4 y.o. niece is wonderful birth control. Tell sibling their kid is out of control?

[Anonymous]

Is that your witty conversation when you out and about? Other kids are your birth control?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids? Four is a tough age, even if she didn't have her schedule disrupted by (possible travel and) an adult event. The parents should not have brought her, or should have left the room with her, but her antics do not in themselves mean she's a brat. Nor is it clear how spanking would help here.

The funeral was for the grandmother of our neice, i.e. the mom of myself and all of my siblings. Bringing the granddaughter was warranted.

[Anonymous]

Kids can be very difficult and it is not always the parents’ fault…that said, the parents should be managing behavior in such a way that it doesn’t disrupt others (in this case, removing her from the service if she cannot behave reasonably).

Our 3rd and youngest child was absolutely terribly behaved as a toddler/preschooler. Could barely get through a casual restaurant meal with him at age 4. This after kids #1 and #2 were fairly easy- same parenting for all but standard methods didn’t work with kid #3.

He grew out of it and is a wonderful preteen now- but we had to be a bit more creative and employ some different parenting methods over the years. I don’t think this is super unusual. For some kids, it may turn out to be something like ADHD also…and 4 is usually too young to diagnose if memory serves.

Heck look at your typical family with grown kids- it isn’t unusual for “good parents” to have one kid with major issues (while the other kids are doing well)

But yes- the parents should be removing any kid who is being disruptive. BTDT many times…if a family event for DH’s side I would remove child and let DH stay (and vice versa with my side of the family)

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t write the kid off as birth control. Perhaps the parents approach are a paragon of how NOT to parent. Try for yourself. Have a kid and do things entirely differently and the result may be a precious angel who can behave.

[Anonymous]

Your sister is grieving. You are grieving. It is natural that you’d be especially perturbed by the child’s behavior and they likely should have done something different. But this is NOT the time to stage a behavioral intervention with your sister. Take a moment to take stock for yourself that in a situation that was painful and out of your control you are aiming all of your harsh feelings at your sister and her preschool child. Get yourself some therapy so you can process your emotions without damaging those around you. If you see a lower stakes opportunity later to offer support to your sister in raising her child, then do so. Don’t, under any circumstances, discuss it now. You risk wrecking your relationship with your sister.

[Anonymous]

Judging someone’s parenting based on how they parented during their mother’s funeral seems wrong to me.

Judging a four year old based on their behavior during a funeral when they are certainly picking up on their parents grief and out of routine seems wrong to me.

Suggesting that the proper response to a four year old not behaving is to hit/spank the kid is wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids? Four is a tough age, even if she didn't have her schedule disrupted by (possible travel and) an adult event. The parents should not have brought her, or should have left the room with her, but her antics do not in themselves mean she's a brat. Nor is it clear how spanking would help here.

4 is not a tough age unless perhaps the child has special needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For sure your sister already knows that her kid is out of control. Can you offer to help?
Do you have any special knowledge about child development?
Don't just say that their kid is a nightmare, especially if you are not offering real assistance.
The parents obviously are clueless and likely really exhausted by the situation. The kid needs routines, boundaries, and a calm place to learn play and rest.
Can you offer any respite?

We have already responded with useful advice, such as setting boundaries and actually DISCIPLINING the child with consequences, not going with 'it's OK dear!' every time she acts out, nor letting them simply run around wild in the hopes that someone else will handle the situation.

And no, she's not special needs. She's just a pain in the a$$ from lack of strong parental discipline from birth.

[Anonymous]

She sounds autistic, OP.

Shame on you for being so uninformed about psychiatric diagnoses and their presentations. Since this is your gene pool, your kids could also have autism, ADHD, anxiety, or something else, because these diagnoses tend to cluster in affected families.

Parents who tune out their kids with issues often have issues themselves, and don't know it. They can also be overwhelmed and habituated.

You're vile.

[Anonymous]

I get it. Grief is hard. Funerals are hard. How to channel all that negative emotion? How about judging your sister and meddling in her life? No.

I would have struggled mightily in your shoes too. I would have many of the same thoughts you expressed. It’s a mistake to act on them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She sounds autistic, OP.

Shame on you for being so uninformed about psychiatric diagnoses and their presentations. Since this is your gene pool, your kids could also have autism, ADHD, anxiety, or something else, because these diagnoses tend to cluster in affected families.

Parents who tune out their kids with issues often have issues themselves, and don't know it. They can also be overwhelmed and habituated.

You're vile.

Shame on you for implying that a bratty child must be autistic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She sounds autistic, OP.

Shame on you for being so uninformed about psychiatric diagnoses and their presentations. Since this is your gene pool, your kids could also have autism, ADHD, anxiety, or something else, because these diagnoses tend to cluster in affected families.

Parents who tune out their kids with issues often have issues themselves, and don't know it. They can also be overwhelmed and habituated.

You're vile.

She's not autistic, dimwit.

You're just a poor excuse for a parent who can't possibly fathom people CAN and DO raise bastard hellspawns because they're simply sh!ty parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she has special needs? I’d say something, but consider if that might be the case.

In that case the parents definitely should have left her at home. Best or special needs to there very little difference in feral behavior. When your children cannot behave then hire a babysitter and if you can't afford a sitter, everyone stays home!

[Anonymous]

Somrone should have asked them to leave and if being nice failed then they should been told to leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids? Four is a tough age, even if she didn't have her schedule disrupted by (possible travel and) an adult event. The parents should not have brought her, or should have left the room with her, but her antics do not in themselves mean she's a brat. Nor is it clear how spanking would help here.

The funeral was for the grandmother of our neice, i.e. the mom of myself and all of my siblings. Bringing the granddaughter was warranted.

As someone who had a very close relative die when I was 4yo, the parents should have gotten her a sitter. She should not have attended the funeral- not age appropriate for a 4 year old to participate respectfully in something like that or to even understand the significance. That said, it does sound like the parents need some major parenting classes. And / Or niece has special needs. Not sure which it is (or both) - patents with special needs kids are often at their wits end until the condition is diagnosed and formal therapies are started. Regardless, you do need to keep your mouth shut, unless of course you want to risk potentially not having a relationship with your sibling.