on if I dont do my share. Swim team is almost a daily second job. My ex is doing worse if you mean social status and better if you mean more money and a relaxing life. He's moved onto easy street with the responsibilities of someone single and out of college with no debt. Lives in some apartment in DC with a revolving door of lovers. It's like an early retirement. Meanwhile my child from age 10 on had to grow up basically without a father.

I assume there is good reason why the kids dad isn’t involved and splitting some of the parenting responsibility?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have seen the exact opposite in the 50-year date range. The men have zero problem moving on and doing well. Many of the SAHMs had complete lifestyle downgrades and had to get a job. Dating is much, much harder for them too. Easy to find someone to screw- but not an actual relationship.

Okay, so I’ve seen this too, but the women still seem happier than the men.
My friend went to live in a tiny apartment on the river and got a job coaching a D3 college team in a sport that she loves. She dates different men if she feels like it. She stays with me when she comes back into town to visit her college aged children, and she seems genuinely much happier.

I can see how you could say that she had a lifestyle downgrade, had to get a job, and doesn’t have a long term partner. But I don’t know that those things are all they are cracked up to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this true? Men seem to remarry pretty quickly and move on.

Men replace which isn’t always a good thing. They ignore their problems and act like they have no problems and this often involves lying to themselves. Replacing doesn’t mean moving on.

Men’s problem is that they don’t want to have to do domestic or emotional labor. Remarrying quickly actually solves this problem just fine for them. My ex is such a giant mess in so many ways that I’m hoping he finds someone decent to remarry although I absolutely dread the complications that may come out of it since he’s a selfish d*ck under the best of circumstances and will have no issue throwing me & our kid under the bus if new wifey demands it. I also don’t put it past him not to have another kid despite the fact that he is old and in terrible shape. And of course he has no intention of writing a will so his assets will all go to wife # 2.

[Anonymous]

Women "do better" on average post-divorce.

However, a small subset of "high value" men will truly skyrocket post-divorce. There are the ones who do not fall into substance abuse, poor food choices, and spiraling thoughts. They get into better shape, date younger, etc.

But lets not miss the forest for the trees. Most men post-divorce do horribly.

[Anonymous]

I divorced late 40s and since turning 50 have had three monogamous relationships all with well educated, intelligent, professional men over 55 all of whom wanted to marry me after six months or less of dating.

[Anonymous]

Men are loners and women, generally, are not so women have a network to fall back on. While women often rely on men for money, men rely on women for just about everything else. A man might get excited about hitting the dating market and seeing how many notches he can put on the bed, but women have often moved on from sex being a priority though this differs by age.

[Anonymous]

My ex left us. He’s an abusive alcoholic.

I got 80% custody and barely any child support.

My life is a thousand times easier than when he was in it. Him? He’s very overweight, still drinking, on his fifth job post divorce and full of rage. He’s alienated his friends and his family- now he’s beginning to alienate his kids, blaming them for his own mess. One child refused to go to his home the other two likely won’t either once they can decide.

I like being single! I have no plans to remarry or even cohabitate. I have a high NW and standard of living and tend to take younger lovers when it suits me.

I don’t care who is doing better or worse- I just care that I’ve been set free.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men are loners and women, generally, are not so women have a network to fall back on. While women often rely on men for money, men rely on women for just about everything else. A man might get excited about hitting the dating market and seeing how many notches he can put on the bed, but women have often moved on from sex being a priority though this differs by age.

I think this is an example of how the patriarchy hurts men as much as women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women "do better" on average post-divorce.

However, a small subset of "high value" men will truly skyrocket post-divorce. There are the ones who do not fall into substance abuse, poor food choices, and spiraling thoughts. They get into better shape, date younger, etc.

But lets not miss the forest for the trees. Most men post-divorce do horribly.

True, but high value men often attract high value younger women who want their own family and they aren't willing to settle for less time or money from their spouse, regardless of what other things he has going on in his life. Is the 50-year-old man with a gorgeous, 30-something wife and two young kids doing better than his 50-something ex who has intentionally elected not to remarry? She may live in a smaller house or a condo, but she's free, and presumably, has plenty of money after a divorce settlement from a high value ex.

[Anonymous]

Anecdotal, but in my social circle, the women mostly initiated the divorces. After that, there was a period where they were really happy - dating a lot, celebrating being single, etc. That died down and they are single, don't date much, and are financially worse off than they were.

Their husbands, meanwhile, seemed more dejected initially. But they have mostly gotten re-married and are financially the same or better off.

*That said* the women who initiated the divorces are probably better off overall because the men they divorced simply were not great partners for one reason or another.

I can't say who is doing better overall. Depends how you keep score, I guess.