4 y.o. niece is wonderful birth control. Tell sibling their kid is out of control?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids? Four is a tough age, even if she didn't have her schedule disrupted by (possible travel and) an adult event. The parents should not have brought her, or should have left the room with her, but her antics do not in themselves mean she's a brat. Nor is it clear how spanking would help here.

Four is not a tough age.

YMMV. Lucky you to have easy kids. Four was tough for my kid.

First, I would not take my 4 yo to a funeral service. I'd hire a sitter or send only 1 parent.
2nd, if I chose to take my 4yo (or kid at any age) to a public event, I would remove them from said event if they could not behave. Nobody else at the funeral or dining out or the movies wants to spend their time with your kid recklessly running around screaming, rolling on floor etc.

When our kids were young, we didn't dine out much, because it was a pain in the ass if the kids decided not to behave (one of us would spend dinner outside walking the kid around or sitting in the car), so you know what---we didn't do it much with the kids in tow, or we did it on a day when we knew they were well rested/in a good mood. Or more importantly, we did it at a kid friendly restaurant so that anyone going there should expect there will be lots of kids, not expect complete quiet. However we always removed them from the situation if they were misbehaving.

Just last weekend, we went to a fancy/higher end restaurant that does not have a kid's menu, is largely a tasting menu and fancy drinks menu. Place seats 30-40 total, including the bar. Great place, but not likely a good place for most kids under 10 (unless very adventurous). We arrived at 7pm and there was a table just clearing out who had two kids under 4/5 and both were obnoxious, screaming and misbehaving. In that case I blame the parents---it simply isn't a place to take a kid that age, doesn't matter if Grandma and grandpa (or the parents) wanted to dine here. the adults dining there have a logical expectation that the other guests will be well behaved and relatively quiet. Half the tables were filled with couples on dates/couple nights out it seemed. So yeah I don't take my kids to places like that because it's common sense and common courtesy to everyone else. And damn, I'm not paying $150 for food for two adults if I cannot sit down and enjoy my dinner with a nice drink without interruption.
Now I was glad the obnoxious kids left just as we arrived because I'd be pissed if I had been there while this all went down

It's easy to say you wouldn't take your kid to a funeral in the abstract, but what are you supposed to do when the funeral is out of town and you can't find a babysitter last minute to stay for a few nights with the kids, because people don't die on a schedule? Often both parents would like to participate in the funeral and family time and I think most people understand that. These aren't easy things. That's another issue entirely from managing behavior at the funeral, but the point is that deaths in the family are a hard thing and people are grieving and parenting and often doing the best they can under the circumstances. And those circumstances are very individual.

Then you do not attend funeral if you cannot find a babysitter. One very good reason OZp's relative could not find a sitter is child is feral and no one can stand her.

Haha not attending a parent's funeral would be insane. You're funny.

The child has two parents. The spouse who isn’t the child of the deceased could have either stayed home or taken the child outside once she became disruptive and kept her there. That’s what a helpful spouse does in a situation like this.

Op went to her mother's funeral and her takeaway is that her niece is rotten and her sibling a terrible parent.

That's what happens when the focus isn't on the bereaved and their grief and a major distraction like an unruly child is allowed to run wild.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids? Four is a tough age, even if she didn't have her schedule disrupted by (possible travel and) an adult event. The parents should not have brought her, or should have left the room with her, but her antics do not in themselves mean she's a brat. Nor is it clear how spanking would help here.

Four is not a tough age.

YMMV. Lucky you to have easy kids. Four was tough for my kid.

First, I would not take my 4 yo to a funeral service. I'd hire a sitter or send only 1 parent.
2nd, if I chose to take my 4yo (or kid at any age) to a public event, I would remove them from said event if they could not behave. Nobody else at the funeral or dining out or the movies wants to spend their time with your kid recklessly running around screaming, rolling on floor etc.

When our kids were young, we didn't dine out much, because it was a pain in the ass if the kids decided not to behave (one of us would spend dinner outside walking the kid around or sitting in the car), so you know what---we didn't do it much with the kids in tow, or we did it on a day when we knew they were well rested/in a good mood. Or more importantly, we did it at a kid friendly restaurant so that anyone going there should expect there will be lots of kids, not expect complete quiet. However we always removed them from the situation if they were misbehaving.

Just last weekend, we went to a fancy/higher end restaurant that does not have a kid's menu, is largely a tasting menu and fancy drinks menu. Place seats 30-40 total, including the bar. Great place, but not likely a good place for most kids under 10 (unless very adventurous). We arrived at 7pm and there was a table just clearing out who had two kids under 4/5 and both were obnoxious, screaming and misbehaving. In that case I blame the parents---it simply isn't a place to take a kid that age, doesn't matter if Grandma and grandpa (or the parents) wanted to dine here. the adults dining there have a logical expectation that the other guests will be well behaved and relatively quiet. Half the tables were filled with couples on dates/couple nights out it seemed. So yeah I don't take my kids to places like that because it's common sense and common courtesy to everyone else. And damn, I'm not paying $150 for food for two adults if I cannot sit down and enjoy my dinner with a nice drink without interruption.
Now I was glad the obnoxious kids left just as we arrived because I'd be pissed if I had been there while this all went down

It's easy to say you wouldn't take your kid to a funeral in the abstract, but what are you supposed to do when the funeral is out of town and you can't find a babysitter last minute to stay for a few nights with the kids, because people don't die on a schedule? Often both parents would like to participate in the funeral and family time and I think most people understand that. These aren't easy things. That's another issue entirely from managing behavior at the funeral, but the point is that deaths in the family are a hard thing and people are grieving and parenting and often doing the best they can under the circumstances. And those circumstances are very individual.

Then you do not attend funeral if you cannot find a babysitter. One very good reason OZp's relative could not find a sitter is child is feral and no one can stand her.

Haha not attending a parent's funeral would be insane. You're funny.

The child has two parents. The spouse who isn’t the child of the deceased could have either stayed home or taken the child outside once she became disruptive and kept her there. That’s what a helpful spouse does in a situation like this.

Op went to her mother's funeral and her takeaway is that her niece is rotten and her sibling a terrible parent.

Her sibling allowed for the funeral to be disrupted when people were grieving and trying to focus. I’d be upset too.

It's a funeral and she's not a random four year old - she's part of the family. I'm sure the mom's spirit enjoyed the disruption. Without the four year old, none of us would be talking about this.

For many people, dead is dead, with no spirit enjoying anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids? Four is a tough age, even if she didn't have her schedule disrupted by (possible travel and) an adult event. The parents should not have brought her, or should have left the room with her, but her antics do not in themselves mean she's a brat. Nor is it clear how spanking would help here.

Four is not a tough age.

YMMV. Lucky you to have easy kids. Four was tough for my kid.

First, I would not take my 4 yo to a funeral service. I'd hire a sitter or send only 1 parent.
2nd, if I chose to take my 4yo (or kid at any age) to a public event, I would remove them from said event if they could not behave. Nobody else at the funeral or dining out or the movies wants to spend their time with your kid recklessly running around screaming, rolling on floor etc.

When our kids were young, we didn't dine out much, because it was a pain in the ass if the kids decided not to behave (one of us would spend dinner outside walking the kid around or sitting in the car), so you know what---we didn't do it much with the kids in tow, or we did it on a day when we knew they were well rested/in a good mood. Or more importantly, we did it at a kid friendly restaurant so that anyone going there should expect there will be lots of kids, not expect complete quiet. However we always removed them from the situation if they were misbehaving.

Just last weekend, we went to a fancy/higher end restaurant that does not have a kid's menu, is largely a tasting menu and fancy drinks menu. Place seats 30-40 total, including the bar. Great place, but not likely a good place for most kids under 10 (unless very adventurous). We arrived at 7pm and there was a table just clearing out who had two kids under 4/5 and both were obnoxious, screaming and misbehaving. In that case I blame the parents---it simply isn't a place to take a kid that age, doesn't matter if Grandma and grandpa (or the parents) wanted to dine here. the adults dining there have a logical expectation that the other guests will be well behaved and relatively quiet. Half the tables were filled with couples on dates/couple nights out it seemed. So yeah I don't take my kids to places like that because it's common sense and common courtesy to everyone else. And damn, I'm not paying $150 for food for two adults if I cannot sit down and enjoy my dinner with a nice drink without interruption.
Now I was glad the obnoxious kids left just as we arrived because I'd be pissed if I had been there while this all went down

It's easy to say you wouldn't take your kid to a funeral in the abstract, but what are you supposed to do when the funeral is out of town and you can't find a babysitter last minute to stay for a few nights with the kids, because people don't die on a schedule? Often both parents would like to participate in the funeral and family time and I think most people understand that. These aren't easy things. That's another issue entirely from managing behavior at the funeral, but the point is that deaths in the family are a hard thing and people are grieving and parenting and often doing the best they can under the circumstances. And those circumstances are very individual.

Then you do not attend funeral if you cannot find a babysitter. One very good reason OZp's relative could not find a sitter is child is feral and no one can stand her.

Haha not attending a parent's funeral would be insane. You're funny.

The child has two parents. The spouse who isn’t the child of the deceased could have either stayed home or taken the child outside once she became disruptive and kept her there. That’s what a helpful spouse does in a situation like this.

Op went to her mother's funeral and her takeaway is that her niece is rotten and her sibling a terrible parent.

That's what happens when the focus isn't on the bereaved and their grief and a major distraction like an unruly child is allowed to run wild.

The child is one of the bereaved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids? Four is a tough age, even if she didn't have her schedule disrupted by (possible travel and) an adult event. The parents should not have brought her, or should have left the room with her, but her antics do not in themselves mean she's a brat. Nor is it clear how spanking would help here.

Four is not a tough age.

YMMV. Lucky you to have easy kids. Four was tough for my kid.

First, I would not take my 4 yo to a funeral service. I'd hire a sitter or send only 1 parent.
2nd, if I chose to take my 4yo (or kid at any age) to a public event, I would remove them from said event if they could not behave. Nobody else at the funeral or dining out or the movies wants to spend their time with your kid recklessly running around screaming, rolling on floor etc.

When our kids were young, we didn't dine out much, because it was a pain in the ass if the kids decided not to behave (one of us would spend dinner outside walking the kid around or sitting in the car), so you know what---we didn't do it much with the kids in tow, or we did it on a day when we knew they were well rested/in a good mood. Or more importantly, we did it at a kid friendly restaurant so that anyone going there should expect there will be lots of kids, not expect complete quiet. However we always removed them from the situation if they were misbehaving.

Just last weekend, we went to a fancy/higher end restaurant that does not have a kid's menu, is largely a tasting menu and fancy drinks menu. Place seats 30-40 total, including the bar. Great place, but not likely a good place for most kids under 10 (unless very adventurous). We arrived at 7pm and there was a table just clearing out who had two kids under 4/5 and both were obnoxious, screaming and misbehaving. In that case I blame the parents---it simply isn't a place to take a kid that age, doesn't matter if Grandma and grandpa (or the parents) wanted to dine here. the adults dining there have a logical expectation that the other guests will be well behaved and relatively quiet. Half the tables were filled with couples on dates/couple nights out it seemed. So yeah I don't take my kids to places like that because it's common sense and common courtesy to everyone else. And damn, I'm not paying $150 for food for two adults if I cannot sit down and enjoy my dinner with a nice drink without interruption.
Now I was glad the obnoxious kids left just as we arrived because I'd be pissed if I had been there while this all went down

It's easy to say you wouldn't take your kid to a funeral in the abstract, but what are you supposed to do when the funeral is out of town and you can't find a babysitter last minute to stay for a few nights with the kids, because people don't die on a schedule? Often both parents would like to participate in the funeral and family time and I think most people understand that. These aren't easy things. That's another issue entirely from managing behavior at the funeral, but the point is that deaths in the family are a hard thing and people are grieving and parenting and often doing the best they can under the circumstances. And those circumstances are very individual.

Then you do not attend funeral if you cannot find a babysitter. One very good reason OZp's relative could not find a sitter is child is feral and no one can stand her.

Haha not attending a parent's funeral would be insane. You're funny.

The child has two parents. The spouse who isn’t the child of the deceased could have either stayed home or taken the child outside once she became disruptive and kept her there. That’s what a helpful spouse does in a situation like this.

If they'd got a babysitter, the husband would have been able to support his grieving wife, not leave the funeral to look after a kid. He may have been very fond of his mother-in-law as well.

When all those people say, "Let us know if there is anything we can do to help", maybe it was a chance to find a high school daughter of a friend who could stay at the house and look after the 4 year old. My kid once stayed in a grieving neighbor's house during the funeral to make sure no one broke in, and could have babysat if needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids? Four is a tough age, even if she didn't have her schedule disrupted by (possible travel and) an adult event. The parents should not have brought her, or should have left the room with her, but her antics do not in themselves mean she's a brat. Nor is it clear how spanking would help here.

Four is not a tough age.

YMMV. Lucky you to have easy kids. Four was tough for my kid.

First, I would not take my 4 yo to a funeral service. I'd hire a sitter or send only 1 parent.
2nd, if I chose to take my 4yo (or kid at any age) to a public event, I would remove them from said event if they could not behave. Nobody else at the funeral or dining out or the movies wants to spend their time with your kid recklessly running around screaming, rolling on floor etc.

When our kids were young, we didn't dine out much, because it was a pain in the ass if the kids decided not to behave (one of us would spend dinner outside walking the kid around or sitting in the car), so you know what---we didn't do it much with the kids in tow, or we did it on a day when we knew they were well rested/in a good mood. Or more importantly, we did it at a kid friendly restaurant so that anyone going there should expect there will be lots of kids, not expect complete quiet. However we always removed them from the situation if they were misbehaving.

Just last weekend, we went to a fancy/higher end restaurant that does not have a kid's menu, is largely a tasting menu and fancy drinks menu. Place seats 30-40 total, including the bar. Great place, but not likely a good place for most kids under 10 (unless very adventurous). We arrived at 7pm and there was a table just clearing out who had two kids under 4/5 and both were obnoxious, screaming and misbehaving. In that case I blame the parents---it simply isn't a place to take a kid that age, doesn't matter if Grandma and grandpa (or the parents) wanted to dine here. the adults dining there have a logical expectation that the other guests will be well behaved and relatively quiet. Half the tables were filled with couples on dates/couple nights out it seemed. So yeah I don't take my kids to places like that because it's common sense and common courtesy to everyone else. And damn, I'm not paying $150 for food for two adults if I cannot sit down and enjoy my dinner with a nice drink without interruption.
Now I was glad the obnoxious kids left just as we arrived because I'd be pissed if I had been there while this all went down

It's easy to say you wouldn't take your kid to a funeral in the abstract, but what are you supposed to do when the funeral is out of town and you can't find a babysitter last minute to stay for a few nights with the kids, because people don't die on a schedule? Often both parents would like to participate in the funeral and family time and I think most people understand that. These aren't easy things. That's another issue entirely from managing behavior at the funeral, but the point is that deaths in the family are a hard thing and people are grieving and parenting and often doing the best they can under the circumstances. And those circumstances are very individual.

Then you do not attend funeral if you cannot find a babysitter. One very good reason OZp's relative could not find a sitter is child is feral and no one can stand her.

Haha not attending a parent's funeral would be insane. You're funny.

The child has two parents. The spouse who isn’t the child of the deceased could have either stayed home or taken the child outside once she became disruptive and kept her there. That’s what a helpful spouse does in a situation like this.

Op went to her mother's funeral and her takeaway is that her niece is rotten and her sibling a terrible parent.

Her sibling allowed for the funeral to be disrupted when people were grieving and trying to focus. I’d be upset too.

It's a funeral and she's not a random four year old - she's part of the family. I'm sure the mom's spirit enjoyed the disruption. Without the four year old, none of us would be talking about this.

For many people, dead is dead, with no spirit enjoying anything.

Many people don't enjoy life either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids? Four is a tough age, even if she didn't have her schedule disrupted by (possible travel and) an adult event. The parents should not have brought her, or should have left the room with her, but her antics do not in themselves mean she's a brat. Nor is it clear how spanking would help here.

Four is not a tough age.

YMMV. Lucky you to have easy kids. Four was tough for my kid.

First, I would not take my 4 yo to a funeral service. I'd hire a sitter or send only 1 parent.
2nd, if I chose to take my 4yo (or kid at any age) to a public event, I would remove them from said event if they could not behave. Nobody else at the funeral or dining out or the movies wants to spend their time with your kid recklessly running around screaming, rolling on floor etc.

When our kids were young, we didn't dine out much, because it was a pain in the ass if the kids decided not to behave (one of us would spend dinner outside walking the kid around or sitting in the car), so you know what---we didn't do it much with the kids in tow, or we did it on a day when we knew they were well rested/in a good mood. Or more importantly, we did it at a kid friendly restaurant so that anyone going there should expect there will be lots of kids, not expect complete quiet. However we always removed them from the situation if they were misbehaving.

Just last weekend, we went to a fancy/higher end restaurant that does not have a kid's menu, is largely a tasting menu and fancy drinks menu. Place seats 30-40 total, including the bar. Great place, but not likely a good place for most kids under 10 (unless very adventurous). We arrived at 7pm and there was a table just clearing out who had two kids under 4/5 and both were obnoxious, screaming and misbehaving. In that case I blame the parents---it simply isn't a place to take a kid that age, doesn't matter if Grandma and grandpa (or the parents) wanted to dine here. the adults dining there have a logical expectation that the other guests will be well behaved and relatively quiet. Half the tables were filled with couples on dates/couple nights out it seemed. So yeah I don't take my kids to places like that because it's common sense and common courtesy to everyone else. And damn, I'm not paying $150 for food for two adults if I cannot sit down and enjoy my dinner with a nice drink without interruption.
Now I was glad the obnoxious kids left just as we arrived because I'd be pissed if I had been there while this all went down

It's easy to say you wouldn't take your kid to a funeral in the abstract, but what are you supposed to do when the funeral is out of town and you can't find a babysitter last minute to stay for a few nights with the kids, because people don't die on a schedule? Often both parents would like to participate in the funeral and family time and I think most people understand that. These aren't easy things. That's another issue entirely from managing behavior at the funeral, but the point is that deaths in the family are a hard thing and people are grieving and parenting and often doing the best they can under the circumstances. And those circumstances are very individual.

Then you do not attend funeral if you cannot find a babysitter. One very good reason OZp's relative could not find a sitter is child is feral and no one can stand her.

Haha not attending a parent's funeral would be insane. You're funny.

The child has two parents. The spouse who isn’t the child of the deceased could have either stayed home or taken the child outside once she became disruptive and kept her there. That’s what a helpful spouse does in a situation like this.

Op went to her mother's funeral and her takeaway is that her niece is rotten and her sibling a terrible parent.

That's what happens when the focus isn't on the bereaved and their grief and a major distraction like an unruly child is allowed to run wild.

The child is one of the bereaved.

The kid doesn't understand death and by age 7 probably won't remember the grandmother

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids? Four is a tough age, even if she didn't have her schedule disrupted by (possible travel and) an adult event. The parents should not have brought her, or should have left the room with her, but her antics do not in themselves mean she's a brat. Nor is it clear how spanking would help here.

Four is not a tough age.

YMMV. Lucky you to have easy kids. Four was tough for my kid.

First, I would not take my 4 yo to a funeral service. I'd hire a sitter or send only 1 parent.
2nd, if I chose to take my 4yo (or kid at any age) to a public event, I would remove them from said event if they could not behave. Nobody else at the funeral or dining out or the movies wants to spend their time with your kid recklessly running around screaming, rolling on floor etc.

When our kids were young, we didn't dine out much, because it was a pain in the ass if the kids decided not to behave (one of us would spend dinner outside walking the kid around or sitting in the car), so you know what---we didn't do it much with the kids in tow, or we did it on a day when we knew they were well rested/in a good mood. Or more importantly, we did it at a kid friendly restaurant so that anyone going there should expect there will be lots of kids, not expect complete quiet. However we always removed them from the situation if they were misbehaving.

Just last weekend, we went to a fancy/higher end restaurant that does not have a kid's menu, is largely a tasting menu and fancy drinks menu. Place seats 30-40 total, including the bar. Great place, but not likely a good place for most kids under 10 (unless very adventurous). We arrived at 7pm and there was a table just clearing out who had two kids under 4/5 and both were obnoxious, screaming and misbehaving. In that case I blame the parents---it simply isn't a place to take a kid that age, doesn't matter if Grandma and grandpa (or the parents) wanted to dine here. the adults dining there have a logical expectation that the other guests will be well behaved and relatively quiet. Half the tables were filled with couples on dates/couple nights out it seemed. So yeah I don't take my kids to places like that because it's common sense and common courtesy to everyone else. And damn, I'm not paying $150 for food for two adults if I cannot sit down and enjoy my dinner with a nice drink without interruption.
Now I was glad the obnoxious kids left just as we arrived because I'd be pissed if I had been there while this all went down

It's easy to say you wouldn't take your kid to a funeral in the abstract, but what are you supposed to do when the funeral is out of town and you can't find a babysitter last minute to stay for a few nights with the kids, because people don't die on a schedule? Often both parents would like to participate in the funeral and family time and I think most people understand that. These aren't easy things. That's another issue entirely from managing behavior at the funeral, but the point is that deaths in the family are a hard thing and people are grieving and parenting and often doing the best they can under the circumstances. And those circumstances are very individual.

Then you do not attend funeral if you cannot find a babysitter. One very good reason OZp's relative could not find a sitter is child is feral and no one can stand her.

Haha not attending a parent's funeral would be insane. You're funny.

The child has two parents. The spouse who isn’t the child of the deceased could have either stayed home or taken the child outside once she became disruptive and kept her there. That’s what a helpful spouse does in a situation like this.

Op went to her mother's funeral and her takeaway is that her niece is rotten and her sibling a terrible parent.

That's what happens when the focus isn't on the bereaved and their grief and a major distraction like an unruly child is allowed to run wild.

The child is one of the bereaved.

Please. The 4yr old has no idea what's going on and behaved like they were at the playground. Let the mourners mourn in peace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids? Four is a tough age, even if she didn't have her schedule disrupted by (possible travel and) an adult event. The parents should not have brought her, or should have left the room with her, but her antics do not in themselves mean she's a brat. Nor is it clear how spanking would help here.

Four is not a tough age.

YMMV. Lucky you to have easy kids. Four was tough for my kid.

First, I would not take my 4 yo to a funeral service. I'd hire a sitter or send only 1 parent.
2nd, if I chose to take my 4yo (or kid at any age) to a public event, I would remove them from said event if they could not behave. Nobody else at the funeral or dining out or the movies wants to spend their time with your kid recklessly running around screaming, rolling on floor etc.

When our kids were young, we didn't dine out much, because it was a pain in the ass if the kids decided not to behave (one of us would spend dinner outside walking the kid around or sitting in the car), so you know what---we didn't do it much with the kids in tow, or we did it on a day when we knew they were well rested/in a good mood. Or more importantly, we did it at a kid friendly restaurant so that anyone going there should expect there will be lots of kids, not expect complete quiet. However we always removed them from the situation if they were misbehaving.

Just last weekend, we went to a fancy/higher end restaurant that does not have a kid's menu, is largely a tasting menu and fancy drinks menu. Place seats 30-40 total, including the bar. Great place, but not likely a good place for most kids under 10 (unless very adventurous). We arrived at 7pm and there was a table just clearing out who had two kids under 4/5 and both were obnoxious, screaming and misbehaving. In that case I blame the parents---it simply isn't a place to take a kid that age, doesn't matter if Grandma and grandpa (or the parents) wanted to dine here. the adults dining there have a logical expectation that the other guests will be well behaved and relatively quiet. Half the tables were filled with couples on dates/couple nights out it seemed. So yeah I don't take my kids to places like that because it's common sense and common courtesy to everyone else. And damn, I'm not paying $150 for food for two adults if I cannot sit down and enjoy my dinner with a nice drink without interruption.
Now I was glad the obnoxious kids left just as we arrived because I'd be pissed if I had been there while this all went down

It's easy to say you wouldn't take your kid to a funeral in the abstract, but what are you supposed to do when the funeral is out of town and you can't find a babysitter last minute to stay for a few nights with the kids, because people don't die on a schedule? Often both parents would like to participate in the funeral and family time and I think most people understand that. These aren't easy things. That's another issue entirely from managing behavior at the funeral, but the point is that deaths in the family are a hard thing and people are grieving and parenting and often doing the best they can under the circumstances. And those circumstances are very individual.

Then you do not attend funeral if you cannot find a babysitter. One very good reason OZp's relative could not find a sitter is child is feral and no one can stand her.

Haha not attending a parent's funeral would be insane. You're funny.

The child has two parents. The spouse who isn’t the child of the deceased could have either stayed home or taken the child outside once she became disruptive and kept her there. That’s what a helpful spouse does in a situation like this.

If they'd got a babysitter, the husband would have been able to support his grieving wife, not leave the funeral to look after a kid. He may have been very fond of his mother-in-law as well.

When all those people say, "Let us know if there is anything we can do to help", maybe it was a chance to find a high school daughter of a friend who could stay at the house and look after the 4 year old. My kid once stayed in a grieving neighbor's house during the funeral to make sure no one broke in, and could have babysat if needed.

Maybe they flew in from another country and the child had jet lag and they don't know anyone.

Maybe their kid is generally easygoing and was diagnosed with their first ear infection ever the next day.

Maybe op is a jerk who should work on thinking more kindly of others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you have kids? Four is a tough age, even if she didn't have her schedule disrupted by (possible travel and) an adult event. The parents should not have brought her, or should have left the room with her, but her antics do not in themselves mean she's a brat. Nor is it clear how spanking would help here.

Four is not a tough age.

YMMV. Lucky you to have easy kids. Four was tough for my kid.

First, I would not take my 4 yo to a funeral service. I'd hire a sitter or send only 1 parent.
2nd, if I chose to take my 4yo (or kid at any age) to a public event, I would remove them from said event if they could not behave. Nobody else at the funeral or dining out or the movies wants to spend their time with your kid recklessly running around screaming, rolling on floor etc.

When our kids were young, we didn't dine out much, because it was a pain in the ass if the kids decided not to behave (one of us would spend dinner outside walking the kid around or sitting in the car), so you know what---we didn't do it much with the kids in tow, or we did it on a day when we knew they were well rested/in a good mood. Or more importantly, we did it at a kid friendly restaurant so that anyone going there should expect there will be lots of kids, not expect complete quiet. However we always removed them from the situation if they were misbehaving.

Just last weekend, we went to a fancy/higher end restaurant that does not have a kid's menu, is largely a tasting menu and fancy drinks menu. Place seats 30-40 total, including the bar. Great place, but not likely a good place for most kids under 10 (unless very adventurous). We arrived at 7pm and there was a table just clearing out who had two kids under 4/5 and both were obnoxious, screaming and misbehaving. In that case I blame the parents---it simply isn't a place to take a kid that age, doesn't matter if Grandma and grandpa (or the parents) wanted to dine here. the adults dining there have a logical expectation that the other guests will be well behaved and relatively quiet. Half the tables were filled with couples on dates/couple nights out it seemed. So yeah I don't take my kids to places like that because it's common sense and common courtesy to everyone else. And damn, I'm not paying $150 for food for two adults if I cannot sit down and enjoy my dinner with a nice drink without interruption.
Now I was glad the obnoxious kids left just as we arrived because I'd be pissed if I had been there while this all went down

It's easy to say you wouldn't take your kid to a funeral in the abstract, but what are you supposed to do when the funeral is out of town and you can't find a babysitter last minute to stay for a few nights with the kids, because people don't die on a schedule? Often both parents would like to participate in the funeral and family time and I think most people understand that. These aren't easy things. That's another issue entirely from managing behavior at the funeral, but the point is that deaths in the family are a hard thing and people are grieving and parenting and often doing the best they can under the circumstances. And those circumstances are very individual.

Then you do not attend funeral if you cannot find a babysitter. One very good reason OZp's relative could not find a sitter is child is feral and no one can stand her.

Haha not attending a parent's funeral would be insane. You're funny.

The child has two parents. The spouse who isn’t the child of the deceased could have either stayed home or taken the child outside once she became disruptive and kept her there. That’s what a helpful spouse does in a situation like this.

If they'd got a babysitter, the husband would have been able to support his grieving wife, not leave the funeral to look after a kid. He may have been very fond of his mother-in-law as well.

When all those people say, "Let us know if there is anything we can do to help", maybe it was a chance to find a high school daughter of a friend who could stay at the house and look after the 4 year old. My kid once stayed in a grieving neighbor's house during the funeral to make sure no one broke in, and could have babysat if needed.

Maybe they flew in from another country and the child had jet lag and they don't know anyone.

Maybe their kid is generally easygoing and was diagnosed with their first ear infection ever the next day.

Maybe op is a jerk who should work on thinking more kindly of others.

Or maybe the kid is a brat and the parents are a-holes. Certainly sounds like it since they never took the child outside to burn off steam.

[Anonymous]

Both my parents and DH's parents wanted everyone in the family at their funerals. No exceptions. Screaming babies, unruly preschoolers, special needs, stroke victims who could only muster swear words--all were welcomed. Do better, OP.