4 y.o. niece is wonderful birth control. Tell sibling their kid is out of control?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t blame the child, blame the parents. A funeral is no fun for anyone let alone a 4yo who shouldn’t be expected to sit like a statue during the service for an extended period of time. They never should have brought her, should have sat in the back with her, brought activities for her to do while there and gotten up and walked with her when she had enough. It never ceases to amaze me the parents who set their poor children to fail miserably. What an awful thing for your sister to do.

Agree with this except I think the BIL should have taken the lead and removed the child. OP’s sister lost her parent. Her spouse should have dealt with their daughter. But I also agree they should have tried to find a babysitter and left her home. This wasn’t an appropriate situation for her given her age. But also agree with others that there is nothing to be gained by speaking to OP’s sister about it. Let it go and if OP is ever a parent, try to let it be a learning lesson when she takes her own kids places.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who is the “we” who will do the speaking?

My self (sibling of the mom of the neice) and my spouse, and potentially other siblings in the family related to the mom. Everyone thinks our neice is absolutely out of control and even stated out of watching a bunch of small kids, our neice is handsdown, by far and away, the most unruly and undisciplined child they've ever come across.

The time to address this iin the moment. Hey sibling Larlo is disrupting the event, please take her away so she may calm down. There is nothing to address at this point other than you puting your sibling on the spot and damaging the relationship.

Also, temper tantrums are completely NORMAL at 4, especially if the kid is being dragged to a funeral. Why was the 4 year old at the funeral? Did your family insist that both sibling and spouse had to attend and they could not find childcare?

[Anonymous]

I had a 4 and 6 year old. Yeah I took the kids to Dunkin during a funeral church service. They handled the burial just fine but they absolutely didn’t need to be pushed and put into a strange place where strange things were happening (people crying etc).

You suck Op

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Attended a funeral and our 4 y.o. niece was like a wild feral animal during the service. She was rolling all over the floor, crawling under the chairs, screaming during the service, and hitting people in the face who tried to hold her. Absolutely insane behavior and a 1000% advertisement for natural birth control.

The parents (sibling) pretty much did nothing to try to control her behavior the entire time and were simply looking away/hoping someone else would take care of her. We hazard to guess this kind of laissez faire attitude towards parenting has resulted in our horrifically undisciplined neice. I mean she is a real good case for why spanking needs a comeback and why millennials are awful parents. Is it time we speak loud and clear to them that their kid is an awful brat and that their approach towards parenting our neice is pretty much total garbage?

No one should spank a child.

Ever. That is not a solution. Never ever has been.

Go back to your hole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she has special needs? I’d say something, but consider if that might be the case.

If SN they should be more on top of poor behavior not less.

I agree with this. 4-7 with my kiddo was a difficult age and I absolutely removed him from events where he would cause disruption. We did behavioral therapy that included ignoring some bad behavior so I’m sure it may have looked to an outsider that he was being poorly parented sometimes. But that was low-level stuff not hitting or disrupting.

That said, it’s a fool’s errand to judge parents. Even though I feel my approach was best for us, I could really not declare that other parents were going to mess up their kids. Who knows, maybe my more rigid approach will give my kid authority issues in the future.

It would have been fair, though, for someone to tell them to take her out of the funeral. And of course they will not be invited to future events.

[Anonymous]

Oh my, this is the kid of your grieving sister? Are you a troll?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I knew a situation where the aunts were gossiping about a small child's behavior. Yes, the kid was a little wild. Then, the gossipy aunts had children. Their kids were easily 5x wilder than the kid they had criticized a few years prior. So wild they were asked to leave everything from restaurants to church services.

Y'all have the same gene pool, OP. Chances are the parents are exhausted and at their wit's end. Why don't you step out with the child to the parking lot and run in circles for a bit to let off some energy? The parents will appreciate the respite.

We actually did take her outside to run around and lifted her up at one point, only to get smacked in the face because she has zero qualms about hitting adults.

she hit you because she’s 4 and sensorily overwhelmed and you invaded her space.

clearly she needs more support but you sound like a bad, bad person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think hitting a 4 year old is the answer

Someone should have taken the kid outside. I also have a sister with an out of control 4 year old. She will also allow him to hit people, here in their faces, scream at his parents, tell my uncle to f*** off. She constantly makes excuses - “he learnt it at child care”, “he is trying to get your attention”. It is really frustrating as she won’t accept that the behaviour is not acceptable. I also wonder if he is SN but because she excuses everything he does, it is a really hard one to broach with her.

It’s hard to watch. I have a friend like this and I try to talk to her about the ways we worked with therapists to effectively address the behaviors. She even has a good therapist herself. But she will not/cannot bring herself to impose discipline at all. She truly believes the hitting & swearing is “because he feels bad and is overwhelmed” and the answer is for him to feel “safe” and “express his feelings.” Let me tell you, it is not pretty to be around, but she bears the brunt of the behavior. I’ve just decided that it’s something I have to accept if we are going to be friends. And who knows, maybe he will grow out of it, and maybe her approach will be emotionally healthy for him to feel she loves him unconditionally. You can never tell. What IS true is that she cannot force other people to withhold judgment or accept his behavior, and that ultimately has consequences. Some parents are already not letting their kids come over, babysitters quitting, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Special needs. Not normal at any age.

Sounds like my niece. Her social problems were compounded by lack of parenting and lack of interventions. Parents would laugh it off. She is now in her early 2Os. She is still feral
with major problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I knew a situation where the aunts were gossiping about a small child's behavior. Yes, the kid was a little wild. Then, the gossipy aunts had children. Their kids were easily 5x wilder than the kid they had criticized a few years prior. So wild they were asked to leave everything from restaurants to church services.

Y'all have the same gene pool, OP. Chances are the parents are exhausted and at their wit's end. Why don't you step out with the child to the parking lot and run in circles for a bit to let off some energy? The parents will appreciate the respite.

We actually did take her outside to run around and lifted her up at one point, only to get smacked in the face because she has zero qualms about hitting adults.

she hit you because she’s 4 and sensorily overwhelmed and you invaded her space.

clearly she needs more support but you sound like a bad, bad person.

Get real. 4 your olds aren't flailing around smacking every adult in their space. Something else is going on here.

[Anonymous]

This thread should serve as a reminder of why people don't want to send 4 year olds to kindergarten anymore. People are acting like 4 years is a baby with hitting, tantrums and wild behavior as the norm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread should serve as a reminder of why people don't want to send 4 year olds to kindergarten anymore. People are acting like 4 years is a baby with hitting, tantrums and wild behavior as the norm.

I literally saw nobody say that. People did say that beating the 4 year old isn’t the answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids? Four is a tough age, even if she didn't have her schedule disrupted by (possible travel and) an adult event. The parents should not have brought her, or should have left the room with her, but her antics do not in themselves mean she's a brat. Nor is it clear how spanking would help here.

The funeral was for the grandmother of our neice, i.e. the mom of myself and all of my siblings. Bringing the granddaughter was warranted.

Is this a ChatGPT troll?

[Anonymous]

I try not to judge anyone's parenting based on one event. Kids can have bad days. Travel and sitting in a somber service are not things either of my kids would have handled well at 4 years old.

But I did always try to realize what they could and could not handle. I would have removed my child from the service, or if it was my relative, I would have had my DH remove our child. When my oldest was 4, I also had a 2 year old, so most likely I would have left all 3 of them at home.

I don't think telling anyone that you hate their kid and they are doing a terrible job is a good idea. What's the point exactly? If the kid is disruptive, keep that in mind when making plans with this family. Taking the child on adult excursions won't be fun until she learns a little more self control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I knew a situation where the aunts were gossiping about a small child's behavior. Yes, the kid was a little wild. Then, the gossipy aunts had children. Their kids were easily 5x wilder than the kid they had criticized a few years prior. So wild they were asked to leave everything from restaurants to church services.

Y'all have the same gene pool, OP. Chances are the parents are exhausted and at their wit's end. Why don't you step out with the child to the parking lot and run in circles for a bit to let off some energy? The parents will appreciate the respite.

We actually did take her outside to run around and lifted her up at one point, only to get smacked in the face because she has zero qualms about hitting adults.

she hit you because she’s 4 and sensorily overwhelmed and you invaded her space.

clearly she needs more support but you sound like a bad, bad person.

I taught 3 and 4 year olds for years and I was never once slapped in the face. And I had plenty of kids with sensory issues.

Kids need more structure and parents are afraid of enforcing boundaries. It’s gotten really bad because there always always excuses “it’s sensory overload, not his fault!” and rarely “do not hit, hitting hurts. No hutting”

Why have parents become SO afraid of parenting?