4 y.o. niece is wonderful birth control. Tell sibling their kid is out of control?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She sounds autistic, OP.

Shame on you for being so uninformed about psychiatric diagnoses and their presentations. Since this is your gene pool, your kids could also have autism, ADHD, anxiety, or something else, because these diagnoses tend to cluster in affected families.

Parents who tune out their kids with issues often have issues themselves, and don't know it. They can also be overwhelmed and habituated.

You're vile.

Your autistic child does not have a right to disturb everyone else. Leave your SN child at home with a sitter. The other people would be happy to take up a collection to pay for a sitter!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She sounds autistic, OP.

Shame on you for being so uninformed about psychiatric diagnoses and their presentations. Since this is your gene pool, your kids could also have autism, ADHD, anxiety, or something else, because these diagnoses tend to cluster in affected families.

Parents who tune out their kids with issues often have issues themselves, and don't know it. They can also be overwhelmed and habituated.

You're vile.

Your autistic child does not have a right to disturb everyone else. Leave your SN child at home with a sitter. The other people would be happy to take up a collection to pay for a sitter!

Funny, we are always judged if we don't bring them. Damned if you do...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She sounds autistic, OP.

Shame on you for being so uninformed about psychiatric diagnoses and their presentations. Since this is your gene pool, your kids could also have autism, ADHD, anxiety, or something else, because these diagnoses tend to cluster in affected families.

Parents who tune out their kids with issues often have issues themselves, and don't know it. They can also be overwhelmed and habituated.

You're vile.

Your autistic child does not have a right to disturb everyone else. Leave your SN child at home with a sitter. The other people would be happy to take up a collection to pay for a sitter!

Sorry to upset you, but people with disabilities (including kids) have a right to take up space.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids can be very difficult and it is not always the parents’ fault…that said, the parents should be managing behavior in such a way that it doesn’t disrupt others (in this case, removing her from the service if she cannot behave reasonably).

Our 3rd and youngest child was absolutely terribly behaved as a toddler/preschooler. Could barely get through a casual restaurant meal with him at age 4. This after kids #1 and #2 were fairly easy- same parenting for all but standard methods didn’t work with kid #3.

He grew out of it and is a wonderful preteen now- but we had to be a bit more creative and employ some different parenting methods over the years. I don’t think this is super unusual. For some kids, it may turn out to be something like ADHD also…and 4 is usually too young to diagnose if memory serves.

Heck look at your typical family with grown kids- it isn’t unusual for “good parents” to have one kid with major issues (while the other kids are doing well)

But yes- the parents should be removing any kid who is being disruptive. BTDT many times…if a family event for DH’s side I would remove child and let DH stay (and vice versa with my side of the family)

Of course it was your parenting failure. If for no other reason that you knew he was unable to behave in public and, instead of getting a sitter, you chose to ruin the dining experience of everyone else with your feral brat.

No one is getting a babysitter for one kid in order to eat at a "casual restaurant" with the other 2. You sound unhinged, using "fetal brat" on a parenting website.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She sounds autistic, OP.

Shame on you for being so uninformed about psychiatric diagnoses and their presentations. Since this is your gene pool, your kids could also have autism, ADHD, anxiety, or something else, because these diagnoses tend to cluster in affected families.

Parents who tune out their kids with issues often have issues themselves, and don't know it. They can also be overwhelmed and habituated.

You're vile.

Your autistic child does not have a right to disturb everyone else. Leave your SN child at home with a sitter. The other people would be happy to take up a collection to pay for a sitter!

Sorry to upset you, but people with disabilities (including kids) have a right to take up space.

Not if I am footing the bill or it is a party where I am the hostess. FWIW, I feel the same about all children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids can be very difficult and it is not always the parents’ fault…that said, the parents should be managing behavior in such a way that it doesn’t disrupt others (in this case, removing her from the service if she cannot behave reasonably).

Our 3rd and youngest child was absolutely terribly behaved as a toddler/preschooler. Could barely get through a casual restaurant meal with him at age 4. This after kids #1 and #2 were fairly easy- same parenting for all but standard methods didn’t work with kid #3.

He grew out of it and is a wonderful preteen now- but we had to be a bit more creative and employ some different parenting methods over the years. I don’t think this is super unusual. For some kids, it may turn out to be something like ADHD also…and 4 is usually too young to diagnose if memory serves.

Heck look at your typical family with grown kids- it isn’t unusual for “good parents” to have one kid with major issues (while the other kids are doing well)

But yes- the parents should be removing any kid who is being disruptive. BTDT many times…if a family event for DH’s side I would remove child and let DH stay (and vice versa with my side of the family)

Of course it was your parenting failure. If for no other reason that you knew he was unable to behave in public and, instead of getting a sitter, you chose to ruin the dining experience of everyone else with your feral brat.

No one is getting a babysitter for one kid in order to eat at a "casual restaurant" with the other 2. You sound unhinged, using "fetal brat" on a parenting website.

I said FERAL. idiot

[Anonymous]

Obviously you don’t say anything…why on earth do you think saying something would help?

Maybe you are overdramatic, maybe the kid is a wild child, maybe it’s a little bit of both. In any case I’m not sure what confronting the parents is going to do

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids? Four is a tough age, even if she didn't have her schedule disrupted by (possible travel and) an adult event. The parents should not have brought her, or should have left the room with her, but her antics do not in themselves mean she's a brat. Nor is it clear how spanking would help here.

Four is not a tough age.

YMMV. Lucky you to have easy kids. Four was tough for my kid.

First, I would not take my 4 yo to a funeral service. I'd hire a sitter or send only 1 parent.
2nd, if I chose to take my 4yo (or kid at any age) to a public event, I would remove them from said event if they could not behave. Nobody else at the funeral or dining out or the movies wants to spend their time with your kid recklessly running around screaming, rolling on floor etc.

When our kids were young, we didn't dine out much, because it was a pain in the ass if the kids decided not to behave (one of us would spend dinner outside walking the kid around or sitting in the car), so you know what---we didn't do it much with the kids in tow, or we did it on a day when we knew they were well rested/in a good mood. Or more importantly, we did it at a kid friendly restaurant so that anyone going there should expect there will be lots of kids, not expect complete quiet. However we always removed them from the situation if they were misbehaving.

Just last weekend, we went to a fancy/higher end restaurant that does not have a kid's menu, is largely a tasting menu and fancy drinks menu. Place seats 30-40 total, including the bar. Great place, but not likely a good place for most kids under 10 (unless very adventurous). We arrived at 7pm and there was a table just clearing out who had two kids under 4/5 and both were obnoxious, screaming and misbehaving. In that case I blame the parents---it simply isn't a place to take a kid that age, doesn't matter if Grandma and grandpa (or the parents) wanted to dine here. the adults dining there have a logical expectation that the other guests will be well behaved and relatively quiet. Half the tables were filled with couples on dates/couple nights out it seemed. So yeah I don't take my kids to places like that because it's common sense and common courtesy to everyone else. And damn, I'm not paying $150 for food for two adults if I cannot sit down and enjoy my dinner with a nice drink without interruption.
Now I was glad the obnoxious kids left just as we arrived because I'd be pissed if I had been there while this all went down

That's you. How do you know the whole family wasn't expected to show up for the funeral?

How do I put this? Grandma wouldn't have known if the 4 year old was absent.

If the rest of the family expected the 4 year there, they shouldn't now be complaining that the 4 year old acted the way she did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids? Four is a tough age, even if she didn't have her schedule disrupted by (possible travel and) an adult event. The parents should not have brought her, or should have left the room with her, but her antics do not in themselves mean she's a brat. Nor is it clear how spanking would help here.

Four is not a tough age.

YMMV. Lucky you to have easy kids. Four was tough for my kid.

First, I would not take my 4 yo to a funeral service. I'd hire a sitter or send only 1 parent.
2nd, if I chose to take my 4yo (or kid at any age) to a public event, I would remove them from said event if they could not behave. Nobody else at the funeral or dining out or the movies wants to spend their time with your kid recklessly running around screaming, rolling on floor etc.

When our kids were young, we didn't dine out much, because it was a pain in the ass if the kids decided not to behave (one of us would spend dinner outside walking the kid around or sitting in the car), so you know what---we didn't do it much with the kids in tow, or we did it on a day when we knew they were well rested/in a good mood. Or more importantly, we did it at a kid friendly restaurant so that anyone going there should expect there will be lots of kids, not expect complete quiet. However we always removed them from the situation if they were misbehaving.

Just last weekend, we went to a fancy/higher end restaurant that does not have a kid's menu, is largely a tasting menu and fancy drinks menu. Place seats 30-40 total, including the bar. Great place, but not likely a good place for most kids under 10 (unless very adventurous). We arrived at 7pm and there was a table just clearing out who had two kids under 4/5 and both were obnoxious, screaming and misbehaving. In that case I blame the parents---it simply isn't a place to take a kid that age, doesn't matter if Grandma and grandpa (or the parents) wanted to dine here. the adults dining there have a logical expectation that the other guests will be well behaved and relatively quiet. Half the tables were filled with couples on dates/couple nights out it seemed. So yeah I don't take my kids to places like that because it's common sense and common courtesy to everyone else. And damn, I'm not paying $150 for food for two adults if I cannot sit down and enjoy my dinner with a nice drink without interruption.
Now I was glad the obnoxious kids left just as we arrived because I'd be pissed if I had been there while this all went down

It's easy to say you wouldn't take your kid to a funeral in the abstract, but what are you supposed to do when the funeral is out of town and you can't find a babysitter last minute to stay for a few nights with the kids, because people don't die on a schedule? Often both parents would like to participate in the funeral and family time and I think most people understand that. These aren't easy things. That's another issue entirely from managing behavior at the funeral, but the point is that deaths in the family are a hard thing and people are grieving and parenting and often doing the best they can under the circumstances. And those circumstances are very individual.

Then you do not attend funeral if you cannot find a babysitter. One very good reason OZp's relative could not find a sitter is child is feral and no one can stand her.

Haha not attending a parent's funeral would be insane. You're funny.

I couldn't attend my mother's funeral during the covid lockdown. My country of birth banned entry even to its own citizens abroad during certain periods. Not so funny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids? Four is a tough age, even if she didn't have her schedule disrupted by (possible travel and) an adult event. The parents should not have brought her, or should have left the room with her, but her antics do not in themselves mean she's a brat. Nor is it clear how spanking would help here.

I have four kids… what OP described is not normal behavior for a 4 year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids? Four is a tough age, even if she didn't have her schedule disrupted by (possible travel and) an adult event. The parents should not have brought her, or should have left the room with her, but her antics do not in themselves mean she's a brat. Nor is it clear how spanking would help here.

The funeral was for the grandmother of our neice, i.e. the mom of myself and all of my siblings. Bringing the granddaughter was warranted.

What did you want to happen, then? And way to drum up malcontent instead of just talking to your sibling. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

You don’t need birth control, OP. Clearly no one wants you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP if you don't have kids, just keep this to yourself. Even your phrasing in the title is so pejorative that it was hard to read your first post description as anything objective.

This.

Where did the SN stuff come from?

OP hates children. She had to be exposed to one recently out of social obligation and now she’s freaking out.

Who has the SN now?

OP, get over yourself. It’s hard to do after Covid but if you can’t manage it, a therapist can help.

This gets filed under the “not my problem” category for OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids? Four is a tough age, even if she didn't have her schedule disrupted by (possible travel and) an adult event. The parents should not have brought her, or should have left the room with her, but her antics do not in themselves mean she's a brat. Nor is it clear how spanking would help here.

Four is not a tough age.

YMMV. Lucky you to have easy kids. Four was tough for my kid.

First, I would not take my 4 yo to a funeral service. I'd hire a sitter or send only 1 parent.
2nd, if I chose to take my 4yo (or kid at any age) to a public event, I would remove them from said event if they could not behave. Nobody else at the funeral or dining out or the movies wants to spend their time with your kid recklessly running around screaming, rolling on floor etc.

When our kids were young, we didn't dine out much, because it was a pain in the ass if the kids decided not to behave (one of us would spend dinner outside walking the kid around or sitting in the car), so you know what---we didn't do it much with the kids in tow, or we did it on a day when we knew they were well rested/in a good mood. Or more importantly, we did it at a kid friendly restaurant so that anyone going there should expect there will be lots of kids, not expect complete quiet. However we always removed them from the situation if they were misbehaving.

Just last weekend, we went to a fancy/higher end restaurant that does not have a kid's menu, is largely a tasting menu and fancy drinks menu. Place seats 30-40 total, including the bar. Great place, but not likely a good place for most kids under 10 (unless very adventurous). We arrived at 7pm and there was a table just clearing out who had two kids under 4/5 and both were obnoxious, screaming and misbehaving. In that case I blame the parents---it simply isn't a place to take a kid that age, doesn't matter if Grandma and grandpa (or the parents) wanted to dine here. the adults dining there have a logical expectation that the other guests will be well behaved and relatively quiet. Half the tables were filled with couples on dates/couple nights out it seemed. So yeah I don't take my kids to places like that because it's common sense and common courtesy to everyone else. And damn, I'm not paying $150 for food for two adults if I cannot sit down and enjoy my dinner with a nice drink without interruption.
Now I was glad the obnoxious kids left just as we arrived because I'd be pissed if I had been there while this all went down

It's easy to say you wouldn't take your kid to a funeral in the abstract, but what are you supposed to do when the funeral is out of town and you can't find a babysitter last minute to stay for a few nights with the kids, because people don't die on a schedule? Often both parents would like to participate in the funeral and family time and I think most people understand that. These aren't easy things. That's another issue entirely from managing behavior at the funeral, but the point is that deaths in the family are a hard thing and people are grieving and parenting and often doing the best they can under the circumstances. And those circumstances are very individual.

Then you do not attend funeral if you cannot find a babysitter. One very good reason OZp's relative could not find a sitter is child is feral and no one can stand her.

Haha not attending a parent's funeral would be insane. You're funny.

I couldn't attend my mother's funeral during the covid lockdown. My country of birth banned entry even to its own citizens abroad during certain periods. Not so funny.

Which is an entirely different situation than the one you are responding to, and you know it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who is the “we” who will do the speaking?

My self (sibling of the mom of the neice) and my spouse, and potentially other siblings in the family related to the mom. Everyone thinks our neice is absolutely out of control and even stated out of watching a bunch of small kids, our neice is handsdown, by far and away, the most unruly and undisciplined child they've ever come across.

Just keep your opinion to yourself.