4 y.o. niece is wonderful birth control. Tell sibling their kid is out of control?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids can be very difficult and it is not always the parents’ fault…that said, the parents should be managing behavior in such a way that it doesn’t disrupt others (in this case, removing her from the service if she cannot behave reasonably).

Our 3rd and youngest child was absolutely terribly behaved as a toddler/preschooler. Could barely get through a casual restaurant meal with him at age 4. This after kids #1 and #2 were fairly easy- same parenting for all but standard methods didn’t work with kid #3.

He grew out of it and is a wonderful preteen now- but we had to be a bit more creative and employ some different parenting methods over the years. I don’t think this is super unusual. For some kids, it may turn out to be something like ADHD also…and 4 is usually too young to diagnose if memory serves.

Heck look at your typical family with grown kids- it isn’t unusual for “good parents” to have one kid with major issues (while the other kids are doing well)

But yes- the parents should be removing any kid who is being disruptive. BTDT many times…if a family event for DH’s side I would remove child and let DH stay (and vice versa with my side of the family)

Of course it was your parenting failure. If for no other reason that you knew he was unable to behave in public and, instead of getting a sitter, you chose to ruin the dining experience of everyone else with your feral brat.

No one is getting a babysitter for one kid in order to eat at a "casual restaurant" with the other 2. You sound unhinged, using "fetal brat" on a parenting website.

I said FERAL. idiot

oh that's WAY better. LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids? Four is a tough age, even if she didn't have her schedule disrupted by (possible travel and) an adult event. The parents should not have brought her, or should have left the room with her, but her antics do not in themselves mean she's a brat. Nor is it clear how spanking would help here.

The funeral was for the grandmother of our neice, i.e. the mom of myself and all of my siblings. Bringing the granddaughter was warranted.

No, it’s not warranted. Why don’t you try to be supportive rather than calling your niece names and proclaiming a whole generation are bad parents. You seriously need to get over yourself. Your spouse needs to keep their opinion to themselves as well. Find something positive to handle for your grieving family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your sister is grieving. You are grieving. It is natural that you’d be especially perturbed by the child’s behavior and they likely should have done something different. But this is NOT the time to stage a behavioral intervention with your sister. Take a moment to take stock for yourself that in a situation that was painful and out of your control you are aiming all of your harsh feelings at your sister and her preschool child. Get yourself some therapy so you can process your emotions without damaging those around you. If you see a lower stakes opportunity later to offer support to your sister in raising her child, then do so. Don’t, under any circumstances, discuss it now. You risk wrecking your relationship with your sister.

Perfectly stated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For sure your sister already knows that her kid is out of control. Can you offer to help?
Do you have any special knowledge about child development?
Don't just say that their kid is a nightmare, especially if you are not offering real assistance.
The parents obviously are clueless and likely really exhausted by the situation. The kid needs routines, boundaries, and a calm place to learn play and rest.
Can you offer any respite?

We have already responded with useful advice, such as setting boundaries and actually DISCIPLINING the child with consequences, not going with 'it's OK dear!' every time she acts out, nor letting them simply run around wild in the hopes that someone else will handle the situation.

And no, she's not special needs. She's just a pain in the a$$ from lack of strong parental discipline from birth.

You just want to hit the child….admit it. Get therapy and never have children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She sounds autistic, OP.

Shame on you for being so uninformed about psychiatric diagnoses and their presentations. Since this is your gene pool, your kids could also have autism, ADHD, anxiety, or something else, because these diagnoses tend to cluster in affected families.

Parents who tune out their kids with issues often have issues themselves, and don't know it. They can also be overwhelmed and habituated.

You're vile.

She's not autistic, dimwit.

You're just a poor excuse for a parent who can't possibly fathom people CAN and DO raise bastard hellspawns because they're simply sh!ty parents.

OP, you are vile and mean. Stay away from your niece.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I knew a situation where the aunts were gossiping about a small child's behavior. Yes, the kid was a little wild. Then, the gossipy aunts had children. Their kids were easily 5x wilder than the kid they had criticized a few years prior. So wild they were asked to leave everything from restaurants to church services.

Y'all have the same gene pool, OP. Chances are the parents are exhausted and at their wit's end. Why don't you step out with the child to the parking lot and run in circles for a bit to let off some energy? The parents will appreciate the respite.

We actually did take her outside to run around and lifted her up at one point, only to get smacked in the face because she has zero qualms about hitting adults.

You have to be a troll. You and your spouse left your mom’s funeral to take your niece outside to run around? How the hell long was this funeral?

I’ll say one thing, I’m happy she smacked your horrible self.

[Anonymous]

OP is so nasty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids? Four is a tough age, even if she didn't have her schedule disrupted by (possible travel and) an adult event. The parents should not have brought her, or should have left the room with her, but her antics do not in themselves mean she's a brat. Nor is it clear how spanking would help here.

Four is not a tough age.

YMMV. Lucky you to have easy kids. Four was tough for my kid.

First, I would not take my 4 yo to a funeral service. I'd hire a sitter or send only 1 parent.
2nd, if I chose to take my 4yo (or kid at any age) to a public event, I would remove them from said event if they could not behave. Nobody else at the funeral or dining out or the movies wants to spend their time with your kid recklessly running around screaming, rolling on floor etc.

When our kids were young, we didn't dine out much, because it was a pain in the ass if the kids decided not to behave (one of us would spend dinner outside walking the kid around or sitting in the car), so you know what---we didn't do it much with the kids in tow, or we did it on a day when we knew they were well rested/in a good mood. Or more importantly, we did it at a kid friendly restaurant so that anyone going there should expect there will be lots of kids, not expect complete quiet. However we always removed them from the situation if they were misbehaving.

Just last weekend, we went to a fancy/higher end restaurant that does not have a kid's menu, is largely a tasting menu and fancy drinks menu. Place seats 30-40 total, including the bar. Great place, but not likely a good place for most kids under 10 (unless very adventurous). We arrived at 7pm and there was a table just clearing out who had two kids under 4/5 and both were obnoxious, screaming and misbehaving. In that case I blame the parents---it simply isn't a place to take a kid that age, doesn't matter if Grandma and grandpa (or the parents) wanted to dine here. the adults dining there have a logical expectation that the other guests will be well behaved and relatively quiet. Half the tables were filled with couples on dates/couple nights out it seemed. So yeah I don't take my kids to places like that because it's common sense and common courtesy to everyone else. And damn, I'm not paying $150 for food for two adults if I cannot sit down and enjoy my dinner with a nice drink without interruption.
Now I was glad the obnoxious kids left just as we arrived because I'd be pissed if I had been there while this all went down

It's easy to say you wouldn't take your kid to a funeral in the abstract, but what are you supposed to do when the funeral is out of town and you can't find a babysitter last minute to stay for a few nights with the kids, because people don't die on a schedule? Often both parents would like to participate in the funeral and family time and I think most people understand that. These aren't easy things. That's another issue entirely from managing behavior at the funeral, but the point is that deaths in the family are a hard thing and people are grieving and parenting and often doing the best they can under the circumstances. And those circumstances are very individual.

Then you do not attend funeral if you cannot find a babysitter. One very good reason OZp's relative could not find a sitter is child is feral and no one can stand her.

Haha not attending a parent's funeral would be insane. You're funny.

The child has two parents. The spouse who isn’t the child of the deceased could have either stayed home or taken the child outside once she became disruptive and kept her there. That’s what a helpful spouse does in a situation like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids? Four is a tough age, even if she didn't have her schedule disrupted by (possible travel and) an adult event. The parents should not have brought her, or should have left the room with her, but her antics do not in themselves mean she's a brat. Nor is it clear how spanking would help here.

Four is not a tough age.

YMMV. Lucky you to have easy kids. Four was tough for my kid.

First, I would not take my 4 yo to a funeral service. I'd hire a sitter or send only 1 parent.
2nd, if I chose to take my 4yo (or kid at any age) to a public event, I would remove them from said event if they could not behave. Nobody else at the funeral or dining out or the movies wants to spend their time with your kid recklessly running around screaming, rolling on floor etc.

When our kids were young, we didn't dine out much, because it was a pain in the ass if the kids decided not to behave (one of us would spend dinner outside walking the kid around or sitting in the car), so you know what---we didn't do it much with the kids in tow, or we did it on a day when we knew they were well rested/in a good mood. Or more importantly, we did it at a kid friendly restaurant so that anyone going there should expect there will be lots of kids, not expect complete quiet. However we always removed them from the situation if they were misbehaving.

Just last weekend, we went to a fancy/higher end restaurant that does not have a kid's menu, is largely a tasting menu and fancy drinks menu. Place seats 30-40 total, including the bar. Great place, but not likely a good place for most kids under 10 (unless very adventurous). We arrived at 7pm and there was a table just clearing out who had two kids under 4/5 and both were obnoxious, screaming and misbehaving. In that case I blame the parents---it simply isn't a place to take a kid that age, doesn't matter if Grandma and grandpa (or the parents) wanted to dine here. the adults dining there have a logical expectation that the other guests will be well behaved and relatively quiet. Half the tables were filled with couples on dates/couple nights out it seemed. So yeah I don't take my kids to places like that because it's common sense and common courtesy to everyone else. And damn, I'm not paying $150 for food for two adults if I cannot sit down and enjoy my dinner with a nice drink without interruption.
Now I was glad the obnoxious kids left just as we arrived because I'd be pissed if I had been there while this all went down

It's easy to say you wouldn't take your kid to a funeral in the abstract, but what are you supposed to do when the funeral is out of town and you can't find a babysitter last minute to stay for a few nights with the kids, because people don't die on a schedule? Often both parents would like to participate in the funeral and family time and I think most people understand that. These aren't easy things. That's another issue entirely from managing behavior at the funeral, but the point is that deaths in the family are a hard thing and people are grieving and parenting and often doing the best they can under the circumstances. And those circumstances are very individual.

Then you do not attend funeral if you cannot find a babysitter. One very good reason OZp's relative could not find a sitter is child is feral and no one can stand her.

Haha not attending a parent's funeral would be insane. You're funny.

The child has two parents. The spouse who isn’t the child of the deceased could have either stayed home or taken the child outside once she became disruptive and kept her there. That’s what a helpful spouse does in a situation like this.

Op went to her mother's funeral and her takeaway is that her niece is rotten and her sibling a terrible parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids? Four is a tough age, even if she didn't have her schedule disrupted by (possible travel and) an adult event. The parents should not have brought her, or should have left the room with her, but her antics do not in themselves mean she's a brat. Nor is it clear how spanking would help here.

Four is not a tough age.

YMMV. Lucky you to have easy kids. Four was tough for my kid.

First, I would not take my 4 yo to a funeral service. I'd hire a sitter or send only 1 parent.
2nd, if I chose to take my 4yo (or kid at any age) to a public event, I would remove them from said event if they could not behave. Nobody else at the funeral or dining out or the movies wants to spend their time with your kid recklessly running around screaming, rolling on floor etc.

When our kids were young, we didn't dine out much, because it was a pain in the ass if the kids decided not to behave (one of us would spend dinner outside walking the kid around or sitting in the car), so you know what---we didn't do it much with the kids in tow, or we did it on a day when we knew they were well rested/in a good mood. Or more importantly, we did it at a kid friendly restaurant so that anyone going there should expect there will be lots of kids, not expect complete quiet. However we always removed them from the situation if they were misbehaving.

Just last weekend, we went to a fancy/higher end restaurant that does not have a kid's menu, is largely a tasting menu and fancy drinks menu. Place seats 30-40 total, including the bar. Great place, but not likely a good place for most kids under 10 (unless very adventurous). We arrived at 7pm and there was a table just clearing out who had two kids under 4/5 and both were obnoxious, screaming and misbehaving. In that case I blame the parents---it simply isn't a place to take a kid that age, doesn't matter if Grandma and grandpa (or the parents) wanted to dine here. the adults dining there have a logical expectation that the other guests will be well behaved and relatively quiet. Half the tables were filled with couples on dates/couple nights out it seemed. So yeah I don't take my kids to places like that because it's common sense and common courtesy to everyone else. And damn, I'm not paying $150 for food for two adults if I cannot sit down and enjoy my dinner with a nice drink without interruption.
Now I was glad the obnoxious kids left just as we arrived because I'd be pissed if I had been there while this all went down

It's easy to say you wouldn't take your kid to a funeral in the abstract, but what are you supposed to do when the funeral is out of town and you can't find a babysitter last minute to stay for a few nights with the kids, because people don't die on a schedule? Often both parents would like to participate in the funeral and family time and I think most people understand that. These aren't easy things. That's another issue entirely from managing behavior at the funeral, but the point is that deaths in the family are a hard thing and people are grieving and parenting and often doing the best they can under the circumstances. And those circumstances are very individual.

Then you do not attend funeral if you cannot find a babysitter. One very good reason OZp's relative could not find a sitter is child is feral and no one can stand her.

Haha not attending a parent's funeral would be insane. You're funny.

The child has two parents. The spouse who isn’t the child of the deceased could have either stayed home or taken the child outside once she became disruptive and kept her there. That’s what a helpful spouse does in a situation like this.

Op went to her mother's funeral and her takeaway is that her niece is rotten and her sibling a terrible parent.

Her sibling allowed for the funeral to be disrupted when people were grieving and trying to focus. I’d be upset too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh, puleez! I am so sick of the same old excuse of "special needs" for horribly behaved children. I know people with special needs children and their children are taught manners and how to behave in public. They also know when NOT to bring their children. No one needs or expects a 4 year old to be the at a funeral!

Stop .among excuses incompetent parents and their horrible brats.

maybe white people behave this way. in many other cultures, a funeral is a celabration of life and all are welcome

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, puleez! I am so sick of the same old excuse of "special needs" for horribly behaved children. I know people with special needs children and their children are taught manners and how to behave in public. They also know when NOT to bring their children. No one needs or expects a 4 year old to be the at a funeral!

Stop .among excuses incompetent parents and their horrible brats.

maybe white people behave this way. in many other cultures, a funeral is a celabration of life and all are welcome

+1. We don't discourage anyone who wants to come, especially family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids? Four is a tough age, even if she didn't have her schedule disrupted by (possible travel and) an adult event. The parents should not have brought her, or should have left the room with her, but her antics do not in themselves mean she's a brat. Nor is it clear how spanking would help here.

Four is not a tough age.

YMMV. Lucky you to have easy kids. Four was tough for my kid.

First, I would not take my 4 yo to a funeral service. I'd hire a sitter or send only 1 parent.
2nd, if I chose to take my 4yo (or kid at any age) to a public event, I would remove them from said event if they could not behave. Nobody else at the funeral or dining out or the movies wants to spend their time with your kid recklessly running around screaming, rolling on floor etc.

When our kids were young, we didn't dine out much, because it was a pain in the ass if the kids decided not to behave (one of us would spend dinner outside walking the kid around or sitting in the car), so you know what---we didn't do it much with the kids in tow, or we did it on a day when we knew they were well rested/in a good mood. Or more importantly, we did it at a kid friendly restaurant so that anyone going there should expect there will be lots of kids, not expect complete quiet. However we always removed them from the situation if they were misbehaving.

Just last weekend, we went to a fancy/higher end restaurant that does not have a kid's menu, is largely a tasting menu and fancy drinks menu. Place seats 30-40 total, including the bar. Great place, but not likely a good place for most kids under 10 (unless very adventurous). We arrived at 7pm and there was a table just clearing out who had two kids under 4/5 and both were obnoxious, screaming and misbehaving. In that case I blame the parents---it simply isn't a place to take a kid that age, doesn't matter if Grandma and grandpa (or the parents) wanted to dine here. the adults dining there have a logical expectation that the other guests will be well behaved and relatively quiet. Half the tables were filled with couples on dates/couple nights out it seemed. So yeah I don't take my kids to places like that because it's common sense and common courtesy to everyone else. And damn, I'm not paying $150 for food for two adults if I cannot sit down and enjoy my dinner with a nice drink without interruption.
Now I was glad the obnoxious kids left just as we arrived because I'd be pissed if I had been there while this all went down

It's easy to say you wouldn't take your kid to a funeral in the abstract, but what are you supposed to do when the funeral is out of town and you can't find a babysitter last minute to stay for a few nights with the kids, because people don't die on a schedule? Often both parents would like to participate in the funeral and family time and I think most people understand that. These aren't easy things. That's another issue entirely from managing behavior at the funeral, but the point is that deaths in the family are a hard thing and people are grieving and parenting and often doing the best they can under the circumstances. And those circumstances are very individual.

Then you do not attend funeral if you cannot find a babysitter. One very good reason OZp's relative could not find a sitter is child is feral and no one can stand her.

Haha not attending a parent's funeral would be insane. You're funny.

The child has two parents. The spouse who isn’t the child of the deceased could have either stayed home or taken the child outside once she became disruptive and kept her there. That’s what a helpful spouse does in a situation like this.

Op went to her mother's funeral and her takeaway is that her niece is rotten and her sibling a terrible parent.

Her sibling allowed for the funeral to be disrupted when people were grieving and trying to focus. I’d be upset too.

It's a funeral and she's not a random four year old - she's part of the family. I'm sure the mom's spirit enjoyed the disruption. Without the four year old, none of us would be talking about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she has special needs? I’d say something, but consider if that might be the case.

Special needs are a reason for the behaviour but not an excuse for letting it continue in this setting. I'm really tired of hearing that thrown out every time a kid misbehaves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh, puleez! I am so sick of the same old excuse of "special needs" for horribly behaved children. I know people with special needs children and their children are taught manners and how to behave in public. They also know when NOT to bring their children. No one needs or expects a 4 year old to be the at a funeral!

Stop .among excuses incompetent parents and their horrible brats.

maybe white people behave this way. in many other cultures, a funeral is a celabration of life and all are welcome

How, exactly, is it ok to say something like this?